by Sandra Cole
I decided I’d tell him as soon as I’d signed up because I really hated lying. I didn’t want to do anything to make Javier not believe me in the future, but this was so deadly important to me.
I remained fixed in my seat, fearful thoughts darting about my brain as other people demanded Craig’s attention for a while. I waited nervously.
Eventually, the room emptied and the only people who remained were me and Craig. A weird atmosphere filled the room as our eyes connected, one that I couldn’t quite decipher. Was it because I was about to do something secretive, or something more?
“Is everything alright?” he asked in a slightly anxious tone of voice. “Do you need anything?”
“Erm, just to talk to you…” I stammered, my own voice sounding hollow. “Do you have a minute?”
“I do,” he nodded while folding his arms across his chest. “So what can I do for you?”
I swallowed my pride, forced myself into a standing position, and opened my mouth to say the words I never thought I’d have to say. “I’m sorry.”
***
“You… you are?” he looked totally thrown by that, which was hardly surprising. I had been acting crazy the last time we saw one another.
“I am,” I confirmed, moving closer to him. “I was convinced that you killed my brother, then… well, then I saw him and I freaked out.”
“Understandable,” he smiled at me and my heart felt a little weird about that. I didn’t have any time to decipher that just yet, I needed to get out what had to be said. “I can only imagine how hard that was for you. I didn’t mean to be quite so insensitive about it.”
“I get that,” I nodded slowly. “And now that I’ve gotten used to it all I can see that I was wrong about a lot of things…” Deep sigh, time to swallow my pride. “Including you. What you’re doing, everything you’ve achieved here, it’s amazing. The only hope humanity has.”
“Well that isn’t just me, it’s all of us.” But he looked proud at that statement, like he knew he’d done well. “We all need to play a part in this.”
“Actually, that’s what I really wanted to talk to you about,” I stepped closer to him, wanting to keep this a secret, but as I did I felt an intense heat building up between us instead. I didn’t know what it was, maybe a whole bag of mixed emotions, so I did the only thing I could and ignored it. “I want to fight with you, when you take down the base.”
I half expected him to argue with me. I thought he’d tell me that I wasn’t ready, or strong enough, or that I couldn’t go into it with my emotions running high from all that I’d been through there. I’d planned for it so much that I had a rebuttal for every one, but instead he shocked me by nodding amiably.
“I think that’d be good. I’m pretty sure you’d be good at that.”
“I am trained…” I shot back feebly, since he was just going for it. “Erm, thank you.”
“Like I said in the meeting, I’ll keep you up to date on things. I just need to make a good strategic attack.”
This was the time to wrap things up, to say goodbye and leave knowing that I’d achieved what I wanted to, but for some reason I couldn’t just yet. I felt a little like there was a deep powerful elastic band fixing me in place. I was being drawn in to Craig’s charisma and I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
“I really do appreciate it, and just so you know I haven’t told Javier yet. I don’t know if he’ll like it.”
“I won’t mention it,” he said. He smiled at me, showing me some amazing looking face dimples. “Whatever you want.”
“Thank you.”
We stood there, staring at one another for a moment, so many unsaid things flowing between us. Craig took a tiny, tentative step towards me, as if he was testing some boundary, and even though I knew that I didn’t stop him.
I cocked my head to one side, my heart thundering painfully in my chest as I examined his warm, inviting lips. My emotions around Craig were always so complex, so messed up, and now it felt like that had gone the other way entirely. Now my core was buzzing, crying out for me to close the gap between us, and despite the fact that I knew it was terribly wrong I just couldn’t stop it.
Craig edged closer, and I did the same. We were both slowly, teasingly crashing together… any minute now…
Shit!
As our lips connected, and we finally overstepped that boundary, my heart lit up on fire. My loins burned and I melted right into him. My brain knew this was the total opposite of what I was supposed to be doing, but my body didn’t care one bit. My body wanted this and that was the end of it.
Craig and I kissed hard, and passionately. I felt everything explode within me, like I was opening up completely. This felt so good. He made me feel incredible. As his tongue massaged the inside of my mouth I almost totally lost my mind…
“No!” I eventually gasped, far too late as I pushed him off of me. “No, I can’t! This is wrong!”
“What’s the matter?” Craig’s face was flushed, but aside from that he didn’t look bothered whatsoever. Didn’t he get it? We’d just cheated behind Javier’s back…
Oh God and now I was going to have to tell him, and he’d hate me.
“Javier,” I panted, grabbing onto my knees as the ragged breaths tore from my throat. “What the fuck did we just do?”
He threw his arm around me and began to rub my back, before I flinched right away from him. I was disgusted with us both, how could we do such a thing?
“Don’t be so worried,” Craig told me in a calm tone of voice. “Javier won’t mind, he’ll understand.”
What? What did he mean? I yelled, “Don’t you get it? We just betrayed him! He’s going to go mad!”
“That’s such a conventional, human way of looking at love,” he shrugged at me, as if it was obvious. “We don’t see things that way. We believe love should be free. You should be able to follow your heart wherever it might take you.”
“Even if it causes you to cheat?” I snapped back nastily. “God I’m such a horrible person!” My head fell into my hands as it hit me how much I’d screwed things up. I’d just gotten everything together and now it was in shreds once more. Why couldn’t I ever just let things be good for myself? Why did I have to self sabotage?
“You aren’t horrible, don’t be silly…” Craig was trying, but I didn’t want to hear it. All I had to do was get back to Javier to confess everything. I should never have lied in the first place, I never should have overstepped that boundary, look where it led.
“I have to go,” I shook my head violently and started running. “I need to get out of here, I’m sorry…”
***
I felt an angry tear roll down my cheek as I made my way back to the temporary accommodation Javier and I were staying in, my mind spinning out of control the entire time. Yesterday I was with Javier, having a wild time with him at his place of work, deciding to commit my future to him, and now my relationship was a fiasco. It had taken just one day to ruin my relationship with Javier. I’d lied to him, cheated on him, and all with the one person I was supposed to despise. Craig was the one I'd wanted to kill! Just because things had changed, did they have to go downhill so dramatically?
What the hell was wrong with me? And Craig for that matter? He could tell me that love was free until he was blue in the face, but they were just words!
I crashed through the front door and fell onto the bed, getting out some of my frustration at myself by screaming into the pillow. I hated that I’d made such a damn mess of everything!
“Are you okay?” said Javier.
Shit, as I’d rushed in the room I hadn’t checked the bathroom. I thought it was empty, but Javier was there. I hadn’t planned what I was going to say yet, and I couldn’t get away with saying nothing because it was clear that something was wrong with me.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. I gave into the sobs and allowed them to collapse through me. “I didn’t mean to, it was never my intention to hurt you.” I despised the wo
rds I was going to have to say next, they already hurt and I hadn’t even gotten them out yet. “I never should have… I shouldn’t… I didn’t mean to…”
“Shh, shh,” he said. He sat next to me and rubbed my back comfortingly, being the caring man he always was. I really didn’t deserve him at all. “It’s okay, just calm down. Anything you have to tell me, it’ll be fine.”
“I don’t know about that,” I sobbed pathetically. “There are two things.” I took in a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, but it didn’t really work. There was no sugar-coating this one. “I wanted to sign up for the fight, the one at the base. I didn’t tell you because I thought you’d assume it was just some revenge thing and that I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Wow… that’s heavy,” he said. His arms fell away as this news got to him. This wasn’t even the worst part! How would he react when I got to that? “I mean, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. Maybe I don’t like the idea of your being in danger, but this is your life and it’s really up to you what you do.”
“Really?” I said. Oh God, I wasn’t sure what was worse. Somehow him being so understanding made me feel even worse. “Wow, well I’m sorry that I didn’t just tell you in the beginning. I feel bad now.”
I shot him a smile, but his didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You said there were two things?” Oh yeah, of course, I still had something else to say to him…
“Oh right,” my eyes fell to the floor and a cold shame overcame me. “Well, when I was talking to Craig, things got a little… heated.”
“You fought again?”
I shook my head slowly, hating that he misunderstood making say it aloud. “No, we didn’t fight. We… kissed.” I whispered the last word, wanting to cry all over again. “I’m sorry.”
After a brief pause, he leaned in closer once more. “Is that what you’re so worried about? That I won’t be happy?” I half shrugged, unable to say anymore. “Didn’t Craig tell you? We strongly believe that love should be free.”
“So, that wasn’t just a line?”
He chuckled and pulled me in for a hug. “We might have a consciousness, but we don’t have the years of experience behind us. Humans have given themselves some very strict rules to follow, and we don’t necessarily think that all of those rules are a good idea.”
“So… you don’t hate me and think I’m the worst person ever?”
“Quite the opposite! You’re so silly.”
I groaned loudly and rolled my eyes at myself. “Now I’m going to have to apologize to Craig again. He told me all that stuff and I ran out on him. It’s getting ridiculous now.”
Javier stood up and gave me a very kind smile. “I’ll call him now. That way you can speak to him tonight and get it out of the way.”
Having Craig come to our room, and being in such a close proximity to both men filled me with an odd sense of dread. But I couldn’t do anything about it because Javier was already putting in the call.
This whole freedom with love thing seemed absolutely crazy to me. I didn't know what to make of it.
While we waited for Craig to arrive, I couldn’t help pace the room nervously. What I had with Javier was lovely, sweet, safe, but hot as all hell too. What I felt for Craig was confusing and dangerous, and definitely not the sort of thing that needed to be acted upon. It was simply proof that the line between love and hate was an incredibly thin one, nothing more.
All I had to do was say sorry and send him on his way again. Simple, really. So why did I feel so mixed up about it all?
“He won’t be long,” Javier murmured, with an emotion I hadn’t noticed before lacing his tone. “Don’t worry.” Was that jealousy? Was he less cool about this than he was making out? Or was it something else entirely? I gazed at him for a moment, trying to decipher him but he’d closed right up like a book.
Knock, knock.
Never mind, it seemed like I was about to find out…
***
I didn’t need to question what Craig was thinking. It was written all over his face the moment he walked through the door. He was elated to be proven right, excited to be in this room, and full of anticipation about what might happen next.
What did he think was going to go down? Did Javier not fill him in?
“So, you’re more comfortable being around me now Javier has explained everything, huh?” he nudged me playfully and smirked, as if he couldn’t sense the inner turmoil I was suffering. He had my heart hammering like a nutter, my fingers trembling with emotion, my mouth dry with utter fear.
“I need to say sorry,” I replied stiffly, sounding robotic. “I guess this is all so new to me.”
“You think too much. Doesn’t she think too much?” Javier half shrugged, agreeing with Craig but not so cruelly. “You need to stop thinking and start doing.”
He got dangerously close to me, leaving me feeling sick to my stomach. This was so weird. It was almost as if he was trying to push me to my absolute limit, and I already knew I couldn’t last long. I already felt like I was about to explode.
“What… what do you mean?” I gasped breathlessly, giving everything away.
“Like this,” he said. He leaned in and kissed me, forcing me to push him away rapidly. It was alright for everyone to say that this was okay, but I couldn’t kiss Craig in front of Javier… that was just so disrespectful!
“Stop it,” I panted angrily, flickering my eyes everywhere. “What the hell are you playing at?”
But before I could get into a full blown rant, Javier was by my side, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Stop panicking,” he reassured me in a thick, lustful voice. “It’ll all be fine.”
I stared at them both in turn, finally realizing what they were both suggesting. Not only were they suggesting that I was free to be with them both, they wanted that to happen at the same time.
Was I that sort of person? Was that idea actually turning me on?
“There you go, thinking too much again,” said Craig, mocking me teasingly. “Just turn that brain off… let your body control everything.”
I allowed my eyes to slip closed for a second, just to see what I really did want, and it was very clear that I was on fire at the idea. I’d opened myself up to one new sexual experience with Javier, and actually I wanted this to be another one.
I felt Javier’s very familiar lips lightly connecting with my neck. His fingers trailing up my thighs as I tried to think. Craig stepped forwards and he kissed me lightly. Neither of them put any pressure on me, but they were both letting me know what was on offer.
And damn it I wanted it.
A moan flew past my lips, making it obvious that I was enjoying myself. Once the guys had received that small bit of encouragement, clothes started to shed in a blur. I found myself standing in between these two very hot, muscular guys with bodies created to be utter perfection, yet with the way they were both running their eyes over me with hooded desire, I didn’t feel self-conscious at all. I actually felt sexy. Suddenly, I had Javier’s hands all over me, working their way up towards my core. Craig’s fingers explored my nipples, while Javier’s mouth trailed kisses over the back of my neck. Then Craig’s tongue darted into my mouth… I couldn’t focus on any of it. It was all a blissful blur, and was sending me wild.
“Oh God!” I eventually gasped, my legs turning to jelly. “Oh wow!”
“Come on, let’s get on the bed,” said Craig. With that, Javier and Craig carried me onto the sheets. Once I was there, Craig sat between my legs, teasing me with his fingers, running them up and down my wet slit. Javier sat near my head. I could smell him. My mouth salivated for him and I felt like I needed a taste. As Craig plunged his fingers into my wetness, I turned my head and reached out for Javier's cock with my tongue. It was pulsating for me, and I needed it.
The moment I managed to angle myself so I could slip Javier into my mouth, Craig stunned me by thrusting his own cock into me at the same time. The feeling of warm fullness made my head spi
n.
I had my lips wrapped around Javier. It felt incredible. He was sliding into the back of my throat, while Craig was slamming inside me at the other end, sending a pulsing wave tearing through my body. The taboo nature of it all was wickedly delightful.
It seemed I was all for free love after all.
As Javier’s breathing became heavier while my tongue flickered all over him, and his cock trembled between my lips, the pleasure started to get to me too. I was trying to focus on making this good for Javier, I wanted him to enjoy himself, but Craig was expertly brushing my clit and pushing deep inside of me with each and every thrust. I didn’t even feel like I was on the damn planet anymore, never mind anything else. Electricity was buzzing through my whole body. My heart was flapping, and a hot pool of ecstatic contentment was spreading.
“Oh fuck!” Javier cried out, gripping onto my head as his sweet, salty desire burst free from him into my mouth. “Oh God, Eve!”
Having him fill my mouth was utterly incredible. He tasted fresh and special, and as I swallowed him down the pleasure consumed me entirely. I gripped onto Javier’s thighs to steady myself. This entire experience felt like a fast-paced dream, but it was one that I never wanted to wake up from. I wanted this amazing sensation to last forever. I'd never felt such pleasure!
***
I woke up in the morning, feeling like a crazy mess. In the heat of the moment, a night filled with sex with two different guys felt incredible, but now in the cold light of day I wasn’t so sure. It was okay to think that love should be free, but how would that work in reality? Would I flit from guy to guy? Would they do the same? How long could my heart take that?
“Morning,” said Javier when he woke up. “How do you feel today?” As I gazed at him, my confused feelings played out in my mind. I wanted him, but last night was so special too...
“I’m okay, I think. How are you?”
“Yeah I’m good,” he said. He slid out from under the sheets, walking that gorgeous buck naked body around as if he didn’t have any hang ups in the world. “Crazy night, but fun too.”
