by Sandra Cole
“Oh it was definitely that,” I said.
He walked into the other room, leaving me with only a sleeping Craig. I couldn’t glance down at him because it felt too weird to look at him, and I couldn’t get out of bed either. There was no way I could parade this naked body around now. I was too self-conscious and scared of being seen.
This wasn’t a mess, really. I didn’t truly regret anything that had happened, it was just very strange. It didn’t fit in with the person I always thought I was.
“Hey,” I heard him say sleepily beside me. “Where’s Javier?”
“Oh, in the bathroom,” I said. My whole body was heating up. I was probably totally red. “I’m sure he’ll be out in a minute.”
I hunched my body up, curling my knees up under my chin whilst also ensuring the covers were still over me. It was as if I wanted to make myself as little as possible, to not take up any room.
“So, we have a big meeting today, about the battle,” said Craig, his tone suddenly turning serious. His fingers were lightly running along my thighs. “Do you want to come? Since you have such a good insight to the experimental facility it might be good to have your ideas.”
“Really?” When I thought back to the way I was sidelined to cleaning duties after signing up to fight with the humans, this felt even more incredible. I was being taken seriously, people were seeing me as a genuine help here! It made my heart swell with pride.
I said, “That sounds amazing, thank you. I’ll let you know everything I can about that place. Although I was out of it a lot of time I was in there.”
“Oh I heard,” he said. He smiled sweetly at me, making it easier for me to look at him. “Javier kept you drugged up on sleeping pills so he didn’t have to give you the real stuff.” He propped himself up onto his elbows and eyed me curiously. “He must have really liked you to take that step. I don’t think you understand how scared he felt about the cyborgs running that place. Disobeying their orders was a huge step for him, but he hated harming and killing humans with a passion. He wanted to come and join us but he was too afraid. As soon as he laid eyes on you all that changed. He must have instantly seen you as something special to risk everything for.”
That made my heart jump around like crazy. All I did during that time was worry about me, about how scared I felt. I never stopped to consider how hard it was for Javier.
“Yeah, you’re right,” I gazed towards the bathroom, wishing I could wrap him up in my arms. “That’s pretty crazy.”
Love swelled in my chest. My heart almost burst with joy. I felt worthy.
“Well anyway, I better go,” he came out from under the sheets too, showing me his perfect body as well. “But I’ll see you at the meeting later. We’ll iron out all the details and then get this done quickly. The sooner we start really being a revolution, the better. We want the world to know that we’re coming for them. The sooner we get peace, the better.”
“It’s just a shame we have to use violence to get peace,” I said. “But yes, that sounds amazing.”
I watched Craig in amazement as he dressed, admiring how good he looked either dressed or nude. He was something else! He had an addictive aura, one that I couldn’t believe hadn’t drawn me in much quicker.
“See you later.”
Once he was gone I dived up and pulled a tee shirt up over my head. I didn’t like being at a naked disadvantage, and I really needed to get going since I had such an important day ahead of me.
“So you really are going to fight?” said Javier, returning from the bathroom.
“I am,” I confirmed. Nothing could stop me now. My mind was well and truly made up. “I need to do this. I need the end goal of peace to be made a reality.”
He moved into me and held me close, making me see a clear difference between what I had with Javier and Craig. Craig had rushed out the door without so much of a kiss – it was all physical. With Javier it had the potential to become something real.
“You will be careful though, right?” he said. He tenderly stroked my cheek, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I felt intensely adored, and that was a wonderful feeling. He said, “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”
“I’m tough,” I said, doing my best to reassure him. “I’ll be fine. Don’t you worry about me.”
I really did feel confident, because I knew what I had going for me. Thanks to my army training, I actually knew what I could do. Javier was at a disadvantage because he’d never seen that side of me.
“I hope so.”
He kissed me gently, and it made my heart pound like crazy. Yep, I was falling for him. I was falling hard.
***
“Ready guys?” said Craig.
We were ready to attack. I had the bulletproof clothing on, a helmet covering my head, a whole bunch of guys at my side that were strong and tough, and the element of surprise… but still I felt a little nervous.
“Ready,” I said alongside everyone else, trying to ignore my racing heart. I’d fought for this, I wanted to be here, everyone needed me for my knowledge, I had to hold it together now that I was here.
“Right, as soon as we get the signal we’re going in. Is everyone clear on their roles?”
Craig was already in there, checking everything out. He could have easily sat this one out as the leader of the revolution, but not only was he going to be in the heat of battle, he’d thrown himself right into the line of fire too.
My respect for him kept growing by the minute. I needed to get my focus. I didn’t want to die here, not when I had someone so amazing like Javier waiting for me at home. It had been so difficult to say goodbye to Javier this morning, I certainly didn’t want to leave him waiting for me, and then not return to him. He looked so heartbroken when I said goodbye. I couldn't let that be the last time I ever saw him.
“Was that it?” the guy leading our team started, worrying me all over again. “Yep, come on, let’s go.”
We ran, and I did my best to keep up with everyone else. I was the only human on our team, which meant I was the most vulnerable, but I still wanted to prove myself. I did not want to be a liability to the team. We were going to fight, but that was not our only mission. Our main priority was to free the humans that were still locked away in that cruel facility. I knew roughly where to find them, and I just hoped that they would be in a good enough condition for us to get them home. We had a getaway truck for any we rescued. I just hoped it all worked out. On command, the doors to the entrance were kicked down, and those at the front began firing. Cyborgs from the other side were taken down quickly. When the guards were all dead, everyone turned to me looking for answers.
I ran down the hallways, vague memories coming back to me, but in all honestly terror was consuming me too. I could not think straight. I’d been feeling so brave before but now the pressure was on and I was doing all that I could not to crack.
“Here,” I panted heavily, finally seeing a place I recognized. “In there, people will be in there.” The cyborgs on my team raced past me, more desensitized to this sort of sight than me. I just didn’t want to see the humans having their limbs chopped off. Once was enough. Those pictures were ingrained in my memory forever.
I decided to remain out in the hallway with my gun held high, ready to fire at any of the cyborgs who came this way. I could do it! I refused to feel bad about it because these were the bad guys, these were the people who were killing and maiming human beings. They deserved to die.
They would have killed me given half the chance. They were trying to murder me. In fact if I didn’t kill them first, they would surely kill me. I bet they were still outraged about my escape with Javier.
“Eve!” someone hissed from the other room, dragging me in despite my wishes. “We need back up, go and find some of the others. Get whoever you can, alright?”
“Yeah, yeah okay. Roger that.”
I could do that… couldn’t I? It would most certainly put me in the firing line. But th
ey needed me.
I raced through the hallways, plunging right into the chaos. I heard explosions, gunshots, screaming and noise. It brought the panic levels right up inside of me.
Everywhere I turned there was smoke, rubble, and damage. It was like something from a nightmare. I’d known this was going to happen, but seeing it in the flesh was different. It felt like I was on the set of a horror movie and there was no escape.
It was overwhelming.
“Help!” I eventually yelled in panic, just needing someone to see me. “Help, anyone!”
Just as the terror was about to consume me, a hand slapped on my arm and I found myself looking right into the familiar warm eyes of Craig staring back at me.
“Oh thank God,” I said. I fell into his arms. He held and comforted me. “I need help, they need help rescuing the humans.”
He looked worn out and battle-weary but mostly okay, for which I was relieved. I didn’t want anyone else to get harmed either, but especially not him. I didn't want to lose him.
He held me back and stared into my eyes. “I will get back up,” he told me seriously. “You go to the truck. Make sure they’re ready for us when we come out.” I was so glad he let me go. I couldn’t stand being in this building right now. I was afraid and my fighting spirit was gone.
“Okay yeah I’ll go,” I gasped gratefully. “Then I’ll help you load people in.”
“We need to get them to the hospital! They might need looking at. But we need to do this sooner rather than later!”
“How are you going to hurry this along?” I said, panicked.
“Explosives. Now go and do what I asked you.”
I nodded slowly before turning on my heels and running. I was so glad to leave. I had done my part in the fighting. Soon, I hoped I would be home with the man I loved. But only if we could complete this mission and make it out of here alive...
***
It was hard, but we made it. We rescued the humans who were being experimented on, and now we were back at base. The hospital was hectic and I was doing my part to help.
“Got it?” Mike asked, handing me an IV drip to hold. “All okay?”
“I think so,” I said. The hospital was so busy and I felt out of my depth. Everyone kept telling me that I’d done well in battle, that I’d played my part well, but I still felt useless. “Just bark instructions at me, I’m doing alright.”
All of a sudden I felt a hand on my back, and I spun around to see Craig smiling kindly at me. I liked having him around so much more now. I enjoyed his company.
“Can I do anything?” he asked cautiously. “The cyborgs are all pretty much fixed up now. I'm here to help if you need me.” I was about to answer when Mike gave Craig a whole bunch of equipment to hold. “Just keep this for a moment. I’m doing triage right now. Some will be okay with just medicine and some surgery, but some are going to need some cyborg elements woven into them – the ones that they really messed up,”
“That experimental facility was pretty fucked up, wasn’t it?” said Craig. He shook his head, looking absolutely dismayed to have found his own kind behaving in such a way. He turned to me and said, “I can’t believe you lived through a place like that.”
I disliked the way people seemed to see me as some sort of hero for getting out of there. It was my own fault I’d been kidnapped in the first place. I'd allowed myself to get caught, hoping to get to Craig and enact my revenge, but my plan had been be naïve and selfish. And I had underestimated Craig terribly. I would still be there if not for Javier. If he hadn’t fallen for me at mere sight, then I would have been as dead or messed up as the rest of them, and I would’ve only had myself to blame.
“Yeah, well at least it’s gone now,” I replied bashfully. “At least we put an end to those awful experiments.”
Craig said, “Now we just need to focus on the next part of the plan.”
My heart sunk as he said those words. The first assault had been so difficult, and I wasn’t close to being ready for another one!
“We need to start letting the humans know that we aren’t on their side either. We need them to see that we mean business, and I really want you on the planning side of things with me,” said Craig.
“Okay,” I said, nodding wearily. “I will be. Whatever you need.”
I’d been back to see Javier as soon as we returned for a much needed reunion. But after the attack on the experimental facility, I felt a distance growing between us – from my end only. I still felt deeply for him, it was me I didn’t like too much. I think I was disgusted with myself for being cowardly during the assault. Javier worked away in his lab. I don't think he noticed how I felt. It was Craig I found myself wanting to turn towards now...
***
Eventually, Javier noticed something was wrong with me. A week after the big assault, he finally decided to address the issue.
“Are you okay?" he said. "You haven’t been the same since you got back from the base. I don’t want to push you because I know it must have affected you, but… well, I don’t want you to push me away.”
I pulled him close to me and held him. It was difficult to tell him that I was disappointed in myself and that I felt sad. I didn't want to burden him with my woes.
“I don’t know,” I eventually replied as honestly as I could. “I’m trying to get through it, but half the time I don’t know what’s going on in my head.”
Javier pulled back to look at me, concerned. “Maybe you need to sit out of this next fight. Maybe the war isn’t for you. Maybe you ought to stay behind in the hospital instead. You’re doing great work there.”
I could see what he was saying. In one way, I yearned for the ease of that life. But something inside me resisted. I felt that Craig understood that, while Javier didn't. I wanted to be able to prove myself. I'd lost my courage last time. But I wanted to show myself that I could fight if I had to.
I said, “Maybe I will.” I felt horrible for lying to Javier, but he didn’t understand. “I still have to help with the meetings though. I have more knowledge about where the human armed forces are based than anyone else here.” My information might not have been very extensive, and it was probably out of date, but it was all Craig and the rebellion had.
“Okay that’s fine. Just let me know if there’s anything I can do,” said Javier. He sighed, that barrier building up between us again. The sad thing was we both wanted the barrier gone and to go back to the way things had been; it was just neither of us knew what to do about it.
I glanced at my watch, feeling awful about the terrible timing but there was nothing I could do.
“I’m sorry to do this, but I have to go now. Craig will be waiting,” I said. Tonight it was just the two of us because he wanted to fully understand what I knew without anyone else intervening. I hated to admit it – even to myself – but I was looking forward to it.
At the moment I felt like Javier didn’t understand my situation, while Craig did. He'd fought with me, and had seen what I'd been through. He understood why I felt the way that I did. Javier hadn’t ever tried to be a fighter like us. He was a man of science.
My voice was hollow and empty around Javier, whereas it became animated and excited as I discussed battle tactics with Craig. I knew I was headed down a dangerous path – even in a society that believed love should be more free than humans liked to accept – but I just couldn’t stop myself.
I liked being able to feel anything, and with Craig I could.
***
“So, you’re happy with that?” Craig asked me, cocking his head as he gave me a curious look.
“I don’t see what other choice we have unless anything changes,” I said. As I spoke to Craig, there was a big smile on my face. I felt good, and useful.
He was leaning in close to me, and I found that I didn’t mind. The connection that we’d built felt strong. Even though the cyborgs didn’t see it that way, it still felt a little wrong to me to be so attracted to Craig, but somehow it being
taboo was part of the draw. I wanted to feel something, and lust was as good as anything else.
“So, how are you doing? I know we haven’t much talked about our time at the base… it was a tough time, wasn’t it?”
Craig's words and the way he said them seemed to show that he understood how much that battle had affected me.
“I’m recovering,” I told him, somehow feeling like I was being more honest with him than Javier. “I just don’t know where to go from here really. I’m not sure where I fit best.”
“I get it,” he said, nodding. “It’s hard for me to believe I even have a place in this world, considering I’m a robot.”
I felt chastened at that. Of course he’d had his own suffering, it was selfish of me not to have considered that. All the cyborgs had likely gone through that questioning of themselves… which actually made them all the more human. It was such a normal thing to wonder what you’d been put on the Earth for, what your purpose was.
“The cyborgs belong here as much as anyone else,” I told him sincerely. I really meant that. It might’ve taken me a while to get to that conclusion, but I was fully there now. Cyborgs had their own minds, brilliant ideas, a better grasp on things than humans. They were like us, only better, and that no longer scared me. I wanted to embrace it. I said, “It doesn’t matter what brought you here, it only matters that you are here.”
I expected an impassioned response, something to get my heart thumping and my mind reeling, yet instead I got something that took my breath away in a totally different way.
Craig leaned forwards and kissed me.
At first I froze, I felt my entire body encase in ice, but then it hit me hard how good it felt to have someone cut from the same cloth as I was with his arms wrapped around me. My feelings for Javier ran deep within me, but in that moment I managed to throw them from my mind, because Craig was making me feel something else.
