My Almost

by Kelsey Cheyenne

  Minutes pass with no response and I’m feeling like an idiot. Obviously, he doesn’t want to talk and now I’ve put myself out there. I’m an idiot.

  I go back to reading but can’t focus. When my phone lights up beside me, I snatch it with fervor. Aiden.

  His brilliant response reads, hey, what’s up? and while it’s not yet a marriage proposal, it still has me jittery.

  Me: nothing, just sitting at Daniel’s. bored. how about you?

  Aiden: just hanging out with some of my buddies.

  Me: oh, is your girlfriend there?

  Aiden: lol no we’re over

  Interesting. I wonder why. Not that I care at all because he’s just my friend and I want him to be happy. I’m just curious.

  Me: oh what happened?

  Aiden: she wanted something more serious, so I had to end it. I didn’t want a relationship with her

  Me: oh sorry to hear that.

  Aiden: no need to be sorry

  Despite how often he’s on his phone at work, Aiden is not a quick texter. I mean, I get it. He’s busy with his friends, whereas I’m sitting in my boyfriend’s bed wide awake with nothing else to do. Why is he even texting me in the first place? I’m sure he has a bunch of other girls he could talk to.

  His responses are coming in like molasses and I’m getting tired. I must drift off to sleep because when I wake up there is an unopened text from Aiden from the night before. I don’t bother responding because for one, it was a mundane text, and the conversation is now over.

  Since the bed was empty when I woke up with Dan already at work, I get dressed and leave.

  I do text Callie to tell her about my night as I’m exiting my boyfriend’s house. Callie is one of the funniest people I’ve ever met and there’s never a dull moment with her. She’s blunt and straight to the point, but she has a huge heart and is always there for her friends.

  At five foot flat, she’s the shortest of my friends with arguably the biggest personality. She’s petit in every sense of the word and matched with her blonde hair she’s a knockout.

  She also knows a bit about my job and who I work with. I mean, considering I work with a bunch of hot guys I have to tell someone about it. We’re eighteen-year-old girls, we have to gossip about something.

  Me: so I was texting Aiden all night…while I was staying at Daniel’s.

  A second later my phone rings and it’s her calling me. She’s deemed this a conversation too important for texting.

  “Hey,” I answer, but don’t even get the word out before she’s yelling in my ear.

  “Why were you talking to Aiden all night? What are you doing?” I have to pull the phone away from my ear because of her piercing screams. I lower the volume before putting the phone back between my ear and shoulder.

  “I don’t know. He told me to text him if I was bored so I did.” I’m not seeing why it’s such a big deal.

  Then again, if the butterflies in my stomach had anything to say, they’d scream at me. There’s a reason I was anxious to talk to someone that wasn’t my boyfriend. No, scratch that. There’s a reason I was anxious to talk to Aiden, not just anyone.

  “Do you like him?” She’s curious but not judgmental. She knows how tumultuous my relationship with Dan has always been.

  I sigh into the receiver and grit my teeth before answering. “I don’t know…”

  “Chels!”

  “I know, okay? It’s not like I planned it or plan to do anything about it. It’s a harmless crush, and he’s not even interested in me, so it doesn’t matter.” I shrug, though she can’t see me. A part of me is telling myself to brace for the inevitable hurt when I see him with another girl.

  It’s unfair of me to think that way, seeing as I am still dating someone, but I can’t help how I feel.

  “Keep me posted and don’t do anything stupid.” So much for her sound advice. She means well, but it’s irrelevant. We’re friends! Why is it such a big deal if I’m texting a friend? She didn’t make this big of a deal about it when I hung out with Nate.

  But Aiden is different. Shut up, subconscious.

  I’m aware Aiden is different and that he’s affecting me more than a friend should. His laugh makes my skin warm and his smile alone causes goosebumps to pebble on my skin. I’ve noticed the butterflies fluttering wildly in my stomach when we stand together and talk.

  I’m one hundred percent aware I’m hiding him from Dan and nothing is even going on.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  As I’m walking into work the next day, I greet Aiden and Seth with a couple “heys.” The workload is steady, but not busy enough that all three of us need to be on the sales floor.

  “Chels, can you go fill the orders in the back?” I nod and head to the stockroom.

  Filling the orders is already such a bitch, but I see the huge stack of shipment boxes I have to climb up just to pull them down. “Oh, fuck me.”

  “Don’t tempt me,” a sexy, playful voice says from behind me. I spin around and see Aiden in the aisle behind me. I was talking to myself and was unaware he was back here with me.

  My jaw falls and although my mouth is open, I’m speechless. Heat creeps up my cheeks and I’m sure my entire face is flushed from his comment. Where did that even come from? Why is he being so flirty with me? I guess he is done with his blonde friend.

  I’m thrown off guard and he knows it. He looks at me, holding my gaze and smirking with his over-confident self-glory at getting this reaction out of me.

  He spins away, strutting out of the stockroom with an arrogant strut like he’s some hot piece. Maybe cause he is. I need to get my subconscious under control.

  I get back to work, though my mind whirs with obsessive thoughts about my former-enemy turned best friend slash object of my fantasies. Don’t tempt me. I think those words will ring through my skull until the end of time.

  Maybe I want to tempt him.

  Dammit, no. I have a boyfriend. Well, I have a shit-bag guy with the label of ‘boyfriend’ though I’m not attracted to him at all anymore. And I don’t think I even like him very much as a person.

  But Aiden’s a different story.

  I finish my work and the rest of my shift passes by without incident. Aiden doesn’t come back to flirt with me again, and I’m pretending that doesn’t bother me.

  I walk with Seth and Aiden to the bank to drop off the deposit. Aiden and I wait inside while our boss runs to the drop box.

  My coworker turns to me, his eyes drifting over me as he cocks his head. “You know, you’re cute, but you’re a little too young for me.”

  What. The Hell. Once again, this man has me thrown off guard. “You’re not even that much older than me.” I assumed he was my age, but now that I said that he probably thinks I’m into him. Which I’m totally not. Nope. Not me.

  “How old do you think I am?” He counters, the haughty smirk returning to his face.

  “Oh, I don’t know, thirty?” I’m a sarcastic asshole because I hate to be wrong. If I was honest, I’d say he looked twenty at the oldest, but I don’t want to be wrong.

  “Try twenty-two.” His dry response shows just how much he doesn’t appreciate my sardonic humor. I never would’ve guessed he was as old as my sister. It’s not like he’s as old as my dad. He’s four years older than me. Big whoop. I’m eighteen. I’m out of high school. It’s not a big deal.

  Why am I making an argument to be with him when it will never happen?

  I text Callie the second I leave because now I need her advice about this guy more than ever.

  Me: I need help

  Callie: what is it?

  Me: aiden…

  Callie: oh shit what now?

  I call her as I’m starting my car. It’s too much to text since I’m about to drive home.

  “What is it now?” I can imagine her rolling her eyes at me. I put her on speakerphone so I can drive easier.

  “He made flirty comments and I don’t know what to think.” I bite my thum
bnail as I pull out of the parking lot and wait for the light to turn green.

  “What’s he saying?”

  I exhale in a huff. “First, I was complaining about work and said ‘fuck me’ to myself thinking I was alone but I wasn’t and he says ‘don’t tempt me.’ Then he says ‘you’re cute but too young for me.’ So he called me cute, oh, and I found out he’s twenty-two, the same age as my sister. But four years older isn’t that bad. Dan is two years older than me. Oh my God, Dan. Why am I even talking about this?”

  I’m rambling because I’m nervous and, for a second, I forgot I have a boyfriend. Whoops. A car behind me honks and realize the light is green. I should’ve had this conversation while I was parked and not driving.

  “Exactly—what about Dan?” Her voice is layered with a double meaning. She’s referring to my senior week stint where I already cheated on my boyfriend once.

  “You’ve seen how he treats me. This attention from Aiden is…nice. At least someone is acting interested in me and not just his damn car.” The more I talk about Dan the angrier I get.

  “Okay, so, Aiden…he called you cute, but also said you’re too young. He’s clearly thought about you in that way with the whole ‘don’t tempt me’ comment, but decided you were too young.” She sounds so definitive and I don’t like where her thoughts are headed.

  “What am I supposed to do about it?” I should ask myself what I want to do about it.

  “Well…do you like him? Like, actually, really like him? Don’t lie because of Dan. Forget about him for a minute.” That should be easy enough.

  “He’s hilarious and nice, but he’s not that cute. Well, okay, I didn’t think he was cute at first. I always thought his best friend was cuter. But we get along well and I can be myself around him and talk to him about things…”

  “It sounds like you like him.”

  “Am I a terrible person?” Aside from already cheating once and now having feelings for another man, yeah, I’m the girlfriend of the year, all right.

  “What are you gonna do about Dan?” I pull up to a stop sign and rub my hands over my face in frustration. I wish Dan would dump me. It’d make my life so much easier.

  “I’ve known for a while now I need to end things. It hasn’t been working between us, anyway. But…I don’t want to be the one who ends it. It’s so hard to break up with someone. I don’t even know how to.”

  “Just be honest…well, no, not totally honest. Do not tell him about Aiden.” She makes it sound so simple.

  “There’s nothing to tell!” I yell into the phone. I need to calm down.

  “True. Explain it’s not working. Keep it short and sweet and be done with it. You’ll be much happier once you do.”

  “You’re right. I need to end it.”

  “Keep me posted on everything.”

  “I will. I promise.” I hang up as I’m pulling into my driveway. By some miracle I’ve made it home in one piece even though I was driving on autopilot the whole way home.

  Callie’s right, but I don’t want to hurt Dan. I guess I already have, even if he’s still in the dark about it.

  As shitty and selfish as it is, I don’t want to end things with him if nothing is going on with Aiden. It’s not fair to Dan to keep stringing him along when I no longer have feelings for him, and it doesn’t even seem like he has feelings for me either. I need be done with him.

  ∞ ∞ ∞

  Aiden and I continue to text and become friends. I realize how off-base my first impression of him was. Well, I wasn’t one hundred percent wrong about him. He is still cocky and can be douchey but there’s so much more to him that I like.

  I have yet to break up with Dan and instead I’m avoiding him like the plague. My feelings for him are non-existent and if I’m being honest, my feelings for Aiden are growing.

  Neither of them are aware of that though. Aiden and I have never ventured into a territory past being just friends. Aside from the few comments he’s made, things are strictly platonic. And I’m sure he’s joking around, anyway. Why would he ever be interested in me? He could have any girl he wants.

  I’m sitting in the living room with my sister, Noelle, as she’s on the computer stalking someone on Facebook. My phone is sitting on the desk in front of me when it vibrates. It’s ten p.m. on a Thursday night in the middle of summer. It could be anyone.

  I try to act nonchalant as I check my phone, to hide any emotion from my sister, but a smile tugs at my mouth when I see Aiden’s name on my screen.

  Aiden: What are you doing?

  It’s a simple text, but my mind spins with questions. Why is he asking me that? Why does he care? What’s he doing?

  I reply, nothing just sitting at home. I don’t want to come off too eager. My phone vibrates again mere seconds after I sent my response.

  Aiden: come over and watch a movie

  My heart is pounding in my chest so I would swear my sister could hear it. But now I’m in a predicament. Of course I want to go. No, I have to go. But my parents won’t let me go to a random guy’s house this late at night. I have to stall so I can think of a plan.

  Me: it’s 10 o’clock. I wouldn’t get there til 11 and by the time we watch a movie it’ll be so late and I’ll have to drive all the way home

  His response is immediate.

  Aiden: sleep here. my roommate is never home you can sleep in his bed

  Was he serious? He was asking me to sleep over at his house. What would I tell my parents? And my sister, who is sitting right next to me, as she asks, “Whos’s that?”

  “It’s Alison, she wants me to come over tonight.” I lie so easily sometimes I scare myself. But, at least now I have my alibi.

  “Now? It’s already 10 o’clock.”

  “Yeah well, she was working, so she just got home. I’m gonna go tell mom and get my stuff together.”

  I leave my sister sitting there to tell my mom, who’s already in bed, but she needs to know I won’t be home when she wakes up. Just thinking about it, I’m lighter. Bubbly. Euphoric.

  She doesn’t ask me further questions and why would she? My family’s known Alison for years. They have no reason not to believe me.

  I pack a standard t-shirt and shorts to sleep in and throw in casual clothes for tomorrow. I give myself a once-over, glancing down at the old, ratty pj’s I’m wearing and change into fresh clothes.

  Then I text Aiden.

  Me: okay I’m coming. What’s your address?

  He tells me, and because I’m the worst when it comes to directions, I don’t even have an inkling of an idea on how to get to his place. Thinking Noelle went to bed, I use the computer to search directions to his house.

  “Why are you looking up directions to Alison’s?”

  Shit, dammit, Noelle. “We’re going to her friend’s house, but I didn’t wanna worry mom,” I respond, keeping my voice calm.

  “Is it a boy? Do you know this person? Have we met them?”

  “Okay, chill. No, it’s her friend’s place. A girl’s place. It’s no big deal, it’s like, twenty minutes away and I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t get lost. Okay, I’m going now, bye.”

  I rush past my sister and out of the house before she can continue to drill me. I’m giddy, but also nervous. When I text him to tell him I’m on my way, he calls me. My heart all but stops.

  “Hey,” I answer, and the nerves make my voice shake.

  “Hey, my apartment is a little tricky to get to, so I should probably give you directions. Do you know where the Lowes is, or the Market, in Waterspring?”

  “No, I don’t know where anything is,” I’m the most directionally challenged person in the world.

  He chuckles on the line before he answers. It’s a deep, throaty laugh that sends jolts of excitement south of the border. “Okay, well if you drive past the mall you take the third exit on the right. Once you get to the light, you’ll turn right and then turn left at the light at the Market.”

  “Okay…” I draw out, hopi
ng I’ll be able to figure out where the hell I’m going.

  “Call me when you get close, or if you need help.”

  “Okay,” I answered, and we hung up so I could drive over.

  His directions make sense, even to me. I pass the mall and count the three exits, get to the light and see the Lowes right in front of me, a good sign. On the right next to the Lowes I also see the Market. I do what he said and turn left at the light…the wrong light. This turn is taking me back toward the highway I just got off of.

  “Shit,” I mutter to myself. What the hell do I do now? I glance side-to-side, looking for an exit I won’t find. My hands go slick on the steering wheel and my breathing gets shallow and panic consumes me.

  There’s only one logical thing I can do at this point. I turn around and drive back up the ramp, in the wrong direction, turn left back onto the main road, and act as if nothing happened.

  I luck out since no one is on the roads. I make the correct left and then a right into his supposed apartment complex when I call him back.

  “I’m here…I think.” I’m in the right parking lot but I’m in the wrong area. After all that, I still got myself lost.

  “I think I see your lights,” he responds. “You’re parked near the office building. Drive back out and around to the second turn, and you’ll see me standing outside.”

  I do as I’m told, and I see him, so we hang up. Because I think I’m funny, I swerve and act like I’m gonna hit him, but he rolls his eyes at me. I park and give myself a second to breathe and relax before exiting my car.

  7

  Dirty Little Secret

  “Hey,” I say to him, feeling shy as I drink him in. I still can’t believe I’m here, hanging out with Aiden at his apartment. He’s wearing khaki shorts and an orange Under Armour t-shirt, simple and casual, yet I’m affected.

  I suck in a breath as I stare at him, without shame, eyeing him in from head to toe.

  He doesn’t seem the least bit affected by my short jean shorts and v-neck pink t-shirt. But why should he be? I’m too young for him.