Cruiser

by Dee J. Stone

  She lays her jacket on a stool and hops onto the one near it. “Banana mocha?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. “I think I want to try something new.”

  I get a menu from the counter and hand it over. Don’t know why when there’s a big sign hanging overhead that lists all the smoothies we got.

  I find Freddie smiling at me. I whack him with the dishtowel I was using to clean the mess left over from the kids. He chuckles and disappears into the storage room.

  Lex scans the menu, her hands flat on the counter. I have an urge to rest both mine on hers, but I fold them across my chest and place my elbows on the counter instead. “Like anything?” I ask.

  She raises her head. Eyes follow Freddie. When she sees he’s out of earshot, she says. “Is he really upset?” Her eyes are sad. “I’m worried about him.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Who?”

  “Rey. He…he didn’t tell you?”

  I stare at her for a few seconds. Then I get it. “You broke up with him.”

  She nods, biting down on her lip. I didn’t think she’d do it. Hoped she would, but doubted she’d really do it. I turn toward the back counter and pick up a rag. Wipe it. Rey didn’t tell me. I thought we were close. Thought we were getting even closer since I got back. Why hasn’t he told me?

  I think back to last night and this morning. Did he seem upset? He stayed in his room, playing the violin. Guess I thought he was distracted.

  When I return to Lex, I say, “You okay?”

  She nods slowly. “I hope Rey and I could be friends.”

  The rag’s still in my hand. I pull on the strings.

  Lex lowers her eyes to the menu. Looks like she’s deep in thought.

  “Hey,” I say softly. She raises her head. Eyes are pained. All I want to do is erase the hurt from her face and replace it with only good things. “Found anything you like?”

  I run my hand down the menu just as she does. My finger brushes against hers. She quickly draws it away like she got burned, but then she brings it back. I flatten mine over hers. Our eyes meet. My gaze drops to her lips before climbing back to her big, blue eyes. “Freddie’s been working on a secret recipe,” I whisper. “I usually don’t recommend it, but you wanna give it a try?”

  Lex cocks her head to the side. “Freddie experiments with smoothies?”

  Damn. She slides her hand out from underneath mine. Maybe my palm’s too sweaty. I make a fist. Feel the moisture. Yeah, definitely sweaty. “Apparently,” I say, my voice hoarse. I cough. “Apparently, Freddie made this amazing smoothie with his frat boys. He’s been trying to recreate it. I tried a sample yesterday and puked out of my nose.” She covers her mouth and her eyes go small again. “I’m serious. Couldn’t get the taste out of my mouth even after I brushed my teeth ten times.”

  She cranes her neck toward the storage room. “You want to poison me?”

  I chuckle. “Nah, but if it’s good you’ll be the first person to taste it.”

  She rests her palms on the counter and looks down, her lips tugged into a small smile. “Okay.” She brings her eyes to my face. “But if it’s bad, I get free smoothies for a month.” Light enters her eyes. She looks more alive. Free.

  My heart pounds in the back of my head. Makes the headache I got from the kids resurface. It ran away when Lex walked in, but it’s back now, stronger than before. I bend toward her ear. “Darlin’, you have a deal.” She smells like peaches and strawberries and watermelon.

  I pull away and walk over to the back counter. Freddie dumped his latest concoction here an hour ago when I said I was no way in hell going to touch it. It doesn’t look good—hell, it looks like puke mixed in with rat shit. Laughter bubbles in my throat. What’ll Lex say when she sees it? I miss teasing her like this. Did it so much when we were kids. She would stomp her foot and fold her arms when we were really little. One time she even ran to her mom and told her how I stole her arts and crafts project and did some reconstruction on it. Never mind that she told me a few years later that she really loved what I did to it, but was too proud to admit it. Unlike all the other times I get these memories, I don’t feel upset, pissed, hopeless. This time, I feel…good.

  Her eyes widen when I drop the smoothie onto the counter. “Is that it?” she asks. “You’re kidding!”

  “Nope.” My lips are stretched so wide they hurt.

  I pluck two straws from the case and pop them through the lid. Push the cup closer to her. She wrinkles her nose. I push it closer. She wrinkles her nose again, but this time I see a smile trying to sneak in.

  “On the count of three,” I say and bend my head closer. Position my mouth over the straw. She positions hers. “One, two, three!”

  We drink, eyes locked on one another. Purplish bluish liquid slides up her straw. We both pull away. Lex runs her tongue over her lips. “That wasn’t so bad.” She takes another sip. “What are those little black dots?”

  “Blueberries, probably.”

  She takes another sip. “I think this has mango.” And another sip. “Some pineapple and lemon, too. But I have no idea what the other flavors are.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Ah, so you can name flavors other than banana mocha?”

  She raises her chin. “It doesn’t take an expert to recognize the taste of fruit.” The way she raised her chin like that. Just like old times.

  This I can’t stand anymore. I motion her “one second” with my finger and head to the storage room. Ask a favor from Freddie. He agrees. I walk back over to the front and raise the counter. “Come on in, Lex,” I say.

  Her eyes fill with surprise and hesitation. “What?”

  “It’s cool. Jackie went out for a bit. I got something back there I want to show you.”

  “Another smoothie?” Her eyes look a bit scared.

  I chuckle again. “No smoothie. Come on.”

  She grabs her jacket and bag and jumps off the stool. Freddie comes out front and winks to me. I take Lex’s hand and pull her to the storage room, shutting the door. The place is a mess. Freddie’s supposed to be straightening it out, but he’s always too busy studying or playing games on his phone. Maybe texting random girls he met over the Net or whatever. Bags of cups are on the floor and I kick them away. Lex picks a discarded lid off the shelf and bends it in half. “What did you want to show me?” she asks.

  “Nothing,” I say, stepping closer. “Mostly just wanted to do this.”

  I push her against the wall and open my mouth over hers. She tastes like mango and blueberries and all the other crap Freddie put in that smoothie. Her hands are at her sides at first. Like she doesn’t want me to do this. The guilt must be eating away at her. She just broke Rey’s heart. But she’s free now and I want to know if I got a shot with her. A real one. I want to show her I’m not the lame kid who hurt her. I can be the right guy for her. I am the right guy.

  After a few seconds, her hands spring to my hair. She yanks on my strands. Welcomes my kiss. A thud on the floor means her bag falls down. A swoosh means her jacket comes next. I feel it by my feet. It wraps around me as I push her tighter against the wall and lift her up so I can kiss her better. She’s so damn short and craning my head like that will give me a stiff neck tomorrow.

  My hands slide up her thighs. She moans and pulls me closer. My fingers play with the pleats of her hem. I tilt her head to the side so I can get her neck. Her moans are so soft, but to me they sound like they’re coming out of a blow horn. I bend down, pick up her jacket and spread it on the floor. Then I take her by the waist and lower her down on it, dropping on top of her. “Why are you giving up dance?” I ask.

  Lex blinks up at me. “What…?” She blinks again. “You know, these just came back from the cleaners yesterday.”

  “Answer the question, darlin’,” I whisper, leaning toward her neck. I feel her stiffen underneath me as she waits for my lips to make contact with her skin. I stop just an inch away. “Hmm?”

  She stares at me. Her eyes are so blue. So d
eep. I can see my reflection in them. My hair’s a mess and it looks like I have a smoothie stain near my eye. Ah, hell. I can also see the guard she has up. The one where people she still can’t trust aren’t welcome.

  “I…” She swallows. “Where did you hear that?”

  I trace the “s” and the “h” on her top, then bring my hand higher and pull out the necklace she has tucked inside. The one she got as an anniversary gift from Rey. Guess she forgot to take it off.

  I tuck it back in. “I know when something’s bothering you. I can see it all over your face.”

  Her gaze moves from mine. For a few seconds. She looks back up at me. “I don’t know, Cruise.” Her eyes fill with doubt, fear, confusion. “I don’t know what I want to do.”

  “You’re an amazing dancer.” I press my forehead to hers. “And I’m not just saying that because I got you to come into the storage room with me. Or because you’re lying beneath me.”

  She smiles. I see she’s trying to fight it. “You’re so full of yourself, you jerk.”

  I place my hands on either side of her and bring my lips to hers. “I know that uniform means a hell of a lot to you.”

  “Maybe I wouldn’t treat it like such a rag if it did.”

  I touch a few strands of her hair that are too short to fit into her ponytail. “You’d kill to wear that,” I whisper.

  “Would I?” she rasps. Stares at my lips.

  “You drive me crazy when you’re in it.”

  Her eyes come back to mine. Search deep inside me. “I just broke up with Rey,” she says softly.

  I press my forehead to hers again. “I know. I promised I’d give you time.” I raise my head and look into her eyes. “But I don’t want to. I want to be with you, Lex. I want to try us again.”

  She closes her eyes. Sighs. “You don’t know how many times I dreamed you’d say that to me.” She opens her eyes. Raises a hand to me and pushes hair out of my eyes. “When you came back, I used to fantasize about you, and it drove me insane because I was with Rey. I felt like such a horrible person. I am a horrible person.”

  I run my lips down her throat. “You’re not a horrible person. You’re the most amazing person out there.” To me, she is. Nothing she does can change that.

  She strokes my cheek. “What about Rey? If we want to try us again, we need to tell him.”

  “I’ll tell him.”

  “You sure?”

  “He’ll take it better from me.”

  She bites down on her lip. “He’ll be so hurt.”

  I finger her bottom lip. “He’s my brother and he loves me. He’ll understand.”

  Her hands come around me. Hug me close. “I hope so.”

  Her eyes scan my face. Then she grabs the back of my head and hauls my mouth to hers. She unbuttons the top two buttons of my shirt and slips her hands inside. Rubs them over my chest. My skin cells jump around like their asses are on fire.

  “Cruise.”

  “Yeah?” My voice is just as heavy as hers.

  “I want to talk about that night.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Lex

  Cruiser rolls away from me. He combs his fingers through his messy hair, his eyes anywhere but on me. Then he takes a deep breath and releases it. “This won’t be easy.”

  I shuffle closer, my knees sliding across the cold, tiled floor. My uniform needs another round at the cleaners. Cruiser is pressed against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. Some locks of hair fall into his eyes.

  I touch his arm. “It’s okay.”

  I shift closer and rest my back against the wall. Drawing up my knees to my chest, I wrap my arms around them.

  We sit in silence for a few minutes. I stare at the storage room door. There’s a small window there, but I can’t see anything going on out front. Is the shop packed or empty? Are customers asking for Cruiser to serve them?

  “I was messed up,” Cruiser says in a low voice. “Felt like shit after what happened to Rosie. Felt like even more shit when you rejected me.”

  Tears enter my eyes. “I was messed up, too.” I bury my face in my knees. “I was so hurt. I blamed you. I’m so sorry.”

  I feel him scoot over and wrap his arm around my shoulder. “It’s okay.”

  “Then I saw you messing around with other girls. I thought you liked me.” Tears seep into my skirt. “That hurt so much. I really liked you.”

  Cruiser draws me to his chest. I uncurl my arms from around my knees and fold into his arms.

  “When I was ready to forgive you, it was too late,” I say into his chest.

  He rubs my back and buries his face in my hair. “I shouldn’t have given up on you,” he murmurs. “On us. I was a coward. I chose to take out my feelings by sleeping around.” He curses. “I hate myself for that.”

  I lift my head and stare into his eyes. He has tears in them, too. “Don’t hate yourself, Cruiser. We were both so hurt and confused.” I raise my hand and touch his cheek. “But that’s all in the past. We’ve both changed. We need to forgive each other and ourselves, and move on.”

  Cruiser’s lips stretch into a small smile. Then his gaze lowers to my neck, to my necklace that’s peeking out from inside my uniform. I forgot to take it off. His smile turns into a pained one. “Forget about everything and just live in the moment?” His hand closes around the heart pendant. “I picked this out, you know,” he says in such a soft voice I’m not sure I hear right.

  “What?”

  His gaze goes back to my face. “I went to the jewelry store with Rey the day I got back.” He tugs on the necklace. “Rey trusted I chose right.”

  I look down at the pendant sitting in Cruiser’s palm. A warm feeling invades my heart and gets pumped to every inch of my body. “This…it was your idea?”

  “Was Rey’s idea to buy the gift. Was my idea what to buy.”

  I loop my arms around his neck and look up at his face. “You knew it was for me?”

  He nods. “Was pissed at first because I didn’t know you were together. But I knew what you’d love. I know you so well, T. Rex.”

  “You do. I love it. Thanks so much.” I close my hand around it. I won’t wear it in public because I don’t want to hurt Rey, but I’ll keep it in a special place.

  Cruiser’s arms circle around me, hugging me close. Every part of me heats up, like I’m standing outside in one hundred and two degrees.

  I bring my lips to his, slowly, until they touch. Cruiser opens his mouth, but I pull away. “Tell me about the Navy, Cruise,” I say.

  He slides a hand to my head and yanks off my ponytail holder. My hair rolls down, and I suddenly feel self-conscious because I know it’s not soft or luscious. Just one big hulk of knots.

  Cruiser threads his fingers through the strands. “What about the Navy?”

  I try not to moan as he massages my scalp. It feels so good. What did he say? All I can think about is this amazing feeling.

  “So beautiful,” I hear him mutter. “You’re so beautiful, T. Rex.”

  He called me beautiful. Tears practically choke me and I bite down before I start crying a rainstorm. He called me beautiful.

  I love you, my head says. I think I always have.

  Cruiser lowers me to the floor and kisses me so hard, so passionately. I don’t want to compare him to Rey, but he never moved me the way Cruiser does. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. Real things.

  “Talking about the Navy isn’t exactly sexy,” Cruiser murmurs.

  “You in a captain’s uniform is,” I whisper. My eyes close as his warm lips touch my throat.

  Cruiser chuckles. “But not a sailor’s uniform. I’d look like some lame-ass Halloween costume.”

  I smile as I imagine Cruiser dressed in that, training, taking orders, being away at sea. “Are you really going to join the Navy?” I ask.

  He studies me. Then he says, “I don’t know.” He rubs my cheek with the back of his fingers. “Do you want me to?”

&nb
sp; “I want you to do what you want to do.”

  He gathers me in his arms and lifts me off the floor, drawing me close to his chest. I inhale his masculine smell. “Sailors sacrifice time away from their families,” he murmurs in my ear.

  I nod against his chest. He still has another year to think about this, but I know he really wants to join. It’s been his dream since he was a kid.

  His hand runs up and down my back.

  My phone beeps. I reach for my bag and scan the screen. “Dani finished karate. She’ll be here any minute.”

  “You’d better go, then,” he says.

  I look at him. Then I raise my hand and push hair off his forehead. “I’ll see you?”

  He rests his hand on top of mine that’s on the side of his face. He closes his eyes. “Yes.” He opens his eyes, leans forward, and captures my mouth in his. “I’ll speak to Rey tonight.”

  I nod. “I hope he takes it well.”

  I stand and pick up my Sharkettes jacket and bag. Cruiser watches as I head to the door. Before I leave, I wave. He smiles, waving back.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Cruiser

  I haven’t been watching much TV lately. Feels good to sit back on the couch with my SEALS and not think about what I’m going to say to Rey. I promised Lex I’d speak to him last night, but chickened out.

  I don’t want to hurt him.

  The one thing that drives me to do it is Lex. Yesterday in Juice Me’s storage room was amazing. I haven’t felt so close to her in so long. I want it to be like this every day. For the rest of my life. Yeah, how sappy do I sound right now? Damn, I love her. So much it kills me. Makes it hard for me to breathe. I can’t do anything right because I’m always thinking of her. I fall asleep and wake up with her in my head.

  I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do. Rey’ll be okay with it. He’s got to. He’s my bro—we get each other. He’s got the parents and all his friends, all his activities and a successful future to look forward to. Me? I got shit. All I need and want is Lex.

  Please be okay with it, Rey.

  I prop my leg on the coffee table. Tear open a bag of chips and dump a handful into my mouth. Pop open a can of Coke and down half of it. Footsteps come down the hall. Hmm, I thought Rey was out.