Mike Befeler Paul Jacobson Geezer-lit Mystery Series E-Book Box Set: Retirement Homes Are Murder, Living with Your Kids Is Murder, Senior Moments Are Murder, Cruising in Your Eighties Is Murder

by Mike Befeler

  “Not for long. Norbert Grudion will work his magic with the Mounties, and I’ll soon be riding away. Maybe you have some insight into something else I’ve been wondering about. Mrs. Hargrave was looking for a long-lost niece from Latvia. The manifest indicated that Inese Zarins was the only staff member from Latvia. Did you ever run across anyone else on the ship from Latvia?”

  Erik gave a derisive laugh. “People in the cruise line know so little of what goes on, but the workers find out a great deal. I discovered one other person originally from Latvia.” He paused as if waiting for me to respond.

  I held my tongue.

  “Okay, if you must know, there’s a maid named Anita.”

  I thought back to my journal. “There was a woman of that name who turned down the bed in Ellen Hargrave’s cabin.”

  “That’s the one. There’s only one Anita onboard.”

  I chuckled. “Wouldn’t that be ironic? Ellen Hargrave has been searching all over for a long-lost niece. Maybe she was right under her nose all along. Still, she didn’t mention Anita as the name.”

  Erik stared at me. “People change their names.”

  Anyway, this could be something for Ellen to check on if she and I were released from jail before the ship sailed.

  I paced back and forth, looking at my watch periodically. I wondered if Grudion was having any success in securing our release. Finally, at ten-forty-five a policeman approached. He held a ring with a set of keys attached. He opened Julian’s door and escorted him away.

  “Hey, how about me?” I asked.

  “Be patient, old man,” the police officer replied. Then he and Julian disappeared.

  “They’ll probably keep you here with me,” Erik said. “You’ve caused so much trouble, they may not want to release you.”

  I kept examining my watch as the minutes before the ship sailed ticked by. At eleven o’clock the same cop reappeared and inserted a key in the lock to my cell. I had been sprung.

  I waved to Erik and headed down a hallway accompanied by my new best police buddy. He directed me to a meeting room and inside sat Julian, Ellen, Marion, Gina, Gary, Kimo and Haddie. Grudion stood speaking quietly to a police officer, outfitted in a dark blue uniform.

  Grudion turned as I entered. “Please take a seat, Mr. Jacobson.”

  I plunked down next to Marion. She grabbed my hand and held it tightly.

  Grudion cleared his throat. “A van is waiting outside to take us back to the ship.”

  Everyone clapped.

  “I’ve arranged for statements to be taken on the ship rather than holding everyone here overnight.”

  Another round of applause and Julian put his index fingers between his teeth and gave a sharp whistle.

  “I’ve assured the Victoria Police Department that everyone will cooperate in exchange for return passage to the ship.”

  All heads nodded.

  “Okay, we can leave now.”

  We stood and marched out to the parking lot. I sidled up to Ellen Hargrave as she waited at the curb, her cane balanced on the sidewalk.

  “I have some news for you, Ellen.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes. It turns out there is one other crew member from Latvia.”

  Her eyes opened wide. “Who is it?”

  “You’ve met her. The maid Anita.”

  A broad smile spread across Ellen’s face. “I like Anita. It would be wonderful if she were my niece.”

  “You’ll have to talk to her when we return to the ship and find out if she’s the one.”

  “Thank you so much for the information, Paul.”

  “All part of the service.”

  We clambered into the van. Once seated, I asked the police driver, “Are you going to give us a tour of the city on the way back?”

  Needless to say, all I received for my effort was a scowl.

  We reached our gleaming white ship and sauntered aboard as if we had just completed a normal visit to Butchart Gardens rather than the posies-from-hell tour.

  As we waited in the security line, Ellen Hargrave tapped her cane. “I want to invite everyone to join me for a late dinner at the Tappan Steak House.”

  “I don’t know if it will still be open,” Gary said.

  Ellen smiled. “Mr. Grudion was kind enough to call ahead to request a special seating.”

  As if on cue, my stomach growled. In all the excitement I hadn’t eaten since leaving the ship. When used to forced feedings every several hours on a cruise, you needed regular nourishment.

  Marion and I stopped by our cabin to freshen up and then joined the others for some feasting. Everyone showed up except for Grudion. I noticed an empty chair next to Ellen.

  “Are you saving that seat for Mr. Grudion?” I asked.

  “No. He has some duties to attend to. This is reserved for a special guest who will be joining us.”

  Chapter 24

  I wondered if Ellen had made arrangements for the Prime Minister of Canada or the Pope to join our celebration dinner.

  It all became clear when, shortly, a young woman arrived.

  Ellen tapped a water glass with her knife. “Everyone, this is Anita. Mr. Grudion arranged for her to join us so I could have a conversation with her.”

  As we ordered salads and various cuts of shipboard cow, Ellen and Anita engaged in an animated conversation, complete with laughter and arm waving and ending with a hug.

  Then Ellen again tapped her glass. “I have an important announcement to make. Anita Ozols, here, is my niece. We just verified that after she left Latvia, she moved to France, was briefly married and has retained her married name, also replacing her original first name of Ann with Anita. But her birth name was Hargrave.”

  We all raised our glasses in a toast.

  “And in particular I want to thank Paul Jacobson. Through his efforts we were reunited.”

  Now glasses were raised toward me.

  I almost blushed, except I had a mouthful of steak keeping me occupied.

  After swallowing, I leaned over to speak to Gina who was sitting on my left. “Aren’t you concerned that part of your inheritance is now going to someone else?”

  She smiled. “Not really. Aunt Ellen told Gary and me that after her little test, she would be setting up a trust fund for each of us. I don’t think we have to worry.”

  “That’s good,” I said. “Sounds like you’re happy now.”

  Everyone seemed in a jolly mood, having escaped jail and seeing Ellen reunited with her long-lost niece. The excitement of the moment prevailed.

  Then a thought occurred to me. “I have a question for Anita.”

  “Yes?” She looked at me seriously, like I was going to make her pass the bar examination.

  “If your birth name was Hargrave, why didn’t you ever make a comment to Ellen that you had a similar name?”

  “Oh, no. I wouldn’t have done that. We aren’t supposed to discuss personal matters with the passengers.”

  “In any case it all worked out right in the end,” I said.

  Over ice cream sundaes, Julian suddenly stood up. “I have an announcement to make. As some of you know, Paul Jacobson and I have had a few disagreements during the cruise. I accused him of stealing my wallet, but tonight when I returned after our adventure in Butchart Gardens, I found it wedged in the back of my closet. Apparently it had fallen there and I hadn’t noticed before. Then I got to thinking about passing out in the hot tub and realized that Paul actually saved me then. I got sick when he gave me a bottle of water, but I think it was something I ate earlier and not the water from Paul. He did mess up our performance during the talent show, but I now know that was an accident. After Paul saved my life a second time from that gun-toting criminal earlier tonight, I want to officially thank him.” He unfurled a shirt that read “Oldsters from Reno.” “I want to present this shirt to Paul so he can always remember our group.”

  “Won’t help, Julian,” I said. “My addled brain will forget it overnight.” />
  “Then, Marion, it’s your duty to remind Paul.”

  Marion hugged my right arm. “I’ll see that he doesn’t forget.”

  “Now, Paul. You’re welcome to come to Reno and visit us at any time.”

  Everyone cheered, and Julian leaned across the table to hand me the shirt.

  “I’ll wear this with honor. And if Marion ever kicks me out, I’ll come mooch off of you.”

  Just then Grudion appeared. “I hate to disrupt the festivities, but I need to obtain statements from each of you. This must be completed before we disembark in the morning. I know it’s late, but I will move through the proceedings as quickly as possible.”

  “I don’t mind,” Ellen said. “Anita and I have a lot to talk over. I’ll go last.”

  Grudion started with Kimo and Haddie.

  After they had given their statements to Grudion, they sat down with Marion and me while Grudion grilled Julian.

  “Good way fo’ end the cruise,” Kimo said with his huge grin once again lining his face.

  “I haven’t seen Kimo this happy all week,” Haddie said.

  “Thanks again for both of you helping out,” I said. “I hope this didn’t interfere with your evening plans.”

  “Hey, we saw most of the gardens,” Kimo replied, “and this was more better than sitting on the ship.”

  Marion and I were then engulfed by huge bear hugs, and then Kimo stepped back. “Next time you come to Hawaii, look us up.” He handed me a card. They gave each of us another hug and traipsed off.

  After checking to make sure I didn’t have any broken ribs, I looked at the card. It read: “Kimo and Haddie Kapala. Private investigators.”

  “Quite a couple,” Marion said.

  “I’ll say.” I shook my head. “If I had known their occupation I would have enlisted their services earlier in the cruise.”

  Then I had my chance with the grand inquisitor.

  Grudion and I sat at the far end of the dining room out of earshot of Ellen and Anita, who were still going strong. Marion had returned to our stateroom, and I had said I’d join her there.

  “Now, Mr. Jacobson. Please give me a full account of the evening’s activities, starting from the time you left the ship.”

  “Well, Marion and I took the bus. The first thing I noticed was a black limousine with tinted windows following us.”

  Grudion raised his eyebrows.

  “I saw the same limo when we stopped downtown and when we parked at Butchart Gardens. I thought it might be Zarins, but it turned out to be Ellen Hargrave.” I stopped to catch my breath.

  “Go on.”

  “In the gardens nothing unusual happened at first. Then Marion spotted Erik and I began to wonder about him. I did notice a float plane landing in the bay. That I later learned was Zarins and Valdis arriving. Marion and I moseyed into the Japanese garden and that was when all the havoc began. Because of my faulty assumption, Zarins went after Gina and Gary. Then Ellen arrived and explained her vanishing act.”

  “Elaborate please.”

  I told how she had staged her own disappearance.

  “That’s a pretty serious thing to do,” Grudion said.

  “You can cover that ground with Ellen. Anyway, she appeared in the garden and after her explanation, I knew that Gary and Gina hadn’t killed Inese. Then Julian blundered into our little gathering and almost got himself shot.”

  “I understand you saved his life.”

  I shrugged. “I just knocked the idiot over at the right time. By then I had concluded that Erik was the murderer.”

  “How’d you draw that conclusion?”

  “As I mentioned to you, we’d seen him earlier in the Sunken Garden. He’d taken a low profile after my first encounter with Zarins, which seemed suspicious. Someone would have to have gotten pretty close to Inese to stuff a hot stone down her throat. She trusted Erik, so he had means and opportunity. The motive was the remaining part. He explained that when he showed up. He and Valdis were plotting to take over Zarins’s operation.”

  I took a deep breath. “You should have seen the expression on Zarins’s face when he realized his two minions were shafting him. But you were there for that part of it. Finally, my bride resolved the situation with a little assist from the perfume spray. That’s it. Now I have a couple of questions for you.”

  “Yes?”

  “This thing with the counterfeit quarter. I still don’t understand that.”

  Grudion chuckled. “It was kind of absurd. They were made by a demented, minor low-life.”

  “A two-bit criminal,” I said, putting in my two-bits.

  Grudion grunted. “Yah, now do you want to hear this or not?”

  I raised my hands. “Okay, okay . . .”

  “I suspect that Zarins and Valdis stole a couple of bags and salted them around for the fun of it. The police found half a bag of the quarters in the float plane.”

  “What crime lords do for entertainment. What will happen now to Zarins, Valdis and Erik?”

  “I think the odds are good that they will all spend the rest of their lives in prison. Erik will be tried for Inese’s murder. Interpol is after both Zarins and Valdis, who have a list of crimes that would stretch across this room. It’s just that Zarins had too good a support structure in Latvia for anyone to reach him. Coming here was Zarins’s downfall.”

  “So Valdis and Erik’s plan to lure Zarins away and eliminate him might have worked.”

  “Yah, without the turn of events that might have been the case.”

  “Damn. You do good work, Grudion.”

  “Don’t give me that.”

  “In any case, I should now be off your short list of suspects for all the crimes committed on this cruise.”

  “That’s true.” He began numbering off with his fingers. “One. Mrs. Hargrave was pushed down the stairs during the lifeboat drill.”

  “An accident.”

  “Two, Mrs. Hargrave falling into the salmon fishery vat.”

  “Gary pushed me into her.”

  “Three, Mr. Armour’s stolen wallet.”

  “He later found it.”

  “Four, Mr. Armour unconscious in the hot tub.”

  “Drinking and hot tubs don’t mix.”

  “Five, Mrs. Hargrave passing out in her food.”

  “She accidentally switched pills with her friend.”

  “Six, the disappearance of Mrs. Hargrave.”

  “We both heard what she did.”

  “Seven, the kidnapping of your wife.”

  “Erik did that.”

  “Eight, the counterfeit quarter.”

  “Zarins and Valdis’s hobby.” I held up my hands. “I got it. So now I’m clean as new-fallen snow.”

  “Well there is the issue of being in an out-of-bounds area and harassing a bear at Mendenhall Glacier.”

  “Crapola. I forgot about that one.”

  “But I have a piece of good news for you,” Grudion said.

  “I won the lottery?”

  “The ranger filed no charges. I spoke on your behalf.”

  My mouth dropped open. “You actually took my side?”

  “Don’t look so surprised.”

  “Well, thanks. So I’m truly free now.”

  “Not exactly. There is still one crime to resolve.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes. Detective Bearhurst of the Seattle Police Department will be coming on board first thing in the morning to meet with you and me regarding the murder of the vagrant in Seattle the morning before we sailed.”

  I felt like a deflated balloon. “I had forgotten all about that. You don’t still think I committed that crime, do you?”

  Grudion eyed me. “At one time I thought you were responsible for all the incidents I mentioned. We’ll see what Detective Bearhurst has to say.”

  I shook my head. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

  “Cheer up. You’re free of all shipboard crimes.”

  “Lucky me.”
>
  So I still wasn’t a free man.

  Then another thought occurred to me. “What’s going to happen to Ellen Hargrave for staging a fake disappearance?”

  “That’s a serious matter. The cruise line spent a lot of time and money searching for her.”

  “I’m sure she’ll compensate you for that.”

  “That will certainly help. Then we’ll have to decide if we plan to press charges.”

  “Don’t do that,” I said. “She’s learned her lesson. Just make her pay up and leave it at that.”

  “Yah, I’m sure that’s what will be worked out. After all, she is a paying customer.”

  “And likely to bring a lot of follow-up business to the cruise line. Grudion, there’s one other thing. You have a hole in your security system.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

  I grinned at him. “You obviously didn’t enter an indication of Ellen Hargrave being missing in your system that checks passengers’ identification when they leave the ship. After hiding, she disembarked in Victoria, and no one stopped her to inquire.”

  He turned the color of his hair. “I’ll have to fix that.”

  “You do. And let me know if I can help you improve your security in any other ways.”

  I returned to the table where Ellen and Anita were yakking, and Grudion signaled for Ellen to join him.

  I plunked down and asked Anita, “How do you feel finding a long-lost relative?”

  “It is very surprising. I didn’t know I had an aunt in America. My contract on the cruise ship ends in two months, and then I’m going to visit Aunt Ellen.”

  “Any plans after that?”

  “No. I may stay in the United States for an extended time if I can work out the visa.”

  “I’m sure Ellen can help with that.”

  I stayed to kibitz with Anita until Ellen finished her inquisition and then said goodbye to both of them and headed back to my cabin.

  Marion was in bed reading when I entered. I should have been tired, but I was still too hyped-up from the adrenaline overdose during the evening’s festivities. I looked at my watch. “It’s three in the morning. Time sure passes fast when you’re having fun.”

  Marion put her book down and I noticed that it was a mystery and had a picture of a cruise ship on the cover.