Tweenache in the Time of Hashtags

by Judy Balan

  ‘Shhhh.’ Dhruv put his finger on my lip. ‘I know. I KNOW her. And it’s not like I want her to grovel.’

  ‘Then what do you want?’ I said.

  ‘Nothing. I just … I’m just not in a forgiving mood right now, Nina, okay? I know what you’re saying and I agree with you that I should let it go. But I don’t want to.’ He said that with so much sincerity and matter-of-factness I just had to shut up. In my twelve years of dealing with people, I have never had logic used against me like this. I mean, what do you say to someone who is aware of all the facts but chooses not to act on them, and is aware of that too?

  ‘But what about the play?’ I said, clearly all out of arguments.

  ‘What about it?’

  ‘It’s in three months and it’s kind of a big deal! Don’t you guys have to rehearse together?’ I was hoping THAT might force a conversation.

  ‘Oh, we do rehearse together. At school.’

  ‘Uh … and?’

  ‘And it’s awkward, at times, downright painful, and we were even accused of bringing a strained energy to the sets but at the time, the director thought it worked in favour of the play.’ Once again, he said it with so much matter-of-factness I had nothing to counter it with.

  ‘Ohh-kay, then,’ I said.

  He grinned. ‘Just give me some time. I’m not making any promises of coming around, but right now, I need to withdraw. Okay?’

  ‘Okay.’ And that was that. ‘Hey, Dhruv?’ I said after he started to walk away.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘You can’t breathe a word to Nikki about this conversation. EVER.’

  ‘I’ll try.’ He winked and, with that, my proxy-crush disappeared into the library, possibly never to return to our lives again.

  20

  December Begins With a Bang!

  Posted by Nina on 2 December 2014 at 7.37 p.m.

  It’s December! The month I’ve been dreading and looking forward to in equal amounts for the following reasons:

  Ozzy’s wedding, where Mom is expected to fall apart in a very public sort of way and embarrass us all.

  Nikki and I came up with a sinister plan to get Ashwin Uncle to take Mom to the wedding in the hope of finally finding out just what it is they’re all hiding.

  Nikki’s play! My sister is going to be the star of a play watched by the whole city!

  And of course, the winner of the exchange programme will finally be announced and hopefully it will put me out of my misery one way or the other.

  That December Wedding

  Posted by Nina on 13 December 2014 at 12.43 a.m.

  ‘I’m really not sure about this,’ Ashwin Uncle said as we got ready to leave for the wedding. ‘Can’t you guys just go on your own?’

  ‘No,’ Nikki and I said in unison.

  ‘You guys look stunning, by the way,’ he said, adjusting his camera as Nikki and I shamelessly posed – as if for a fashion magazine – in our very elegant silk dresses. Ozzy was having a new-agey wedding replete with flowy dresses, wreaths and moonlight dancing. Mom was still busy prettying up. She was very particular about how she wanted to look tonight: ‘Like a poised Nicole Kidman upon hearing that her ridiculous ex-husband was marrying Katie Holmes, who was a CHILD.’ Yes, it was one of those situations where Mom sincerely believed that she was a movie star and people cared about her life.

  ‘Ahem,’ Mom said as she awkwardly stepped out of the room in a stunning yet understated steel-grey off-the-shoulder dress, and for a second, she really did look like she was all set for Oscar night. I have to say it in here: I have never seen my mom look that ravishing. I mean, for the first time, I saw her as just a strikingly good-looking woman and not Mom, you know?

  ‘Wow,’ Nikki and I said in unison while Ashwin Uncle preferred to respond by opening his mouth slightly and not making any sounds.

  ‘You look … you look …’ Nikki said.

  ‘Like you wandered out of a painting,’ I said.

  ‘Awwww, come here, you two.’ Mom hugged us both as Ashwin Uncle kept clicking away. ‘Well?’ Mom asked Ashwin Uncle.

  ‘You should … uh … let your hair down more. I mean, literally,’ Ashwin Uncle said, still hiding his face behind the camera.

  ‘Would you put that camera away and compliment me like you MEAN it?’ Mom barked like a total lady and Ashwin Uncle finally stood up, put the camera away and let us take a good look at him. He was wearing a blazer over his jeans (that’s as formal as he will go) and looking quite unlike his usual self. In a very good way, I thought.

  ‘Ooh, you look very dapper,’ Mom said, playfully tugging at his blazer.

  Nikki and I exchanged a look. It said, ‘Are you seeing what I’m seeing?’

  But I think Ashwin Uncle caught us seeing what we saw and decided to interrupt the tension in the room with, ‘All right, ladies, ready to go?’

  And with that, Cinderella and her entourage set off into Disaster Night.

  Okay, I’m really sleepy now and this is a long story. Will continue tomorrow. I’ll just say that a lot of things came to light tonight and I’m not sure how upset I am yet. Nikki says she doesn’t care and that she always knew grownups were ‘screwed up’.

  Disaster Night Continued

  Posted by Nina on 14 December 2014 at 11.01 a.m.

  Morning, world. I’m back to complete my story and get some clarity. I have this weird problem. I don’t know what I’m thinking till I write it all out. Anyway. After we reached the dance last evening in this twisted retelling of Cinderella, Nikki and I were busy exchanging amused looks about the obvious tension between Mom and Ashwin Uncle. And the more they tried to deny it – even to themselves – the more obvious it became. We weren’t complaining. We were thankful. It was as if the missing pieces of the puzzle were somehow coming together. I had met my father and let go of him on the same day, and my mom seemed to be getting close to my favourite person in the world. What’s not to like? Except, this is not Cinderella. This is MY story. How could it possibly not have a dramatic twist? But I’ll come back to that.

  Ozzy and his dog whisperer lady were living their own fairy tale: Beauty and the Beast. No, really. I’m not being mean and bitter. They really looked like that. But I was happy for them. It was the kind of night I could have been happy for anyone. I was getting what I wanted. I can’t say the same for Nikki, though. She was rolling her eyes at Ozzy the whole time and going, ‘Whatever.’

  It was all going spectacularly well – which, in itself, should have been a red flag, but for once, I wanted to believe that life could turn out like a fairy tale, I guess. It was a gorgeous outdoor wedding under a splendidly moonlit sky, and the four of us sat at the table watching the beautiful people dance.

  ‘Why don’t you guys go and dance?’ Nikki said to Mom and Ashwin Uncle. I think it weirded them out but we could tell they wanted to go. They just needed a little encouragement.

  ‘Yeah, go!’ I said. ‘Go, go, GO!’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Ashwin Uncle said and he turned to Mom. ‘You really think it’s a good idea for him to see me here?’

  ‘Yeah, I don’t know,’ Mom agreed.

  ‘Guys, seriously,’ Nikki said. ‘Look at them!’ She pointed at the newlyweds slow-dancing to some weird music and oblivious to the rest of the world. ‘At this point, they wouldn’t notice if we all took off our clothes, circled around them carrying torches and chanted like this was a nudist cult or something.’

  ‘Gross, Nikki! How do you come up with these creepy references?’ Mom said and Ashwin Uncle and I laughed. ‘But you know what? She’s right. He’s happy. I don’t see why we shouldn’t dance!’ And with that, she stood up and held out her hand to Ashwin Uncle.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Ashwin Uncle said. ‘This music doesn’t inspire me.’ He made a disapproving face.

  ‘Oh, come ON!’ Mom had to use force and Ashwin Uncle went along, rolling his eyes.

  As Cinderella and the Reluctant Prince joined Beauty and the Beast on the dance floor, N
ikki and I sat back with dessert and entertained ourselves with running commentary.

  ‘Ooh, look, I think she noticed Mom and Ashwin Uncle,’ I said. ‘She seems to be talking to Ozzy.’

  ‘Your ex is CINDERELLA?’ Nikki put on an airy psychic-chick voice trying to lip-sync whatever the bride was whispering in Ozzy’s ear. ‘Why didn’t you TELL me?’

  I laughed. And that’s all Nikki usually needs – a little encouragement to loosen up.

  ‘How does it matter, babe?’ she said now in her best Beast voice. ‘You know I love you. AND you’re Beauty. You’re prettier than her.’

  I spilt ice cream on my dress, laughing as Nikki continued her lip-syncing. Ashwin Uncle and Mom seemed to be having a really fun time. At least whatever he was saying was making her laugh real hard and they seemed to be having the most fun on the dance floor though they were also the worst dancers. But they were now within close proximity to the bride and groom, so I peered to see if there was any drama. Nothing. All I noticed was that the bride and groom were still talking.

  ‘But she’s CINDERELLA!’ squeaked Nikki in Beauty’s voice. ‘She’s been stealing my thunder all this time and now she’s here to steal the spotlight on my wedding day too?’ She switched to the Beast. ‘Where is she now? I haven’t even seen her.’ At this point, Mr and Mrs Ozzy were looking in Mom and Ashwin Uncle’s direction. But those two were too busy dancing badly to notice. ‘Look!’ Nikki continued in her shrill Beauty voice. ‘She’s brought her Handsome Prince along to rub it in. She gets the Prince and I get the Beast!’

  ‘Shhh,’ I said. ‘That’s rude.’

  ‘Well, I’m entitled to be a bitch at the family abandoner’s wedding,’ Nikki said.

  ‘Oh, hey, hang on,’ I said to Nikki. ‘It looks like they’re talking.’

  ‘Uh, yes, they’ve been talking all this time. That’s why I’ve been lip syncing.’

  ‘No, no, look! They’re talking to Mom and Ashwin Uncle!’ I said, and Nikki sat up.

  ‘Hmmm,’ she said. ‘Family bonding at a whole other level.’ Something about this interaction didn’t seem pleasant, but we couldn’t hear anything from where we were.

  ‘At times like this, I wish I had extendable ears like in Harry Potter,’ I said.

  ‘Or that we were vampires,’ Nikki said.

  And suddenly, a commotion erupted on the dance floor. The music stopped, there were raised voices and, within seconds, it had escalated to a full blown fight between Mom and Ozzy and, by extension, Beauty and Ashwin Uncle as well.

  ‘How could you?’ we heard Ozzy screaming in the distance.

  Many people tch-tched and I could hear Ashwin Uncle saying, ‘Let’s just leave,’ and trying to steer Mom away from the argument. Nikki and I immediately rose from our seats and rushed to join them as they left. But Ozzy wouldn’t stop making a scene. Mom was in Medusa mode and we had to just keep walking till we had her in the car or she’d have made this worse.

  But just as we were getting out of the way, Ozzy called out one last thing: ‘He destroyed our marriage and took my family away and you have the audacity to bring him to MY wedding?’ And with that, all of us stopped in our tracks.

  But before we could process it, Ashwin Uncle was walking right back to the dance floor and this time, it was Mom’s turn to scream. ‘Ashwin, let’s just go!’ But he wouldn’t listen. I’ve never seen him so stubborn or oblivious to his surroundings. That was always Mom. So we just stood there and watched helplessly as he marched right up to the dance floor and, without a word, punched Ozzy in the gut, knocked him down and walked back towards us calmly – like there wasn’t a whole mob of wedding attenders who were calling him the worst possible names.

  o

  The drive back home was so loaded with tension I had to open the window to let some fresh air in. Everyone was silent, each stewing in their own drama. Nikki was looking out the window, probably dreaming of escaping this family drama and joining an actual nudist cult. Mom looked like she couldn’t wait to lock herself in the bathroom and cry. Ashwin Uncle drove faster than he ever has, without saying a word, and I didn’t know what to think any more. I thought I had it tough when my dad left us, but to learn that my hero was the cause for that was a whole other level of hurt. Surprisingly, I wasn’t mad. I suppose, after a point, you just stop getting mad out of sheer laziness. I know that I’ve reached that point. I mean, even the best people are going to hurt you at some point. Might as well believe that they probably had good reasons and let it go. No?

  But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being curious. I need to get to the bottom of this Mom-Ozzy-Ashwin-Uncle triangle and find out what exactly happened. Nikki says it’s a waste of her time and that she’d rather read about vampire-witch-werewolf triangles. Sigh. These teenagers, I tell you.

  21

  Two Nerds and a Troublemaker

  Posted by Nina on 15 December 2014 at 5.55 p.m.

  If you hadn’t already deduced from my September posts, Anna and I are very good friends now. Which means, it’s no longer just Akaash and me but Anna, Akaash and me. I think we’re the new Harry, Ron and Hermoine. m/

  Except, in our case, it’s two nerds and a troublemaker. It’s been nice – having a girlfriend, that is. The only girls in my life have been Mom and Nikki, and I’ve never felt the need for more. But this is nice. Anna is just like me in the ambition department but a little cautious when it comes to breaking rules and getting into trouble. So I have Akaash for that. Sometimes, Anna gets too intense and un-fun for Akaash, and Akaash gets too distracted and even downright scary for Anna, and I’m the neutralizer, the one they can both feel at home with. Also, Anna turned out to be a helpless kid pressurized by a tiger mom who wasn’t happy no matter how many medals she brought home. So over the years, she just learnt to channel her frustrations and fears into academics and squash the way I do with art. Nowadays, I call her Fake Nerd because the real Anna just wants to be free and have fun like a normal kid. Unlike me. I really want that exchange programme. I’m clearly not a normal kid. There’s a part of me that still secretly hopes I’ll get it. The only reason I want Anna to win is her mom. Anyway. We’ll know soon. The results are expected to be out next week, and after that, I can go back to my life one way or the other.

  I was telling Anna and Akaash about the wedding drama at school today. This is the first time I’m opening up to someone other than Akaash about my family, and boy, am I glad I did. I’ve noticed that there is a big difference between boys and girls when it comes to problem-solving. When I go to a boy with my problem, he tries to distract me by doing something fun (such as making the school swimming pool explode). And while that does take my mind off the problem temporarily, it never solves it. This is the case with Akaash and even Ashwin Uncle. With Anna, however, it’s different. See, if what you want is someone to think aloud with, then I say talk to a girl. A girlfriend will sit with you and analyse your problem for hours without getting bored. In our heads, it’s like watching a movie and figuring out the story before the intermission – who’s the good guy, who’s the bad guy, what are their motives, what could be the possible outcome and, finally, is our heroine with the right guy?

  ‘Hmmm.’ Anna gave the story a lot of thought. ‘Seems to me that there is more to this story.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ I asked.

  ‘I mean, it can’t just be that Ashwin Uncle is the bad guy who broke up your mom and dad. Nothing is that simple. Plus, if he broke them up, then why didn’t he marry your mom? Also, your grandparents would not be talking to him if that had really happened. And your grandparents are really fond of him, aren’t they?’

  ‘You make a good point,’ I said. See what I mean? This is the kind of conversation I can’t have with Akaash. He’d get bored and show me funny cat memes. ‘But Ashwin Uncle once told me that he didn’t believe in getting married. So this is all very confusing and keeping me up at night.’

  ‘Why don’t you just ASK your mom?’ Akaash said, joining the
conversation. He probably felt left out.

  ‘What? That’s such a useless piece of advice, Akaash!’ Anna said. ‘You can’t ask your parents about their relationships. They’d never give you the full picture! We have to figure another way to find out.’ She put on her going-rogue face.

  ‘What are you thinking?’ I said.

  ‘Yeah, I like that face,’ Akaash said. ‘I want in!’

  ‘What is your policy on snooping on other people’s emails?’ Anna said. ‘Moms leave their emails open all the time!’

  ‘I’m anti!’ I said. ‘I’d hate it if someone did that to me, so I generally give my family their privacy.’

  ‘Mmm, tough,’ Anna said. ‘Well, for what it’s worth, you wouldn’t have to read ALL her mails. Just the relevant ones so you can find out what really happened and go back to sleeping at night.’

  ‘Yeah, I don’t know,’ I trailed off, but my brain was already chewing on the idea.

  ‘Hey! How is Nikki’s play coming along?’ Anna asked all of a sudden. ‘It’s this Saturday, right?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘She’s okay. Dhruv still isn’t talking to her, and at this point, even I’ve given up.’

  ‘OKAY. I CANNOT handle this doom and gloom any more!’ Akaash declared. ‘Let’s go do something fun NOW or my head will explode.’

  ‘Okay, okay!’ I said, getting up. ‘Let’s prank call-me-Anju.’

  ‘Sounds like a plan!’ His impish grin was back on. ‘What do you think we should do?’

  ‘Guys, I didn’t hear any of that, okay?’ Anna said, walking away. ‘If I lose this exchange programme, it will be because of Nina’s brilliant speech, not some pointless prank.’

  ‘Party pooper,’ Akaash said as the two of us skipped away into up-to-no-good land.

  Real Time Blogging

  Posted by Nina on 15 December 2014 at 8.44 p.m.