“I know,” Jamie-Leigh admitted weakly. “But, I still can’t help thinking that I must have had something to do with it. Great relationships are hard, and it takes both parties to make them work. If I was everything he needed, surely he wouldn’t have looked elsewhere? Maybe I wasn’t there for him enough, once the girls came along?”
“Hmm. If you think your marriage broke down because he wanted you to stay home and bring up the girls, and you insisted on keeping your career, then you’re crazy!” Maddy’s eyebrows raised and her mouth dropped open. “Jamie-Leigh, he knew he was marrying a smart, brilliant woman from the start. He knew you wanted a career. If he couldn’t handle that, then he should have said something from the start. Waltzing off and jumping into bed with another woman isn’t the way to approach that issue.”
“But, I got that promotion, and it might have been…” Jamie-Leigh trailed off. Maddy was right. She and Hank had known each other for a lifetime. They had encouraged each other to follow their dreams. It was just one of the things that Jamie-Leigh had believed made their relationship different, stronger somehow. If he had suddenly felt he couldn’t compete either with her work, or with the girls, then there wasn’t much she could do about that, especially since he hadn’t ever said a word to her about it.
“No, don’t you think that. And, if it is that, then those are his insecurities and they’re not your problem,” Maddy said firmly. “Now, am I right in guessing that you took the day off just in case he didn’t show?”
Maddy nodded, and sniffed. She pulled out another tissue from the pack. “But, I’ll go in anyway. It’ll keep my mind off things.”
“No, you won’t. I’m going to take you to the spa, sweetie. I think you are in need of a good friend, and some you time.”
“I can’t afford that,” Jamie-Leigh said, “I’ve got the girls birthdays coming up, and they’ve both got school trips coming up. Though my salary is good, now that it’s just me to pay for things, there’s not much room for luxuries. But thank you for the offer. It’s very sweet.”
“Listen, Hank may be many things, but he is not the type to welch on taking care of his responsibilities financially, Jamie-Leigh, and you know it. Besides, this is my treat. I need a day of massage and facials and pampering and luxury and I want some company,” Maddy said in a tone that said she wouldn’t take no for an answer. “And anyway, I have a coupon.”
Jamie-Leigh grinned, and wiped the last of her tears away. “Okay. But, I’m not having that mad treatment with the bamboo sticks again. Just a nice, normal massage and a nice, normal facial for me, thanks.”
“You can be terribly unadventurous, you know,” Maddy teased.
“Accountant.” Jamie-Leigh raised her hand and pointed to herself. “We’re known for our dullness!” Both women laughed, and Jamie-Leigh turned the ignition.
Maybe a day at the spa with Maddy was exactly what the doctor ordered. She certainly hadn’t had much fun since Hank moved out.
4
The church was quiet. Hank took a seat, and waited for Pastor Joseph. He stared up at the cross above the altar. He wanted to feel the sense of peace and awe that had once filled him sitting here, but he just felt empty. He couldn’t help thinking that whatever he did would be pointless. Jamie-Leigh would never forgive him. Frustrated, he stood up and made his way down the aisle.
“Hank?” Pastor Joseph said, just as Hank had been about to turn the handle and leave the church. Hank turned to face him. “I’m glad to see you.”
“I was going to go,” Hank said sheepishly. “I guess I’m just a lost cause.”
“Nobody’s a lost cause. Even if you give up on yourself, God doesn’t give up, Hank. Now, shall we go and grab a coffee and you can tell me why you think you are beyond help.”
The pastor’s eyes twinkled, and Hank found himself grinning back at him. “Sure, what have I got to lose?” Hank said, following the pastor back through the church and into his cozy office.
“Sit down, Hank, I’ll be back in a moment,” Pastor Joseph said, indicating an over-stuffed armchair. Hank had always loved this room. Pastor Joseph’s desk was littered with papers, and piles of books. Every wall was lined with shelves, crammed tight with all manner of volumes – paperbacks to hand-tooled leather-bound antiques. There were two large armchairs set before a fireplace, and even more books piled up beside them both. Hank sat down, and let his big body sink into the comfortable upholstery.
“So, you want to try and re-discover your faith?” Pastor Joseph said as he reappeared with two steaming mugs of coffee on a tray. As he lowered the tray to the tiny table beside his own armchair, Hank could see he had also brought two large slices of cake as well. The pastor handed him a plate and fork. Hank took it, but didn’t take a bite. He balanced it on the arm, and then took the coffee Pastor Joseph offered him.
“I do, or at least I need to find myself again,” he admitted.
“You’re carrying so much guilt. My heart goes out to you, but God will forgive you. If you ask Him, of course. Once you ask, then He’ll help you deal with the guilt. But, I get the impression you’re looking for more than God’s forgiveness.”
“You’re right. I want Jamie-Leigh to forgive me.”
“I didn’t mean Jamie-Leigh, Hank. I think she forgave you a long time ago. Don’t confuse forgiveness with acceptance. I think she struggles to understand why you did it.”
“As do I,” Hank said wryly. “If I knew that, maybe I would never have done it.”
“Maybe our chats will help you to find that out. But, I think that until you ask God to forgive you, you won’t be able to forgive yourself. Until then, you’re never going to believe that anybody else could. I think that should be our goal,” Pastor Joseph said sagely.
* * *
As he chopped onions for the Bolognese sauce at the station later that night, Hank let Pastor Joseph’s words filter through his mind. Forgiving himself seemed such an impossible task. He had broken the vows he and Jamie-Leigh had made before God, and he had crushed the woman he loved. She seemed so nervous and unsure of herself these days, as if all her confidence had gone. Her belief in herself had been one of the many things he’d adored about her.
Despite being a bit bookish and obsessed with math, she had been comfortable in her skin. People who might have mocked her in school had found themselves aching to get her approval, him included. He’d been on the football team, and she’d hung out with the cheerleaders, but wasn’t one. They’d made an odd couple, he’d never been close to as bright as her, but she seemed to see something in him that nobody else did.
Having added the onions to the pan, Hank stood back a little as they hissed and spat, turning them gently before he added the carrot and celery and let them soften. He was reaching for the bowl of browned ground beef when the alarm bells began ringing. He turned off the heat, and hurried to the muster. He could feel his cell vibrating in his pocket, but there was no time to answer it.
The rest of his crew was already there. They’d been cleaning and checking the equipment on the truck while he took his turn to prepare their meal. “Fire at Parmer Crossing – started in Harbor Freight,” Merv told them as they hauled on their protective gear. “The medics are on their way, at least two casualties.” Hank took the details from him and he and his team scrambled into the truck and raced towards the shopping center with their lights and sirens sounding.
When they reached the smoking edifice of Harbor Freight, Hank could see that the police had already managed to set up a cordon. Lots of people were milling around, looking shell-shocked, as paramedics hurried around checking on those who were hurt. Hank yelled out a few orders and felt a small frisson of pride as his crew began to methodically get the hoses attached, and an advance team suited up ready to go inside to recover those left trapped inside.
Hank directed his team as they fought the fire for the next four hours. They managed to rescue four more people, injured and feeling the worse for the intense smoke inhalation they had
suffered, but alive. The building was a complete loss and would need to be rebuilt. He slapped his colleagues on the back as they wearily clambered back into the fire truck. “Good work, guys,” he said and made to get into the driver’s seat.
“Hey, Greyson!” a voice called out to him. “I think there’s someone here you might want to see before you head out.”
Hank turned to see Sergeant Jimmy King hurrying towards him. He considered the plucky cop a good friend, and moved towards him. “Someone, or something?” Hank asked, with a grin. Jimmy gave him an odd look that Hank couldn’t quite make out.
“Someone,” Jimmy said, indicating with his head that Hank should follow him.
Hank did just that, suddenly remembering the call he’d ignored before the shout. He pulled his cell from his pocket, and saw that Jamie-Leigh had tried to call him ten times and had left fifteen texts, too. He clicked on the first message.
“Dang!” he exclaimed as he saw why Jamie-Leigh had been trying to call him. He flicked the screen and put the phone to his ear. “Hey, Jamie-Leigh,” he said when the call went to her messaging service. “Call me back. I’ve been at a scene, but I’ll get Merv to let me out early so I can come home and help you find Casey. Surely, she can’t have gone too far.”
He turned the corner, and was about to hang up the call, when he saw a parked squad car, its lights flashing. Perched on the edge of the rear passenger seat was his daughter, Casey. “Scratch that,” he added to his message. “I’ve got her here. I’ll bring her home right away.”
Casey was wrapped in a blanket and looked utterly lost, grimy tears pouring down her cheeks. Hank hurried forwards, tucking the cell phone back into his pocket, and pulled her against his body. She wrapped her arms around his waist and sobbed into his chest. “Case, what are you doing here?”
“She hasn’t said much, but I recognized her as one of yours, Hank,” Jimmy said patting Casey on the back.
“Can you send the guys back to the station for me, Jimmy?” The cop nodded and disappeared.
Hank stroked his daughter’s back with one hand and smoothing her long curls with the other. “Case? What’s going on?” he asked softly.
“I got the bus here,” she whispered. “I knew the station wasn’t far. I was going to come and see you, and then there was the fire and everything was crazy.”
“Oh, sweetheart, if you wanted to see me, you should have just called me. I’d come any time you need me.” He’d hoped his words would soothe her, but she only sobbed more loudly. “Come on. Let’s get you home to your Mom. She’ll be worried sick, I’m sure.”
“She deserves it,” Casey said, her little face petulant and her eyes flashing.
“No, she doesn’t,” Hank said firmly. “Your mom isn’t to blame for what’s gone on in our family. I’m the one in the wrong, and don’t you forget that.”
Casey could be stubborn, but she nodded and cuddled up even closer to Hank’s body. He held her tightly, and gave Jimmy a wry smile as the cop approached them again. “Do you think you might drop me back to the station so I can pick up my car?” Hank asked.
“Sure, hop in and buckle up,” Jimmy said, getting in to the front seat. “Least I can do.”
* * *
As they pulled up outside the house in Orchard Springs, Hank could see Jamie-Leigh sitting out on the porch, waiting for them. He got out of his SUV, and moved around to let Casey out of the back seat. “Be nice,” he warned his daughter as she got out of the car. Casey ran up to Jamie-Leigh and flung her arms around her mom’s waist. Hank nodded, and went to get back in the car.
“Hank, um, do you want to come in?” Jamie-Leigh called. He slammed the door and leaned against the vehicle.
“I… Do you want me to?” he asked.
She nodded. “I think the girls need to spend some time with you, don’t you?”
“I’d like that,” he admitted.
He’d barely gotten inside the house when Emily hurtled towards him, and clung to his leg. He had to walk the rest of the way in with her still attached as she seemed determined not to let him go. “Come on, my little limpet,” he said, affectionately rumpling her hair.
“Why don’t you show your Daddy the picture you brought home from school today, Em,” Jamie-Leigh said. “Case, can you come and help me make some tea?”
Casey nodded, and followed her mom into the kitchen. Hank knew that there would be a little bit more than making tea happening out there, and he hoped that Jamie-Leigh would go easy on Casey. But, he couldn’t, and wouldn’t, get in the way of how Jamie wanted to bring the girls up. They needed to know when they had done wrong, and he wouldn’t let them start playing them off against one another. He’d seen too many kids grow up spoiled and willful when divorced parents let them get the upper hand through guilt.
Jamie-Leigh came back into the living room a few minutes later, but there was no sign of Casey. “She’s gone up to take a shower,” Jamie explained, setting down a tray. “She’ll be down in a bit. I am so glad it was your truck that got called out. She’s really shaken up, still.”
“I know. She must have thought the world was falling down around her ears,” Hank said, taking a cup of tea and a cookie from the tray. He smiled as Emily brought him her picture. It was of him in all his firefighter’s gear, standing by his fire truck. “That’s quite incredible drawing Em,” he said proudly. “I look like a real hero.”
“You are a hero,” Jamie said quietly. Hank felt his cheeks flush with heat.
“I just do my job. That’s it.”
“It’s a job that most people couldn’t even imagine,” she said. “You have your failings, but you’ve never lacked courage.” She gave him a wan smile.
“I don’t know,” he said. “If I’d had more courage, maybe we’d still be together.”
“Maybe,” Jamie said sadly.
Casey bounced into the room, carrying a board game in her arms. “Can we play this, Mom?” she asked, showing her the box.
“Ah, the one game you own that takes all night and into tomorrow to complete,” she said, shaking her head, a resigned smile on her lovely lips. “Sure, why not?”
Hank watched his daughter set up the game, and allowed himself to be ushered to a particular seat at the table. He smiled as she allotted each of them their player tokens, and dictated the rules. He looked across the table at Jamie, and wondered if she was as comfortable with all of this as she looked. He knew there was nowhere else he’d rather be, but knew that his presence couldn’t be easy for her. She deserved so much better than the hand he had dealt her.
5
With the girls tucked up in bed, Jamie-Leigh sat in the kitchen with a cup of tea and a piece of pound cake. The evening had been strangely enjoyable, so much so that she had impulsively invited Hank to stay for supper. He’d agreed, and in too many ways it had felt like it used to. She had felt as though things were right, whole even, for the first time in a very long time.
Hank had seemed different. He had been so tight and tense, selfish and brittle in the final months before she told him to move out, but the Hank opposite her tonight had been the fun-loving joker she had fallen in love with.
She heard the creak of the third stair from the bottom. She took the last bite of her cake and looked up at Hank. He stood in the doorway. “Are you sure you want me to stay?”
“No, but it seems churlish to kick you out with an empty stomach,” Jamie-Leigh said with a smile. “Are they both okay?”
“I had to read Em three stories before she’d let me go and tuck Casey in,” Hank said, sitting down across from Jamie-Leigh at the table.
She paused, then turned narrowed eyes upon him. “Why was Case in Galveston?”
“She said she just wanted to come and see me. She’s so clever. She said she looked at which buses would get her closest to the fire station.”
“I fear she is too clever, sometimes. Imagine the trouble she could have gotten into,” Jamie said, putting her fingers to her lips, and shudder
ing at the images her mind was throwing up.
“She’s safe, Jamie,” Hank said softly. “She’s safe home, tucked up in bed. And she promised me she’ll never be so impulsive again.”
“But, she’s a kid. She’ll forget that kind of a promise in no time,” Jamie-Leigh said.
“I doubt it. I think this one really shook her up. I know it’s hard, but try not to worry about them so much.”
“Our eleven-year-old daughter took a bus from Orchard Springs into Galveston. Then she got off the bus to a raging fire that could have killed her, and you’re telling me not to worry so much?” Jamie said incredulously.
“Today was unusual, and she wasn’t in any real danger,” Hank tried to reassure her.
“Anything could have happened to her. You hear of kids being kidnapped, or abused, or worse all the time,” Jamie said, suddenly overwhelmed by the emotions that she had done her best to control from the moment she had discovered Casey was missing.
Hank rushed to her side, knocking the chair over in his haste to comfort her, but then stopped when he reached her, wringing his hands as he stood helplessly by her side. It was clear he didn’t know whether he was allowed to comfort her. What a situation they were in. How had it all come to this?
But, whatever else was happening in their lives, she needed him now, as the father of her children, and so she leaned into him, giving him the permission he needed. He put his strong arms around her, and caressed the back of her neck with his big hands. Jamie-Leigh sobbed, glad she was not alone.
“Jamie, it’s not your fault,” he said, kneeling down so he could hold her hands and look her in the eye.
“But, I shouldn’t have let her out of my sight. I knew she was having a tough day. She stormed in after school, face like thunder. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, and just ran up to her room. I thought I should leave her to work her way through it, and then go up in a while to see if she had calmed down enough to talk about it. But, when I went up her window was wide open, and she was gone.”
You Can Go Home (Christian Second Chance Romance) Page 3
