Philip and the Case of Mistaken Identity and Philip and the Baby (9781597051095)

by Paulits, John

  “Then give me back if you don’t want them.”

  “No, no, I’ll take them.” Philip decided this was probably the best chance he had of getting twenty cents out of Emery.

  Philip lugged his bag of empty soda bottles home. He changed his clothes, grabbed a couple of newly baked chocolate chip cookies, and had a quick glass of chocolate milk.

  When he knocked on Emery’s door, Emery’s mother answered.

  “Is Emery ready?” Philip said.

  “Come in, Philip.”

  Philip could hear a baby crying.

  “The library called him as soon as he walked in. They said they had something for him. Something about winning a prize there Saturday. He went to get it. He’ll be right back.”

  Emery’s mother went to take care of the crying baby.

  Philip stood in a daze. Emery had won a prize Saturday? Another one? All Emery had done was sit on a chair and listen. In a flash, Philip understood. Emery was getting a prize meant for him! He was getting a prize for getting in front of the whole stupid garden club and describing that stupid German geranium. With the hollow pollen. Emery was getting his second prize for something that Philip had done!

  Philip threw himself on the sofa and crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

  Fifteen minutes later Emery walked in the door.

  “Hey, Philip. I won a prize.”

  Philip leaped to his feet. “No you didn’t...”

  Emery laughed. “I know. I know. It’s yours.”

  Philip stood still. When he realized his mouth was hanging open, he shut it. “What did they say?” Philip asked.

  “It’s a prize for doing that thing at the library Saturday with Joanie. You know. The hollow pollen thing.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I know.” Philip didn’t want to hear any more about hollow pollen. “What is it?”

  “I don’t know. I knew you’d be waiting, so I just took it and came back here.”

  “Let’s open it.”

  Both boys ripped the plain red wrapping paper from the box.

  “Wow!” said Emery.

  “Not bad,” said Philip.

  Philip had won a kit containing instructions and a CD on how to start a newspaper with your computer. There was even a booklet with ideas for newspaper stories.

  “You want to start a newspaper?” said Emery.

  Philip shrugged. “Sure. Why not?” He thumbed through the booklet and said, “It even tells you how to put pictures in the newspaper.”

  “Oh yeah, pictures,” said Emery. “They took my picture in the library. They’re going to put it in that newspaper we get every week.”

  “You get your picture in the paper for what I did?”

  “Well, if they took your picture it would still have my name under it. That wouldn’t make sense, would it?”

  Reluctantly, Philip could see where that would be confusing.

  “Besides, we can put our own pictures into our own newspaper any time we want,” Emery pointed out.

  Philip nodded. “But I should get mine in first.”

  “Okay.”

  Philip would be satisfied if he could accomplish one more thing.

  “My house will be the newspaper headquarters since your house was the detective headquarters.”

  Emery nodded. “We couldn’t concentrate with the babies crying anyway.”

  “Let’s drop the newspaper kit at my house and then go to the park. We can talk about how we want to run our newspaper. First, we’ll need a name for it.”

  As they left Emery’s house, Emery envisioned one word in big bold letters at the top of their newspaper. It was the perfect name.

  “WHAT,” Emery said, his eyes aglow at the wonder his idea.

  “I said we’ll need a name for the newspaper.”

  “WHAT’s the name.”

  “What’s what name?”

  “No, just one what.”

  “One what what? What are you talking about?”

  “Yeah, I’m talking about WHAT.”

  “You’re making my stomach hurt again,” Philip cried, and that quickly, everything was back to normal.

  The End

  Philip And The Baby

  One

  Philip Felton was visiting his friend, Emery, who lived down the street. Both boys were in the same second grade class at Donovan Elementary School. Philip had brought some candy—Hershey Kisses and Gummi Worms—for Emery, and Emery’s mother had given the boys some pineapple juice.

  “Doesn’t your mother have any soda?” Philip whispered after Emery’s mother had handed him a tall glass of the juice.

  Emery shook his head. “My mother doesn’t think soda is good for me. She never buys any. She only buys juice. No fun. Right?”

  No soda in the house! Philip was glad he wasn’t a part of this family.

  “Are you going to teach me to play chess?” he asked after he took a tiny sip of the juice. Philip wasn’t sure whether the juice tasted sweet or sour. But it wasn’t bad.

  “Okay. But we have to be quiet.”

  “Why?”

  “My mother doesn’t want us to wake up the baby. She’s sleeping upstairs.”

  No soda. No noise. Poor Emery, Philip thought.

  “Want to call Tommy and Kevin and tell them to come over? You could teach them chess, too.”

  “My mother says no friends over. You’re the first one she’s let me have over since my sister was born.”

  No soda. No noise. No friends. Philip shook his head. “Why no friends? Tell her we’ll be real quiet.”

  “It’s not the quiet. It’s the germs.”

  “Germs?”

  “My mother doesn’t want Amy to get sick from their germs.”

  “Yeah,” agreed Philip. “Tommy and Kevin are pretty germy.”

  “You, too,” said Emery.

  “I don’t have germs.”

  “My mother says everybody has germs, and germs can make babies sick.”

  “My germs never made me sick. My germs never made you sick, and we sit together in school.”

  Emery shrugged. “My mother said.”

  Emery’s mother sure had some funny ideas, Philip thought. “Oh, well. Let’s play chess.”

  Emery got the board and set up the chessmen. He was just about to explain the pawn to Philip when his mother called from upstairs.

  “Emery, would you bring me up a diaper, please?”

  Emery ran to get the diaper and carried it upstairs. When he came downstairs, he was wrinkling his nose and dusting off his hands.

  “What are you doing that for?” Philip asked.

  “I had to take the dirty diaper to the trash.”

  “Dirty? Why do you use dirty diapers? Why don’t you just use clean ones?”

  “They start clean, but then the baby goes to the bathroom in them.”

  “You mean you carried a diaper with...”

  “My mother makes me do it,” Emery said glumly. “She says it will make me feel closer to the baby.”

  Philip sniffed. “You smell like you’ve been closer to the baby.”

  “I don’t like it, you know. No fun. No fun at all.”

  The more Philip thought of it the more his nose wrinkled in disgust.

  “Will you stop that with your nose?” said Emery. “Let’s just play chess.”

  “Did you play chess yesterday or the day before?”

  “I played with my dad last night. Why?”

  Philip thought a moment then said, “You touched the chessmen with your diaper hands.”

  “So?”

  “I’m not going to touch them.”

  “Don’t be stupid,” Emery said.

  Just then Emery’s father called from the basement, so Emery went downstairs to see what he wanted.

  As Philip was sitting checking the chessmen to see whether they were clean or diapery, Emery’s mother called. “Emery, bring me another diaper, sweetheart.”

  Philip looked around. “Emery went downstairs, Mrs.
Wyatt.”

  “Then would you bring me a diaper, Philip? They’re in a box next to the kitchen table.”

  Philip’s eyes widened. Diapers were not for him. “I think I have to go home, Mrs. Wyatt.”

  “Bring me a diaper first, Philip, please.”

  Philip ran to the head of the stairs that led to the basement. “Emery,” he called. But the basement was quiet.

  “Hurry, Philip,” came Mrs. Wyatt’s voice from above.

  Philip knew he’d get into trouble if he just left and ran home. He didn’t need that. There was nothing to do but grab the diaper and go upstairs. At least it would be a clean diaper he was carrying.

  “Here, Mrs. Wyatt,” said Philip. He watched her change the baby. She took the used diaper, closed it up and looked for a place to put it.

  “Philip,” she said.

  Philip felt goose bumps pop from his flesh.

  “Would you help me out, please, and put this in the trashcan in the bathroom?” And she handed the diaper to him.

  Philip took the plastic diaper with two fingers and squeezed his nose shut with his other hand. He ran down the hall but decided to slow down and be careful. If he dropped the diaper and it spilled, Mrs. Wyatt might make him clean it up. He could never do that without throwing up. And then she’d probably make him clean that up, too. He found the trashcan and lifted the top. The smell was horrible. He dumped the diaper in and ran downstairs where he could breathe again. He sucked in mighty breaths.

  He was mad at Emery now. Where did he go? If Emery had stayed with him, he never would have had to touch that stinky diaper. Philip spied the chessboard neatly arranged with chess pieces. Dirty, diapery, stinky chess pieces. He swung his foot at it and knocked the pieces all over the living room floor. That would show Emery. And with that, Philip went home.

  Two

  Philip rushed through his own front door and dashed straight into the kitchen, right to the sink. His mother was busy fixing dinner.

  “What are you doing, Philip?”

  “Washing my hands.”

  “But that’s my dishwashing soap. Philip, not so much. Since when did you start washing your hands before dinner without being told?”

  Philip wanted to say, Since I started holding stinky diapers. But he only shrugged. He dried his hands on the towel that hung from the refrigerator handle.

  “Don’t go far, Philip. Dinner is almost ready.”

  “I won’t,” Philip said as he left the kitchen. On his way upstairs he reached the fourth step and stopped. There were flowers in the living room. A lot of flowers. Philip backed down to investigate. One, two, three, four. Four bunches of flowers sitting in tall bottles full of water. Red, yellow, white, blue. Philip went back into the kitchen.

  “Mommy, why are there so many flowers in the living room?”

  “Daddy and I have a surprise for you tonight.”

  “Flowers are for girls. How about a candy surprise?”

  “Philip, the flowers are not the surprise. They just set the scene. They add atmosphere.”

  Set the scene? Add atmosphere? What was his mother talking about? He left the kitchen. Something funny was going on. Philip went upstairs to the bathroom to wash his hands again. He wanted to be sure that all of the stinky diaper was off of them.

  Then he went to his room. That was where he kept his candy, hidden in a shoebox in a special hiding place way in the back of his closet. His mother knew about the shoebox, but she didn’t know where he kept it. At least she said she didn’t know. He had made her promise that she would never ever look inside his shoebox even if she found it. It was his most private place in the world. But the only thing Philip kept in his shoebox was candy, and there were three candy bars there today. He would eat them all before dinner. He’d seen what his mother was cooking. Pork chops. Philip didn’t like pork chops. He liked candy.

  As he munched a Nestles’ Krackle, he thought of Emery. Emery used to be fun, used to be his best friend. Now he was boring. They couldn’t do anything in his house.

  Because of the baby. The stupid baby. Philip was glad he was the only child his parents had. There was no one to bother him.

  Philip heard a car outside. His father was home. Now he would learn what the surprise was. The door downstairs banged. Philip ran to the top of the stairs to listen.

  “Is all of this for Philip?” he heard his father say.

  “I think it’s nice,” his mother answered.

  “Oh, it is,” his father agreed. “But for Philip?”

  Philip wiped his chocolatey fingers on his pants and went back inside his bedroom. He put the other two candy bars back inside his shoebox. He’d eat them later. It was time to see what his surprise was. Maybe it was something he could play with. He bounced down the stairs, smiling. When he reached bottom, he stopped. His mother and father were kissing. Yecch! Then they saw Philip.

  “Come here, Flip Flip,” his father called to him.

  Philip ran and got a hug.

  “We have a surprise for you.”

  “Can I see it, Daddy?”

  His father laughed. “You’ll have to wait until September to see it, Flipper.”

  Hmmm, thought Philip. It sounded like a riddle. This was May. September was when school started again. That was a long way off.

  “You tell him,” his mother said to his father.

  “Flip Flip. Good news. In early September we are going to get another member in our family.”

  Philip thought a moment, then asked slowly. “Are you getting me a dog?”

  His parents laughed. Philip didn’t laugh. He was beginning to get the picture.

  “It will be even better than a dog,” his father said. “Mommy is going to have a baby. You’re going to have a baby brother or sister. Isn’t that great?”

  Philip screamed, turned, and ran upstairs to his room.

  Three

  Philip was lying on his bed face down a few evenings later when he heard his father’s car pulling into the driveway. He felt terrible. Mommy and Daddy were mad at him. His teacher was unhappy with him and had sent a note home about him. Emery still wouldn’t talk to him because of the chess pieces he’d kicked over. A new baby was coming, and he couldn’t understand why. Maybe his mother and father always wanted a girl instead of him. Maybe when he was born they were disappointed he was a boy. Or maybe they were tired of scolding him so much they wanted someone better than him. Or maybe they just didn’t like him anymore. He wished he could do something about this. But what could he do?

  Nothing.

  Just be miserable.

  There was a knock on his bedroom door, and his father walked in.

  “Philip, Mommy and I visited school at lunchtime today. You don’t seem any happier there lately than you are here. Is it because of the new baby?”

  “No.”

  “The teacher said you took a bottle of germs to school for show and tell. Do you still have the bottle?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t see it. Is it in your shoe box?”

  Philip nodded.

  “What are you going to do with those germs?”

  “They’re for the baby,” Philip grumbled softly.

  “You’re saving them to hurt the new baby?” Philip’s father asked in surprise.

  Philip didn’t answer.

  “The new baby didn’t do anything to hurt you. I don’t think the baby will ever do anything to hurt you. You will be the older brother. The baby will love you, Philip. Love you a lot.”

  “I don’t want to be a brother.”

  “I see. Well, don’t get angry before you have to, Flipper. Nothing happened yet to make you so angry, did it?”

  Yes, it did, Philip wanted to say. You and Mommy want somebody else. But he didn’t answer.

  “Think about it, Philip. We’ll talk later. A little at a time. There’s no hurry.”

  Philip said nothing.

  “Come down for dinner in a while. You can go out to play after dinner. Ma
ybe that will make you feel better. And think things over. It won’t be as bad as you imagine.”

  Philip didn’t believe that at all.

  ~ * ~

  The long days of May passed, then the longer days of June and, finally, school ended.

  A lonely summer vacation began for Philip. Not one thing happened to make him feel better. Instead only bad things happened.

  He played baseball with the older boys, missed a fly ball, and then struck out with the bases loaded. Chinko, one of the older boys, teased him about it. Philip got angry and told him he smelled like a stinky diaper. Now he heard that the other boys were calling Chinko “Stinky” and that Chinko wanted to beat him up.

  Then he had stopped by at Mrs. Moriarty’s house. She was his favorite neighbor because she always had candy in dishes all over the house. She had a VCR and lots of tapes of cartoons, which she played when children visited her, and Philip often felt like watching some cartoons and eating some candy. But when he arrived on one particular day, who should be there but Emery’s little sister, Amy. Mrs. Moriarty was baby-sitting her.

  Philip got mad and left and hadn’t gone back since. And he hadn’t played with Emery once all summer.

  Finally, it was time for Philip’s family to go to the beach for their vacation. It was wonderful. He played on the beach, swam in the ocean, and went to the amusements at night. But all too quickly the vacation was over, and it was time to go home.

  Philip stayed in the house the first few days after his family returned from the beach. But then he heard some news that sent him out of the house as if his pants were on fire. His mother told him that Emery’s mother was going to have another baby. Poor Emery! Another baby in the house. Two babies. Philip ran all the way to Emery’s house and knocked on the door.

  “Philip! What do you want? Didn’t Chinko beat you up yet?”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t your friend before,” said Philip. He didn’t want to waste a minute. “My mother told me your news.”

  “Oh. Isn’t it terrible?” Emery came outside and shut the door behind. “My mother takes a nap now every time Amy does. I’m afraid to move around. No fun. Right?”

  “Come on over to my house. We can play out back and make all the noise we want. Emery,” said Philip as they walked down the street. “We have to be best friends. We both have babies coming.”