Defining Human (Only Human Book 4)

by Candace Blevins

  I don’t know how many more times we had sex after breakfast. Two dozen? Three dozen? I was insatiable, but so was Nathan. I ached for his touch when he was only inches away, and my heart hurt when he was in another room.

  We made love. We fucked. He took my pussy as many times as he took my ass, and he carried me to the shower so I could clean his cock after it was in my bottom. I loved soaping him, creating a lather with my fingers, stroking and playing. His groans went straight to my clit and before I knew it, he’d rinsed the soap, lifted me, and I was sitting on his cock, riding him as he lifted me, pumping me on him as if I weighed nothing.

  Neither of us bothered with clothes. I wasn’t even sure where the clothes I’d worn to the cabin ended up. Turns out, they spent the night outside, but were where we left them when we went looking for them the next evening.

  I sat on the rock with a sigh — gently because I was bruised to kingdom come. I had the exact same view I’d seen when I’d meditated a little over twenty-four hours before.

  “So much has changed, but we have to just be Nathan and Kirsten again when we go back, don’t we?” I asked.

  “I can never offer myself to you as a man should be able to. My people have to come first.” He sounded sad.

  “I’m one of your people though, right?” Or, maybe it was only wishful thinking.

  “Yes and no. I don’t want you to be one of my lions. I like that you tell me what you’re thinking. Even when the Amakhosi was riding full strength, you used my name nearly as often as you called me Your Majesty.”

  “You seemed to like the fact I’ve been a panther shifter in a past life.” Had I imagined it?

  “My lion is thrilled. He’d felt left out, and it gave him a connection to you we hadn’t expected. I never felt it before, and I looked, when I first met you.”

  “I didn’t know about it until recently. Is it possible you couldn’t sense it until I remembered?”

  He shook his head. “No. I should’ve sensed it whether you knew about it or not. I was aware you knew about it, when I felt it. You remember how it feels to shift, how running on four legs is different than running on two.”

  I nodded. “Where does all this leave us when we return home?”

  “Never have I wanted to withdraw from the world and live as a hermit more than I do in this moment.”

  “If it weren’t for my daughter and my patients, I’d agree to it,” I admitted. “My daughter, mostly. Give me three months and I could move patients to other therapists without feeling too guilty.”

  “We can’t. It’s tempting, but it isn’t possible.”

  “I know.” My heart sobbed in my chest, but I determined not to cry. He was having a hard enough time without having to deal with my tears.

  He caressed my hair. “Our energies are so entwined, it’s going to hurt to go cold turkey. Find a tree you like — not the one I fucked you against.” He growled. “We can’t do this here. I know a clearing. Climb on my back and I’ll take us there.”

  “I can walk.”

  He huffed and stood beside the boulder. “Yeah, slow as a human. Climb on my back and don’t argue about it.”

  It would’ve been a thirty-minute hike for me, but his long legs got us there in ten without him breaking into a run. We traveled around two miles, up and down ravines, and he wasn’t even a tiny bit out of breath.

  A tree called to me from across the meadow, and I went to it without thinking. A red cedar, full of life despite the cold.

  “I wasn’t cold yesterday. I was naked, outside, and I wasn’t cold.”

  He stood in the center of the meadow, thirty yards away, and didn’t respond.

  “You gave me your warmth, didn’t you? I’m cold now. I wasn’t cold when you were touching me.”

  “I’m pulling my energy back. Are the trees helping?”

  “Yeah. Can you back up and not give me anything?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not sure I can let go of you completely.”

  “The grasses. The wildflowers. Look down, Nathan. Let Mother Nature nourish you.” I took a breath and fortified my willpower. “Let go of me or I’ll push you out.”

  I turned my back on him and pressed the front of my body to the tree. We take energy in with the chakras on the front of our body, and I asked the tree to help balance me.

  Some trees are friendly, others aren’t. This one seemed starved for human companionship, and within seconds I felt it pulling energy up through its toes… okay, through its deepest roots, but I couldn’t sense a difference. Nathan withdrew all but a tendril of energy, and I aimed the tree’s energy at it until it, too, was gone.

  I was the energy of the tree, the mountain, and me. Nothing else. No one else.

  When I thought of the mountain, it breathed energy into me until tears came to my eyes. Not tears of pain, but of joy and sunshine, warmth and light, darkness and a silvery moon. The roots of the mountain came to me through my feet, and I toed my left boot off. I couldn’t get the right one off, and I leaned down to unlace it. A minute later I was holding the tree again, standing on the bare, cold ground in my wool socks, with the energy of the mountain streaming up my feet, through my body, and out of my head.

  I don’t know what I did to deserve attention from this tree and mountain, but they healed me. When I stepped away, my bruises were gone, all the raw skin was healthy, my asshole wasn’t tender and on fire, my pussy didn’t ache. My initial thoughts were that they just didn’t hurt, but a quick look in the mirror a few hours later, once I was home, confirmed I’d been healed while communing with the mountain and the tree. Not just my aura and my energy, but my physical body, too.

  Nathan was on his back, stretched out in the middle of the field when I finally turned to look at him again. He seemed deep in meditation, so I sat, put my boots back on, stretched my legs out, and relaxed against the tree.

  Whether Nathan got started after me, or if it took him longer, I don’t know, but he sat up and looked at me about five minutes after I’d relaced my boots.

  “You look better. How do you feel?” he asked.

  “Like a new person. How about you?”

  “The mountain is in a good mood today. He helped me, and this field is always near and dear to my heart. It isn’t for sale, or I’d own it.”

  “We’re trespassing?”

  He shook his head. “Public lands, which means no one else can buy it, either.”

  “Any chance we can head back without touching? I’m in a good place, and I’m not sure what’ll happen if we come into physical contact with each other. I think I need some time to work through this.”

  “I know.” He said it so softly, I barely heard him, and likely wouldn’t have known what he said if I hadn’t seen his mouth moving.

  He looked sad, and I focused on the tree, the sun, the stability and longevity of the mountain.

  “I’m not a coward,” he said, “and neither are you. I love you, and I felt the same from you. Circumstances mean we can’t do anything with it — at least not now — but you deserve to hear the words. I love you.”

  My heart hurt, but he deserved to hear the words, too. “Even when I didn’t like you, I was attracted to you. Now that I know you and like you? Yeah, I love you, too. We’ll have to find a way to make it work, or to work around it, but I need some space, Nathan.”

  “Hang out here. I’ll go back to the cabin, pack up, and bring the ’copter.”

  “No. I can hike back. I don’t need that much space. We’re good.” I wasn’t sure we were good, but I needed to say it.

  Chapter 7

  Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it didn’t. No Aquila, no Xaephan. No Nathan, either.

  I had the life I’d been wishing for, and I cherished every moment. I put myself on the schedule to use the range at Drake Security, and Mordecai put us on the schedule when we needed a room to train in, or for him to increase my capacity.

  Aaron
and Sophia came home with the cutest little triplets, and Aaron took over my aftercare once again — though only after I explained the process to Sophia and made sure she was okay with it.

  I met with Master James on Mondays. Other days, I worked longer hours since Lauren was driving and didn’t need me to take her to school and rehearsals, but I was home in time to cook dinner and help her study when she needed it. We binged on Netflix, we hiked, and went to the dojo twice a week. We practiced our katas in the backyard, we meditated, and when the weather warmed enough, we swam. She had friends over who did some of these things with us, and she spent time at her friends’ houses, too.

  Dawg invited me to several parties at the RTMC, and I usually managed to show up about half the time he asked. The ultra-sexy werewolf and I weren’t an item, but he helped me find my stride again. Casual sex with him worked despite the fact I had feelings for him. Of course, I didn’t love him, I just had feelings. I felt close to him, but my heart didn’t swell until it pushed tears out my eyes if I thought about him too much.

  Xiaolan and her boyfriend broke up for six weeks, and she was home more. She took martial arts from Samantha Levi’s sensei, and we all shared katas with each other. She got her heart broken, and helping her get past it also helped me on the rare occasions I let myself think about Nathan. I could even find a way to be happy for her when Xiaolan and her boyfriend worked things out and got back together.

  Cora was at the house a few evenings a week, but she didn’t live with us anymore. She went camping with us, hiked with us, went to the movies. I missed her during the three weeks she stayed in bed with Adonis, but when their time was up, she was back.

  I felt the difference, when she was with him, and it made me understand Randall’s perspective a little better. I wasn’t jealous of Adonis, but only because I knew it was temporary. I’d grown so used to the constant exchange of energy between Cora and me, I didn’t even realize it was there. When she was getting so much from Adonis, and so focused on him, it was as if I’d lost part of myself.

  Lost might be too strong of a word, but I certainly missed her energy.

  Mordecai kept working with us, both alone and together. Our metaphysical lessons, combined with the time we spent sparring and working out together, brought Cora and me closer than I ever imagined I could be to another woman. There wasn’t anything sexual, and perhaps intimate isn’t accurate, but wasn’t too far off. We shared energy, if not our bodies.

  Ryan came to town a month before we were scheduled to fly to Africa for the gazelle’s jubilee celebration. They did this every forty-nine years, with lesser celebrations every seven years. I learned more about gazelles than I’d ever wanted to know, but was happy for the knowledge. I’d recently taken on a deer-shifter patient, and I could see a number of ways to help her, once I learned more about the gazelles. The deer-shifter made videos to teach people how to dance, and had an impressive YouTube following. Someone had offered her a job to dance on Broadway and she’d had to turn it down, but told them it was a timing issue and she’d love to accept at a later date. She wasn’t certain she’d get asked again, but was determined to learn how to survive in a human city so she’d have the option of accepting if they made her another offer.

  By this time, I no longer worried about running into Nathan when at the Drake Security offices. He was obviously avoiding me, and it seemed simpler to let him. He’d checked in with me via phone a few days after we returned, and we hadn’t spoken since. I’d been to Aaron’s a lot, spending time with Sophia and the triplets, or with the entire family, and Nathan hadn’t been there even once.

  I signed up to use the underground machine-gun range two weeks before we left. Ryan wanted to run Cora and me through all the available weapons so we could decide which to carry on us. I reserved the entire room for four hours — and did it weeks before, to make sure we could get it without anyone else around to overhear or interrupt.

  Aaron asked me to come two hours early so we could talk. I assumed he wanted to check in with the plans and make sure he knew where I’d be, but I was surprised when Nathan was waiting for me in the parking lot. He walked to the passenger door of my car as I parked, and I unlocked the doors so he could get in.

  I wasn’t sure what to say, so I didn’t say anything. Not even hello.

  “I’ve missed you,” he said. “I don’t have to ask how you’ve been. Aaron’s kept me up to date.”

  “Yeah, he let me know you took some time away to travel, now that he’s back. He said you made surprise visits to various Prides around the country.”

  “I did, which also gave me some time away from the lionesses in my personal Pride. I needed the space. It’s impossible for me to cheat on them, and yet it felt a little as if I had.”

  I shook my head and looked away, out the driver’s side window, focused on nothing in particular. “I think maybe you’re oversharing. We can’t do anything with this, Nathan.”

  “Can’t. I detest that word.”

  I laughed. “Of course you do, you’re just a great big kitty cat, after all.”

  He chuckled. “Kitty? I’ll give you kitty.”

  My heart hurt, but I gave him the best smile I could manage. “Yeah, you certainly did. What did you learn on your travels?”

  “I already had an idea where some issues might be popping up, so handling them wasn’t unexpected. Everyone’s been reminded of my power, my temper, my patience, and my compassion.” He glanced at his wrist and I saw the single scratch, showing he still owed Xaephan a favor.

  “Any chance you’ll tell me what you did to get rid of the first favor?”

  He shook his head. “Part of the deal was that no humans find out about it.”

  I blew out a breath and tried to convince myself this wasn’t personal to me. I’m one of billions of humans on the planet. Assuming I’m human.

  I looked at the clock. “I need to be in Aaron’s office in eight minutes.”

  “Me too, but I didn’t want the first time we saw each other to be around Aaron, Abbott, Randall, and Mordecai.”

  I hadn’t expected anyone else to join us, and my brows furrowed. “Has something happened?”

  “Just rumors. C’mon. Mordecai’s already here, and I hear Randall’s truck around the corner. Abbott will join us via video link, since he can’t be here during the day.”

  He opened his door and got out, and I followed.

  Aaron was set up in a conference room, and he stood to hug me before taking up the seat at the head of the table again. Mordecai sat at his right, Nathan took the seat at his left, and I chose to sit by Mordecai, though in retrospect it might’ve been easier to sit beside the Lion King so I wouldn’t have to make eye contact with him as much.

  “My wife,” Aaron began, “has worked with the Summer and Winter Queens to negotiate for the sliver of Josh’s soul to be returned by the Siabhra. It refuses. Also, we’ve learned the Siabhra sold the blood to someone outside of Faerie, and we haven’t been able to find out who, as of yet.”

  I was aware of this, so I assumed it was news to either Randall or Abbott.

  “Josh seems okay without the small sliver of his soul.” I told them. “He’s doing well in his studies, with only a few setbacks when memories came to him out of the blue.”

  “The Concilio has concerns,” said Nathan, “but they’re letting us manage him, at least for now.”

  “Aquila was seen in the realm easiest referred to as Svartalfheim,” said Mordecai. “Is everyone up on their Norse mythology?”

  He looked at me as he asked, and I nodded. “Land of the dwarves, more or less.”

  “Right. Caves. Craftsmanship with every kind of stone and metal,” said Aaron. “We believe the Celrau have a portion of their numbers there and are no longer putting all their eggs in the Hell-realm basket.”

  “Kirsten will be traveling to Africa soon, to work with another security firm, hired to guard the Gazelle Jubilee,” said Nathan. “Since crocodiles have access to this realm
, Niflheim and Svartalfheim, we have some concerns about her traveling to the proximity of a large bask of crocodiles. Specifically, a bask of crocodiles who are my sworn enemy.”

  “Cora should be here,” I said.

  “She’s on her way,” said Randall. “I’ve opened a conduit so she can hear us. Aaron had her working a job in Atlanta, and she got caught in traffic.”

  I looked to Nathan. “I’m officially under your protection. How many problems is this going to cause you?”

  “I made two of my lions available so Ryan could hire them to help with the outer perimeter. Their primary responsibility is to me, keeping you alive; their secondary job is to Ryan. I know you can handle yourself, but…” He shrugged. “Humor me, okay?”

  “Thanks for looking out for me.” I looked to Aaron. “I’d get out of it if I could, but I need Ryan’s silence.” The slayer knew too much about me for my comfort. Things I didn’t want widely known.

  “It’s fine,” said Nathan. “We need his silence, so we’ll deal with the job. No apologies. Mordecai says he’s been working with you on how to get from one realm to another. We’ve done everything we can to prepare you for this, but it occurs to me I need to teach you how to fight crocodiles. We’ll work on it when the meeting’s over.”

  “Cora’s been trained,” said Randall. “A single unarmed wolf can’t defeat a crocodile in animal form, but she knows how to work with others as a team, and she’s aware of how to use weapons to defeat them.”

  “Unfortunately, as soon as the meeting’s over, Cora’s needed downtown to work security for a convention coming into the Trade Center,” said Aaron. “Randall’s correct about her already being trained, but brushing up never hurts.”

  “Cora says she and Kirsten can go over what she learned later,” said Randall.

  It was no surprise when I couldn’t focus during Nathan’s How to Defeat a Crocodile 101 class after the meeting.

  Time away from him should’ve made it easier to see him, and it probably did, but I could feel my aura reaching for his every damned time we were close. It’s impossible to keep more than a few feet away when you’re being taught fighting techniques.