The Long Road Home Romance Collection

by Judi Ann Ehresman

  Bess found her love for the children growing deeper, and along with it was concern for whether they would accept this new one as one of them. She had heard tales of half brothers and half sisters hating one another. When she looked into the faces of these precious children, she couldn’t imagine they could ever be so unkind, yet the worry still needled her.

  Bess was glad that it was winter and the gardening and preserving were completed. Her workload was much lighter when she just had the house to care for, the laundry to do, and the meals to prepare. She loved the gardening but was thankful to have a break from the hard work. Especially now that she wasn’t feeling as energetic as she had previously. And she continued to feel burdened with her worries and guilt.

  Chapter 22

  As November became December, Christmas was not far off. Robert had confided in Bess that he was carving a set of horses and a wagon for each of the boys. One day when the children were in school he had taken her out to the corner of the barn where he had a workbench and some tools and showed her. Bess was amazed at the way he could carve. The toys were quite realistic in their shape and form.

  The two of them discussed what they could make for Anna. Bess had been knitting new scarves and mittens for all the children, but since the boys would have a toy, they wanted Anna to have a toy also. Finally, Bess had the idea of a tea set.

  “Could you carve a teapot and a couple of cups? If you could do the carving, I could paint them. I used to be quite good at painting.”

  Robert thought the idea was a good one, and then asked her if she wanted to paint the wagons for the boys.

  “Sure, I could do that. We can work on the things when the children are in school. It will be fun to give these to them.”

  Bess was finally feeling well again and found she had more energy than she could remember having before. She was glad to not be nauseated anymore and to feel like taking on a new project.

  Robert and Bess worked conspiratorially on their projects. They worked on the toys each morning as soon as the children were gone. Then they would put the toys away and get their regular chores done in the afternoons, so the children did not suspect anything at all.

  As Christmas drew nearer, Bess asked Robert if he would mind if they invited Clara out to their house for Christmas dinner. Robert thought it was a great idea. When they told the children, Anna decided they should make a written invitation to give to her. The children had fun planning and creating the invitation.

  The week before Christmas there was no school. Bess and Robert had finished the gifts and they were all hidden in the barn, safe from curious eyes. The children and Bess made decorations for a Christmas tree.

  Two days before Christmas everything was ready. Robert hitched the big sleigh to the prancing horses and tied the sled he used for hauling fireplace wood on behind. Soon after breakfast they all bundled warmly and crunched across the yard on the hard-packed snow to the sled.

  Their voices sounded loud in the silent air that was so still it made Bess feel silent inside. As they spoke, their breath hovered overhead for a few white seconds before dissipating. When they were all piled in the sled and covered with the warm blankets, Robert jumped onto the seat at the front and cracked the whip in the air over the horses’ backs, making a snapping sound. As the horses started to trot to the woods, their bells jingled merrily.

  “Oh! Daddy remembered the bells!” Anna’s eyes danced with excitement. “We always use the bells at Christmas.” She craned her neck forward. “Look at the horses dance!”

  Paul grinned and said to Bess, “The horses act as though they are very proud when they get to wear the bells. They really do look like they are stepping higher, don’t you think?”

  Bess watched as the horses bobbed their heads and lifted their hooves high. She wasn’t sure if it was the cold snow or the bells that made them do it, but they certainly were prancing as though they were proud. She smiled. “They sure do.”

  They rode silently for a few minutes before Bess caught the children nudging one another and nodding to one another silently. She looked around at each one and finally asked, “What’s all the nudging about? Is there a secret I need to hear?”

  The children were silent as though caught in the midst of something. Then all heads turned toward Paul. Bess raised her eyebrows in question. “What is it, Paul?” Her question was quiet, letting him know that she cared about whatever was going on with the children.

  “Well, we’ve all wondered if it would be all right…” He glanced around as though to find an escape. All remained silent, so he finally met Bess’s eyes. “We wondered if we could call you Mama? We always called our mother ‘Mother,’ so it would be different, but we love having you as our mother now and would like to stop calling you Miss Bess. Would you mind?”

  Tears sprang to Bess’s eyes, but she blinked quickly to stop them. She scanned each of the children’s faces as they all watched her expectantly. Finally she responded. “I would love for you to call me Mama. We will all remember your mother always, but I would love to be your mama since she is gone.”

  Again the children were quiet, but Anna had reached over under the blanket and squeezed Bess’s hand.

  Suddenly Philip started singing, “Jingle bellth…jingle bellth…” The children joined in. Bess had to cough to cover her giggle at his innocent, toothless lisp. Soon they were all singing merrily.

  Bess pointed to the gray and heavy sky. “Look up,” she said to the children. “What do you see in the sky in December that you don’t usually see in the daytime?”

  “Both the moon and the sun in the sky at the same time.” Conner was the one who was quick with the answer, while all the other heads turned to make the observation.

  While the children were studying the moon and sun, Bess noticed that the sky looked quite heavy. Was Robert aware of it? A needling of worry inched its way in. What if they couldn’t get back to the house from the woods?

  But she needn’t have worried. They found a tree, cut it, and tied it onto the sled behind the sleigh before the first fluffy flakes floated to the ground. She knew Robert was concerned when he snapped the whip twice instead of once in the air. The horses picked their feet high and pranced toward home more quickly. The sleigh bells jingled merrily, and in the sleigh, tucked snugly under blankets, they all sang the old Christmas song lustily:

  “Christmas comes but once a year,

  let us fill our hearts with cheer,

  as we sing along the way,

  Christ was born on Christmas Day.

  Tiny baby laid in straw,

  wise men worshipping in awe,

  oh, the mystery so great,

  that He was born to bear my fate.

  He is worthy of our praise,

  let our voice to heaven raise,

  let us celebrate today,

  that Christ was born on Christmas Day!”

  By the time they arrived back at the house, they each had a couple of inches of new snow on their laps, and their noses and fingers tingled with the cold. The smoke puffing up from the chimney looked welcoming indeed as the snow swirled about their heads. The sky was dark and didn’t look like a late morning sky at all.

  Bess and Anna went into the warm house to make the lunch preparations while Robert and the boys took the horses and tree to the barn. They promised to come in for lunch before making a base for the tree, as the ever-growing Paul had declared he was famished.

  What a fun afternoon it was as they decorated the tree together. The snow was coming down thickly and blotted much of the light from the windows, but the atmosphere was so charged with excitement and joy inside the farmhouse that they hardly noticed the dark.

  Bess still felt her ever-present sense of guilt, and sometimes felt as though she was someone outside the window looking in on the merry family. But still she observed each personality and cherished this day as a memory she hoped she would never forget. She found herself thanking God over and over in her heart.

  That
night, when the last child was tucked lovingly under warm blankets and Bess had settled into the rocker nearest the stove with a lap full of mending, she heard Robert in the kitchen, and then the back door open and close. She looked up, wondering if someone had come in or gone out. The kitchen was silent, so she assumed that Robert had gone to the barn to check on the animals. It did seem strange, though, that he had not told her what he was doing. Oh, well, today had been such an unusual day that he probably just didn’t think about it. With her lap full of socks that needed darning, she didn’t bother to get up and look out the window.

  She hummed softly to herself as she rocked peacefully and stitched carefully. How blessed she felt to be here and to be accepted as part of this family. She was just feeling her eyelids get heavy when again she heard the kitchen door open and close.

  “Robert?” She could hear him moving in the kitchen again now. “Robert? Is that you?” She kept her voice soft so as not to disturb the sleeping children upstairs.

  Suddenly she felt a cold hand on the back of her neck and peered over her shoulder into Robert’s grinning, mischievous face. “What are you doing?” Bess asked him innocently before she noticed that he kept one arm behind his back.

  He leaned over and whispered, “Put down the socks and empty your lap.”

  “What?” Bess turned her head so she could see his face better.

  Robert was smiling almost shyly, reminding Bess of a schoolboy. “I have a little something for you. I know we’ll be very busy tomorrow evening on Christmas Eve, so I wanted to have a few minutes alone with you tonight. Can you put the sewing away?” Why was he acting so timid?

  Bess folded the socks together and put the needle through the one on which she’d been working before rolling it and putting it away in the basket with the others. When she sat up again, Robert came around in front of her and handed her a crudely wrapped bundle.

  “Open it.” His eyes were on the object in her lap. “But be careful not to drop it.” He pulled the other rocker over close to her and watched in anticipation.

  Bess took off the wrappings to uncover a beautiful teapot. It felt very fragile, as though you could see through it. Lilies and gold edges were painted on it. It was the most beautiful china teapot Bess had ever seen.

  “Oh, Robert, it is beautiful. So lovely. I’ve never seen anything like it!”

  “Look inside,” Robert said expectantly.

  Bess carefully lifted the lid that also had a ring of lilies around the raised loop in the center. Looking inside, Bess saw an envelope with her name on it. She lifted it out and looked at him with a question in her eyes as she opened the envelope. Robert simply sat back and rocked as she read the note:

  My dear Bess,

  Every day I thank God for you. You brighten every corner of our home and of my heart. Just as lilies are born in the spring when we think the world will stay dark forever, so your love has come to me when I thought my life would be dark forever. When I saw this teapot in Rebecca’s display case, I knew I had to have it for you. Bess, besides loving you for bringing joy to my life again, I love the way your joy comes from serving others. As the teapot symbolizes serving, I couldn’t help thinking of you when I saw it. I pray that every time you use or see this teapot, you will remember my deep gratitude to you and my constantly growing love for you. I look forward to meeting the child our love and God’s mercy has created. And Bess, I offer this simple gift to you in thanks for all the gifts you have brought into my life.

  Humbly Yours,

  Robert

  Bess continued to stare at the page after she had finished reading the note. Tears splashed down her cheeks, and she just wanted to bury her face and cry. She knew she should say something, but couldn’t.

  Finally she heard Robert say very tentatively, “Are they happy tears?”

  “Oh, Robert, I don’t even know. I’m so mixed up inside I don’t know what they are. I think they’re happy tears. I love your note, and I love the teapot. It is beautiful, and I’ve never had anyone give me something so thoughtful before.”

  “You think they’re happy tears? But…?” Robert reached over and took the teapot and set it safely out of the way. Then he stood and lifted Bess into the circle of his arms. “Bess, there is more here than happy tears. What is it that continues to weigh on your heart?”

  Bess clung to him and sobbed in silence for a while. Finally she said, “Robert, I can’t stop feeling guilty for my happiness. For having you when you belonged to Anita. For having life when Anita lost hers. For carrying this child when you have lost both child and wife. It’s such a mixture of feelings. I’m happy, but I’m sad. I’m thankful, but I feel guilty. Will I ever again just be able to enjoy life? enjoy this family? enjoy you? Robert, can you understand that I feel as though I have stolen the life from Anita that she deserved to live and enjoy?”

  “Oh, Bess, my Bess, we’ve talked about this before. I have explained that you had nothing whatever to do with Anita’s death. Indeed, if it had not been for you, she may not have lived as long as she did. You did not steal me from her. You never gave me a second look as long as she lived—and even afterwards. I guess I don’t know what more to do except to pray for you to find your peace and for you to be able to accept the peace God is offering you. Bess, I will be patient, and I will pray.”

  Bess looked into his sorrowful eyes. “I am so very sorry. This should have been such a happy moment for you, and I have made you feel sad. Robert, I do truly love the beautiful teapot. I will cherish it and your words always. And I will make every effort to let go of this sense of guilt before it ruins both of our lives.” She pulled away, and he set her down.

  She found her handkerchief. After blowing her nose and mopping her face, she laid her hand tenderly on Robert’s cheek. “I have a small gift for you also. It is not as wonderful as your gift to me, but I do love you with all my heart, Robert. I never dreamed I could love a man like I have come to love you. Wait here for a moment, and I will bring your gift.” Bess left him standing there and went into the bedroom. In a few moments she came back, holding a small wooden box in both hands. Shyly she handed it to him.

  It was a beautiful but simple little box. As he opened the hinged lid, there, nestled on a bed of green velvet, was a beautiful gold watch on a chain that would clip to his belt so it would not fall from his pocket.

  “It’s beautiful.” He gently removed the watch from the box and opened the lid etched with ivy.

  “Look at the back,” Bess said timidly.

  Robert turned it over, and there in the smooth center surrounded with another circle of ivy was etched: A time to love…Eccl. 3:8a. He searched her face. “Then you do love me?”

  “Of course I love you, Robert! I have told you I love you more than I ever thought possible. I may feel guilty about it, but I can’t deny that I love you with all my heart. And I am very thankful for your patience with me. I am truly trying to get over this guilt.”

  Robert wrapped her in his arms and kissed her tenderly. Suddenly he lifted his head. “After Christmas, why don’t you talk to Pastor Lewis about this guilt that haunts you? Perhaps he can help.”

  “That’s a good idea. I’ll do that. When the children go back to school, I will ride into town with you one day. Until then, I’ll tuck it back into its corner and try to ignore it.” Bess gazed into Robert’s tender eyes, and her heart swelled in her chest with her deep love for him. She knew she would do whatever it took to make this wonderful man happy and to enjoy the life with him that God had given to her.

  Chapter 23

  January was cold and gray, and the winds howled with a vengeance. Other than going to church with the family on Sundays, Bess did not want to venture out into the cold. She told herself she was not as miserable with her guilt as she had been before and convinced herself that it would go away in time. Her life was busy with keeping the household in food and clean, mended clothes. The house was cozy and warm, and Bess really did not relish getting out in the blo
wing wind and snow.

  February came in with sunshine glistening on the mounds of snow. Anna made the cheerful observance that it was actually a yellow sun now instead of the white sun they had seen during January. Bess looked at her with wonder. Such an observant child. It seemed there was nothing she missed.

  Bess smiled. “And a yellow sun certainly looks much warmer than a white sun, don’t you think?”

  “Yes, it looks warmer and brighter.” Anna walked over to hug Bess and said quietly to her, “And maybe when you are warmer, you will be happy again.”

  Her comment startled Bess. “Anna, I am happy. Why do you say that, dear girl?” Bess squatted to gaze into Anna’s lovely, innocent face.

  “You are happy, but you aren’t happy like you were before Mother went to live with Jesus. I miss Mother sometimes, but I know she’s happy. I pray every day that Jesus will make you happy like you used to be when we all lived here together.” Anna said it solemnly, placing her hands on either side of Bess’s face.

  Bess stared at the child for a little while, then sighed. Truly nothing escaped this child’s observation. Finally she said softly, “Anna, I still miss your mother very much. But I am very, very happy. I love being here with you and caring for you and your brothers and your daddy. Nothing in the world could make me happier.”

  When the children left for school that day, Bess told Robert that she would like to ride into town with him the next time he went. She told him what Anna had said. “I want to talk to Pastor Lewis to see if he can help me. I thought I was doing well, but that little girl sees to the very core of me every time. Honestly, she sees things I can’t see. I can’t bear to make her unhappy. So, if it’s all right with you, I will ride along the next time you go.”

  “I can be ready to go within the hour,” Robert said in response. He tipped her face up and searched her eyes. “I will do anything it takes to see the smile come back to your beautiful eyes. It is good to see it on your lips again, but I won’t be satisfied until I see it in your eyes.” He kissed her lips gently before going out.