Zombie Rules

by Achord, David

  “Okay, I’ll bite. What is your hypothesis?” Fred asked.

  “So, here it is, they are going to die out in a relatively short time.”

  They both looked at me in surprise. “Are you kidding? How is it going to happen?” Julie asked.

  “A decomposing organism is going to have a limited life. A living human is comprised of a lot of stuff, mostly liquid, and as you know, liquid evaporates. The body is dependent upon many things, air, water, sustenance. All of those items are essential for life and regeneration. The cellular structure of a zombie is presumably dead and rotting. It doesn’t appear there is any type of functioning circulatory or respiratory system. At least, not in a normal manner. I’m betting the digestive system doesn’t work either. I bet they don’t drink water anymore. Therefore, I don’t think a body in such a state is capable of cellular regeneration, which means they can’t keep going. Eventually they’re going to drop and not get back up.” I looked at them pointedly.

  “They’re all going to be dead, really dead, by this time next year. Especially if we have a good hot Tennessee summer. Hot weather will speed up the decomposition process exponentially. We just have to survive until then.” I paused for a moment. “If we really want to know the answers, it will require capturing a few of them and performing experiments.” I looked at them and grinned. “I don’t know about you two, but I have no desire to be up close and personal with any of those stinky things.” They laughed and readily agreed.

  “But, I’m sorry to say, other real problems will be manifesting themselves. There are more things than zombies we have to worry about.”

  Fred grunted. “You know Zach, I believe your logic is sound. But you’re right, the problems are just starting.”

  Julie was obviously confused. “What are you two talking about?”

  “The infrastructure of the country, for that matter most of the civilized world, is entirely dependent on human upkeep and maintenance. Without it, everything will be going to shit.” I said.

  Julie rolled her eyes. “So, we’ll have more potholes in the roads and the street lights won’t work, big deal.” I chuckled. “What?” She asked.

  “More than that, much more.” I counted with my fingers. “Nuclear plants melting down, dams busting, factories with dangerous machinery which weren’t properly shut down will be exploding.” I thought for a minute. “There are going to be numerous fires and explosions. There will also be natural disasters. All of these have the potential to cause massive damage, and none of it will be repaired.”

  I listened to the rain. Fred spoke up. “Remember the big flood here in 2010? It caused a lot of damage. Let’s see, we had a big tornado in ’98, and a huge ice storm in ’94.” Fred snorted. “I guess the ice storm happened before the two of you were born. The point I’m getting at Julie, they all caused a lot of damage. Those particular disasters were confined to the Nashville area. Now imagine the same stuff happening worldwide. You know, Hurricanes, massive snowstorms, forest fires, and there was a big Tsunami in Indonesia in 2004. Those are just some examples. All of those natural disasters won’t stop occurring. They’ll keep happening, but the collective recovery efforts will cease.”

  I nodded and spoke up. “There are going to be a lot of hazardous material issues as well. I suspect the ground water is going to become a lot more toxic for the next year or so. Also, a toxic nuclear cloud could come through and kill us all as well.”

  Julie frowned. “How can something like that happen?” She obviously had not thought of all of these issues.

  “If a nuclear power plant is not properly shut down, it’ll melt down. The byproduct will be a toxic nuclear cloud.” I said.

  “Is there a plant close by?” Julie asked.

  I nodded. “Watt’s Bar in east Tennessee is the nearest. It’s a little over one hundred miles from here. I think we’re mostly safe. Prevailing weather patterns should keep any toxic cloud away from us. Unless of course there is a major storm off of the east coast around the Carolinas at about the same time a plant melts down. Then it’d push it all this way.”

  I pulled my miniature notepad out of my shirt pocket and wrote down the need for a weather station with some type of radioactive monitor. I also added water testing kits for the well water. When I was finished, I continued talking. “You know Fred, it’ll be the responsibility of the survivors to recreate a semblance of modern society. If it does not occur, then what is left of civilization will regress back to pseudo Iron Age hunter-gatherers. All of the tremendous strides mankind has achieved over the past four thousand years will be lost. It will only take about a hundred years to revert, give or take.”

  Fred grunted. “And we haven’t even discussed what the survivors are going to do. We can most likely see a lot of lawless gangs. We’re definitely going to need to expand our group if we want to survive.”

  After a minute he tilted his head toward the barn door as if someone were going to walk in. “What does Rick think about your theories?” Julie inhaled sharply and inadvertently dropped her pistol. I looked at her. She knew. Yeah, she had figured it out, but never said anything.

  I gently set the pistol down and placed both of my hands on the bench. After a moment I came to a decision. I guess it was time to tell them the truth. I took a deep breath. “I woke up one morning, the day after Christmas to be exact, and Rick was dead. He had died in his sleep. I don’t know the cause, maybe a heart attack.” I choked up a little bit. I had suppressed the pain of losing him and now it was threatening to break through like a dam burst. “There is an old Indian mound down by the creek. I buried him there.”

  “I know that mound.” Fred said quietly. “It’s got history.”

  I coughed and cleared my throat. “I made sure he would not turn into a zombie, so you two need not trouble yourself asking me about the details.” They were silent then and made a point of not noticing my tears. Good. I went back to cleaning the pistol.

  Chapter 27 - April Showers

  The creek was starting to run over the bridge when we got home. Fred had followed us with the intention of helping me with the cattle. I got out and looked at the sky. It was still a dirty dark gray with lots of low hanging clouds. “I think we’ve got more rain coming.”

  “Mm-hm. There’s going to be some serious flooding.” He said.

  Now that Fred had adopted us he was more talkative. Not much more mind you, but it was a nice change. “I’ll handle the cattle. This bridge is going to be flooded over in a short time I think. It’ll be a couple of days before the water recedes. I’d hate for you to get trapped on the wrong side. Prancer would die of loneliness.” Fred frowned. He actually thought my quip was a valid concern.

  “I believe you may be right. I’ll monitor the CB. Give me a shout if there’s any trouble. After the weather clears I believe it’ll be time to start plowing the fields.” I nodded. Spring was on the way. The three of us agreed we were going to raise as many crops as possible and hopefully use them for bartering. Which meant, a lot of work. He stuck out his hand. I shook it. He looked over at the distant mound where Rick was buried. “I liked Rick. He was a good man. I believe he’ll watch over you two, so don’t fret over it too much.” He waved at Julie in the truck and then left. I moved the John Deere out of the way. I did not want the possibility of it sustaining flood damage, so I drove it up to the barn. Almost immediately after getting it parked in the barn another torrent broke loose.

  I had no intention of running around outside in the middle of a thunderstorm. A bolt of lightning shortly followed by a crack of thunder confirmed my feelings. The cattle would be fine without a fresh supply of hay for one day. I just needed to feed the chickens and check on their water. Then, I believe I was going to play around with Julie. Maybe she and I could share a candle lit bath together.

  *****

  Fred got into his truck and instead of going home, continued driving. Talking about his family had made him a bit melancholy. He was not in the mood to sit around in an
empty house, so he decided to check out the roads. He eventually found himself on Interstate 840. He and Zach had discussed the possibility of clearing the roadways in the immediate area. He could readily see it was going to take a lot of work. There were abandoned cars everywhere.

  The rain was coming down hard now. He figured that the zombies might actually be more active, but the sound of the rain would mask any noise he made. Just as he thought that, he spotted three zombies walking down the middle of the Interstate, occasionally bumping against an automobile. Their shambling walk made it obvious. They had their back to him, so he stopped and watched them for a minute. To Fred, it seemed as though they were following the line markings on the roadway. He grunted. Zach would like to know about this so he could dutifully write it down in his zombie notebook. Maybe even make it a rule. He smiled at the thought. The young man was something else.

  The three were a man in his thirties or forties, a woman about the same age, and an older woman. They were dressed nicely, at least before they had turned. The women were in torn dresses, the man in a dark gray suit and the remnants of a tie. No overcoats though. They’d turned before it had gotten cold maybe? The clothing was tattered, but otherwise they looked like a family on their way to church. The rain had probably washed most of the gore off of them. Fred eased closer and then slowly drove around them. They finally noticed him when he started driving around them. In unison, the three of them opened their mouths wide and tried to grab for him. The younger woman somehow managed to grab the edge of the mirror. Fred continued driving forward. The momentum of the truck pulled the woman forward. Since she refused to let go, the truck pulled her down. Fred felt a bump as his left rear tire ran over the body.

  The number of abandoned vehicles was minimal at first. That is, until he got to the I-65 junction. There were five semis on one side and two more on the other side. Their sheer size had blocked the entire roadway, causing total gridlock. Fred put his cowboy hat on and got out to inspect closer. There were multiple wrecked and abandoned automobiles. On the other side, most of the vehicles were burned out. Amazingly, the fire was contained to the east side. The westbound lanes were untouched but still jammed tight with cars and trucks. He realized with no small concern many of the vehicles were occupied. There were dead people in a few, and some not-so-dead in others.

  Fred retrieved a rifle from his truck, a Ruger mini-fourteen this time, and cautiously approached one of the occupied cars. Two women had tried to wedge their Chevy Cobalt in between a jackknifed semi and the guardrail. They got stuck, even the doors were jammed shut. What happened next was subject to speculation. It appeared their windows were broken and they were attacked. The women did not even think to unbuckle their seatbelts. It must have happened too quickly for them to understand and react.

  Fred shook his head slowly. These two women appeared to be in their early twenties, they had probably never experienced a stressful situation any tougher than a rude comment on their Facebook page. They were obviously escaping to somewhere. Where they had planned to go that was safe for them was unknown. Now the two of them had their respective sides which were closest to the windows chewed off. Their flesh was now slowly decomposing. Even so, the two women were, alive? Fred could not think of a proper term which would adequately describe them. They were definitely animated. As he stood there, they were trying in vain to get at him. However, they could not fathom the act of unbuckling the seatbelts, so they were effectively trapped.

  Fred stood perpendicular to the driver’s side, crouched a little so that he was even with them and waited. The two young women stopped thrashing for just a moment and stared at him. It’s what Fred was waiting for. Their heads aligned in his sights and he fired one shot. The bullet went through the driver’s left eye, exited out of the back of her head, and entered the passengers head at the left cheek. Their heads flopped forward. Now they were really dead.

  He looked around quickly for any possible threats and then fished the keys out of the ignition. Just as he suspected, there were suitcases in the trunk. He was certain they were filled with clothes and other items Julie could use. He retrieved the suitcases without bothering to look in them and tossed them into the back of his truck. He almost forgot, but Zach’s nagging voice found its way into his consciousness. He grabbed the hand siphon and one of his gas cans.

  Fred managed to siphon five gallons from the women’s car, poured it into his truck and got another few gallons out of another abandoned car. He then focused his attention on the trailers of the wrecked trucks. He was wondering what goodies they might contain when he was startled by a man’s voice.

  Chapter 28 - Interlopers

  I rounded the corner of the chicken coop and stopped suddenly. The chickens were scattered throughout the enclosure.

  Dead.

  All of them.

  I saw movement and drew the pistol. Two coyotes scrambled under the fencing on the far side of the coop and took off running. I tried shooting them, but I did not have the skills Fred possessed. I missed and they were soon out of sight in the pouring rain. I swore under my breath. Looking around, I found where the sons-of-bitches had dug through the mud and got under the fencing. It must have taken them hours, but they were successful. I cussed some more. They had chewed up the chickens pretty good. It made them worthless for dressing and eating. Julie soon came running out with her own pistol. She saw me and started to ask me what was wrong. Then she saw the dead chickens. She looked at me again.

  “Fucking coyotes.” I said disgustingly. “They killed all of them.” She let out a few expletives of her own. I looked around some more. Some of the eggs were still intact. “I’ve no idea if these are brooding eggs. We can try to keep them warm and see if they hatch.”

  There were tears in her eyes. “Nothing ever seems to go quite right, does it? I mean, it’s never going to get better, is it Zach.” It was more of a statement than a question. It was hard to stay positive, but I had to. Julie did not stop though.

  “It’s like you said earlier, if it’s not bad enough we have these zombies walking around killing people, we’re going to have all kinds of other problems with natural disasters and stuff. It’s just not going to end.” Julie was crying freely now. I holstered my handgun and held her tightly. All it seemed to do was make her cry harder. She pulled away and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry Zach, it’s just my time of the month. My hormones are going crazy.” Ah yes, it explained everything. At least she wasn’t pregnant.

  I held her close and kissed her. “Do you know how much I love you?”

  “I love you too Zach.” We embraced and kissed again. We held each other for several minutes in the rain before we came to our senses and began cleaning up the mess.

  I was not done with them. As much as I wanted to play around with Julie, I needed to do something about these coyotes. With no chickens left, they would start killing the cows. The next morning, just before dawn, I took the remains of the chickens and put them out in the middle of the field. Julie and I had set up sniping positions. Then we waited. We armed ourselves with our AR-15s. If they came in a pack, they’d scatter after the first shot, but they would be in the open for several seconds before they could run far enough to be out of range. Julie was going to open fire as soon as I shot. Hopefully we’d kill all of them.

  Sniper work requires patience. Julie and I sat motionless in the rain for at least three hours before they came back. But first, the buzzards came. I was worried they’d eat all of the remains, but we were lucky for a change. There were three of them. They started working their way toward the chicken coop and then they caught the scent of the dead chickens, which I must admit I added some fresh cow fat to for effect. They were wary, like all coyotes are. They looked around and sniffed the air. Then they trotted over to the remains and gnashed at the buzzards. There was one of them distinctly larger than the rest. I was sure he was the alpha male and lined my sights up on him. He moved around quite a bit, until he decided it was safe enough approach the b
ait.

  I fired. He died. The other two took off at a run. Julie fired and one of them yelped. He was wounded and limping. I took aim and fired. Julie fired almost simultaneously. Coyote number two was down. Coyote number three escaped.

  Two out of three, not bad. The buzzards had perched in some trees and waited patiently. If they could shoot a rifle, they would be excellent snipers.

  “We’re not going to eat them are we?” Julie had joined me as I walked toward the dead coyotes.

  “Oh no. We’re not desperate for food. At least, not yet. I once read somewhere if you hung a coyote’s carcass from a tree, it’ll scare away any other coyotes from the area. But I’m afraid it’d also attract zombies, so we’ll burn them instead.” We carried them to the sinkhole. I watched the carcasses burn and felt reasonably certain our coyote problem was taken care of, at least for now. “Now we need to find some more chickens to raise. If we’re successful, we’ll need to reinforce the coop so they can’t dig under the wire.”

  After taking care of the coyotes, we checked the bridge. It was about two feet under water. It wasn’t washed out, but we would not be travelling across it for a day or two. “Wow, that is a lot of water.” Julie said. I nodded. I’d never seen it this high. “How long do you think before we can cross the bridge?”

  “At least another day. We should get on the radio and see if we can contact Fred.”

  “I hope he’s okay.” I looked at Julie. Her lower lip was sticking out. For some reason it was getting me aroused.