Cruiser

by Dee J. Stone

  He walks into the living room. Shoulders hunched, arms dragging behind him. He’s like that because he’s nervous about his recital this Sunday. That’s got to be it. Even though I know that’s sure as hell not true.

  Talk to him.

  I can’t.

  He’ll get it.

  He won’t.

  He stops before the TV. I sit back. It ain’t easy making eye contact with him. “Whatup?” I ask.

  He crosses his arms. Spreads his legs apart. I don’t see this look on Rey often. He’s pissed.

  “Where were you yesterday after school?” he asks.

  I raise my shoulders in a what-you-talkin’-about way.

  “I was looking for you.”

  Shit, does he know I was with Lex? He hasn’t stepped foot in Juice Me since I landed the job. Something ain’t right.

  “What are you getting at, Rey?”

  “I wanted to talk to you. I stopped by Juice Me, but you weren’t there.”

  He doesn’t know. Nah, he just wanted to talk. Probably about Lex breaking up with him. My chest deflates. “Coulda talked to me when I got home,” I say.

  He shakes his head. Tightens his arms on his chest. “I was in my room all night with the violin. Then I crashed.”

  I nod my head slightly. Something’s not right. Must be the twin telepathy. It’s giving me a warning.

  “I couldn’t find Lex anywhere, either.”

  My eyes snap to his. They’re filled with betrayal. Hate. Accusation.

  Oh, shit.

  “She must have been hanging out with Dani,” I say. Damn, my voice is shaking.

  His eyes blaze. “No, she wasn’t. Dani has karate after school. You know Lex broke up with me, don’t you?”

  My eyes widen. At least, I try to widen ‘em. “She did?”

  His arms fall away from his chest. He fists them. “Derek and Jared saw you with her. Cooped up in the storage room.”

  Fuck. I sit up. Hold up my palms. “Rey—”

  “She told me there was no one else. How could I be so stupid? So blind.” He knocks the lame-ass magazines off the coffee table. “What did you do to her? Flick your head so that your hair fell into your eyes? I know girls like that. Did you lift your shirt and show off your abs?”

  “Rey—”

  “That’s why you came back, wasn’t it? You found out I got together with her. Who told you? Mom and Dad? Dani? One of your friends?”

  “I have no fucking friends—”

  “All this time, I thought you came back for me.” He laughs bitterly. “Since the day you left, I stayed up at night and hoped and wished you’d come back. Because I missed you like hell, Cruise. Every time I got a call from you or an email, I hoped you’d tell me your life sucked, that you missed me and wanted to come home.” He kicks the floor. “I begged Mom and Dad. They told me it was for the best. That you were making progress there. And you sounded so happy.” He fists his hands again. His knuckles are white. “You couldn’t stand that she chose me, could you? You’ve always been jealous of me. Couldn’t stand it. So you found out she was with me, and you swooped in.”

  “Rey, that’s not—”

  “You dick.”

  “Dammit, Rey. Let me explain!” I’m on my feet.

  He looks at me in a disgusted way. He’s never done that before. It hurts. “I always defend you,” he shouts. “To everyone. To Mom and Dad, to Grandpa Herbert and Grandma Dorothy. To my friends. They always ask me why you’re such a dick.”

  My own fists are at my sides. He doesn’t mean any of that. He’s just pissed.

  He lunges at me. Knocks me to the floor. Punches my face. “Fuck, Rey!”

  “How could you do this to me!”

  He aims for my face again. I dodge. He goes at my ribs. I throw him off with my legs. He scrambles to his feet. Charges at me. I step to the side and he knocks into the coffee table. Glass shatters everywhere.

  “Shit, are you okay?”

  The look on his face could kill.

  “Calm down, Rey.” I hold out my palms again. I don’t want to fight him. Won’t. “Let’s talk about this.”

  He stands. I see blood on his hands. From the glass. “Talk about what? You’re dead to me. Dead. Stick with what you do best—screwing girls. Leave the good ones for the nice guys who deserve them.” His shoulder bumps into my chest as he stomps to the door. Touches the knob. Turns toward me. “Go back to New York. No one wants you here.”

  The door slams behind him. My fists are at my sides. I can hardly feel the blood flowing to them. My chest heaves. Eyes glare at the door.

  I count to ten. Drop down on the couch. Run my hands up and down my face. Tears enter my eyes.

  I grab a couch cushion and fling it at the TV.

  Footsteps. I glance up, expecting to see Rey. Hoping to see him. Mom’s at the door.

  “What in the world happened here?” She examines the room. Eyes fall on the splattered glass.

  Accusing eyes meet mine.

  I get up and push past her. Go to the garage and grab my bike.

  He didn’t give me a chance to explain.

  Chapter Thirty

  Lex

  I slip on my shoes and head downstairs for breakfast. Yesterday morning, I expected to see some changes after telling off my parents the night before. But things were the same as any other day. I told myself to give it time, that my parents will start making changes soon.

  But just like yesterday, I don’t smell Dad’s waffles. I don’t hear happy chatter floating out of the kitchen. I toss my schoolbag on the bottom step and storm inside. Rosie’s the only person at the table.

  Mom’s voice comes from the guestroom next door. I hear “doctor” and “program.” She’s doing it again.

  “Where’s Dad?” I ask Rosie. Please tell me he’s outside getting the morning paper.

  “He left for work,” she says in a “duh” voice.

  “God, they were supposed to… Grr.” I slam my hands on the back of an empty chair and squeeze.

  “They were supposed to what?” Rosie asks, circling her spoon around her bowl of cereal. “What’s wrong?”

  This is ridiculous. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I thought they needed time, not that they weren’t even planning on listening to what I said. Dad should be standing at the stove making his special blueberry waffles because he cut back hours at work now that Mom gave up on her searching-for-the-miracle-doctor-that-will-help-my-baby-walk-again parade.

  Mom walks into the kitchen. “Oh good, Lex, you’re up.” She slings her bag over her shoulder. “I have a meeting with a doctor. Put Rosie on the bus, please.”

  Steam shoots out of my ears. “Mom! What about what I told you?”

  Her eyes scan mine with confusion. “Sorry, honey. What did you tell me?”

  I glance at Rosie. She’s watching us with her ears perked.

  “That we’re going to be making some changes around here? That things will go back to how they used to be?”

  Mom shuffles to the door, then checks her bag and takes out some papers. “Okay, I have everything I need.”

  “Mom!”

  “Lex.” Her eyes snap to mine. “I don’t have time for this. You know we’re so close to finding answers.” She peeks at her watch. “I really need to go. Will you put Rosie on the bus?”

  No, Mom, we’re not close to finding answers to Rosie’s paralysis. You’re like a little puppy chasing her tail. Not moving forward, but just stuck in the same spot.

  “Yeah,” I mutter. “I’ll put her on the bus.”

  She walks back over, pecks my cheek and does the same to my little sister. “Have a good day at school, both of you.” And she leaves the house with Rosie playing with her cereal and me seething.

  I watch Rosie pick at the letters. She doesn’t look like a miserable kid, but she doesn’t look like an energetic one, either. She’s just…there. Like she’s passing through life with half a heart.

  Is that the child my parents w
ant to raise? I wish I could do something.

  “Rosie, finish your breakfast. Your bus will be here soon.”

  I munch on a cereal bar and wash Rosie’s bowl when she’s finished eating. Then I wheel her down the ramp and onto the sidewalk.

  “Lexi?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You know Jamie?”

  I glance at her. “Of course I know Jamie. What about him?”

  “Well…” She looks down at her knees and her cheeks grow red. Her hands twist in her lap. “I think I want to ask him to come over after school.”

  I fight the urge to sing and dance around. A few days ago I was practically on my hands and knees begging Rosie to try to befriend the boy. And now she wants him over? More than that, it looks like she likes him! The day’s picking up already.

  I’m about to answer when Rosie yells, “Hi, Cruiser!”

  Cruiser shuts the door after him and runs down the steps. “Good morning.”

  He smiles at Rosie and then at me, but something isn’t right. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes—like he’s forcing it.

  My heart clenches. Rey must have not taken the news as well as we hoped.

  “Cruiser, I’m gonna invite Jamie over to my house!” Rosie is beaming.

  Cruiser forces another smile onto his face and ruffles her hair. “Got a little crush there, do we?”

  “No!” Rosie smacks his arm. “I do not.”

  Cruiser chuckles, but there’s no hiding the sadness in his eyes. My entire body fills with guilt. I really didn’t want to hurt Rey. But I guess that was inevitable.

  Our gazes meet. I search his eyes, asking if he’s okay. But it only makes them sadder. My throat clogs.

  “Tell us a joke, Cruiser,” Rosie says.

  Cruiser’s shoulders are bent forward. But he raises them and musters a smile for Rosie. “Okay. Hmm, I think I told you all the jokes I know.”

  “Aw. Isn’t there at least one you didn’t tell me?”

  Rosie’s bus pulls up. Cruiser ruffles her hair again. “Maybe another time.”

  “Okay. See ya!”

  I wheel her to the bus, stealing a quick glance at Cruiser. His expression is one I haven’t seen before, like his heart is breaking into a million little pieces. I wish I could hug him tight and take the pain away.

  After loading my sister onto the bus and wishing her a good day, I head back to Cruiser.

  Just then, the front door opens and Rey walks out. He ignores Cruiser and me and marches toward his car. I watch the way Cruiser stares after him, a longing look in his eyes.

  My stomach tumbles when I realize the extent of what I caused. Rey isn’t only hurt—he’s pissed and won’t even acknowledge Cruiser’s existence. The Dalton twins never fight. Well, I mean of course they do—what brothers don’t? But they never fight.

  Rey gets into his car and drives off. Cruiser continues to stare after him, like he’s hoping Rey will change his mind and return and they’d make up. But no such luck. His car disappears around the corner.

  When I glance at Cruiser, I see the tears gathering in his eyes. But he battles them, and they’re gone.

  I step forward, wishing I could hug him, but not sure he wants that. Then I notice his swollen eye. Rey punched him? “Cruiser,” I say softly, reaching for his face.

  “I need to get to school,” he mutters, heading for the garage.

  It feels like every inch of my body is being pricked with nails. I’ve never seen Cruiser this hurt before. Tears roll down my cheeks. This is all my fault.

  After a few minutes, he emerges with his bike. When he gets closer to me and sees my face, his expression changes. He grabs me and pulls me to his chest, wiping my tears with his thumbs. Then he lays his forehand on mine. “Please don’t cry.”

  “What’s going on? Is he upset?”

  I feel his chest heave. “You can’t imagine.”

  “I’m so sorry, Cruise.”

  His fingers rake through my hair. “Don’t worry about it, okay?” He draws back and climbs onto his bike. He’s about to pop on his helmet, but he peers at me. “Do you need a ride?”

  I shake my head. “Dani’s picking me up.”

  He nods. Then he swallows.

  “Are you okay, Cruiser?”

  He puts on his helmet, then raises the visor. “Don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll talk to you later.” He zooms off.

  I hug my upper arms. This is all such a mess.

  The last thing I wanted was for this to happen. I hurt Rey and feel horrible about it. I jeopardized the Dalton twins’ relationship. They mean so much to each other. Should I have stuck with Rey? They would be best friends again.

  I run my hand through my hair. But I couldn’t have stayed with Rey. It wouldn’t have been fair to him.

  Someone honks and I jump. Dani pulls up in her convertible. “What’s wrong?” she asks.

  I touch my cheek and realize I’m still crying. After wiping my eyes, I step forward. That’s when I realize something is different about her.

  She’s not dressed in her usual dreary gray and black. She’s wearing a soft blue shirt and white pants.

  “Dani?” I open the door and climb in. I study her face. No more heavy mascara on her eyes. She has a touch of blush on her cheeks, some blue eye shadow, and light red lipstick. She looks just like the Dani before Jimmy Fuller.

  “Why the change?” I ask. “Do you have any idea how pretty you look?”

  She rolls her eyes. “No mushy shit.”

  I smile. “Okay, okay.”

  She drives toward school. I can’t stop thinking about Cruiser and Rey and everything I caused. If Cruiser never came back, none of this would have happened. But I’m so glad he came back. I wish he never left to begin with.

  “Lex?”

  I snap out of my thoughts and glance at her.

  “What’s up?”

  I’m not in the mood for talking about the twins, so I steer the conversation toward her life. “Is the change to impress a guy?”

  She purses her lips when she realizes I changed the subject, but she lets it go because she says, “Why should my change be attributed to a guy?” She stops before a red light and sighs. “Fine, I have a date with that guy from the store near my karate.”

  “Simon?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s great.” My voice isn’t as excited as I intend.

  We’re quiet for a little while. Then Dani says, “How’s it going with Cruiser?”

  I still don’t want to talk about them, but I know it’ll make me feel better if I do. It’s not healthy to hold everything in. I take a deep breath and release it before saying, “I screwed everything up.”

  “How?”

  I tell her what happened. She’s quiet for a few seconds. Then she says, “You can’t drive yourself crazy worrying about Rey. You guys were having problems and needed to end it. This won’t be his only heartbreak. He’ll have to learn to get over it. You can’t base your life on other people’s happiness, Lex. You need to do what’s best for yourself.”

  I play with the keychain on my bag. “I know. It still sucks.”

  “Yeah, it does.”

  I bang my head against the back of the seat. “Rey and Cruiser are in a fight.”

  “They’ll make up.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Rey will meet another girl. He’ll move on. You need to move on, too. You can’t let this hold you back.” She parks the car in the parking lot and turns to me. “I’m not saying this to be cruel. Sometimes a person needs to think about herself before other people. You need to do what’s best for you. What makes you happy. Staying with Rey wouldn’t have made either of you happy. You know that.”

  Yeah, I do.

  We get out of the car and head into the building. Dani makes her way to the bathroom while I stop at my locker. I scan the hallway for Cruiser or Rey, but none of them are around. I sigh. I know Dani’s right. But it doesn’t make it hurt less.

  After a f
ew minutes, someone stands next to me. I close my locker and come face to face with Rey. A lump forms in my throat.

  “Can we talk?” he asks. His eyes look so defeated.

  “Sure,” I say, my voice hoarse.

  He rubs the back of his head. “Um…”

  “How are you?” I ask.

  “Honestly? I feel like crap.”

  I bite down on my lip.

  “Look.” He touches my arm, making me raise my eyes to his. “I know he fed you lies. He’s great at that. He knows how to make girls melt in his arms. So I don’t blame you for falling for him. But he’s going to keep away from you.”

  I stare at him. “What are you talking about?”

  His hand that’s on my arm moves lower, until his fingers interlock with mine. “I know I’m not as smooth as him. I don’t have any experience being…you know, sexy.” His cheeks turn bright red. “So I get that you were tempted. But all that’s going to change. Once we’re back together, he’ll get the message and find some other girl.”

  “Wait.” I hold out my palms and step back. “Rey, I think you’re misunderstanding—”

  “He can’t stand that you’re with me. But I don’t give a crap what he thinks. Not anymore. I’m not going to let him anywhere near you. Hopefully, he’ll move back to New York. Then we won’t have to worry about him.”

  Back to New York? What’s he talking about?

  He makes a move to hug me, but I stumble back. “Rey.”

  “I got you first. You’re mine. He can’t take you away.”

  “Rey, we’re over. I talked to you about this. I told you—”

  “No, you just thought we were over. You were confused about what you felt. But you know I’m the right guy for you. The only one.”

  “No, Rey. Cruiser’s the only one. I’m sorry.”

  His eyes flash. “He’s been feeding you lies!”

  “Rey—”

  “Don’t believe a word he says, Lex. He doesn’t give a crap about you. He never has.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “You’re the only girl who liked me first. All other girls chose Cruiser over me. That’s why we’re meant to be together.”