by Angel Lawson
Our eyes met and a tiny line formed over the bridge of his nose. “I can stop anytime—"
“No,” I said quickly. Firmly. “Don’t stop. Do you hear me? Don’t you fucking dare.”
The line vanished and his lips curved and in an instant, I was lifted off the ground, wrapped in his strong arms. He took me to the bed, easing me down so our bodies never stopped touching. The hard tip of his erection pressed into my stomach.
My skin felt overheated and that only intensified as he moved down my body, fingers tugging my panties over my hips. I was hot, wet, and not even embarrassed. Those days were over. Jackson had fucked me a dozen different ways. He’d seen me begging for more, but with the way his fingers dipped between my legs, the way his tongue flicked out and licked his lips, he wasn’t here to play games. He lowered his shorts, cock springing with release and stood over me. I saw the foil square in his fingers, watched him rip the corner with his teeth. I writhed, seeking friction as he rolled it down his hard erection and when he was finished, and he climbed back over my body, I sighed in relief. I sighed into his mouth, tongue hot and slippery. I gasped when he entered, swift and confident. I shuddered at the feeling—something I’d thought I’d lost—and when he rolled us over, allowing me to be on top, allowing me to set the pace, allowing me to have him one more time, like I hadn’t had the chance before when it all ended too quickly. Abruptly. I kept my eyes open, watching him, me, the two of us. Watching every moment, knowing it would be the last.
The bed shifted beneath me and my eyes flew open, trying to make sense of the motion. That was when I felt the slight soreness between my legs and the hollow ache below my belly.
That was when I remembered the night before and my eyes flicked to Jackson’s half-naked body as he rummaged for his clothes. He noticed me noticing him and he crawled toward me.
“I feel like shit for doing this because obviously we need to talk, but I have an early meeting at the gym.” He kissed my forehead. “Last night was unexpected. Great. Amazing, but unexpected and you know me, I’m not one to bolt out of bed the morning after.” He checked his watch and grimaced before continuing in a rush, “I don’t want things to get weird after this. I want us to talk it over. I do not want this to fall into one of those awkward moments, okay?”
I hadn’t moved an inch since I woke but I watched as he tugged his jeans over his hips, then his shirt over his head. I lamented the ladder of abs disappearing from view and fought off every mental thought flickering in my mind; every pounding, panicked heartbeat.
What. The. Fuck. Had. I. Done?
Him.
I’d done him and I enjoyed every, single, moment. But I had to tell him before he left what this was about.
I sat up, holding the sheet to my chest. “Jackson.”
“Yeah?” he shoved his foot in a boot.
“We don’t need to talk. I just want to thank you now for last night. I needed closure. Something final, you know?”
“Final. There’s that word again.” His second boot hung off his fingertips.
“We left everything so abruptly. I just needed a chance to…I don’t know, say goodbye to that part of our relationship.”
He nodded, eyes blinking, and crammed his foot in his remaining boot. He leaned over the bed and kissed me gently on the forehead and in a blink, was out of the apartment. Once I was alone I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling, replaying the events of the night. We’d celebrated, we drank, but not so much I didn’t know what I was doing. Oh, I’d known, and I wanted it. I wanted him one last time and damn, he didn’t disappoint. He was bigger—stronger—unbelievably more confident in his body and skill. Which for Jackson…none of those things had been a challenge, even when he was younger. When he lured me to the edge, I came hard, biting down on his shoulder to muffle the sound and when he came, he kept his eyes open, watching me every second.
It was great, but…there was no such thing as a clean hook up, or booty call or whatever the hell that was in a situation like ours. There were three other guys to consider. Three other people that were tied into this relationship, and Jackson and I broke a major agreement with what we did. Not just between us but between all of us, and even if he and I maybe found that closure I’d been seeking, we possibly destroyed something larger.
I didn’t just need closure with him. I needed it with all of them. Shit. I wasn’t sure I’d thought this through.
My phone vibrated across the dresser, skipping across the surface. I grabbed it and checked the screen.
Oliver: Could use a little help with Hayden later today. You around?
I stared at the question for a moment almost wanting to say no, to hide beneath these blankets for the rest of the day and pretend I hadn’t fucked up so badly.
But I’d made a promise to Hayden and the others I’d be there to help, and like every other time in my life, I couldn’t say no to the guys. Not then and not now.
I sent my reply and got out of bed, planning to wash the sins of the night off my body before I faced two of the three other men in my life.
22
Heaven
The clank of metal weights slamming against one another ricocheted in my ears. The gym was packed with clients, more so than during my last visit. Maybe because it was the weekend. Either way, Peyton ushered me through the maze of machines until we arrived at a small, private training room. The floors and walls were covered with mats. Hayden sat in the middle of the room on the floor. His legs stretched out, including the one with an ankle still wrapped in tape. I saw the ridge of bandages under his cotton tank—the wrappings that covering his bruised ribs. His shirt was soaked in sweat. Oliver sat across from him, giving him some kind of direction. Wild fury rose in my chest when I entered the room.
“What the hell is going on here?” I asked, eyeing him and Oliver. “Why are you down here working out? You should be in bed. Resting. You are not supposed to be down here!”
“Calm down,” Oliver said, rolling his eyes. “This is part of his treatment. Just a few stretches to get his muscles moving.”
I moved to face Hayden. Sweat poured down his forehead. “Why are you sweating so much, then?”
He touched his side. “Because it hurts like a mother-fucker, babe.”
Babe. I rolled my own eyes and said. “This is ridiculous.”
“It’s part of the process, Heaven.”
I knelt before Hayden and touched his forehead. “How’s your head? Any headaches? I read the paperwork and the best thing for that concussion is full rest.”
“I’m fine. Bored out of my mind. I can feel my muscles atrophying. I had approval to come down here—Oliver had approval to help me.”
“Approval from who?”
They exchanged looks. “Sabine.”
“Good grief,” I muttered, wondering how we’d gotten into such a fix. “Well it looks like you guys are all under control. Why did you need me to come over?”
Oliver grimaced. “Because Jackson and I have a meeting with a new client this afternoon.”
“I told him I didn’t need a babysitter. Don’t blame this on me,” Hayden said, struggling to get off the floor. Oliver reached down and carefully helped him up. I handed him the crutches that were leaning against the wall.
“Where’s Jackson?” I asked, hopefully in a nonchalant voice.
“We had a meeting this morning and he took Anderson to the airport. He came back and crashed up in the office. I think he drank too much last night or something.” He watched me closely. “Did you stay with him at the bar last night after we left?”
“For a little while. He was okay when we parted.” Not a lie. Not a lie. We just didn’t part last night but this morning instead. “Wait, did you say Anderson left?”
Hayden focused on his crutches and Oliver frowned. “Yeah he said it looked like everything was under control here so he needed to head back.”
I understood. His swimming had always come first, but it hurt a little that he didn’t
even said goodbye.
“So look, Hayden’s been here for a while. Can you could drive him back to the apartment? His meds are on the kitchen table, with instructions.”
“Sure,” I said, glancing at Hayden. “You ready?”
“Yep.”
I stepped ahead of him, moving to leave the room, but stopped short when I saw a figure in the doorway. I had a flash of the night before—a flash of kissing that handsome face in a similar spot. For the first time in ages, I felt a sense of peace at the sight of him.
“Uh,” Jackson said, eyes lingering on me before shifting to Oliver. “Our appointment is here.”
Oliver’s eyes flicked between us. I glanced at Hayden. He was watching closely, too. “In the meeting room?”
“Yes. I’ll tell them you’re on the way.” Jackson turned and walked away without so much as another glance my direction.
“This shouldn’t take long, Heaven, and I’ll be back to take over.”
“Not a baby,” Hayden reminded him.
Oliver rolled his eyes. “See you in a little while.”
He left, going in the same direction as Jackson, leaving Hayden and I alone for the first time in a long time.
“My car is out front,” I said. “Can you make it?”
“I swear to god, Heaven, if you guys don’t stop treating me like a fucking invalid, I’m going to lose my mind.”
I spun on my heel and faced him. “Hayden Pierce, you don’t get to speak to me like that. I’m just here to help. And no one is treating you like a baby. We’re trying to help you recover so you can get back on your feet—back to what you love.” I tried to level my voice. “But if anyone is acting like a child, it’s you. And if you don’t want to be treated as such, man up and stop whining about everything.”
His gray eyes had narrowed while I spoke and a strand of his long, dark hair fell against his cheek. His strong jaw tensed, absorbing my words and god, being caught in his gaze again left me completely unnerved, just like it had all those years before. I held my breath until his jaw loosened and a sly grin tipped his lips. “I’ve missed the hell out of you, Heaven Reeves, do you know that?”
“Really?” I said, wryly.
“I’m surrounded by these people that are always trying to make me do what’s best for my career or my image. You just want what’s best for me.” He studied me for a moment. “I appreciate that more than I ever realized.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that, to the conflicted look in his eye. I just turned and walked out of the room. After a moment I heard the clack of his crutches following. I couldn’t. He was right, I did want what was best for him which meant any kind of closure, like I had with Jackson, was off the table. He’d moved on with a new girlfriend and life. Any kind of action on my part would be a betrayal. I wouldn’t be that girl and I knew Hayden wasn’t that guy. I’d help him because I owed him, but the line stopped there.
At least that was what I told myself. Told my heart and the ache that longed for repair.
23
Jackson
I sat through the meeting with the head of stunts for a major studio feeling the weight of Oliver’s eyes on me. Both of us act professional. Both of us get the job done. Balancing work, teams, friendship, and Heaven ran through our systems like blood in a vein. Because of that closeness, that symmetry, I knew what was coming the instant our clients left and the door shut behind them.
I waited for him to speak first. To ask.
“What happened?”
I wouldn’t lie to him. Not with so much on the line. “Heaven and I had sex last night.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Oliver leaned against the conference table, jaw gaping. “You had sex. With Heaven.”
“Yes.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope.” I shook my head, trying not to take his astonishment and possible anger personally.
“How the hell did that happen?”
I ran my hand over my face. “It was spontaneous. Fueled a little bit by drinking—but she wasn’t drunk. Neither was I. It was…it was incredible,” I admitted. “But this morning she said something I didn’t expect. Not really.”
“What did she say?”
“That she was looking for closure on that side of our relationship.”
“Ouch.”
“Right?”
He leaned back. “Holy shit, Jackson. This is a fucking mess.”
“Yes. Apparently, what I thought was maybe a chance to, I don’t know, get things going again, wasn’t at all. That was it. The end.” My stomach ached thinking about it.
“So, what? You think she’ll hit us up one at a time for a farewell fuck and that’ll be that?” His voice sounded angry—no, hurt.
“I don’t know, Oliver. I really don’t. All these years I’ve been able to read Heaven, but this? I didn’t see it coming.” Especially not in the middle of it. God, it was so good. Having her under me again. Being inside her. It felt like home for the first time in too long. I glanced up at Oliver and the sympathetic expression on his face. I looked away and walked toward the door.
“Where are you going?” he asked. “How are you going to deal with this? Because it’s huge, Jax, and it has implications for all of us.”
I sighed and gripped the door knob. “Right now, I’m going to change and beat the shit out of a punching bag. How am I going to deal with this? Fuck if I know. Let me know if you have any brilliant ideas. Obviously, my judgment is a little cloudy.”
I left him there, knowing there was no good outcome for this one. Once Heaven made up her mind, there was little hope changing it. Also, who was I to push something she didn’t want? She was healthy and happy. If all she needed was a little closure, then who was I to mess that up?
24
Heaven
“Is there any way we can possibly not go back to Oliver’s yet?”
Hayden sat in my car, passenger seat pushed as far back as possible. His legs were still cramped.
“Where do you want to go?”
“Anywhere.” He focused out the window. “I’ve been cooped up for weeks and I just need some air.”
I took a left at the stop light, going the opposite direction from Oliver’s house. We passed the high school and area of town that housed the coffee shop and diner, where we spent countless hours in school hanging out. Hayden eyed them all silently. I understood the look. It was weird living in the town I grew up in, seeing these places, all of them filled with a mixture of good and bad memories. I’d had time to adjust. He hadn’t. I didn’t pause when we passed the street I grew up on and veered off the main road toward Allendale Park.
“Your mom sent me a card,” he said suddenly. “When I was in the hospital.”
I smiled. “She loves sending cards. It’s one of her things. I think a holdover from being a preacher’s wife.”
“Have you heard anything from your dad?”
I shook my head. “No. Thank goodness. He’s probably in jail—although if he was, we’d probably hear more from him. God knows what he’s up to or who he’s ripping off right now.”
I drove down the long road, past the picnic tables toward the small pond where a mom walked with her small children by the edge, feeding the ducks. Hayden’s focused on me now. I felt his eyes studying me. His hand reached out and tugged at my sleeve, revealing my forearms and the pale, smooth skin beneath.
I jerked my arm away and said, “Looking for something?”
“Just checking.” He didn’t look the least bit ashamed. Hayden rarely did.
“For cuts? Scars?”
“Yeah. Is that wrong?”
I parked the car and got out, needing some fresh air myself. Hayden struggled with his crutches and I helped him stand and stabilize. Once we were situated on a bench facing the pond, I turned to him and said, “You could’ve asked if you were worried.”
“You could keep in touch—let me know how you’re doing.”
I crossed my arms defensively. “It�
��s a two-way street. You don’t make much of an effort.”
“I tried,” he said. “At the beginning, you know that.”
He did. Texts and emails. I had no social media so that was out. He’d call but I didn’t answer. I didn’t respond. A clean break was what we agreed on. Eventually he joined the AU team, gaining fame and celebrity with the position. After that he didn’t try anymore.
“Don’t turn this on me and I won’t turn it on you.” I pushed my sleeves up, revealing faint scars, but nothing new. “I’m fine. Better than fine. I’m doing pretty good.”
“So no cutting.”
“I don’t do that anymore.”
“No…attempts?”
Suicide. It was a fair question, although it hurt that he didn’t trust me. “No. Never again. I’m better, Hayden. Truly. I take my meds. I see a therapist twice a month. I have a great job. I have friends.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear it. It was difficult not knowing—being so far away and so busy. Seeing you now makes me realize how well you’ve done since we broke up, or whatever the hell you want to call it.”
“I didn’t really have a choice but to move on. Did you?”
He shook his head and then surprised me by asking, “Dating anyone?”
My jaw set and I realized I didn’t have an obligation to tell him everything about myself. Our eyes met and held for a moment but I didn’t relent.
“Tell me about Sabine,” I suggested even though I didn’t want to know.
He shrugged and looked out at the water. “She was assigned to me by the coach to work through my last few injuries. I keep fucking up my ankle and then the concussions.”
“Bad?”
“I know I should have rested longer, but I hate not being out there on the field.”
“I know, but you’ve got to take care of yourself. I’ve watched you play your entire life. You take a lot of risks on the field. Dangerous ones.” I touched the back of his head. “It’s your brain, Hayden. You can’t screw with that.”
