by Kyra Lennon
As Radleigh came back through the tunnel with his team mates, my heart began to speed up at the sight of him. The other players called out hellos to me as they went into the locker room for the mid-match pep talk, and while I answered them, my focus remained mostly on my man. He didn’t bother to usher me away from the hordes of people swarming around, he just wrapped his arms around me, taking in a long breath as if breathing in my scent. I did the same thing, even though he was hot, sticky and sweaty from running around for the last three quarters of an hour. I didn’t care about any of that, I just held on to him, my head resting against his chest, listening to the pounding of his heart.
“I’m glad you came,” he whispered.
“I just… I needed to see you.”
He smiled down at me. “I missed you, baby.”
“Missed you too.” I let out a sigh. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“For everything that happened yesterday.” I looked up at him. “I stand by what I said about us needing a little breathing room, but I didn’t mean to make you feel like I don’t care about what you’re going through.”
He shook his head. “I don’t feel that way. I’m mad at myself for lying over something so stupid, and if a few days apart is what it takes to get us back where we need to be… it’s okay. I’ve done a lot of thinking since yesterday, and you were right. I do have some stuff to figure out, but it’s not about whether I have feelings for Jen. I don’t. I look at her, and I feel nothing. But I do need to get my head straight because when she’s involved, everything is like a whirlwind. She breezes in, waltzing through everything in her path and then looks back at the mess she’s made with a fucking smile. I can’t let her do that. I need to figure out how to deal with her, with all of this. First on my own, and then with you. Because I don’t want you to ever worry that I feel anything for her but indifference.”
His words should have made me feel better. In his mind, I understood why he thought they would. And I did believe him when he said he didn’t feel anything for her, but in his eyes, buried deep, I could see he remembered everything. Everything they went through before. Everything he used to feel.
I reached up and placed my hand on his cheek. “Radleigh, it’s okay to feel whatever you feel. She isn’t just someone you casually dated. Once she meant everything to you and she’s the mother of your child. Your first child. I can’t tell you that doesn’t hurt every second of every damn day, but it’s a reality. What I don’t want you to do is pretend. That’s why I wanted us to take this break. I need you to think what you’re thinking and feel what you’re feeling, and… while you’re doing that it’s better that you’re on your own. Just you, with no distractions.”
Radleigh turned his head and placed a kiss on the palm of my hand. “She means nothing, Leah. Nothing. On Monday, I’m coming home and I’m not leaving again.”
Tears stabbed at my closed eyelids but I blinked them away, wishing we could fast forward to a time when all this was settled and our lives made some kind of sense again. My fears eased a little when Radleigh’s lips met mine in a soft, sweet kiss.
“Okay,” I whispered. “Okay.” Taking another deep breath, readying myself to change the subject, I said, “I’ve left Jessica with your parents. I thought, if you’re not doing anything tonight, you could keep her overnight and spend the day with her tomorrow.” He stiffened, and my guard instantly shot up. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “No, nothing’s wrong. I’d love to have her tonight, but… I do have to tell you something.” I said nothing, just watched him shift awkwardly before he began. “Jen wants me to meet Jayden tomorrow.”
Fast mover. Not that she hadn’t made it clear she wanted this to happen as soon as possible.
“Okay,” I said, trying to control the shakes that were trying to overtake my body. Obviously, I knew it was going to happen, but this was the first step in a massive change in Radleigh’s life, and subsequently mine too.
“Jen said it’s okay if you want to come too.”
My eyes widened. Didn’t see that coming. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was some underlying motive in her generosity, because it seemed to me what she really wanted was to drag Radleigh away and re-plant him in her life.
“Do you want me to come?” I asked, gently.
Radleigh nodded. “I do. But I understand if you’re not ready. I’m not sure I’m ready but…”
He didn’t need to finish the sentence. I heard him. Jayden was his son. No matter how much of a shock, he needed to see him.
Running my hands down his arms, I took his hands in mine and squeezed them. “If you want me there, I will be. But, honestly, I think for the first meeting, maybe it’s better if it’s just you.”
Radleigh nodded again, and I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “I think you’re probably right.”
“Do you want me to pick Jessica up in the morning, or…?”
“If it’s okay, I’d like to spend the day with her. I won’t be out for long when I meet Jayden. Jen thinks it’s better to keep it short, and I don’t know how long I can handle it for. I’ll leave Jessica with my parents when I go, and I’ll bring her home in the afternoon.”
With a nod, I said, “Okay. That works.”
After staring at me for a moment or two, Radleigh sighed. “There’s one more thing.”
“What is it?”
“Tomorrow is going to be low key, but I’ve had to talk to our PR people because if we’re seen, and we probably will be, questions will be asked. The truth is going to come out and I want you to be prepared. News outlets will probably call the house, they might even be outside and they’ll be looking for a reaction from you. You know the drill; don’t speak to them, and let our management take care of it. Annie said she’ll send extra security over to keep us safe while we’re getting in and out of the house, and there’ll be people stationed at my parents’ place too.”
My heart sank. Obviously, this wasn’t the first time paparazzi had camped outside our house to take photos and intrude on our lives but something told me they would be especially intrusive over this. And it wouldn’t be over in a day, either.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll be ready for it.”
Radleigh placed his finger under my chin and gently tilted it upwards. “It’ll be okay. I promise.”
With a deep sigh, I nodded. “I know.”
He leaned down and kissed me softly. “I have to go. Will I see you after the game?”
“I’ll be here. I’ve scheduled in some girl time with Freya. We’re gonna go down to Genie’s and catch up.”
Radleigh smiled. “Sounds good.”
“If I don’t see you again today… good luck for tomorrow. I hope it goes well.”
He kissed me again, his lips lingering on mine, and as he pulled away, he looked deep into my eyes as if trying to reassure me. “Thank you. I love you, Leah.”
Closing my eyes, I kissed him one more time. “I love you too.”
**
As it turned out, I didn’t see Radleigh after the match. At least, not to spend any amount of time with. Probably for the best since our last goodbye was awkward and I wanted to avoid going through it again. What I needed more than anything was to hang with Freya. The only thing that would have made it better was if Bree was there, but she was working, so Freya and I entered Genie’s at around five p.m, which was the ideal time of day for a quiet conversation. Most of the beach bums had gone home, and it was still too early for the evening revellers to be out; the place was perfect.
After grabbing a latte each, Freya and I settled into our favourite booth in the back. Freya sat opposite me, her eyes heavy with concern, making me wonder what my own face portrayed. Honestly, I didn’t have the slightest idea how I felt. I was lost somewhere between missing Radleigh, worrying about how he’d get along with Jayden, worrying about whether Jen was playing some kind of game – I mean, asking me to go meet Jayden too? That was way too cons
iderate. The whole situation made me want to throw cocktails down my neck until I didn’t have to deal with it anymore.
“I don’t even know what questions to ask,” Freya said, after a while of just watching me.
I gave a soft laugh. “I’m not sure I’d know how to answer, but I’ll try to explain. We found out yesterday that Jayden is Radleigh’s. Jen was almost giddy with glee, but instead of giving us a second to process, she not-too-subtly dropped in the revelation that she and Radleigh had seen each other the day before. Something he’d failed to mention. And… I pretty much lost my shit and now he’s living with his parents until Monday.”
Freya’s eyes widened. “Whoa. Back up. I… what?”
“Yeah. It’s been a crazy couple of days.”
“Wait. So, first of all… Jayden really is Radleigh’s son? There hasn’t been some horrible mix up?”
I shook my head. “As much as Radleigh tried to tell me it was impossible, I knew. I don’t understand why she waited until now to spring this on him. Maybe I’ll ask her if I can ever stand to be in a room with her for longer than five minutes. It doesn’t really matter, though. What matters is that Radleigh suddenly has another child.”
“And you and he fought about this so badly that he left?”
“Not exactly. I was pissed off with him for lying about seeing Jen, so I told him I needed some space. He offered to leave.”
“Why did he lie?”
“He said it was because he knew I’d be angry, but since I’d already made it blatantly clear how I feel about him hiding things from me, that excuse didn’t work for me.” I sighed, leaning my elbows on the table and resting my head in my hands. “This whole thing is a nightmare, Freya. If some totally random woman had knocked on our door and said Radleigh was the father of her child, it would have sucked but it would have been preferable to Jen.” I looked up at Freya. “She is the devil in Louboutins.”
Freya shot me an understanding smile. “I remember. So… I mean… how do you feel? What’s going to happen?”
Pushing my hands through my hair, I straightened up. “I feel… on edge. Like she’s going to sweep in and take everything from me. My man, my wedding, my life. All of it. I know Radleigh loves me and I know he knows what she’s capable of. But I can’t stop thinking that she’s going to do something to make trouble. I feel like I’m going to lose him.”
The feeling had been pressing at the edges of my consciousness since Jen arrived, and although I’d done my best to focus on what was real, what I knew to be true, that he loved me, I couldn’t stop the fear trickling in.
“Leah, come on,” Freya said gently. “There’s no way.”
“And I would agree with you if it weren’t for the lies. I know it might not seem like much but… the fact he felt like he had to hide this apparently meaningless meeting makes me uncomfortable.”
“I can understand that. But, Leah, this is just… a glitch. This is just him trying to get used to the situation.”
I nodded. “And I know how he is. I know when things are too much for him he shuts down, but he’s been better. Since we got together he’s been nothing but open and upfront. And… if he wasn’t bothered by her reappearance, why did he turn into such an asshole when she first arrived? I get that he was worried about telling me but he was outright nasty some days. The thing I keep coming back to is… if he truly didn’t feel anything for her, would he have reacted so strongly?”
“I wish I could answer that for you, babe. But he’s going to have to figure it out fast. With the wedding coming up…”
I let out a small groan before placing my head in my hands again. “I know. This couldn’t have happened at a worse time. It’s too soon to worry about whether or not we need to cancel or postpone anything, because maybe I’ll be lucky and this will all settle down quickly. But I can’t stop thinking about what will happen if we get to that point. If he chooses her.”
Freya shook her head. “Not gonna happen. At worst, maybe you’ll have to postpone the wedding a little, but it will go ahead, Leah.” She sighed. “Of all people, I know how much it sucks when life screws with the plans you made, but you and Radleigh… you’re going to make it. He is not stupid enough to throw everything away for her.”
Before I could answer, I heard my phone beep in my bag. I reached down for it and let out another groan. I’d set up alerts for any time Radleigh’s or my name popped up in the news. It had proved to be pretty useful in telling us stuff about us we never even knew, but the main reason for having it was so we could keep track of what was being said, and whether we needed to get our PR people to clear up any rumours. With everything that had been happening recently, this particular alert made goosebumps pop up on my skin, and I clicked to investigate.
The link led me to a gossip website showing a photo of Jen, Jayden and Harley on Rodeo Drive, along with a story speculating about why she was in L.A, and then a photo of Radleigh going into his parents’ house, with further speculation that maybe there was something wrong between us, and it had to do with Jen. It was a non-story – there was nothing abnormal about Radleigh going to his parents’ house. This was clutching at straws at its best. Well, it would have been if Jen hadn’t just turned our world upside down.
I handed the phone to Freya. “And so it begins.”
Freya’s eyes widened as she read the trashy article, and when she was done, she slid my phone back across the table to me. “These journalists don’t mess around, do they? One sniff of gossip and they’re all over it.”
“Yup. I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to suck.”
Freya stared at me for a moment, lost in thought. Then, out of nowhere, she said, “Go home.”
I blinked. “Excuse me?”
She laughed. “Go home, shower, put on your finest clothes. We’re going out.”
“We are?”
“Yes. I am calling everyone and we are going out for some drinks. You need to take your mind off everything, and since you don’t have Jessica tonight, this is the perfect chance for you to blow off some steam. What do you say?”
Nights out with friends had been rare since Jessica came along. Not completely non-existent, but certainly substantially less than the days before we had responsibilities. And bonus – nobody had work the next day so we could actually stay out late without anyone having to worry about a hangover.
Ooh, hangovers. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had one of those.
“I’m in.”
Chapter Ten – Faking Happiness Is Hard Work
Four hours later, I was in one of our favourite clubs with Freya, Miguel, Jesse, Bryce, Bree and Jude. I had to admit, it was a little odd not to have Radleigh by my side, but, in the interests of keeping the lines of communication open, I had called him to let him know I was going out. When I told him who I’d be with, he was fine with it, which pretty much meant that Bryce would be my chaperone for the evening. This wasn’t a trust thing, it was a safety thing. Radleigh much preferred me going out if there was someone around to make sure nothing bad happened to me. His over-protectiveness stemmed partially from the fact that I had the potential to become a target for any of his crazy stalkers. Not that he had millions of them, but since Taylor, he’d always been extra careful. Most of the time, I’d tell him to stop being silly. I never went anywhere alone, and if I wasn’t driving myself, I got cabs everywhere rather than walking alone at night. Still, he was happier knowing Bryce was around.
Being out of the house on a day when real life had threatened to suffocate me was a relief, and I took a sip of the mystery cocktail Freya had handed me. It was red, fruity, and as the liquid trickled down my throat, I felt myself relaxing immediately.
The club we’d chosen was a retro club dedicated to eighties music, something some of us were more familiar with than others. Even Jesse at his young age got a kick out of the place, though. It was vibrant and flamboyant. Cheesy. And the best thing about it was that, while it was usually busy, it wasn’t the
kind of club that was renowned for trouble, which made it the ideal club to take Bree without having to worry about her getting bashed around or squashed by strangers. She was only twelve weeks pregnant and barely showing, and already Jude was super paranoid. Thankfully, Bree took his concern a lot better than I had taken Radleigh’s when I was pregnant.
After only a short time, Bree, Freya, Bryce and I hit the dancefloor to bust some moves while the others manned our drinks.
“Feeling better?” Bryce asked me, voice raised so I could hear her over the music as we bopped to Duran Duran.
I nodded. “Much! This was a brilliant idea! Beats sitting at home!”
“Sure does! Sarah’s taken the girls away for the weekend so my only plans were a takeout and a movie.”
Smiling, I said, “Yeah, that was pretty much all I had on the cards too. Well, that and stressing about what will happen tomorrow.”
Bryce shook his head, taking my hand and twirling me around under his arm. “We’re not talking about that tonight. You can worry about tomorrow tomorrow.”
I laughed. “You make it sound so easy.”
His face grew serious for a second, his brown eyes glimmering with understanding before he smiled again. “It’s not easy, but it’s possible. You just have to try.”
“I’m trying. I promise.” I fixed him with an overly fake smile and he began to laugh, twirling me around again.
