by Sandra Cole
Maybe that was what this free love thing was all about.
As Craig moved to lay my back on the cold, hard floor, I allowed him to do so willingly. His lips were making me forget my inner turmoil, and his fingers worked their way down to the bottom of my tee shirt, causing my brain to shut off and my body to feel everything instead.
“Are you sure?” he gasped against my throat as he lifted my top up over my head. “Is this what you want?”
“Yes.” I groaned, that familiar intense fire igniting once more. “I want it.”
Once my top was off, Craig tossed it quickly to one side and unhooked my bra. His mouth, his lips, his tongue claimed my nipples, causing me to arch my back against him in sheer joy. The blissful feeling allowed me to forget my worries.
Spurred on by the intensive excitement building inside of me and the need for a release, I acted in a much more forward manner than usual by dipping my hand straight down into his trousers and underwear to grab hold of the thick, throbbing erection that was waiting for me there.
As I held him between my fingers, lightly brushing him as he pulsated, my need for Craig intensified. I became desperate for him and I explored his cock frantically.
“You… you feel so good,” he stammered into my ear. “I want you.”
That was exactly what I needed to, I wanted to feel him inside of me, I wanted that memory of him riding me, sending me cascading into oblivion once more, so I moved my hand away and yanked him free. While Craig struggled to kick the inconvenient material out of the way, I did the same with my own. This wasn’t the time to undress slowly, to caress one another's bodies, we both need a quick, fast release and we needed it now!
As Craig’s body crashed back over mine, and he angled himself towards me, my breaths became short and sharp. He was tantalizingly close to me, growing nearer by the second, and my impatient body couldn’t take it for another second.
“Fuck me,” I pleaded with him. “I need you so bad.”
Luckily he didn’t need asking twice, which was perfect because I wasn’t in the mood to be teased. My insides were clawing at me to have him inside me and fill me up, and now they were getting exactly what they wanted. He was thrusting into me, brushing past my clit, drawing me ever nearer.
“You feel so good,” Craig grunted, his entire body becoming taut with the pressure building up inside of him. I watched him closely, enjoying every single inch of him as everything inside of me tensed up too.
It was coming, the feeling I’d been waiting for, not long now…
“Oh shit!” I cried out as the orgasm shattered through me. “Oh God, Craig.” He felt so good. His muscular body was giving me exactly what I needed. I was flying, soaring, the amazing sensations felt like they might never come to an end.
I felt so complete. The anxieties of a few hours ago were long gone. It seemed that being with Craig was exactly what I had needed.
***
Tension clung to the air the second I woke up, and it had nothing to do with the inner fear that I’d done something wrong. Of course it was just the ideals I’d grown up with affecting me but still it didn’t quite sit right with me.
No, this had nothing with that. This was something else, something much bigger. People were running around in a clear state of panic, leaving a cold, terrifying anxiety racing through my veins. Javier was nowhere to be seen, which left me with only Craig to find out anything from. I raced to the hospital as fast as I could go.
“What’s going on?” I demanded as soon as I crashed through the doors. “What’s happening?”
Craig wasn’t there, but my brother was and from the way he was holding his head in his hands I knew it would be something big. “The humans have started bombing,” he told me sadly. “Craig needed more time to orchestrate the plan… well, you know that because you’ve been working with him, but the humans have gone in big.”
“But…” my head spun with shock, this was all too much. “But we went for the cyborg base first. We did that so humans would know it wasn’t an attack just on them… how has that message been totally missed?” I felt sick to my stomach, dizzy, faint, and from Mike’s pale complexion it seemed he felt much the same about it all.
“Well I think they’ve chosen to attack the cyborgs at their most vulnerable. Thousands have been killed at another base – one much bigger than the one you were at.”
At one point in my life, that news wouldn’t have affected me at all. I would have cheered the destruction of so many cyborgs. But now knowing Craig, Javier, and even my own brother who was part metallic, I felt horrified. It was murder. The cyborgs had the same consciousness as us. Just because they were brought into the world in a different way, didn’t make their humanity any less real.
“So, what now?” I gasped as a pain radiated through my chest. This was bad, really bad, and I didn’t know how we were going to tackle it.
“Craig is freaked out, as I’m sure you can imagine. He’s on the defensive right now. He wants to rid the world of this war and all the wrong doers, and I think it’s just hit him how big a job this really is. He’s with Javier right now, planning out a new weapons strategy.”
Knowing that the two guys were together made me feel a bit weird. I’d come home last night to find Javier asleep, so I hadn’t had the chance to confess what I’d done even if I'd wanted to (which I wasn’t totally sure I did). So despite the fact that I knew they wouldn’t be discussing me, I didn’t like it all the same.
“But Javier’s a scientist,” I argued feebly. “What use is he going to be in creating weapons.”
Mike held my shoulders and stared deeply into my eyes. “This is a full blown war now, everyone needs to contribute to the effort in whatever way they can. We need his expertise to make more advanced weapons.”
The memory of the battle at the experimental facility flooded me again. I stood there, frozen, unable to do anything useful. How good would I be in another fight? I wished I could do it, to get over this hump, but it was utterly terrifying to do so.
“What will you do?” I asked Mike with a racing heart. “Stay at the hospital and heal the sick?”
“I’ll do that, but before then I’ll use my army training to get back out on the battlefield. I can’t sit idly by and allow everyone to fight for me. I need to defend my right to live just as much as the cyborgs – more, even. Maybe if humans see what Craig did they’d stop fighting and defend us too.”
I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t imagine any world in which humans would see Mike as anything other than an abomination, but I couldn’t say that to him. It was clear that we needed hope more than ever before. If we stood any chance at winning this, then we all needed to be at our best and we needed to be positive.
I glanced around the room, inhaling the smell of the camp we had created here. It all seemed to be coming to an end much too soon. I was losing the one place that had truly felt like home. It had taken me a while to think of this place as home, but that's what it was.
If we lost this fight, everyone – or at most of us – would end up dead. There was no getting around that. If we won nothing would be the same either. War changes things, and I didn’t like not knowing where all the pieces would fall back down again. But it was better than destruction!
“I'm going out on the battle field, too,” I told Mike seriously. “We can look out for one another.”
In that moment we shared a look of intense understanding. We both had a lot riding on this fight – Mike needed it to live and I needed it for my love. Sure that was a complicated mess all on its own, but I still needed to defend it. The magic of the moment was broken by Craig rushing in the room, stress etched across his features. He glanced at me, but only for a brief second and there wasn’t any real recognition there. It didn’t hurt though, despite what we’d done the night before because we both had much more important things to be worrying about.
“We need to take action," said Craig. "The science team is working on weapons for us all b
ecause this is going to be a big one. We all knew it’d come eventually, just maybe not this soon, but that doesn’t matter now. It’s here, and the sooner it’s over the better. Then real life can begin!”
Real life… what did that even mean? It certainly wouldn’t be anything like the life I had before. I wouldn’t be home alone, bitter and miserable. What did the future hold for me, or for any of us?
Then again, the future wasn’t my main priority. If I didn’t survive the present crisis then none of it mattered.
***
The days passed in a haze. Everyone tied themselves up in knots, preparing themselves for what was to come, and all I did was get increasingly afraid. As Craig motivated everyone, pumping them up into a frenzy, I found myself falling apart. I just couldn’t cope with any of it.
I didn’t want to say goodbye, but I had to.
I’d barely had a chance to speak to Craig. He was so rushed around I didn’t even see him.
Mike was distant, too. After my heart to heart with him we hadn’t spent much time together either, but that didn’t matter so much. I felt like things were in a good place with both of them.
The only one I needed to make things right with was Javier, and he’d spent all his time locked away in a lab somewhere. I couldn’t let this go on without having a frank and honest discussion because I didn’t want to lose him. I also didn’t want to die without clearing the air. It didn’t feel right.
“Tomorrow, we attack!” Craig yelled to the overexcited crowd. “We fight for what we believe in. We have to fight to get a peaceful world, so that’s what we’ll do. If we don’t do this, the war will never end…”
I hoped it would be that simple. Much as I was afraid for what a new life would bring with it, Craig’s vision was preferable to anyone else’s. I wanted to stay and listen to him, to try and get myself in a position where I felt keen for what came next, but I couldn’t. Not when I had unfinished business with Javier. I moved slowly backwards through the crowds, trying desperately to find my escape.
As the cold air hit my face and I spotted the center where I knew Javier was working, my heart rate increased. The thought of getting this all off my chest was scary, but this was my last opportunity to do so and the idea of even trying to fight without a perfectly clear head was so much worse.
I moved deliberately until I reached the door, then I forced myself to push it open. It was instantly clear that whatever was going on had been intense, just by the stressed out expressions on everyone’s faces.
Javier’s eyes were drawn towards me, as if we had magnets between us, and as soon as they connected I felt my heart lift in my chest. All the feelings that I’d ever had for this man came rushing back in a powerful flood, along with the memories.
Him, being my shining light in that horrible captivity.
Us, racing to freedom from the hell we’d been in.
Our powerful sexual connection, explored at every opportunity. We had drifted apart recently, but that was more from my end than his. I’d lost myself in that battle, fallen away from the person I wanted to be, and I felt terrible for taking that out on Javier. I blamed him for not understanding me. He’d been endlessly supportive of me and I hadn’t appreciated any of it.
As he moved towards me, I realized that I loved him powerfully, and that he was the one I’d always wanted. He wasn’t human, but he was mine, and I never wanted to let him go.
“Are you okay?” he asked me sadly, reaching out his hand to touch my shoulder. As his skin brushed against mine, electricity coursed through me and a shiver tore down my spine. “I didn’t know if you wanted to see me or not.”
I instinctively reached out and pulled him into me, wrapping my arms tightly around him. My eyes filled with tears and a gutted, hollow sensation encased my stomach. “Oh Javier! I’m sorry I made you feel that way, I’ve just been so confused.”
“I know,” he hushed me quietly, before slowly moving me into another room to give us some much needed privacy. “I know you’ve been struggling, and I understand this must all be hard for you too. All I want is to give you want you want.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. He was making me so emotional. Everything inside of me began to crumble. I’d been trying so hard to remain calm and collected on the outside, but in that moment it all just fell away from me.
“I slept with Craig,” I sobbed into his chest, unable to meet his eyes. “I thought he understood me more than you did, but I know it’s because we were in battle together. It’s you I’ve always loved.”
Javier pulled back and forced me to look at him. I didn’t see hurt there, or anger, only sympathy which made me feel even worse.
“You cannot adjust to our freer theories on love, can you?” he said.
I shook my head, finally accepting it. I’d tried to convince myself over and over again, but it was never going to happen.
“That’s okay, you don’t have to. I feel so strongly for you, and I know you’re all I will ever want, so we can just be us… if you’d like?”
I nodded gratefully, wiping the tears from my face. “I think that is what I want,” I told him, feeling the weight lifting from my shoulders.
“We have this war to fight now,” Javier replied seriously. “You’ll be in the heart of battle, and I’ll be sidelined with the weapons, but if we make a commitment to one another we’ll have something to look forward to, something to spur us on.”
“You’re right, we will,” I gasped noisily. “Let's do it.”
Javier's deal sounded good, enough to keep me going.
As we reached an understanding, I found my spirits soaring. I could do this now; it wouldn’t be so bad. I had the love of my life waiting for me if I got through. The confusion was gone. It felt so good to be free of it, and I looked forward to what would come next.
“Will you show me what you’ve been working on?” I asked, sliding my fingers through his. “I’d love to know what we have to work with…”
As Javier took me through to the other room, where all his hard work lay, I felt a happiness knotting through us both. Finally I felt like I knew what I wanted, and I wouldn’t stop until we’d reached that goal.
***
Then, the battle came. Explosions.
Screaming
And blood… so much blood.
It all happened so quickly. One moment we were banded together, creating an intense sense of teamwork from fighting by each other's sides, and now… now I didn’t know what was going on. I felt sick everywhere I looked from all the death and destruction. My heart was hammering so loudly, and my thoughts ached with terror.
This was awful, the worst fighting I’d ever seen. I wanted to go numb. I wondered if anyone would survive.
I ran with my head down, trying to keep my eyes peeled until I spotted someone that I actually knew. This all felt so difficult! I had no idea how anyone was supposed to know who was fighting for which side, and that scared the hell out of me.
I didn’t really want to kill anyone… I really didn’t want to make any mistakes!
What’s that? I thought to myself, noticing a chanting coming from somewhere. For some reason I felt the need to follow it. Something was happening, and I couldn’t stand not knowing what, so I walked along as if in a trance. This was all so unreal anyway, it was as if I was in a dream.
“Freak, freak, freak…” went the chanting.
As the chants became louder, and started to make more sense, my heart cascaded into my shoes. Those words were bad. I could only think of one person about whom such words might be being chanted and the dream-like quality turned nightmarish.
Mike… of course it was.
I stood frozen to the spot, horror consumed my entirely. The humans were circling Mike, intimidating him, yelling things at him. To his credit, my brother stood there and took it like a champ. He wasn’t even flinching. Someone threw something at him and it flung from bounced off his metal hip, and he didn’t even move.
But I coul
dn’t shake the sensation that this was very bad. As I watched on in sheer fear, I felt indecision racing through me. Should I intervene, even though there was nothing I could do against all those guys? Or should I go back and get help, even though they were all busy with the battle. I wanted to do both, but I couldn’t. Time was running out.
I stepped tentatively closer. I had to do something. Mike spun around to look at me. He must have been able to sense me doing something stupid, because he shook his head slowly at me to stop me. I understood him wanting to be protective of me, but what else could I do? I couldn't stand there and watch those bullies do that to my brother. I looked around and saw there was no one around to help.
“Freak, freak, freak…”
The hateful words were reverberating right through my body, making it hard for me to even stand up anymore. If I’d felt hopeless before it was nothing compared to the way I felt right now. That was my brother out there, my own flesh and blood, and I couldn’t do a damn thing!
I glanced down at the gun-like weapon Javier had created which was clasped tightly between my fingers, wondering how to use it. He’d shown me more than once, but my mind was blank. I lifted it slowly, aimed it at one of the assholes near my brother – the one yelling the loudest with the nastiest look on his face – and I pressed the firing mechanism.
The dart flew from it, taking a paralyzing poison with it. It wouldn’t last for long, it wouldn’t kill the guy. We were still trying to avoid that if possible. But he'd be out for the rest of the fight. The dart seemed to go in slow motion, not meeting the guy until what felt like far too late.
Then, the man collapsed and chaos broke lose.
People turned to look at me, sensing the direction in which the dart had come from, and I could see the mob about to charge. I didn’t even have time to feel afraid, my body just sensed it as matter of fact. It was happening now. I’d brought it upon myself, it was all that I deserved. I didn’t want to die. I really wanted to live out my life with Javier, but if it saved Mike it would all be worth it… Suddenly Mike grabbed a gun from a human and he sprayed bullets in all directions, taking down as many of them as he could. I could only watch on in horror as he did for me exactly what I’d done for him.
