Falling Into Infinity

by Layne Harper

  “Charlie, this has been the most enjoyable two hours in a car that I’ve spent. I look forward to the ride home. I don’t think that we need CDs yet,” he said with a jovial tone.

  I would like to say that I said something equally amazing back, but instead I just let out the breath that I didn’t know that I was holding.

  His frustrated scowl was back when I pulled up to the patient drop off area. He apologized at least ten times for asking me to get his crutches and help him out of my car. He really looked ridiculous folded into my tiny Honda. I told him to go up to the 34th floor, and I would be up shortly.

  After I left the Honda in its assigned spot, I took the elevator up to my dad’s practice. I checked in with Aunt/Step-Mom Carmen. Colin was already in an exam room. She sent me to monitor rehab patients who were using the rowing machines and treadmills.

  Forty-five minutes later, I heard him before I saw him. Poor Colin was a disaster on crutches. How could someone be so physically talented and yet look like Bambi on ice when you took his right foot away from him? I walked over and helped him get situated on a machine that worked his shoulders.

  “How did your appointment with my dad go?” I asked, expecting a flippant answer like fine.

  Instead, he said, “My ankle looks great. Your dad is very pleased with how it’s healing. I need to rub vitamin E on the scar to help diminish its appearance, but I’ve heard that chicks dig scars,” he said, winking at me. “He promised me that if I keep up the good work, I can lose these damn things in two more weeks,” he said, shooting his crutches a very dirty look.

  “Do you mind me asking how you hurt your ankle?” I asked him as I adjusted the tension on the machine.

  “I broke it in high school and it didn’t heal correctly. I spent the whole last season playing with a taped swollen ankle. Your dad said that I needed to have it fixed because it was only going to get worse,” he explained.

  “You know, Colin it happens more often than you think. You will not regret having the surgery and doing the rehab. I promise!” I said with a reassuring smile.

  “I already don’t regret it because I’ve met you,” he said as he flashed me his half smile.

  Why did my words fail me now? I didn’t know how to respond except with perhaps, “Would you like to go to lunch? You can do your rehab after.”

  We fell into a pattern over the next eleven weeks. I picked Colin up on Tuesday morning. I offered him my antiquated CD case. He refused to choose music and told me that we had not run out of conversation yet. He made obvious flirtatious statements. I ignored them or changed the subject. We didn’t talk during the rest of the week except for the obligatory text on Monday to confirm the pick-up time. I was so confused. He seemed to like me, but he showed no interest in me except on Tuesdays.

  Tuesdays became my favorite day of the week. Our conversation flowed nicely. We laughed at each other’s jokes, and we even had serious talks about my parents’ divorce and the pressures that he felt to play professional football. I came to think of him as a trusted friend. I spent many nights trying to fall asleep but instead lying awake wondering why he didn’t try to see me any other day of the week. I was so desperate that I even got on Google to see if he had a girlfriend that he had conveniently forgotten to mention. Nothing. If there was a College Station girlfriend, she had not made it to the Internet. I wondered why he hadn’t tried to kiss me. We seemed to have a great chemistry. I finally reasoned sometime in the early hours of the morning that I was obviously a friend to him and not a girlfriend. I talked myself into learning to live with it. I would rather be like his kid sister than not have him at all.

  When week twelve came around, I picked him up as usual for our last car trip to Houston. He had been off his crutches for eight weeks now and was in a walking boot. I knew that he was aching to drive. He said that he missed the ability to run, but he missed not being able to drive the most. I promised him that if he got a clean bill of health from my dad that he could drive us back to College Station. He looked like a kid in a candy store he was so happy.

  We had learned a lot about each other over the course of the last three months. He probably knew as much about me as Rachael did. He’d shared a lot about his family with me. He’s an only child with two adoring; still married parents (score one for them). He grew up and played football in a small town outside of Austin. His childhood couldn’t have been more fairy tale than if Disney had written it.

  As we got close to my dad’s office, Colin said, “So, as a celebration of my soon to be release from medical captivity, I would like to take you out to dinner. I am not familiar with Houston so pick a nice restaurant, and we’ll stop on our way out of town.”

  “That sounds great Colin. You’ve worked really hard. You deserve to celebrate,” I said.

  My mind started racing. Was this a date celebration or just a celebration? I was wearing scrubs. I couldn’t go anywhere too nice. Did I want this to be a date? No and yes. I couldn’t date him. I couldn’t have a boyfriend until I graduated from medical school. I knew that it wouldn’t last. Exhibit A: My parents.

  But, I liked him. I liked the person that he was. I realized that even if he was a math major, that I would still like him. Also, if I really admitted it to myself, my ego was a little bruised that he hadn’t tried to kiss me.

  Sure enough, Colin got his release papers. Apparently, my dad lectured him up one side and down the other about not going crazy, but I don’t think Colin heard him. I understood. I tended to tune my dad out when he lectured me.

  I was helping a patient get adjusted with the right settings on a treadmill when all of a sudden I was lifted off the ground and twirled around in the air. “Guess what, Charlie!” He laughed. “I got my walking papers.”

  He was so light hearted and fun. I hadn’t realized just how depressed the surgery had made him. The sparkle in his eye that I hadn’t known was missing was back and he flashed me a half smile that had been absent. “Give me your car keys. I’m going for a drive!”

  How could I resist? I walked to my locker and handed him my car keys. “I’ll be back to pick you up in two hours. Don’t stand me up,” he said with a wink.

  The next two hours dragged by painfully slow. Finally, my shift was over. When I walked over to get my purse, I noticed a clothing bag hanging on the outside of my locker. I thought someone had made a mistake. Just as I was about to bring it to Carmen, Colin appeared.

  “I bought you something to wear for our celebration dinner. I hope it fits. Carmen said that you wear a size 4,” he said with a hint of nervousness in his voice. His pleading eyes told me that I needed to accept whatever he had purchased and play along no matter what the dress looked like. I didn’t want to rain on his parade.

  “Thank you. I’m sure that it’s lovely. Give me a minute to change,” I said as I walked into the female locker room expecting to find something hideous inside the plastic. I slipped the dress out of the bag and it took my breath away. It was a lavender wrap dress that did wonders for my natural curves. Also in the bag was a pair of silver ballet flats that fit like a charm. I made a mental note to thank Carmen for helping him. I quickly ran a brush through my hair and pinched my cheeks. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “Congrats Caroline. You got what you wanted. Remember: don’t fall in love until after medical school.”

  I walked out of the locker room and he gave me a low whistle. “Turn around for me Charlie. I want to see all of you.”

  I did as I was told.

  “That looks even prettier on you than I had imagined,” he said in a deep voice.

  Either I’m imagining things, I thought, or he might be in to me.

  He led me to the car without so much as a limp. He opened the Honda’s passenger door for me and offered me his hand while I sat down. He shut my door and walked over to the driver’s side.

  “Can I just tell you how much I have missed driving,” he said with his half smile matching the twinkle in his eye.

  I sa
t back and let the only other man who had ever driven my car besides my father chauffer me to dinner. Apparently, Carmen had helped Colin choose a restaurant. We went to one of my favorites, Mi Luna in Rice Village. Once again, Colin opened my car door for me.

  As we walked toward the restaurant, he reached down and took my hand squeezing it gently. I felt a small jolt of electricity flow between us. I gasped.

  He looked at me in surprise. Did he feel it too, or is he concerned that I gasped?

  I had always thought of myself as a feminist, but I really liked how he took charge and seemed so careful with me. It made me feel important to him.

  Once we were seated, he leaned in close to me over the table and said, “Everyone is looking at how gorgeous you are. I’m just glad that you’re here with me or I would be jealous of the guy with you. What’s good here?”

  I thought No Colin. They aren’t checking me out. They are wondering who the girl is with the man that is so beautiful that he looks like a mission statement.

  Instead, I said, “Thank you. I really love the dress. You have great taste.” Then I changed the subject. “I like the cheese plate and steak with saffron rice.”

  I purposely avoided wine with dinner for two reasons. One, I didn’t want to drink too much and do something with Colin that I might regret. Two, I was afraid that I might have to drive if his ankle started bothering him.

  Neither happened… I dropped Colin off at his private dorm without so much as a kiss goodbye or promise of anything more. Our conversation on the way back to College Station was nothing more than friendly banter. I watched him walk into his dorm like the would-be doctor that I was, and he did great. His gait was very strong. He was going to be just fine.

  After I pulled away from his dorm, I decided to rid my life of Colin McKinney. No more Tuesdays with him. I could now just wash my hair and put it in a twist. I didn’t have to worry about what scrubs I was wearing. My life was going back to the simple and uncomplicated way it was before. I deleted his number from my phone and washed my hands of Colin McKinney.

  I chalked this experience up to a big reminder as to why I shouldn’t get close to guys. I would worry about boys after I graduated from medical school.

  By Sunday, I was a bit depressed. He hadn’t called. Not that he had given me any reason to think that he might. I guess there was a small part of me that had hoped that he would text or call. Maybe I got what I wished for. Maybe I should have flirted more with him.

  Rachael decided to cheer me up. She persuaded me to go country dancing at Hurricane Harry’s. She knew how much I loved to dance, and I am damn good if I can brag on myself. I put on my cute blue jean skirt with the frayed hemline, cowgirl boots that were worn but not gross and a white sleeveless button up blouse. I had gotten a little sun during an afternoon run so I didn’t need makeup except for mascara and lip-gloss.

  Rachael had on her tightest jeans. The two of us really made a stunning pair.

  “Charlie, let’s go find us some cowboys,” she said.

  We paid our cover and made our way to the bar. I bought the first round using my fake ID and carefully carried our beers to the table. The place was just starting to get busy. There were a few people dancing but no one that particularly caught my eye.

  We were on our third round of beers, when suddenly Rachael’s eyes grew as wide as saucers. “Charlie, you will never believe who just walked in.”

  I looked around and spotted him. Colin.Fucking.McKinney. Damn! He looked fine. His jeans were faded and seemed to have been painted on. I couldn’t help but notice that he had a bulge in his pants. My mind drifted to how big he must be to have that kind of bulge. I quickly coaxed my eyes up to his white, button up shirt. I noted that we matched both in our denim and white shirts. I wondered how nice I would look in that shirt tomorrow morning…“Shit!” I squealed. “Maybe he won’t see me. We can squeeze through the crowd and escape. Come on. Let’s go.”

  She reached out and grabbed my arm. “No. He’s spotted you and headed this way. Put your big girl panties on and get this boy out of your system,” she ordered.

  I let out a huge breath of air when his arm wrapped around my shoulders. “Long time. No speak, Charlie. Is your phone broken?”

  “What do you mean, Colin? I never said that I would call you,” I said, confused and a little offended.

  “Ah… But you never said that you wouldn’t,” he countered arrogantly. “Let’s see,” he said as he grabbed my phone. “I bet my phone number has already been deleted.” I had never seen this side of Colin before. He was cocky and a little mean. I only knew sweet Colin who held doors open for me and talking about his family.

  Damn! He knows me so well, I thought.

  I just sat there and let him scroll through my contacts. “Yup! I’m pretty sure that my name should be right here. Charlie, I’m hurt that my number has already been deleted. I’ll add it back for you.” He banged a little too hard on my phone’s keyboard for my taste.

  Rachael looked at me like, “Say something you idiot.” I sat there stunned. For the first time in my life I was in uncharted waters.

  Colin kept right on. “Now, I think that you should dance with me as your way of apologizing for not calling me and deleting my number.”

  Before I knew it, he was holding my hand and dragging me to the dance floor. Someone tried to get his attention, but he waved them off. I’m sure that I looked like a deer caught in headlights. Overwhelmed didn’t come close to describing how I felt. Colin McKinney was a man on a mission. That mission seemed to be dancing with me.

  He left me standing in the middle of the dance floor while he walked over to the DJ to request a song. I was slightly surprised when he walked back to me. For just a split second it looked like that he might leave me standing there. There was no one else dancing yet so all eyes were on us.

  The perfect two stepping song began to play, and Colin put his arm around my waist. He then positioned my arm around him. I realized quickly that he thought that I had never danced before. What I had neglected to tell him during the hours that we drove back and forth from College Station was that I had been country dancing since I could walk. It was the one activity that all my sisters were good at and could do without fighting. I let him try to teach me how to dance. It was cute. About half way through the song, he leaned in and said, “This isn’t your first time to two step is it?”

  I shook my head no, and gave him a big smile.

  “Alright then, show me what you can do,” he whispered in my ear grabbing me around my back a little tighter.

  He started twirling me around the floor. I kept up with him and enjoyed the huge smile on his face immensely.

  When the song was over, he leaned me back in a very deep dip. For half a second, I thought that he was going to kiss me, but at the last minute he seemed to change his mind.

  He looked at me and shook his head in confusion “Is there anything that you can’t do well, Charlie?”

  I just smiled at him. “I am not a very good singer.”

  The next song began to play. It was fast and made for jitterbugging. Colin swung me around his back, threw me up in the air and in between his legs. People actually stopped drinking and visiting to watch us. I’m sure they thought that we had been dancing together like this for years. When the song was over, we got a standing ovation from a group of about thirty people.

  I noticed that Rachael had joined the group and was standing next to a cute guy with very dark hair and skin. They looked like the yin and yang.

  “Charlie, I would like to introduce you to my friends. Come with me,” he said barely out of breath. He grabbed my hand. The spark was back again and jumped between us. He looked at me with big green eyes. “Did you feel it?” I nodded my head yes.

  “Then why did you delete my number?” he whispered in dismay.

  Before I could answer, the yang handed me a fresh beer.

  “Charlie, this is my best friend from high school, Aiden,” Colin said, ges
turing toward Yang. “I see he has already met your roommate. Rachael is it?”

  Before I could speak, I was bombarded by a feisty, tiny girl with crazy, beautiful, naturally curly hair. “Hi! I’m Jennifer. I’ve heard so much about you. Colin is my fiancé’s best friend. We’ve been dying to meet the girl that fucked with his head so much. Who knew that you would be here? It’s really nice to see. Hey! Can I buy you drink? The way you were dancing, you must be thirsty.”

  I’m not sure that she stopped to breathe at all. I wondered what “fucked with his head” meant?

  “I, um, I’m Charlie,” was the best that I could mumble out. I took an extra-long swig of my beer and shot pleading eyes at Rachael to help me.

  I felt two very large hands grip my shoulders. I looked up and saw Colin standing behind me.

  “Charlie, don’t let Jennifer intimidate you. She is Quinn’s fiancée and always in everyone’s business, but that’s why we love her,” Colin said to Jennifer.

  Jennifer playfully hit Colin and gave him a pouty face. The guy who I assumed was Quinn gave Jennifer a kiss on the check. “She can’t help it. She feels like she has to take care of the boys.”

  Before I knew it, my empty beer was being replaced with a full one. I noticed that Colin only drank water. A fleeting thought passed through my head, but my foggy brain wasn’t able to grasp it.

  Jennifer filled Rachael and me in on everyone’s business while Colin was pulled away by another group to talk football. He was still right by my side just slightly turned away from me. I learned that Quinn was a starting running back for A&M. Jennifer and Quinn were engaged and lived in a house in Bryan. Aiden had gone to high school with Colin and the three guys became best friends their freshman year at A&M.

  Aiden and Rachael seemed to be hitting it off. He was quiet and sweet. I liked him immediately. Apparently, so did she.

  After countless beers, I started to feel sleepy, but I obviously couldn’t drive home.

  Colin had not left my side all night. It felt like he was staking his claim on me, but he hadn’t done more than hold my hand or touch my shoulders.