To Know Me (The Complete Series, Books 1-4)

by Marcy Blesy

  “Hey, Carmen,” I say. She looks surprised to see me.

  “Mae?”

  “Yeah. Sorry to interrupt, but…”

  “You’re not interrupting. It’s about time you decide to socialize. People were starting to think something was wrong with you.” You have no idea, I want to say.

  “Have you seen Ty?” I blurt out.

  “Oh, so that’s what got you out of the house?” she teases. I guess I have to take it, but I don’t like it. “We’re more fun,” she says nodding in the direction of her friends who all sit around staring at me save for Sam who’s grabbing hold of her butt and pulling her in tighter.

  “Yeah, stay,” says a guy sitting closest to my legs. I recognize him from shop class. “How about a drink? You look a little stiff.” Everyone laughs.

  “Thanks. Maybe another time. Carmen, it’s important.”

  “Sure, Mae. He was playing his guitar down by the public pier the last time I saw him.”

  “Thanks!” I yell as I start jogging for the pier. I ignore all of the looks as I pass by my classmates, but I hear them.

  What is she doing here?

  Who invited her?

  Well look at who decided to stop being an anti-social bitch.

  Screw them all. Soon they won’t even be a blip on my radar. Once I get that diploma I’ll be out of this town before they can even forget my name. I’ll enroll in an online college. I’ll get my English lit degree and be a writer. I’ll freelance. I’ll write for blogs. I’ll write novels. I’ll make money to support myself, and I won’t have to interact with anyone ever again. I just need to graduate. I want to graduate.

  I hear Ty before I see him. Old-time Willie Nelson floats up from the pier. Dad used to listen to classic country when I was a little girl. Laura and I would hold hands and dance in the living room when he’d turn up the Sunday morning classics station on the radio. Hank Williams, George Jones, Willie Nelson. I know them all. Is there nothing wrong with this guy? Ugh!

  Ty is surrounded by a hoard of girls. They literally sit at his feet, dripping on the words of every syllable he sings. The light from boats docked out on the water shines through his hair giving off a golden sheen. He looks like an angel. I need him to save me now. I hope he can. I hope he will. I sit down next to a girl I recognize from the halls because she’s the girl that makes guys drop their books or hang their mouths open in a stupid look whenever she walks by. I think I could carry myself like that, too, but ever since that night with Kyle put my life on a crash course spiraling to a disastrous end, it’s hard to think of myself as a sexual being. Still, I can’t help but be attracted to Ty. Another time, another life.

  The girl I think is named Jena shoots me dirty looks. I don’t care. I’m not here to screw Ty. I’m just here to beg for his forgiveness. I need him. And I like him enough to keep my heart out of the equation. He doesn’t need what I bring with me.

  When his fingers strum the last chord of the song he looks up at his adoring fans who clap wildly. I don’t clap but smile when his eyes meet mine. He pauses, for only a second, but everyone notices because they turn around to look at me. Most looks mimic Jena’s. He starts playing the next song, the opening chords to the Gone with the Wind movie track.

  “Really, Ty, can’t you play something we know?” begs Jena. “So we can sing along?” She bats her fake eyelashes his direction.

  “I know that song,” I say.

  “You would, loser,” says Jena. Ty ignores us both and keeps playing. Jena stomps off. Everyone else follows her. It’s relaxing listening to Ty play even though he’s not singing. I lean against the edge of the pier and close my eyes.

  “If you fall asleep you might fall in,” says Ty.

  “Would you save me?” I ask, opening my eyes.

  “Maybe.”

  “Not sure I should take that risk then.”

  “Well, you lowered your chances earlier today,” he says.

  “I know.” A knife could cut the tension in the air. I make the first slice. “I’m sorry.”

  “You, know, you’re the one that wanted to ditch school. I only suggested my place because I knew we’d have privacy—to talk. Yeah, I’d be lying if I said you were hideously ugly, and I’d rather look at a one-eyed troll than you all afternoon, but I wasn’t expecting anything. I mean, I hardly know anything about you, Mae.”

  “I know.”

  “Is it true?”

  “Is what true?” I ask.

  “Are you really only interested in whatever you think my parents can offer you?” I don’t know what to say. For the first time since I ran away from my past, I feel alive again. When I’m with Ty, something inside makes me want to live in the present. But I can’t forget the past. Can I let myself get close to someone again? I just can’t. “I guess your silence speaks volumes,” he says. He grabs his guitar and stands up, ready to leave. I stop thinking.

  “No!” I shout. “No. Please don’t go.” Without thinking, I grab his arm. He puts his hand on top of mine.

  “Mae, it’s okay.” He pulls me in front of him as I stare into his chest. “I don’t know what you need from me, my parents, whatever, but all you have to do is ask. That’s all you’ve ever had to do.” I hate feeling so needy and desperate. I’m breaking all the rules I’ve ever made these months on the run, but I need Ty’s help, and I surely won’t be around long enough to hurt him, right?

  “You can’t ask me questions.”

  “Whatever you want, Mae. You’re a very strange creature, you know? Oops. I mean, as a statement of fact: You are a very strange creature. Period.”

  “You have no idea. Can we go somewhere more private to talk?” I ask.

  “Let’s go to Infusco. It’s a late-night coffee shop. Follow me or I’ll drive.”

  “I’ll follow you.”

  I ignore the stares as we walk hand-in-hand through the crowd of our peers.

  “Spill,” says Ty when we settle into a back booth at Infusco. “Give it to me straight, whatever you need.” I take a deep breath.

  “Remember how weird my mom was acting the first day we met?”

  “Yeah, I remember. You said she was having a reaction to something she ate.”

  “She’s a drug addict.”

  “Oh.”

  “And she was on the front page of the paper today because she was busted by the cops.”

  “And Principal Williams kicked you out,” says Ty.

  “Yep.”

  “I’ll handle it. Don’t worry about a thing. Show up on Monday, done deal. Business as usual. Spend the rest of your weekend shopping for that perfect prom dress. You only have one more week.”

  “I can’t go to prom with you, Ty. I can’t show my face. I’m pretty sure word will get out about my mom.” I don’t really think anyone will find out about the newspaper article. No one knows Mom 4 as my mother but Principal Williams, Mrs. Baker, Ty, and soon, his parents, but I feel like I need an excuse. I know I’m getting too close to Ty, but since I’m still perpetuating a lie with the Mom 4 ruse, I feel like I’m within a safety zone.

  “I’ll take care of that, too. Don’t worry. Principal Williams can be bought. Happens all the time.”

  “You’re amazing,” I say.

  “About time you figured that out.”

  “How come you don’t have a girlfriend?”

  “I don’t think it’s fair that I can’t ask you questions, but you can ask me.” He’s right, of course. Questions only give you more information about a person and have the potential for making you closer. “I’m only kidding,” Ty says, grabbing my hand across the table. “I’ve had girlfriends but nothing serious. Some say I have problems opening up.”

  “Ha!” I almost snort coffee out of my nose.

  “You think that’s funny?” he asks.

  “Yeah, I do. You’ve been extremely easy to talk to. I don’t buy that you don’t open up to the girls you like.”

  “Maybe I haven’t liked a girl well enough to open up
to. Anyway, I’m going to grab a couple of donuts to go with our coffee.” He looks so confident as he walks to the counter. I can’t imagine he’d ever shy away from a girl.

  “I hope you like cinnamon sugar,” he says, handing me a donut. “It was these or chocolate with sprinkles. I opted for sophistication.” He smiles, until he sees I’m not smiling back. “I can go back for the chocolate,” he says, looking confused. I shake my head no, wanting so very much to tell him about my dad and his Saturday morning trips to the bakery for our cinnamon sugar breakfast dates. “Mae Tatum, there’s something buried behind those eyes.” He holds my gaze. “Let me in. Please. That sounds completely corny, but believe me when I say you have captured my attention.”

  I feel like I’ve been holding my breath because when I exhale I blow the napkin on the table in front of me. “Not corny at all.”

  “I want very much to kiss you right now, Mae.” I want it, too. Oh, why is my life so complicated? I release Ty’s hands, lay down a few dollars to cover my coffee, and get up to leave. “Let me know when you’re ready,” he says.

  “For what?” I ask.

  “For your future.”

  Chapter 7:

  One step at a time. No reason to plan my life anymore. Nothing happens the way I want it to anyway. When I get to the top of the stairs, Mrs. Baker meets me at the front door to the high school.

  “Welcome back to Woodson Prep.”

  “It worked?” I ask.

  “Yes, whatever you did to get Ty to talk to his parents worked like magic. His parents—”

  “I didn’t do anything, Mrs. Baker,” I interrupt. “I just asked. Honest.” The last thing I need is my previous indiscretion following me to this new school.

  “Oh, I didn’t mean to imply—of course not, dear. Ty is crazy about you. Everyone knows that. That’s all I meant. Look, there are a lot of people rooting for Ty in this town. He hasn’t always had an easy life. It’s nice to see all his years of hard work have allowed him to open himself up to other people. Really, it’s a 180 degree change from ten years ago.” The bell rings. I hug Mrs. Baker for being so supportive. On my way to my first hour class, I can’t help but think about what Mrs. Baker said about Ty. What happened to him ten years ago?

  Ty is at my side during English. We are presenting our cross-curricular reports on Civil War history and its impact on the lives of the characters in Gone with the Wind in an attempt to show how the war affected real people. I try not to look at him as I deliver my report about rations and how the devastation of the South forced families to think outside the box to support themselves. I cue the scene when Scarlett is digging for rotten potatoes. She’s so desperate for food she vows she’ll never be hungry again. Ty talks about the carpetbaggers and the attempt of the O’Hara’s former overseer to purchase Tara, their family plantation. He shares about Scarlett’s fierce devotion to her home and how it’s hard to understand what that’s like unless you’ve lost everything. I understand. I would give everything, anything to have my life back the way it was.

  “Nice report,” I say as we head to our next class.

  “Thanks. You, too. It’s hard to make Scarlett O’Hara sound likable, but you did a pretty decent job.”

  “She was only fighting for what she loved. You have to admire her for that,” I say.

  At lunch I sit alone in the courtyard. Ty has a meeting with his track coach. I scroll through my phone wasting the time until lunch is over. My phone dings that I have a new text message.

  Mom: Got your note, Macy. Thanks. We are always proud of you. Come home. We love you.

  I bat away the tears. I’m nothing but a giant mushball lately. It’s ironic how she still says, “we”. She’s all alone. Oh, Mom. I’m so sorry. How will you ever understand that I did this to protect you? I’m no good for you. Please understand. The phone dings again.

  Ty: Meet me at the public trails by the lake after school. Bring your running shoes. Prepare to lose.

  I don’t need Ty anymore. He used his parent’s influence to shut Principal Williams up. I shouldn’t go, but I love to run. One run won’t hurt, right? Right? Plus, I owe it to him.

  Me: Checking in, Mom. Love u.

  I lace up my Nike running shoes on a bench at the entrance to the trails. Other than an older couple who wave as they start out on the trail, no one else is around. It’s a comfortable spring day but a little chilly for these shorts and tank top. Time to start moving.

  “See you at the finish line,” I hear as Ty runs past me. I never even heard his car.

  “Hey! That’s not fair,” I say, jumping to my feet and sprinting after him. In minutes I pass the older couple.

  “He’s not much farther ahead,” they yell as I race by.

  I run for another half mile with no view of Ty in sight. I could have run by myself at the park near my apartment rather than drive all the way out here. I contemplate turning back when I come to a picnic area to the right of the trail. As I pass by I notice a picnic basket sitting on the table.

  “Hey!” I hear. It’s Ty. “Get back here!”

  “What the hell are you doing bringing me all the way out here just to ditch me like that? I have other things to do rather than to drive across town to…” Then I stop, throwing my hand over my mouth to shut myself up.

  “Is this for me?” I ask as Ty stands in the center of the clearing with a yellow rose in one hand.

  “No. It’s for that grandma who’ll be passing this area in about ten minutes. I’m just practicing my delivery.” He’s so cute when he’s being sarcastic. I take the rose. In an instant I am shocked back to the day of Laura’s funeral. Everyone in her sixth grade glass brought roses to the cemetery to lay upon her grave, yellow ones, her favorite color. “Why aren’t you smiling?” Ty asks. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “N…no.”

  “Your hand is shaking,” he says coming over to my side. “Sit down.” He points to the picnic table. “Mae, if you don’t tell me anything I won’t ever be able to help you. I want to help you. I know what it’s like to need help. There’s a lot you don’t know about me, too, and I’m willing to tell you. It’s weird because I hardly know anything about you, but I feel like we’re a lot alike.”

  “We’re nothing alike,” I say. I want to tell him, but if I do, then what? He won’t understand. No one does.

  “Is yellow not a good color for brunettes?” he jokes. I can’t help but smile. He takes the rose, breaks off the stem, and tucks it behind my ear. He leans in to smell the rose and kisses my cheek. Only the crunching of sticks from the older couple on the path stops him from reaching my lips. “I don’t know if we’re still playing the no-questions game, but I’d like to ask you to stay for lunch.”

  “I shouldn’t.”

  “Give me one good reason why.” I open the basket to reveal ham sandwiches, potato chips, and applesauce cups with paper towels for napkins.

  “Wow! How could I say no to this spread?” I tease.

  “I never claimed to be a cook.”

  “What did you say to your parents to get them to force Mr. Williams to reverse his decision?” I ask as Ty sets out the food.

  “I told them I had a new friend who’d been dealt a bad hand and was being punished for it because of decisions that were beyond her control.”

  “I’ve made plenty of bad decisions myself,” I say.

  “We all have, Mae. Nobody’s perfect.” I scoot closer to Ty. My caution senses relax. I lay my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me. We sit there, without talking. It’s exactly what I need.

  Chapter 8:

  Today I plan to drive to Macy’s in the town thirty minutes to the east so I’m less likely to run into anyone I know while shopping. I have to find a prom dress. The story goes that Mom named me for the store because shopping was her passion. Dad hated my given name. I guess to him, Macy’s meant growing interest with credit card bills they couldn’t pay as a young married couple. He and Mom had a huge fight the night I
was born. The hospital refused to let them leave with me unless they gave me a name for my birth certificate. Dad relented when Mom threw in the whole I just had your baby sob story, but Dad made his own point when he started calling me Mae instead. Maybe Sarah was right. The history of my parent’s fighting was pretty long.

  I grab a handful of dresses to take into the dressing room. Orange with metallic beading along the bustline. Too bright. Mermaid cut emerald green. Too tripable. Purple with a mesh neckline and built-in bust cups. Too trampy. The only thing that could possibly pass as acceptable is a short white dress with tulle underlay and cap sleeves. It’s not fancy at all, but I have great legs that definitely get noticed in this dress. The sleeves keep me from feeling like my breasts are going to spill out of the dress. Some cheap costume jewelry and red shoes will make this outfit “prom appropriate,” sexy yet sophisticated. Staring at myself in the mirror, I wonder, if only for a fleeting second, what this experience would have been like shopping with my mom or with Sarah, but I can’t hold onto thoughts like that, so I let them go as quickly as they came.

  Throughout the week Ty and I spend a lot of time together. We eat lunch in the courtyard. We pass texts in the hall. He steals kisses before his track practice, nothing more than a small peck, but I don’t stop him. I tell myself it won’t matter if I let Ty get a little close because once I graduate, I’m leaving. There’s no way I can cause any harm to come his way in only a few months’ time. Plus, he’s making my heart a little less heavy. Mom’s been texting more, and Sarah, too. When I’m with Ty, I forget I even had another life. He’s being the perfect gentleman, never taking more than I’m willing to give.

  Sarah sends me a picture of her and Daniel at prom. I wonder if I still attended Andersonville High School who would have been my date. I text back, “Beautiful,” before I change my mind. The phone dings back.