Defining Human (Only Human Book 4)

by Candace Blevins

  “Oh, those rumors are already out there, since I’m living with you right now.”

  I called Mordecai at nine that evening to tell him we needed to postpone my training the next day.

  “I don’t think putting it off is a good idea.”

  “Look, things got weird with Nathan, Xaephan, and me. It’s too soon for Nathan to have to handle my aftercare.”

  He sighed and was quiet so long, I started to ask if he was still there. Finally, he said, “I’ll handle your aftercare, Kitten.”

  “I’m bruised to hell and back.” After I said it, I realized perhaps that hadn’t been the best turn of phrase.

  “I’m aware. You’ll deal with it.”

  “You’ve talked to him?”

  “Will I see you tomorrow at five thirty?”

  I sighed. “Yes. Will you tell Nathan his services won’t be needed, please?”

  “I will. Is there anything else?”

  “Have you been talking to Adonis about the progress we’re making? He’s teaching me a lot, and Cora, too.”

  “He’s keeping me updated, and he says she needs to learn how to pull energy in. She’s used to it being handed to her by the Pack.”

  “She is. When Randall punishes her by blocking her from it, she gets it from me.”

  “I can’t imagine he’s pleased by that.”

  “No. He was rather pissed off, actually.”

  “I’d like to work with the two of you together, but I should probably meet with her one-on-one, first. I’ll discuss it with Adonis and let you know.”

  “I think the two of them are going to have a… ummm… a thing, once his fake-time with me is up.”

  Mordecai chuckled. “I’m not at all surprised. Good night, Kitten.”

  It’s been a long time since I’ve been subjected to a horsehair flogger. To Mordecai’s credit, the one he used didn’t contribute to any more bruising, but damn, it felt as if he flogged most of the layers of skin off, one at a time.

  When he finally filled me with energy until I thought I’d die, burning me from the inside out, metaphysically and physically, my skin felt as if it were on fire as well and it’s never hurt worse.

  And yet, when he ordered me to come, I flew apart in his arms.

  Mordecai didn’t just make sure I was showered, clean, dry, and dressed. He took me to a room downstairs, with a bed, and he held me until I woke and could think straight. He gave me orange juice, then coffee, and finally took me to a Waffle House to eat. Everyone knows I love their hash browns and cheese eggs, and I topped it all off with hot chocolate, and raisin toast with extra butter.

  “I asked Nathan to have someone get your car home. I’ll take you home from here, so you don’t have to drive.”

  “Do you know what he’s telling Lauren?”

  He checked his phone and read, “I’ll have our mechanic change the oil, so we can tell Lauren we serviced it and it seemed easiest to just have it dropped off at her house when they finished.”

  I nodded, put more ketchup on my plate, took a few bites, and told him, “I feel worse than I usually do afterwards. I thought it hurt more while you did it because my skin was raw and hot — more so than usual — but I’m wondering if it isn’t something else, now.”

  “You’re having a hard time dealing with your new power signature even without someone adding to it. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to do this as soon as we could, despite the fact I know you’re hurting from my brother’s not-so-tender ministrations. Filling and stretching you now can push this new signature even farther, give you more of a boost than you’ve ever had.”

  “No pain no gain?”

  “It isn’t always the case, but knocking you off balance and forcing you to find your equilibrium at a higher and higher setpoint is the way to go if we want to stretch your capacity and keep you on an upward power swing.”

  “Any idea how long we’ll have before Aquila strikes again?” Mordecai already knew about the phone call, and the consensus was it was just the evil vampire screwing with my head and trying to keep me from Xaephan.

  “It’s my hope to use politics to slow the people pulling Aquila’s strings.”

  “You know who they are?”

  “One of them. There are apparently many more than the two you saw.”

  “Tell me they aren’t your race? Or the opposite of your race?”

  “Gods, demons, demigods, half-demons, shapeshifters, Strigorii and Lugat vampires, and a few humans with either high-powered jobs or scary political power. I’m afraid for our side, Kitten.”

  “I’ve learned good doesn’t always win. Several of the long-lived have told me stories of the wars before and after the dark ages, and how things were during them. Is there anything to be done to give our side a leg up?”

  “We’re doing everything I know to do.”

  Cora met me outside when Mordecai took me home, and I went inside to find Adonis and Lauren playing chess. Adonis was teaching as they played, and I sat and looked through my email, caught up on the news online, and listened to their game.

  Smokey stretched out at my feet, and Cora cleaned her gun. Lauren had turned music on and we listened to her playlist, but I’d never minded listening to her music.

  If this were my life, would it get boring? If I’d never become embroiled in the supernatural world, Cora and Adonis wouldn’t have been there. Would I have been content to work and be a mom — and nothing else? I honestly didn’t know. I treasured these peaceful family nights because I knew the alternative. Would I have valued them if they’d been the norm?

  Chapter 6

  I had no idea what to do about my day and night with Nathan. There was no way to back out, though I’d spent hours trying to come up with something.

  Lauren left the house at two on Saturday, and wasn’t due home until six the following evening. Nathan picked me up at two thirty. I wore hiking boots with warm socks, loose jeans, and an oversized hoodie — though my bra and panties matched under them. I’d packed similar clothes for the next day — down to another set of matching undies. It was probably wishful thinking, but I’d also packed a warm robe and flannel pajamas.

  I met him outside so he didn’t have to come to the door, and he took my bag and put it in the back of the Sherpa while I climbed into the passenger seat. There were no hugs, no touches, which only made me more tense. I knew he could smell my anxiety, but I couldn’t stop it.

  “Where are we going?”

  “A therapist once told me, the best way to get rid of a bad memory is to overwrite it with something good.”

  “Was it really so bad?”

  “You sobbed in my arms. It isn’t the way I want to remember us.”

  I sighed. “Overwriting the memory? So, we’re going to the same cabin?”

  “Is that a problem?”

  “No. It’s fine. Is it yours?”

  “It’s a Drake Security safehouse, but enough people know about it, we don’t stash many people in hiding up there anymore. Since it’s known, I feel comfortable going when I need to get away. We’d have likely sold it by now if it weren’t a favorite spot for a few of us.”

  Nathan’s a skilled pilot and the ride was uneventful. I waited for him to tell me I could release my seatbelt, and the second he did, I was out of the ’copter and off into the woods. I was suddenly terrified of being alone with Nathan.

  Okay, not terrified, exactly, but uncomfortable and scared, certainly. Even when I hadn’t liked him, I’d been attracted to him. I wasn’t sure I could make this a one-time deal without it being weird between us. I had feelings for Nathan. I cared about him. We were close to start with, and having him hold me for aftercare following my session with Mordecai had cemented those feelings.

  I wasn’t sure how I felt about Mordecai, either. I’d have agreed to be his wife, his slave, his submissive, maybe even his maid if he’d asked me to stay with him forever. I knew it was a trick of the God/human vibe, but it terrified me, and he’d been right to no
t give me aftercare — though I’m not sure he’d been wrong to change his mind, either.

  Too much was going on, and I was terrified I’d open up to Nathan and never be able to be his friend again. My feelings for him were too intense.

  I found a little outcropping and sat on the stone. Power. I wasn’t sure if there was quartz or something else concentrated under me, but I felt whatever it was. There was a reason this was a favorite spot.

  I didn’t close my eyes to meditate, but focused on the view, the trees, then the leaves, the bark, the veins in the leaves. I focused smaller and smaller, narrowing my awareness until I was one with the view, the trees, the forest, and every molecule of air around me.

  When I at last came back to myself, centered and at peace, an eight hundred-plus pound lion padded up to me and nudged my arm.

  “Sorry. I freaked. I think I’m better now.”

  He nudged my arm again, and I asked, “Did you get something to eat?”

  Another nudge — more of a bump. “I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me.”

  He walked behind me, and a warm hand rested on my shoulder. “Why did you freak?”

  “I care about you. Opening up and submitting is scary. Feels like Pandora’s box. I don’t know if I’ll be able to close it.”

  He settled behind me, his legs on either side, his front to my back.

  “We’re going to do this.” Gentle, warm hands brushed my hair across my back and over my left shoulder. Heated lips touched the right side of my neck. Kissed. Caressed. “It’s going to be good.”

  Nathan oozed authority. Power. Command. I wanted to call him Your Majesty or Your Highness, but he’d gotten upset with me the one time I’d done so.

  “Just me and you,” he said. “I know you were a cat once, in a past life. I can feel it in your soul. You can call me whatever feels right while we’re in private, but never around others.”

  “My King.” It came out as a gasp, before I knew I was going to say it. “Fuck, Nathan, why am I feeling this so strong? Like I should bow to your or something!?” I had to force myself to use his name.

  “The power of the Amakhosi comes through stronger during sex. It’s okay, just go with it.” He kissed my neck again, followed by a slow lick. His raspy tongue reminded me of his cock, which should’ve made me run down the mountain screaming, but sent blood rushing to my clit. An involuntary groan escaped my chest.

  His hands grasped the bottom of my shirt, and I lifted my arms to make it easier for him to take it off. My stomach felt like it left along with my shirt.

  Warm hands stroked my arms, my chest, and cupped my breasts over my lacy turquoise bra. I’m not sure he even saw it before he released the front clasp and bared my breasts. Strong fingers tweaked my nipple, rubbed and soothed, tweaked it again. I leaned back, pushing at him. My chest moved up and down, and I tried to slow my breathing but it was pointless.

  “That’s it. Close your eyes and feel.”

  It was an order, and every cell in my body obeyed. He kissed, licked, caressed — and I melted in his arms. I don’t recall him taking my pants off, but I remember the instant his fingers were in me, because he ordered me to come as they slid in and penetrated my heat, and my body didn’t even consider doing anything else.

  By then, I was sitting in his lap, sideways, leaned back against one arm while his other hand was between my legs, and I came apart in his embrace, his warmth, his heat. Long after the orgasm was over, tremors still passed in waves through my body with every move of his mouth, his hands, his fingers, his power.

  Nathan’s spicy feline energy crashed around, over, and through me in languorous, heated waves. The cat was happy, content. He owned me, and played me like a familiar instrument.

  The Amakhosi stood with me in his arms and pressed my back against the smooth bark of a tree, his arms under my legs, spreading me.

  The Lion King may have put me here, but when I looked into his eyes, I saw Nathan, and my heart swelled until I didn’t think it would fit in my chest. His cock pressed to my entrance, and he held my gaze as he penetrated me. Opening me. Spreading me. Owning me.

  This wasn’t what I expected. It was too much. Too intense. I closed my eyes and the cat growled, but I shook my head and kept them closed.

  “Don’t shut me out. Own it. You aren’t a coward, Kirsten. Don’t fucking hide from this. From us.”

  Tears filled my eyes and threatened to spill, and I’m sure there was defiance showing when I opened them. “What are we doing, Your Majesty?”

  “Making love. I feel the cat in you like never before. Leopard, but melanistic. Black Panther. It makes you mine in a way I hadn’t expected. You don’t have the DNA in this lifetime, but you have the soul memory.” He leaned in and his lips met mine, opened. His tongue pressed in, his cock opened and spread me even more, and I stopped worrying about what we were doing and let Nathan enchant me. If my heart broke tomorrow, I’d superglue it back together.

  His arms, his cock, his mouth, his heat, his essence around me. It was too much, but impossible to deny so I’d have to figure out how to deal with whatever fallout came to pass.

  I’m sure lots of vanilla couples have had sex outside, against the smooth bark of some kind of maple tree, but this wasn’t even close to vanilla. Other than calling him Your Majesty, there were no outward signs — but only because the power exchange was so deeply embedded, we didn’t have to acknowledge it.

  I never asked permission to orgasm, because he ordered me to come when it pleased him. I never needed a release so intensely I had to ask, and yet, every time he commanded me to orgasm, I came undone. Unwound. Unraveled. At a mere word from him, I disintegrated in his arms while my entire body throbbed, pulsed, spasmed, and twisted.

  When he tired of the tree he carried me to the cabin.

  I’d walked fifteen minutes away from the ’copter, but it didn’t seem to take more than a minute or two for him to carry me back — though he didn’t run, didn’t seem to rush. Without fanfare, he leaned me over the back of a sofa and was back inside me, pounding me. Hard and fast and unremitting. Merciless. I grasped the front of the cushions and hung on for dear life while he plundered me from behind. I was already sore from his thickness and length, and I hoped he didn’t put his barbs out, but no way would I dare ask him not to do something. Whatever he did, I’d take it. He was my King, and I was here for his pleasure.

  The thought jolted me back to reality enough to understand what his power was doing. I stepped outside of myself and watched a few seconds, and he must’ve known on some level I wasn’t as into it, because he chose that moment to stick a finger in my ass. I was slammed back into myself with a scream and a yelp. I wanted more in my ass. I wanted him to hurt me.

  Fuck. I needed pain. His cock hurt me with the friction, size, and speed, but I needed more.

  He put another finger in and I wondered how he’d managed lube — though not enough to ask.

  “Fuck, Nathan. More.” I took a breath and centered. It’d been hard to use his name, but now that I had, some of the spell seemed to fade. “Please, fuck, I need more.”

  “Hold on. I need a release first or I’ll hurt you more than I should.” His voice was a growl, like a tractor over gravel, and I shuddered from his energy — heat, passion, and something I couldn’t put a finger on. Not just power, but royal power. Authority. The real thing.

  This was more than power exchange between consenting adults. He owned his power in ways I hadn’t fathomed.

  He came inside me with a lion’s roar I worried would break the windows when they rattled in their panes. My root chakra seized throughout the roar. Such a primal, raw sound.

  And the man fucking me was the King of all lions. King of cats. King of me, somehow.

  He settled me on the bed, bound my ankles together near my shoulders, with the rope behind my back. He connected this to the rope around my wrists, also behind my back.

  Spankings and beltings hurt worse in the diaper position
, and Nathan used the same leather strap Xaephan had used, but harder and with more control. He struck my pussy, my clit, my asshole, though never at the same time.

  When I was crying and writhing in pain, he bent his head and soothed me with his raspy, rough, warm-as-fuck tongue.

  Using a safeword never entered my mind. He owned me — he’d never injure me. He loved me. He hadn’t said it, but I knew. I knew.

  I also knew I loved him.

  Even when he hurt me, he was making love to me. I could feel it in his touch, in the caress of the strap, in his gaze.

  When he finally fucked me again, he took my ass and he commanded me to keep my eyes open. My legs and wrists were still bound and I was at his mercy, but I didn’t want to be anywhere else. He wasn’t gentle but I needed the pain, the dominance, the proof of ownership.

  He didn’t just own me, he owned my soul.

  Daylight spilled into the windows when I awakened in Nathan’s arms. He was just Nathan again, no longer radiating the power of the Amakhosi.

  I felt him more than I ever have, though — enough to know he was starving.

  “You never ate.”

  “I’m fine. How do you feel?”

  “Like I was fucked in five dozen positions and then beaten by the King of the lions. Oh, and licked. I think you licked a few layers of skin off my pussy — and what you didn’t lick off, you fucked off.” I squirmed because I wanted him again, though I was certain my body wasn’t up to it. “Not that I’m complaining.”

  “I put the groceries in the refrigerator while you meditated. I’ll set you up on the sofa while I cook.”

  I shook my head. “Grill steaks for yourself, but I’ll be good just sticking the quiche in the oven.”

  “I have potatoes, too. Was planning to make country fried potatoes.”

  I shook my head and snuggled into him. He wanted to make my comfort food — I knew I was going to get my heart broken, but I didn’t care.