by Bonnie Dee
I went to the bedroom Gulliver and Haynes were using and tried to open the door, but it was locked. I tapped with my knuckles and called, “Guys, what’s up?”
The mutter of voices stopped, but the barking continued, and the sound of scratching came from the other side of the door.
“Have you got the dog in there? Open up.” I tried to sound as if I expected to be obeyed but was sort of surprised when it worked.
The door opened, and Baby rushed into the hall, barking and leaping up against my legs. I crouched awkwardly and tried to pick her up, but she slipped through my hands and ran toward the stairs, probably heading toward Anna’s voice. If I were a little faster, I might have intercepted her, but now she was Anna’s problem.
Haynes stood in front of me, his eyes big and round. Gulliver came up behind him, skulking like he had after nailing his brother with a snowball that morning.
“You know Baby’s not supposed to be in the house,” I said sternly as I grasped the door frame and hauled myself upright. Then I caught a glimpse of the room behind them. “Oh hell.”
In the brief time the dog had been in the bedroom, she’d managed to chew up a pillow or two. Stuffing had settled in small white drifts around the room.
“What happened here?” I asked. “Pillow fight?”
“We were just messing around, but she wouldn’t let go. She wanted to play tug-o-war. We couldn’t stop her.” Gulliver folded his arms and scowled, making me want to pop the little brat.
“With your aunt’s pillow and what else?” I walked into the room, searching for any other items Baby might have destroyed. I snapped my fingers at Gulliver. “Go catch the dog. Now!”
He met my gaze for a second, then did as he was told. I heard his footsteps on the stairs, followed by distant exclamations of surprise. Baby must have erupted into the dining room.
I noticed the dog had also chewed a hole in the spread covering the bed. More stuffing oozed out of the tear. “Well, shit,” I muttered.
Haynes lurked nearby. His eyes were shiny, and his bottom lip quivered. At least he reacted like a kid who knew he’d been naughty and deserved punishment.
“Why don’t you help me clean up?” I said as I picked up the pillow.
He nodded and started collecting fluff from the floor. “She pee-peed too.” Haynes pointed to a small stain on the ornamental rug that covered most of the hardwood floor.
“Great. Of course she did.” Right then I wasn’t loving our dog.
Anna’s dog. Not really mine any more than the apartment was. Of course, I’d always known the power balance between us was weighted in Anna’s favor. She had more to sacrifice by being involved with me. I had everything to gain by being with her. I’d learned to accept it and not feel too weird about it. But just then I was really wondering if our relationship was strong enough to overcome that difference. In the long run, would Anna start to resent me?
Glum thoughts clouded my mind as I straightened the room and discovered a chewed corner of the rug as well. No wonder Jackie hated the idea of pets in her house. I was tired, sore, annoyed with Baby, and upset with Anna. At the best of times, I had some trouble controlling my emotions, so it was no surprise I sort of snapped when Anna came into the room.
“I put Baby in her crate,” she said. “How bad is it? Gulliver said she made a mess.”
“A little chewing. A little peeing. You’ll want to get some spot remover for the carpet.” I plunked the damaged pillow back on the bed and threw the wad of stuffing into a wastebasket. “I’ll go take the dog for a walk.” I started to stride past Anna.
She put out a hand to stop me. “You were just out there for over an hour. She’ll be okay.”
“I want to walk the dog. I need to get out of here for a while.” I felt a tic flutter under my left eye and realized I was just barely hanging on to my temper.
“Wait. Are you mad? I’m sorry about how that came out at dinner. I was talking to my mom earlier, and it just slipped out. I know I should have spoken with you first. It was a weird, wrong way for me to accept your proposal.”
I shrugged off her hand on my arm. “Do you even want to get engaged, or was it in the heat of the moment? I don’t want to be some tool you use to get back at your mom for whatever issues you have with her.”
“No! It’s not like that. Jason…” She tried to take my hand, but I pulled away again.
“You told your mom, and what did she say? That you’re making the biggest mistake of your life?” The head of steam driving my anger was rising. I needed to breathe some fresh air before I blew a gasket. “I can’t talk about this right now. I need to take a walk. Just let me go. And don’t worry. I won’t get lost this time.”
I hurried down the hall and the stairs, half expecting Anna to come after me.
But she did as I asked and let me go.
Chapter Seven
Anna
As I watched Jason march stiffly away from me, a weight constricted my chest until I could hardly breathe. I’d screwed up, and I’d hurt him. The bitter memory of how much I’d ached for him when he vanished from my life last time broke over me. I wouldn’t lose him again because of some stupid misunderstanding.
I longed to rush after him and continue to try to explain myself. But I’d been around Jason long enough to recognize when he wanted to be alone to pull himself together. Right now, he needed space, and I had to clean Baby’s urine from my mom’s carpet. Later we’d talk and sort everything out.
Haynes was still standing there, hands full of fluff, staring at me. “Sorry,” he said in a tiny voice. “We just wanted to play with Baby.”
I smiled at him. “I know, honey. Why don’t you go down and see your mom? I think she wants to talk to you.” I took the stuffing from him, and he slowly made his way toward the door as if about to face a firing squad.
“Haynes, I don’t think you’re in too much trouble,” I said.
He gave me a little smile before scuttling out of the room.
I went downstairs to get cleaning supplies from the laundry and, in passing, heard Chloe reading the riot act to her two little scamps. I wasn’t a big fan of misbehaving kids but had to admit Haynes was kind of cute. Besides, smuggling a dog into the house was exactly the sort of thing I would have done as a kid. In fact, one time I had. I’d brought home a stray dog I knew my mom wouldn’t let me keep and managed to keep it hidden for part of a day before she discovered it.
I returned to the guest bedroom with the rags and laundry spray to find my mother sitting on the edge of the bed, piecing together the chewed spot in the quilt.
“I’m so sorry, Mom. I’ll pay for anything Baby ruined and have this carpet cleaned professionally if you’d like.”
She waved a hand, dismissing my offer. “It’s not your fault. Anyway, I purposely put an old spread on this bed because I know how little boys can ruin things. As for the carpet, a little spot cleaning should be fine.”
As I spritzed and scrubbed at the yellow stain on the rug, she came over to join me.
“Remember that little scruffy dog you brought home that one time?” She laughed.
“Yeah, I was just thinking of him. Or her. I never checked to see which. I was so mad when you got rid of her.”
“I remember. Ten years old and you were stubborn enough not to talk to me for almost two weeks.” She sat cross-legged nearby me. “You always knew exactly what you wanted and went for it.”
“I guess.” I stopped scrubbing and looked up at her. “Except, I was never really sure if I wanted to practice law, or if I just did it because it was expected.”
Mom clicked her tongue. “I don’t buy that. Not for a second. You wouldn’t have worked so hard and done so well if you didn’t want it.”
“Maybe.” I had to agree, since I’d come to accept I really was a good fit for my job and enjoyed it.
“You were always that way, even as a baby,” she went on. “Completely focused and furious at me if I stopped you from having what yo
u wanted—like that dog. I would have liked to allow you to have a pet, but I knew I’d be the one taking it to the vet and cleaning up after it, and I had enough trouble making space in my work schedule to spend at least a little time with you.”
“I would’ve done everything for that dog. You didn’t even give me a chance to prove it.” Anger from the past flared to burn in me once again. I swallowed it down. Stupid to fight about something that had happened so long ago. Why did I continue to let these incidents from the past rise up and piss me off all over again?
“Well, maybe you’re right.” Mom shocked me with her mild tone. “And maybe I was too controlling. It’s easy to see all my mistakes in hindsight.” She ran her hand over the nap of the carpet and sighed. “Easy to continue making the same mistakes too. I’m sorry I said negative things about your relationship with Jason. It’s your relationship, and it’s not my business. It certainly wasn’t my place to bring up your engagement in front of everyone before you were ready to announce it. I apologize.”
I froze with my finger on the trigger of the spray bottle. I couldn’t have been more shocked if she’d offered to pay for the wedding and have it at her house. Was this some sort of reverse psychology? Was she trying to thwart my desire to be with Jason by conceding to it?
And then, like some biblical miracle, a blinding light of clarity exploded in my brain. It didn’t matter. Whether she was being sincere or manipulating me really didn’t matter. I’d told myself hundreds of times that I should stop caring what my parents thought, that I should be an adult at last and only worry about doing what I thought was right for me. Yet I’d never truly felt it. Not deep down where it counted.
“If you believe Jason is enough for you, then I wish only the best for you.”
Another flash of enlightenment ripped through me, and I understood what a religious conversion must feel like. I suddenly “got it.”
“The question isn’t whether Jason is enough for me, but whether I’m enough for him. I’ve been considering our future together solely from my viewpoint. As if I’m some great prize. I can be moody and very stubborn—as you’ve pointed out, bossy, rigid, too analytical, and not all that kind.”
I paused for breath. My mom didn’t rush to deny my self-analysis.
“But Jason is nice. He’s got a wicked sense of humor sometimes, but he’s really sweet and caring and considerate of me. We fit together, and I’m honored he would ask me to spend my life with him. I know I’m not the easiest person to live with.”
“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Mom murmured and smiled at me.
I grinned back, my heart suddenly light and my mind absolutely decided. “Honestly, I have to thank you for forcing me to think hard, because now I know exactly what I want.”
She nodded, the smile lingering on her lips. “It could be very difficult, you know.”
“I know.”
She plucked at the loose fibers on the corner of the rug, which, apparently, Baby had chewed. “So, I have just one more piece of motherly advice to offer.”
“Lay it on me.” I could actually joke about it. Her ability to get under my skin had completely evaporated in an instant, and I felt liberated.
“Dig in and don’t give up. I know how tenacious you can be. When times get hard, and they will in any marriage, just work the problem. Do you think it’s been a breeze living with your father all these years? Or him being able to stand me? Why do you think he golfs all the time now that he’s retired?”
“This is supposed to be a pep talk?” I gave a last halfhearted spritz to the carpet and rubbed with the rag.
“My point is, the initial rush of hormones and hearts and flowers will fade over time, but that’s okay. You’ll find things to tie you together beyond sex or romance. There’s a deep comfort in sharing your life with someone—even when you drive each other crazy. In the end, you’ve got shared memories and a person who knows you like no other. Marriage is complicated but definitely worthwhile. If you believe you’re ready for it with Jason, you have my and your father’s blessing.”
“Thank you, Mom.” I set aside the cleaning things and leaned forward to hug her, my put-together, no-lint-on-her-slacks mother lounging on the floor with me for the first time in years.
After I drew away, she asked, “Where is Jason, anyway?”
“He took the dog out for another walk.”
“Blowing off steam,” she guessed with typical astuteness. “Patty’s questioning at dinner was a little intense, and it didn’t help that I outed your engagement.”
I almost told her the truth—I hadn’t given Jason my answer before I’d flung it at her like some sort of grenade, and that was the reason he’d stalked off into the night. But there was no point in stirring the pot.
I scrambled to my feet. “I’ve gotta go, Mom. Again, I’m sorry about the rug…and the spread and pillow. Baby doesn’t act that way at home. She was probably overexcited."
She rose too. “Really, don’t worry about it. This room was due for a redesign anyway. Those boys of Chloe’s are little hellions, at least the older one. Please, if you ever give me grandchildren, don’t have ones like that.”
Grandchildren. The idea of my mother acting like a cozy, cookie-baking grandma was inconceivable. For that matter, so was the idea of me being a mom. But that was a subject for the future. Right then, I needed to go find Jason and tell him how much I loved him and that I was truly ready to spend my life with him.
Outside it was cold enough to make my face tingle, but the earlier breeze had died and soft, fluffy snowflakes drifted lazily through the air. The snow squeaked underfoot as I trudged down my parents’ driveway to the street, the evergreen-trimmed faux gaslights on either side lighting my way.
I lifted my face to look up at the star-spangled sky and took a deep breath. It was Christmas Eve, a fact I’d nearly forgotten due to my single-minded focus on family tensions. I was visiting my parents with the man I loved, and there was no cause for anything but celebration about that. Now, if I could just get Jason to believe I was fully committed to us.
I turned onto the street and immediately spotted him about a block away on the sidewalk. He stood in a pool of streetlight, holding Baby’s leash while she snuffled around the edges of an evergreen tree shining with twinkle lights.
For a moment, I simply gazed at the familiar, beloved pair, both of them mine and right there within my reach. Then I hurried down the sidewalk, calling Jason’s name.
He looked up. He wasn’t wearing his knit cap, and snow settled on his dark hair like bits of lace. Hearing my voice, Baby abandoned the exciting scent of some small animal and lunged toward me.
I walked faster, trotted, and finally ran toward them, then came to an abrupt halt in front of Jason.
“Hi.” I was tongue-tied, unable to find the clever words I’d imagined saying to him. Instead, I threw my arms around him and hugged hard. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled into his wool coat.
I felt his arms come around me and hug me back. His mouth pressed against the top of my head.
“I’m sorry too,” he said. “I shouldn’t have been so upset.”
I pulled back and looked up into his wonderful, beloved face. A pale white scar etched over one cheek and thick black bangs fell across his magnetic eyes. God, it was those eyes that had drawn me in from the very beginning, that and his sense of humor, the way he’d teased me out of a hopeless mood.
“No. You had every right to be upset. I was wrong. I didn’t talk to you before I told my mom we were engaged, but don’t think for a second I was just using you to make a point. I wasn’t. I love you.”
I gripped the lapels of his coat, ready to shake him to make him believe me. “I needed time to think after you proposed. I wasn’t prepared for it. But now I know what I want. That is, if the offer’s still on the table.”
He frowned. “Maybe we’re rushing and it’s too soon to be thinking about marriage. Maybe we should table the ring thing and give it m
ore time.”
I reached up to cup his face between my icy fingers. Details of that moment still stick with me now—the scrape of stubble against my palms, the warmth of blood coursing just under his cold skin, the doubt in his eyes that I had to find a way to banish.
“Please, trust me. I want this, and I hope you do too.” I fished in my coat pocket for the little box that had caused so much trouble, took it out, and opened the lid. The diamond chip glinted under the streetlight as I dropped to one knee in the traditional pose.
“Jason Reitmiller, will you do me the honor of taking my hand in marriage?” I asked formally. Joking was how we rolled, but I wanted him to know I was serious, so I added sincerely, “Time seems to move so much faster than it used to. One day slides into the next, and I don’t want to be without you for even one of them.”
Jason smiled and took my hand to pull me to my feet. He held out his left hand, and I jammed the ring on his pinky finger. It only went as far as the knuckle. He held it up to the light and wiggled it a little. “You really like this one? The diamond’s pretty small.”
“I love this one. In fact, I think I want it back. Can I wear it now?” I offered him my hand, and Jason slipped the ring into its proper place.
He leaned to press cold lips against mine, and I threw my arms around his neck, clinging to him in the glow of colored lights and the beautiful winter weather. I thought I heard an angel chorus singing from above, but it was just Christmas music drifting from someone’s house.
After several deep kisses, Jason broke it off. He leaned back and looked into my eyes. “What about your parents? How did your mom react?”
I shrugged. “She’s adjusting to the idea, but, you know what? I’m finished trying to prove myself or measure up to her expectations. This is my life, and I know what I want from it.”
“Baby girl’s all grown up,” Jason cracked.
