Into the Stars

by Gwendolyn Field

  “You know,” he says, “of all the missions I’ve been on, this has been my favorite.” To hear soft words come out of his normally dirty, rough mouth makes my heart flutter. And then he ruins it by saying, “It’s been nice, Rees. Thank you.” Which sounds too much like good-bye.

  My resolve hardens. “I mean it,” I say. “I’ll take care of it. Everything will go back to normal.” I swallow as he gives me that uncharacteristically soft look.

  “Good luck with that.” He switches off and I do the same. But I don’t waste any time contemplating. This issue needs to be settled. Now.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  My high heels click the sleek floors in the echoing sounds of a woman on a mission. Yahni turns the corner ahead just as I stop in front of Captain Lexon’s door. His light eyes assess the situation, and he smoothly turns and goes back the direction he’d come from.

  Oh, for the love. This is out of hand.

  I knock, taking in steady breaths and exhaling through my lips to calm myself. No answer. Fine. I clack my way to the cockpit and hit the panel. To my surprise, it actually opens. Captain Lexon is lounging, peering out at the gigantic glass pane that shows a breathtaking sight of stars twinkling in inky blue-blackness. He stands to face me, a look of open concern on his face. I’m momentarily taken aback.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks.

  I remember my mission and stand taller. “I need to speak with you.”

  He lifts a finger and the door closes behind me. “Then speak.”

  The hair on the nape of my neck prickles as he prowls closer to me.

  “Are you aware your men will no longer take their turns in the Vesto rotation because I accidentally fell asleep in your room because I was trying not to wake you?”

  He peers down at me, giving a mild grunt, and his nearness combined with his full attention in this incredible room, alone, sets me on edge.

  “This is your doing, Reesa. I tried to warn you.”

  I gawk. “That is not fair.”

  “You chose to come to me and to sleep in my bed with me.”

  Blinking, I can only huff. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I had no intentions of staying. I was pinned underneath you, and you were so peaceful. I didn’t want to…”

  He’s watching me intently, and I trail off. “Please tell the others there’s nothing between us, Vesto-related, or otherwise—”

  “I already have.” His voice rocks through me. “If you think I’m stubborn, meet my men.” Captain Lexon moves away from me, his footsteps heavy as he faces the large window and crosses his arms. For a moment, I can only stare at his strong frame, marveling at how much better he seems today. And then his words hit me and the conundrum makes my head pound.

  “This is my fifth mission with this group of Hornets,” he says, still staring out at the galaxy surrounding us. “I’ve never witnessed them this…happy.” A small shiver rushes through me.

  “I’m sure it’s been a relief to have a Nevesta on board.”

  “They had a Nevesta on three of the other four missions. The way they’ve been this past year, it’s more than meeting their physical needs. They needed to feel accepted, as men, and cared for. You’ve given them that, genuinely. Even Yahni.”

  My eyes and throat burn with unshed emotions. He’s complimenting me about something that’s been natural. “They’re good men,” I say, my voice thick. “I’d have to be a bot not to care for them.”

  “The others didn’t.” He turns to me now, and I swallow. “It was always business.”

  My heart is fluttering. I don’t know what to say to all of this.

  “Yes, well.” I clear my throat. “It will all be for nothing if none of them will touch me or look at me for the rest of this trip.”

  His eyes lift slowly, burning into me. “You’ll miss their touches, won’t you, Reesa?” Still burning. My cheeks are on fire.

  “I-I like to feel useful.”

  His smile only moves the corners of his mouth. “Are you in love with any of them? Rawko, perhaps?”

  All of the heat seems to explode inside of me. “Of course not!”

  “Of course not,” he says softly.

  My lips purse in displeasure. “This is wrong.”

  “The men see you as mine now. There’s nothing you or I can do about it.”

  The nerve of him! He doesn’t even seem upset!

  “I’ll go to their rooms,” I threaten. “To hell with the rules. I will go to them and—”

  “You will not.” He steps closer. Too close. My eyes widen. “Do you really believe it will benefit their frame of minds to be seduced into doing something they’ve morally decided not to do?”

  I frown. “Why would they even decide that?”

  His jaw clenches and he looks away. It dawns on me then. His men want him to have me, even if it means they can’t. They’re sacrificing their pleasures for this man they esteem. This man who doesn’t appreciate the gesture.

  “You will come to my room at eight o’clock every night, starting tomorrow.”

  Shock tears through me, stealing all thoughts and leaving me like a blob of hormones. All I can do is stare at him. Is he going to have sex with me to appease his men? Do I want that? Turmoil fills me, and I swallow a lump in my throat, managing a nod.

  “I admit the massage was…beneficial,” he says in a reluctant, low voice. “So we can continue that.” A massage? That’s what he wants from me every night? Why do I find that so disappointing? It’s more than he’s been willing to take from me before. Yet I’m still peeved beyond measure by the entire situation. He’s probably only agreeing to have my hands on him in order to make his men feel better. I finally find words.

  “If it’s a massage you want, sir, you come to my room. If I can’t break rules for the other men, I’ll be damned if I break them for you.”

  His heated glare sears through me, and I turn on my heels, leaving him in a flurry of frustration.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  I’m nearly driven mad the next day when the men finally allow themselves to be in my presence at breakfast, but they treat me as strangers. Not cold, necessarily, but overly formal. I know better than to push them, but my heart feels like it’s breaking. I don’t understand these feelings. I should have no expectations of my Vestos. It’s meant to be a working relationship, but this entire experience is making me reevaluate my job. I’m already drafting a conversation with the Missus in my mind for when I return to Mars.

  I don’t think I can do this anymore.

  At eight o’clock to the minute, my door slides open and the captain’s large presence fills the door frame. Despite the fact that he doesn’t appear happy, he walks in like he owns the place, peering down at the masseuse table I’ve set out. It suddenly looks very small, like he might break it when he climbs on. I almost chuckle at the image, but laughter eludes me.

  His gaze never focuses on me in my black leather pants or my skin tight strapless black top. I’m wearing a lace choker and my eyes are smoky. Lips red. Lexon’s gaze never wavers to me.

  “Take off your shirt and lie on your stomach,” I tell him. I’ll start with his neck and shoulders, then have him roll over to focus on his face and scalp. In one smooth motion, his black shirt is over his head and dropped on the floor.

  Holy…I blink several times. He’s broader than any of the other men. My eyes skip across his skin, assessing the many scars that mire his hardened form. He’s the essence of masculinity, and I have to remind myself to breathe.

  “Are you sure it can hold me?” He gives the table a shake.

  “We can switch to the bed if you prefer,” I say, my cheeks heating, though I didn’t mean it like that. He stiffens and lets out a soft grunt. The table creeks as he climbs on. He’s more nimble and graceful than his form lets on, distributing his weight evenly. In this position the tattoos on the backs of his arms show—those wicked spikes pointing down his arms. Within seconds he’s in position, his face in the cushioned hol
e. I watch as his entire body tenses, and I’m reminded that he doesn’t really want this. My touch.

  I want to tell him he doesn’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing him. But I know he wants his men to think he’s in here having sex with me—taking them up on their generous offering for him to have the ship’s Nevesta all to himself.

  My hands are rougher than usual as I begin, digging into his muscle, but he makes no sounds of discomfort. I mean to punish him, but the harder I press, the more he relaxes. I’m practically breaking a sweat as I find every knot and attack, even using my elbows on the largest of them. When I’m satisfied with his back and neck, I step away, wiping my forehead and breathing hard.

  “You can roll over now.” He obeys, lithely turning his body and peering up at the ceiling. “Keep your eyes closed.” Again, he obeys.

  I force myself to be gentler as I touch his face, my strokes longer and slower, and I can’t help but marvel at his angles and linear lines. When I smooth my thumbs over his forehead he lets out a lengthy breath of air, and his lips remain slightly parted. For a moment I’m distracted by his mouth, and the warm air shared between our close faces. My pause makes his eyes crack open.

  My heart jumps. “Eyes closed.”

  “Bossy,” he whispers, but obeys.

  I lose myself in the rest of the massage, concentrating, watching with satisfaction as he nearly falls asleep. When I’m finished, I lightly scratch my nails across his scalp and he cranes his neck like a puppy wanting more. I smile.

  “All done.” I step back. He lazily sits up, craning his neck side to side, making it crack.

  Then he stands without looking my direction and says, “Thank you.”

  As he begins walking to the door, a wave of loneliness nearly bowls me over. It hits me with such sharp emotion that I have to cover my mouth against a sob. He gets to the door, opening it, and just happens a quick glance over his shoulder. When he sees me, he stops, going still. I drop my hands to my side and swallow, clearing my throat.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks with a hint of reluctance.

  I shake my head and lie. “I was yawning.”

  Now his eyes narrow. “You look like you’re going to cry. I thought you’d be happy I finally agreed to…” He motions toward the massage table.

  My jaw sets. “Yes, how noble of you.”

  Lexon’s eyes latch onto mine, full of fire, and I jump when he smacks the wall panel to close the door and marches into my bubble of space. Everything about him is menacing.

  “Just say what you’re thinking, Reesa,” he commands.

  I take a shuddering breath and meet his gaze. “I miss them.”

  He studies me, his jaw clenching, and he takes a step back. I can’t figure out the emotions that war across his face, so many of them, but I sense disappointment, and for some reason it guts me, making me feel the need to explain.

  “I’m not talking about sex.” My voice is thick with overwhelming emotion. “They made me laugh. I miss talking with everyone. I miss…their friendships.” I cover my mouth and then drop my hand again. “I know that’s unprofessional.” I’m ashamed how stupid I sound.

  Lexon’s face softens and he reaches out a hand. I stare, baffled.

  “Come with me.” The words are spoken with such tenderness that I reach out and put my hand in his large, warm one. He leads me from the room, down the halls, and to the entertainment room. I hear the men’s voices on the other side of the door. Their raucous conversation and laughter blending with the bass of Earth music. My heart thuds when the captain opens the door and pulls me inside then releases my hand.

  The room goes silent as all eyes turn to us. Tiko shuts off the music, and the men get to their feet, as if at attention. I’m so nervous. What’s he going to do?

  “At ease,” Captain Lexon growls. His eyes slowly rove the room, pinning every one of his men. “Listen to me now. You will stop treating Reesa like a fucking pariah.”

  Oh, my stars. A heat wave of embarrassment flashes over me. I blink and look down.

  “I’m going to leave this room,” he tells them. “And you’re going to turn the music back on and have a fucking conversation with her.” I shut my eyes hard. “I’m going back to my room where I expect I’ll sleep for eight straight hours. If Reesa is still on the verge of tears when I see her tomorrow, you’re all running laps.”

  This is too much. I spin to face him, my hands in fists. “You can’t force them to—”

  “Like hell I can’t!” Lexon grabs the smallest pool stick and thrusts it at me. “I heard you’re good at pool. Kick their asses.”

  I take the pool stick in a weak hand and the captain leaves us. The next thirty seconds of awkward silence is one of the most humiliating moments of my life. I want to bawl, but I hold it back.

  Rawko gingerly approaches like I’m a zoo bunny he doesn’t want to spook. “Rees? You okay?”

  “No,” I tell him, blinking away moisture. “This whole situation is so ridiculous.” I glance around at the other faces, filled with something akin to pity. All but Yahni, who stares at the ground. I shove the pool stick at Rawko, who takes it, and I make a beeline for the door.

  “Wait!” Rawko rushes to block my way, and to my surprise, he wraps his arms around me. “Don’t be sad. Please.”

  His kindness is my undoing. I break into sobs. He whispers more nice things, petting my hair, and the other men are there, surrounding us, squeezing my hands and brushing tears from my cheeks. Then I remember that the captain ordered them to be kind, and my back goes rigid, all tears drying. I can’t do this. Fake affection is worse than none at all. I shake my head and pull away. I just can’t.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  The next evening when Captain Lexon shows up at eight, he freezes in the entrance. My hair is back to being a chestnut brown. I’m in jeans and a fitted blouse, without a scrap of makeup on my face. My masseuse table is folded up against the wall.

  His eyes take in the scene and he raises his eyebrows, waiting.

  I cross my arms. “I quit.”

  Long pause. “You quit.” Statement.

  Curt nod. “I’m no longer a Nevesta. I apologize for any inconvenience. I understand I’ll still need to make myself useful, so I’d be glad to take over all of the kitchen duties. That will allow the other men to focus solely on the upcoming mission. As for keeping appearances for your men, you’re free to continue coming to my room for a couple hours a night, or I can come to yours. I plan to read.”

  The captain’s shocked stare is enough to make me want to burst into hysterical laughter. I spent every moment of the night before and today coming to this decision. In a way, it’s been freeing. The universe is open to me. I could even go to Earth.

  “You quit,” he says again.

  “When I get back to Mars, I’ll seek another profession. It seems I don’t have the personality it takes to be a Nevesta.” It takes a lot for me to concede that. Like admitting defeat. Failure. The words are bitter on my tongue.

  He grasps the back of his neck, his eyebrows pinching, and for a moment I feel guilty that I’m not offering a massage. But then I remember he was only letting me touch him to appease his men. Not because he really wanted it.

  The captain appears at a loss for words. I’ve truly surprised him, and his silence makes me uneasy. I cross my arms, uncross them, and cross them again more tightly. He still won’t speak, so I make my way to the bed, grabbing my American western novel and opening it in my lap. There is no way I’ll be able to focus and read, especially with the captain now pacing back and forth at the foot of my bed.

  “This is my fault.” His voice is low. “I never meant for you to give up something that’s important to you.”

  “It’s just a job.” I lick my finger and turn the page, having not read a word. “A job I’m too sensitive for.”

  He stops, eyeing me. “Don’t say sensitive like it’s a flaw. Your tender heart is your greatest feature.”

  His words rock
me to the core and my breaths go shallow, but I don’t want him to know how he affects me. “My best feature is my tits, Captain, followed by my ass—”

  Lexon is suddenly there at the side of the bed, flinging my book from my hands to force my gaze to his. “You are so much more than that! Ask any man aboard.” He points to the door, almost angrily.

  “I’ll ask them at dinner tomorrow just after I ask them how they want their steaks.”

  “Damn it, Reesa, this is no lighthearted matter! I’m responsible for everyone on board, including you. If you’re having some sort of life crisis—”

  I rise to my knees, my chest nearly touching his, my chin tilted up to his face. His eyes blaze at our sudden nearness. All day I’ve thought about this. All day I’ve pondered exactly what made me question my occupation. This man. His rejection of me. He didn’t want me as a Nevesta, and something tells me he won’t want me any other way either. But I need to know. I need to get this all-consuming curiosity off my chest so I can move on with my life.

  “I’ve never been able to be just a woman, Captain. When I was younger I had casual sex but even then it was to prepare myself for becoming a Nevesta.” His eyes dart toward the door and I take his face, forcing it back to mine. “I want to know what it’s like to be with a man purely because we want each other. I want to know what it’s like to be an Earth woman like those in my books.”

  He grasps my wrist, bringing it down from his face. “I’m not a fucking hero from some book, and I’m not a play thing for your life’s experimentations.”

  The rejection is swift and crushing, burning my throat and eyes. “I don’t understand how you can say such nice things, and look at me with lust in your eyes, and get hard when you wake with your face in my lap, but you won’t fuck me.”