Highland Courage

by Ceci Giltenan

Mairead’s newfound self-confidence may not have been immediately evident to everyone, but the changes were very clear to Tadhg. She seemed embarrassed less often, and she offered her opinion more readily. However, what pleased him most was her laughter. It dawned on him that he had heard far too little of it until then.

  One afternoon he climbed the steps to the keep. The sounds of his very angry steward met him before he reached the doors to the great hall. Quickening his step, he rushed in to find Oren, purple with rage. The focus of his ire was Ian’s youngest son, Duff. In the middle of the uproar, his sweet, demure Mairead sat on the floor, laughing hysterically, covered with mud and puppies. He stopped inside the door for a moment to watch.

  “Duff, what in the name of all that’s holy do ye mean bringing that lot of mongrels in here?” demanded Oren. “Look at what they’ve done. There is mud everywhere. My lady, here, let me help ye. God’s teeth, lad, get those mangy beasts off her.”

  Duff, bless him, was trying but every time he pulled one off, another took its place. “My lady, I’m sorry. I thought ye might like them. I didn’t think about them being a bit muddy. My lady, if ye stop laughing, maybe they will stop licking ye.” In his effort to corral the puppies, Duff slipped on the muddy rushes and fell on top of Mairead and the puppies.

  Mairead laughed even harder at this. Oren grabbed Duff by the neck of his léine and pulled him off. “I ought to—”

  “Nay, Oren, don’t,” Mairead managed to say between fits of laughter. “Let him go, he meant no harm.”

  “My lady, he never means any harm, and yet trouble follows him closer than his shadow.”

  Tadhg decided it was time to step in. Although he wanted desperately to laugh, he frowned and adopted his best I’m the laird and I’m not happy voice. “What is going on here?” He shooed puppies off his giggling wife and helped her to her feet, giving her a sly wink.

  Clearly misunderstanding whom the laird intended to be stern with, Duff jumped to Lady Mairead’s defense. “Laird, it isn’t Lady Matheson’s fault, it’s mine. She didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry, Laird, I found these puppies, and I thought she might like to see them.”

  Found them? “Where did ye find these puppies? Surely not in the stables? Are these Heck’s puppies, from his best hunters?” Tadhg grabbed two of the wiggling creatures who, having been pulled off Mairead looked suspiciously like they were seeking a good spot to relieve themselves.

  “Lad, yer in for it now if ye have swiped Heck’s puppies,” warned Oren.

  “Nay, Oren, he didn’t steal them. He just wanted me to see them, and I do love puppies.” Mairead brushed her clothes in a vain attempt to undo some of the damage.

  Oren scowled. “Look at this mess. Your da will be livid when he hears about this, Duff.”

  Duff looked scared and on the edge of tears, but Mairead stepped in. “Duff, lad, I loved seeing the puppies, and it was kind of ye to think of showing them to me. But we have made a bit of a mess. How about ye and I gather up this lot and take them back to their mama in the stable. Then we’ll tidy up the mess we made. Your da can’t be too angry with ye if we do that.”

  Oren looked askance. “The mess ye made? My lady, ye had no part in it.”

  Mairead smiled warmly as she picked up a pair of puppies. “Oren, do ye not remember being a wee lad? Can ye not see the humor in this?”

  Oren’s mouth twitched. “Aye, well. I suppose. But next time, lad, maybe ye’ll consider taking yer lady to see the puppies rather than allowing them to lay waste to the great hall.”

  Tadhg chuckled. “I’ll help ye with the puppies.” He picked up one more, Mairead held her two, and Duff carried the last one as they walked out of the hall and toward the stables. “How did ye get them all into the hall, lad?”

  “They followed me.”

  Tadhg stopped walking and looked at the lad incredulously, “They followed ye all the way from the stables?” Mairead started laughing again.

  “Aye, they did, Laird. I just dropped bits of bread and they followed me.”

  Tadhg rolled his eyes, and his demure little wife practically snorted with laughter. He didn’t think he would ever tire of that joyful sound. As far as he was concerned, Duff could bring muddy puppies into the keep every day if this was the reward.

  ~ * ~

  All vestiges of the nervous, tense lass he married seemed to have disappeared, that is, until just before Easter. They received word Rowan’s wedding to Eara Fraser would be held at Duncurra, in May, two days after Roodmas.

  “Duncurra? Not Carraigile?” she asked Tadhg when he gave her the news at the midday meal. Noticing her furrowed brow, Tadhg said, “Sweetling, if ye were hoping for a visit with your family at Carraigile, ye needn’t wait until May. If the weather holds, perhaps we can visit at Easter.”

  “Nay, that isn’t it. I mean, I would love to visit Carraigile, I am just surprised the wedding will be at Duncurra.”

  “King David has asked Fingal MacIan to help stabilize Clan MacLennan so Rowan has become a permanent member of Laird MacIan’s guard.”

  “I see.” She broke off a piece of bread and chewed on it. Her tension was palpable.

  When Mairead withdrew, pushing her for an explanation never worked, so he let the subject drop for the moment. When the meal was finished, he left the great hall long enough to arrange an escort and for Hamish to continue the afternoon training without him. When he returned to the hall, she was helping clear the tables. He grabbed her from behind, giving her a kiss behind the ear. The servants grinned, and he was treated to the sound of her giggle. “Let’s go for a ride.” He walked toward the door, pulling her at his side.

  “Why are we going for a ride?”

  “Because I want to talk with ye, and I am afraid if we went to our chambers, talking isn’t what we would do.” He gave her a roguish wink, enjoying her responsive blush.

  When they reached the stables, four guardsmen were mounted, waiting for them. The stable master had Tadhg’s horse saddled but Mairead’s palfrey was not to be seen. “I thought ye said we were going for a ride.”

  “We are. Ye’ll ride with me.” Then leaning forward so only she could hear, he whispered, “If I am spending the afternoon with ye but we can’t be in our bed, I don’t want ye any farther away than my lap.” He laughed, watching her blush an even darker shade as he lifted her into the saddle. He mounted behind her, pulling her against him. After wrapping an arm around her waist, they set out riding to the rolling hills of the open heath west of Cnocreidh. When he slowed his mount, the guardsmen fell back a discrete distance.

  He stopped near a large flat rock on top of a small bluff. Dismounting, he lifted her to the ground as well. “I have always liked this spot. It’s wild and open—and very private.”

  “It’s lovely,” she agreed.

  He led her to the rock and spread a plaid for them to sit on.

  “Now tell me what has ye upset.”

  “I’m not upset.”

  “Aye, ye are. Ye became tense the moment I told ye about Rowan’s wedding plans.”

  “I was just surprised, that’s all. I thought the wedding would be at Carraigile.”

  “Ye said that, but I know ye well enough by now to know the difference between ‘surprised’ and ‘worried.’ Ye don’t become tense and taciturn when ye are surprised.”

  “I’m sure my da isn’t happy about Rowan staying at Duncurra.”

  “Aye, he probably isn’t, but I’m fairly sure your da’s opinion isn’t what’s bothering ye, either.”

  Mairead sighed and stared off across the open moor for a moment before answering. “Rowan is marrying Eara Fraser.”

  “Aye, but that is old news.”

  “I assumed the wedding would be at Carraigile. I knew there I would be surrounded by my family and clan—I would be, well…safe.”

  “Sweetling, ye will be safe wherever the wedding is. Ye will be with me.”

  “Aye, but what if—what if…”

  “What if t
he lads who attacked ye are among the guests?”

  “Aye,” she whispered.

  “Mairead, I have sworn to ye I will protect ye. Ye will never be alone. It is likely I will be with ye the entire time, but if perchance I cannot be, at least two of my guardsmen will always be at your side. If ye see one of the men who attacked ye, ye will tell me and I will handle it.”

  “Aye, I know ye will.”

  “Do ye?”

  “Aye. It’s just—I can’t explain, really. I know ye will protect me, but what if something happens and ye can’t? I’m a coward, I know I am—”

  “Mairead, stop. I understand what ye are saying, but ye are not a coward. Those men violated ye, they hurt ye, and ye were little more than a child at the time. Even though they didn’t rape ye in the strictest sense of the word, that doesn’t make their actions any less cruel or wrong. Ye have every right to feel afraid of them. Ye should be cautious, but caution doesn’t make ye a coward. Ye are brave in so many ways, but ye are smart too. Ye are smart enough to know that while ye have an inner strength to rival any warrior’s, ye are but a slip of a lass. Ye believe if something terrible happened and ye ever had to protect yourself, ye wouldn’t be able to.”

  “Aye,” she whispered.

  “Then we have to fix that.”

  “What do ye mean?”

  “Although if it is within my power ye will never have to defend yourself, ye need to know if pressed, ye could.”

  “But, Tadhg, look at me. I can’t defend myself, it just isn’t possible. Ye said it yourself.”

  “Nay, love, I said ye believe ye can’t protect yourself, but ye can. I can teach ye.” She cast him a disbelieving look, but he just smiled. “Have ye never heard of David and Goliath? David was just a lad when he brought down the giant Goliath.”

  “With a weapon—a slingshot. I don’t think a slingshot would do me much good even if I had the skill to use one.”

  “Nay, it probably wouldn’t, but David went into battle armed with more than just a weapon. He had wits and confidence on his side. David was fully aware of both his strengths and his weaknesses, but he had the confidence to use his knowledge to his advantage. Goliath was so arrogantly sure of his own brute strength he failed to see the danger presented by a young lad with a few small stones.”

  “It doesn’t change the fact that David had the ability to use those few small stones, and I have no ability at all to defend myself.”

  “And that, love, is what I am going to teach ye. If any man ever attacks ye again, he will be like Goliath, arrogantly confident in his strength over yours. Ye, however, will be armed with the knowledge of his weaknesses.”

  “If I don’t know my attacker, how can I know his weaknesses?”

  “Because all men have certain weaknesses and arrogant men fail to guard against them from wee lasses.”

  “I think I’d feel better with a weapon.”

  Tadhg laughed. “I never knew my sweet bride was so bloodthirsty. The truth is, Mairead, any weapon takes years to master and it can quickly be turned against ye. Furthermore, if ye rely on a weapon but it isn’t to hand when ye need it, ye are left with nothing. Sweetling, the most powerful weapon ye have is your quick mind, and that is what ye will learn to use.”

  She didn’t look as if she believed him but asked, “When will we start?”

  “If ye want to learn, we’ll start now.”

  “I am not as sure about this as ye seem to be, but I want to try.”

  “Good. Let’s go back to David and Goliath. Why did Goliath’s strength not matter?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Yes, ye do. Think about it.”

  She thought for a moment. “Because he wasn’t close enough to David to use it.”

  “Exactly. So your first defense is to avoid a situation where ye might be attacked. Ye are always guarded for that very reason. Never take unnecessary risks. What I am going to teach ye is to be used only if your other protection fails.”

  “Aye, I understand.”

  “If ye do find yourself faced with an attacker, stay out of his reach as long as possible and make as much noise as ye can. Scream your head off. Do whatever it takes to attract attention and summon help. Don’t let fear paralyze ye into inaction.”

  “Avoid dangerous situations, evade an attacker, and attract attention,” she summarized.

  “Smart lass. Aye. Avoid, evade, and attract attention. I think ye know how to avoid and how to attract attention so I am going to teach ye a bit more about how to evade. How to break someone’s hold on ye, allowing ye to get away. A man who grabs hold of ye is relying on his strength and your fear, so ye need cunning. When someone grabs ye, the natural response is to pull away, but ye won’t be able to if your attacker is bigger and stronger. Ye have to learn how to use your whole body and your attacker’s inherent weaknesses to break free.”

  He spent several hours teaching her ways to escape an aggressor’s hold until she could use the weight and position of her body as well as that of her attacker’s body to maneuver out of various grips, enabling escape. When the time came for them to return to the keep, she was tired and flushed, but she seemed very pleased with what she had accomplished. However, as they rode toward home some of her fear resurfaced. “Tadhg, I appreciate everything ye have taught me, but what if it doesn’t work for some reason? What if I can’t maneuver and get away? David was only successful because Goliath never got close enough to him.”

  He gave her waist a squeeze and kissed the top of her head. “I know, sweetling, but this is just the start. ’Tis true your best defense will always be distance, and so it is what ye must learn to use first, but there is much more to learn. It has taken years of training for me to be a warrior. It may take more than an afternoon to make ye one as well.”

  She laughed. “Ye know I don’t want to be a warrior.”

  “Aye, love, I do, but thinking on it now, warriors spend time training almost every day. Perhaps ye would gain more confidence if ye did as well.”

  “Ye would take time to teach me?”

  Tadhg laughed. “Of course I would.” Sobering a bit, he added, “It is important, Mairead. Although I pray ye won’t ever need to use these skills, I never want ye to feel helpless again. Ye have let fear rule your life for too many years and by doing so, ye gave your attackers power over ye. Ye have a choice to make, love, either ye feel the fear and choose to rule it or ye let it rule ye. I think knowing a bit about how to protect yourself might go a long way toward helping ye rule it.”

  “So do I. Aye, since ye are willing, I want to train some every day.”

  “That is what I thought my brave wife would say. Since ye have made that decision, there is one other thing I want to discuss.” She nodded and he went on, “I know after the Michaelmas Fair seven years ago, ye never left Carraigile until the day ye came to Cnocreidh. Just before Roodmas there is a May Fair not far from Currancreag, the Chisholm stronghold. I generally go every year with a fair number of my clan. If ye are willing, we could journey there first, going to Duncurra for the wedding on our way back.”

  She looked up at him; the wistful look on her face nearly broke his heart. “I used to love fairs.” He remained silent and watched the play of emotions on her face. “I will be safe.”

  It pleased him that she made it a statement of fact rather than a question. “Aye, ye will.”

  “I don’t want fear to rule me.”

  “I know ye don’t, pet, but if it is too soon, we don’t have to go.”

  “Nay, ye are right. I have given them too much power over me for too long. I want to go to the May Fair with ye.”

  “Then we will go. I’m very proud of ye.”

  “Tadhg?”

  “Aye, love?”

  “I’m still a bit afraid.”

  He kissed the top of her head again and said, “I know love, but fear and courage are brothers.”

  ~ * ~

  Over the next few weeks Tadhg taught Mairead more ways
to defend herself. After she mastered the basics of escaping someone’s grip, Tadhg moved on. “Mairead, when we started this ye summed up the best approach to protecting yourself in four words, avoid, evade, and attract attention. Today I am adding another one, attack. Sometimes simply evading someone will not be enough. Ye will need to inflict injury, which will give ye time to escape.”

  Mairead looked crestfallen. “What can I do to injure a full grown man? I can’t fight like a man.”

  “Nay, but ye can be cunning and fight like a lass. Ye need to exploit a weakness. Have ye ever seen men fighting without weapons?”

  “With their fists, aye.”

  “Well, get that image out of your mind. When men fight, they are trying to defeat each other. Your goal is simply to inflict unexpected pain and get away. Some particularly sensitive spots are a man’s eyes, nose, throat, groin, and kneecap.”

  Mairead made a fist. “I should try to hit him in one of those spots?”

  “Aye, love, but not with that wee fist of yours, ye won’t do much damage and ye could break your hand in the process. However, ye can gouge a man’s eyes with your fingers or thumbs and send him reeling. Ye can break his nose if ye shove the heel of your hand into it, full force, pushing up. If he is behind ye, ye can do the same thing with your elbow. I can tell ye from experience a woman’s elbows are sharp and painful.”

  Her eyes narrowed accusingly. “How is it ye have experience on the wrong end of a woman’s elbow?”

  “Do ye recall hearing I kidnapped Katherine MacIan last year?”

  “Aye, but ye weren’t trying to hurt her.”

  “Nay, I wasn’t, but she didn’t believe me right away, and she nearly unhorsed me elbowing me in the gut.” Mairead giggled. “Ye are a cruel lass to laugh at me.”

  “’Tis sorry, I am.” She dipped her head in mock contrition before rising on her tiptoes to give him a kiss. He cupped her head in his hands and deepened the kiss. With a low groan, he reluctantly released her. “Stop distracting me. We haven’t finished this lesson, but it reminds me of something else I want to cover before we are through.”

  He proceeded to show her the most efficient ways to inflict pain in sensitive spots using not only her hands and elbows, but also her knees and feet. After practicing for quite a while, she looked hot and tired. To teach her one last lesson, Tadhg overpowered her, forcing her to the ground. He sat astride her and held her arms down until she couldn’t move.