The Long Road Home Romance Collection

by Judi Ann Ehresman

  “Bess, I hope you will understand what I’m saying when I tell you that I have come to love you. It is different than the love I had for Anita, but it is just as genuine. Anita and I were childhood sweethearts. You and I have come to know one another as adults and will have a much different love, but it will be just as real. We have been through a lot together already, you and I. And I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have share my home and my life. Do you think you could learn to love me? Will you give it some thought?”

  “Oh, Robert, I do care very much for you, but I never even considered anything but a friendship between us. Let me give some thought to this. I will give you an answer as soon as possible. Is that good enough for you?”

  “Thanks, Bess. I can’t ask for more than that.” He quickly drank some of his coffee, then set it down. “I’ll take care of your horses now.” And he left while Bess still sat staring into her cup. She felt as though someone had snatched her breath away.

  What was it Clara had said a short time ago? “Your heart is out there at the Sheldon farm.” It had startled Bess at the time. Now she wondered if Clara had seen something that Bess had yet to see.

  Finally she shook herself and got up to prepare breakfast and ready herself to greet the children as they awakened.

  As the children sat at the breakfast table, they were lively. In fact, they were so excited to have Bess at the farm an extra day that they didn’t even seem to notice that she was more quiet than usual. They all chattered about everything that had happened since they had seen her on Sunday.

  Robert returned from caring for her horses, took his seat, and prayed. While the table was still silent, Anna said cheerfully and innocently as she reached into the basket for a biscuit and passed them on to Paul, “I knew Miss Bess was here when I woke up because I could hear Daddy whistling at the barns. Daddy always whistles when Miss Bess is here, and I like it.”

  Bess was holding the gravy, but she locked eyes with Robert. He, too, seemed surprised, as if he was totally unaware that he whistled when she was there. But his surprise was followed by a smug smile and a slight nod. “I think we are all happy when Miss Bess is here. I know I sure like her sausage gravy better than mine,” Robert said jovially to the children as though Bess were not within hearing.

  The children broke out in laughter. Then Philip joked with a mischievous grin so like his father’s, “I like Miss Bess’s everything better than yours!” He and Anna giggled.

  “So, what’s for dinner today, Miss Bess?” Paul asked eagerly.

  “Well, I haven’t thought that far yet,” Bess replied, trying to act as though her whole life had not changed that morning. “Guess I’ll take requests today.”

  No one seemed to notice that Bess hardly ate at all.

  Later, as Bess helped the children with weeding the garden and picking green beans for preserving, she noticed Anna copying her actions and staying very close to her side. “Anna, are your dollies playing yet?”

  “They are happy today, but they don’t feel like playing yet. But it’s all right. I need to help you with the work. Will you let me snap the beans again this year?”

  “We will all need to snap beans to get this chore done today.” Bess smiled at the innocent, expectant face. “I will especially appreciate your help today.”

  Bess thought about the dollies being happy today and wondered whether the dollies would feel like playing again if she were to marry Robert. Well, she’d certainly give this idea some thought and much prayer.

  It was the middle of August before Bess talked to Clara about Robert’s proposal. The women were sitting out on the back step enjoying the last streaks of the setting sun. There was not much breeze, but the air stirred ever so slightly now and again. However, Bess was so intent on their conversation she hardly noticed the heat.

  “Have you considered it at all?” Clara was never one to beat around the bush.

  “That’s all I have thought and prayed about for the past two weeks.”

  “And…”

  “Oh, Clara, I would love to be a stepmother to those children. You know how much I love them. And I do care for Robert—actually more than I ever realized, or perhaps more than I had acknowledged to myself.”

  “Then why do you hesitate? What is it, Bess?”

  Bess sighed. “Clara, you have always been in my life. You are my closest and dearest friend, but you are more my mother. Until I knew Anita, I had never had a close friend that was near my own age.” Tears welled in Bess’s eyes and splashed off of her cheeks. She sighed again, then blew her nose and continued. “Something in this feels like a betrayal. I know she’s gone, but Clara, she hasn’t even been gone a year. I don’t know how Robert can even think of another woman already.”

  “Oh. So that’s what this is about. Look, Bess. He needs a wife. Those children need a mother. They already love you, and he knows your ways. It makes sense. It makes good sense.”

  “Hmmm…so I’m convenient? Am I supposed to be pleased about that?”

  “Bess, he does care for you. You know he cares for you. And he adores those children. Don’t you think Anita would want you, of all people, to take her place since she can no longer mother those children? Do you think she would be happy having them out there all alone with no mother at all?”

  Suddenly a loud knocking on the front door of the boardinghouse reverberated through the open doors and windows of the house.

  Bess jumped to her feet, moved by the urgency of the knocking. Going in the back door, she trotted through the house to the front, wondering who would be knocking at this time of the evening.

  Bess opened the door to see Robert standing there, twisting his hat round and round in his hands.

  “What is it?” Bess asked softly. Her heart was pounding. “Are the children all right? What’s wrong, Robert?”

  “Come out,” Robert whispered.

  He opened the screen door and stepped aside for Bess to step onto the porch. She looked at him questioningly, still wondering what had brought him to town in the middle of the week at this time of night.

  “I realize this is rather unusual behavior, but the children are with you every weekend. They played and worked hard today, and the younger three were already asleep. I asked Paul if he’d be all right with them if I’d go for a ride. So I saddled a horse and came in to see if you would go for a walk with me.”

  “Everything’s all right? You just want to walk?”

  Robert nodded, a question in his eyes.

  “All right. Yes, that would be good. Let me go tell Clara, and I’ll be right back. Do you want to come in?”

  “No, I’ll wait out here.”

  When Bess went out back to tell Clara, Clara nodded and said, “I’ll pray for you to know what is right to do.” Bess had a feeling Clara had already begun praying. Bess gave her a quick hug and returned to Robert.

  As they strolled along the quiet street, Robert headed in the direction of the church. They were silent, at first, but it was a companionable silence that felt right. After a short time, Robert began whistling a merry little tune. Bess smiled up at him. When the tune was finished, Robert quipped, “She’s right, you know.”

  Somehow Bess knew what he meant. “She’s very bright. Very perceptive. Obviously more perceptive than I am.”

  “Well, so you know, I also whistle when you’re not there.”

  Bess looked at him quickly, wondering why he’d added such a comment.

  “I whistle every time I think about you.” His eyes twinkled. “I can’t help wondering if you’ve given my proposal any thought.” With this comment, he sobered.

  Bess sighed lightly. “All I do is think about it.”

  “And what are you thinking by now, if I may ask?”

  “Well, I was thinking that if you asked again, I would probably say yes.” This was spoken so quietly that he had to tip his head to hear her.

  By now they had come to the churchyard, and Robert steered them toward the large oak tree
that spread its boughs like a roof. Several benches scattered beneath its boughs were used by church folk for visiting before and after church.

  Robert helped her sit, but instead of sitting beside her, he knelt on one knee directly in front of her. “Bess, will you marry me?” He wasn’t teasing. He looked at her intently, with tenderness in his gaze, holding his hat with both hands.

  Bess felt herself trembling.

  “Bess, before you say anything at all, I want you to know that I would consider it the greatest honor if you would marry me. I think I can teach you to care for me. I know you love the children. It would be the most wonderful thing in the world if you would make our family complete.” A tear slid onto his cheek and sparkled there in the moonlight. The moon was so bright it seemed almost as light as day.

  “Robert, I am very honored you have selected me,” she said in a shaky voice. “I do care for you. Honestly, I have come to care for you more than I had realized. I can’t deny that I still have some reservation, but it’s not for the lack of caring. It’s that I somehow feel we’d be betraying our love for Anita.”

  Robert searched her face. “But you are still willing to say yes?”

  “You’re certain it’s all right to ignore my sense of betrayal?” Bess felt the need for reassurance one more time.

  Robert hesitated only slightly, then nodded thoughtfully.

  “Then, yes, I think I can say yes now.” For some reason, the trembling suddenly stopped. She had prayed for days and knew that, in time, God would give her peace and confidence that she had made the right choice. She reached out and laid her hand on Robert’s cheek. Yes, this was right. She knew she cared for this man. And she knew she could trust God for the rest.

  Chapter 21

  Life was suddenly full and busy. Robert had not wanted to wait, and Bess saw no need to put off the wedding, either. So they agreed to tell the children together that weekend, and if the children approved, planned to marry as soon as Bess could make arrangements with Clara.

  The arrangements had not taken long, after the children’s enthusiastic shouts had resounded through the farmhouse, since Rose was very willing to take over the responsibilities of head cook. They had decided to make over the stable behind the boardinghouse into a small home for Rose and the children. Pastor Lewis and a few of the men from the church were doing the construction work, but until it was complete, Rose planned to continue to walk from the Lewis home.

  Within two weeks, Robert and Bess were married in a very small ceremony at the Lewis home.

  Now it was mid-September, and the garden seemed to own their lives. Working together with the children putting away the produce for the cold days of winter was pure joy. The days were long and hot and tiring, but Bess had never been happier—for the most part.

  Within days of the wedding and Bess moving out to the farm permanently, she found Anna playing with her dollies under the grape arbor. As she walked past, Anna called out to her, “Look, Miss Bess, my dollies wanted to play today. I think they are all feeling well now. When I started to leave the room this morning, they whispered that they wanted me to take them with me. I asked them if they wanted to play, and they said yes. It’s wonderful they are finally well.”

  Bess reached down and touched the rosy cheek tenderly, as Anna looked up at her. “I’m so glad they are well. And I am glad they wanted to play with you.” She couldn’t help the tear that slid down her nose. She quickly squatted and hugged Anna, who hugged her back excitedly.

  As Bess walked back to the house, the heaviness she had been ignoring suddenly became a painful knot in her stomach. Why did it bother her that the dollies recovered so quickly? The tears came faster than she could brush them away, so she went into the bedroom where she would not be observed.

  She found herself talking out loud. “Oh, Anita, I didn’t try to replace you. I really never could. I’m glad Anna is happy, but somehow it makes me feel more guilty than ever. Anita, why did you have to leave us? I don’t want the children to ever forget you, but neither do I want to see them sad and uncared for.” Suddenly her talking changed to a prayer. “Oh, God, help me!”

  Bess fell onto the bed, sobbing quietly into her hands. Her heart continued her prayer, but she felt as though God did not hear. In a little while, the sobs weakened and eventually stopped. She went over to the washstand, poured some fresh water into the bowl, splashed her face, and scrubbed it hard. She pinned her hair back out of her face again and took the bowl of water out to dump on the rose vine by the back porch.

  Soon she was working hard again, and she chose to push the questions out of her mind. She could do that most of the time, but she could never get the questions out of her heart. So she’d taught herself to simply ignore her heart, as she had so often in her earlier days as a prostitute. There was always so much to do at the farm that she kept almost too busy to think. But that was good.

  Bess loved cooking for the family. It didn’t matter what she made, they all ate heartily. Robert praised her bread as being the lightest he had ever eaten. She was glad he was so easy to please and that he was happy and content. She wondered sometimes if he was reading her mind when he’d stand beside her as she worked and place his hand on her cheek to turn her face toward his. He would search her eyes and then kiss her tenderly if the children were not around, or sometimes press his hand ever so sweetly on her cheek before walking away. It made Bess feel as though he could see right into her heart.

  When he did this the first time, Bess worried all day that he would question her feelings when they were alone. But he never did. He would simply gaze at her with affection and love her gently. Sometimes he would whisper into her ear as he brushed his lips across her cheek, “Thank you, Bess.”

  Thank you for what? Bess wondered. But she didn’t want to ask. She felt so guilty about the marriage that she didn’t want to know. So she would simply smile while her stomach knotted.

  By mid-October Bess found she was truly losing her appetite. She lectured herself about her guilt feelings and the knots in her stomach, but she couldn’t seem to make them go away. She still cooked for the family but could hardly eat two or three bites without feeling as though the food would come right back up. Her clothes began to hang loosely on her frame, and she told herself she absolutely must eat.

  When it was time to prepare a meal, she would be hungry and think of a delicious meal to make for the family. She would cook it, and they would sit down to eat. But to her, it would taste nothing like what she had imagined. The family would be delighted with the meal, but she could hardly eat it at all.

  Around the middle of November Bess was frying eggs when the nausea hit, and she had to make a quick run for the outhouse. She had noticed the nausea before but never to this extent. Surprisingly, when she came back to finish making the breakfast, it smelled wonderful. And it tasted great. She ate a whole meal, and it all stayed down. What a strange woman I am, she mused.

  Bess missed having Anna around during the daytime. This was the first year Anna had gone with the boys to the school, and when they all left in the mornings, the house seemed totally quiet. That day, when the children had gone and she was alone in the kitchen washing the dishes, Robert came in, walked over to her, put his arms around her from behind, and began kissing the back of her neck.

  “Robert, you startled me! My goodness, what are you thinking?” She couldn’t help smiling into his mischievous eyes as she turned herself around in his arms.

  Before he said anything to her, he kissed her soundly and passionately on the mouth. “Are you feeling better today?” he asked her tenderly.

  “What do you mean?” Bess was truly puzzled by his question.

  “I mean that you finally ate a meal this morning. And you didn’t even look green around the gills. Are you feeling better about it all now?”

  “Oh, well, I don’t mean to disappoint you, but today I had to run to the outhouse to empty my stomach as soon as I smelled the food. I don’t think it’s any better,
but something has changed, and my stomach is acting strange still. I’m sorry. I didn’t think you had noticed.”

  “You were sick when you smelled food? But fine after you emptied your stomach?”

  “Yes. Why does that make you smile?”

  “Mmm…don’t know…” He had pulled her to him and was kissing her hair. Then he held her out from him and gazed into her eyes. There was a mysterious merriment in his twinkling eyes that almost angered Bess.

  “What’s wrong with you?” she blurted out.

  “Well, I remember that happening to Anita also.”

  She couldn’t remember seeing him look so amused before. “Anita got sick, and this makes you happy? Robert, if you didn’t look perfectly sane standing there I would be sure you had lost your mind. Will you please stop being so mysterious and tell me what you’re thinking?”

  “Well, whenever Anita made those early morning trips to the outhouse to empty her stomach before breakfast, then some months later we would have a new little Sheldon to love.”

  Bess just stared into his grinning face. Was he teasing her? Could it be? Thinking back, it had been more than two months since the wedding and yet ever since the marriage she had never yet…

  Her hands flew to her cheeks. She leaned heavily into his chest as he held her. “Oh, my goodness, Robert! I think you’re right. Who would have ever imagined? Well, what do you know!” Soon she was crying, and he was holding her even more tenderly.

  In the next few weeks, Bess’s nausea in the mornings continued. She was thankful she could get it taken care of before any of the children were up and wondering. Her appetite was back for the rest of the day, so none of the children really suspected anything out of the ordinary. For his part, though, Robert helped her as much as he could in the early mornings.