Midsummer - A Bubba the Monster Hunter Novella
Page 14
I started to say something to Puck, but he seemed pretty distracted by all the kissing, so I just shook my head and waved Tamara toward the portal. She stepped through, and I turned to go.
At the last second, I turned back and looked at the King and Queen of the Summerlands. “Y’all ain’t half bad, even if your royal cousin was a dick. If y’all ever need anything shot, stabbed, beat slap to death, set on fire, or defenestrated, y’all just...nah, screw that. Call somebody else, I’m going home.” And with that, I stepped through the circle of magical light and appeared on the other side about six feet from where I left, and judging by the look of things, only about half an hour afterwards.
“Bubba? Where the hell are you, dammit? You know I hate it when you turn your comm off. I don’t care if you’re peeing in a corner, it won’t offend me. This isn’t funny, Bubba! You answer me right now, dammit!” The stream of bitching in my ear told me two things. First, I was home and all my tech worked again. And second, that Skeeter was still one hundred damn percent Skeeter.
“I’m here Skeeter. I wasn’t taking a piss, but I’ll have to explain the rest of it when we get home tomorrow. It’s a long damn story.”
“It better be a good one,” my best friend and tech wizard replied in a huff.
“Oh, trust me, son. This is one for the ages.”
Then I stepped out from behind the building to see Amy and Sergeant Yates standing over Tamara, who just stood in the middle of the Fort, shaking her head. I knew the feeling. These questions were not going to get answered tonight, and it was gonna be hard for anybody who wasn’t there to believe the shit we went through. Literally, even.
That’s when I looked down and saw Puck’s sword hanging from the belt around my waist. Last time I saw that, it was in the hands of the girl with the ren faire parents. I felt around my waistband, and there was my Judge revolver, tucked nice and neat in its holster. I’d forgotten to get it back from Elle before she went through the portal, too. Then I realized that my shoulder didn’t hurt. I took off the sling and rotated my arm a few times. Good as new.
I guess magic doesn’t suck all the time after all. I shrugged my mystically repaired shoulder, holstered Bertha, and walked out to kiss my girlfriend.
THE END
About the Author
John G. Hartness is a teller of tales, a righter of wrong, defender of ladies’ virtues, and some people call him Maurice, for he speaks of the pompatus of love. He is also the best-selling author of EPIC-Award-winning series The Black Knight Chronicles from Bell Bridge Books, a comedic urban fantasy series that answers the eternal question “Why aren’t there more fat vampires?” In July of 2016. John was honored with the Manly Wade Wellman Award by the NC Speculative Fiction Foundation for Best Novel by a North Carolina writer in 2015 for the first Quincy Harker novella, Raising Hell.
John is the author of the Bubba the Monster Hunter series of short stories and novellas, the Quincy Harker, Demon Hunter novella series, and the creator and co-editor of the Big Bad anthology series, among other projects.
In 2016, John teamed up with a pair of other publishing industry ne’er-do-wells and founded Falstaff Media, a publishing conglomerate dedicated to pushing the boundaries of literature and entertainment.
In his copious free time John enjoys long walks on the beach, rescuing kittens from trees and recording new episodes of his podcast Writing Rants, where he provides writing advice laced with a lot of profanity every two weeks. He’s also a member of the Authors & Dragons podcast, with a bunch of other writers who are way better and funnier than he is. John is also a contributor to the Magical Words group blog. An avid Magic: the Gathering player, John is strong in his nerd-fu and has sometimes been referred to as “the Kevin Smith of Charlotte, NC.” And not just for his girth. He can be found online at www.johnhartness.com and spends too much time on Twitter, especially after a few drinks.
For more information about appearances, signings, and other silliness, feel free to follow John on Twitter (@johnhartness), or on his website www.johnhartness.com.
Midsummer Copyright 2016 by John G. Hartness, licensed in the US by Falstaff Books, LLC. All stories contained herein are works of fiction. Any resemblance to actual people, places or events is purely coincidental.
Also by John G. Hartness
Quincy Harker, Demon Hunter
Year One
Raising Hell
Straight to Hell
Hell on Heels
Hell Freezes Over
Year One - A Quincy Harker, Demon Hunter Collection
Heaven Sent
The Black Knight Chronicles
Volume 1 - Hard Day’s Knight
Volume 2 - Back in Black
Volume 3 - Knight Moves
The Black Knight Chronicles Omnibus Edition
Volume 4 - Paint it Black
Volume 5 - In the Still of the Knight
Volume 6 - Man In Black
Black Knight Shorts
Movie Knight - A Black Knight Short Story
Black Magic Woman - A Black Knight Short Story
Gone Daddy Gone - A Black Knight Short Story
Knight UnLife - Collected Black Knight Shorts
Co-Edited with Emily Lavin Leverett
The Big Bad: An Anthology of Evil
The Big Bad 2
Bubba the Monster Hunter Short Stories
Season 1
Voodoo Children
Ballet of Blood
Ho-Ho-Homicide
Tassels of Terror
Cat Scratch Fever
Love Stinks
Hall & Goats
Footloose
Sixteen Tons
Family Tradition - A Bubba the Monster Hunter Prequel
Final Countdown
Scattered, Smothered and Chunked - The Complete Bubba the Monster Hunter Season 1
Season 2
UnHoly Night - A Skeeter the Monster Hunter Short Story
Love Hurts
Dead Man’s Hand
She’s Got Legs
Howl
Double Trouble
Elf off the Shelf
Casket Case
Stone Cold Crazy
Rest High on That Mountain
Bad Moon Rising
Grits, Guns & Glory - The Complete Bubba the Monster Hunter Season 2
Season 3
Moon Over Bourbon Street
Night at the Museum
Beauregard the Monster Hunter Short Stories
Fire on the Mountain
White Lightning
Moonshine & Magic - The Collected Beauregard the Monster Hunter Stories
Other Work
Headshot
Balance - Tales of Alternate Reality
Genesis - Return to Eden Book 1
The Chosen
Returning the Favor and other slices of life
Red Dirt Boy
The Christmas Lights
Queen of Kats Book I - Betrayal
Queen of Kats Book II - Survival
Cinched: Imagination Unbound (Editor)
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Of Lips and Tongue
A Touch Trilogy Novella
By A.G. Carpenter.
"A stunning new voice in genre!" - John G. Hartness, author of The Black Knight Chronicles
Delaney Green is one of them that don't burn. Possessed of the Touch - with the ability to not only see the future but manipulate it - she's been kept in an institution for most of her life. When the Salesman, a murderous entity with a connection to Delaney's past, starts burning girls to death, FBI Agent Percival Cox gives her the chance to le
ave the asylum behind. But he presents an even greater threat and she must risk flesh and bone in order to keep him from becoming a Power more destructive than the Salesman.
Available now wherever ebooks are sold! WWW.FalstaffBooks.com.
Available now from Falstaff Books
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The Eisteddfod Chronicles Book I
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Emily Lavin Leverett
Her Faerie Tale is getting awfully grim.
Deor Smithfield had it all figured out. She had a great education, a new job teaching at a good university, and a plan to move across the country to start her new life.
Then her body betrayed her, and she seemed to be falling prey to the same wasting sickness that killed her mother. When medical science failed her in spectacular fashion, Deor's grandmother told her that her long-lost father was more than just another deadbeat dad - he was a faerie, and she's a Changeling, half-human, half-fae.
Now Deor has to rush to Faerie in search of her missing father before his magical parting gift kills her. She's in a new world with no friends, no money, no job, and only a few days to find her disappearing daddy before she's kicked back out into the mundane world to die.
Oh yeah, and somebody's hunting Changelings in Faerie.
Changeling's Fall is the first volume of the Eisteddfod Chronicles, the stunning debut contemporary high fantasy series from Sarah Joy Adams and Emily Lavin Leverett.
Available now in print and digital from Falstaff Books! WWW.FalstaffBooks.com.
Available now from Falstaff Books
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By Edmund Schubert.
"(Edmund Schubert is) a writer I stay up late reading" Faith Hunter, NY Times bestselling author of the Jane Yellowrock series.
Acclaimed editor Edmund R. Schubert hangs up his editorial hat to explore issues both global and personal in this exquisite short story collection. Life, Death, Aliens, Zombies, Love, Loss, Apocalypse, Space Travel - these are just a few of the topics Schubert looks at in This Giant Leap. In this volume readers will find science fiction, horror, fantasy and new genre blends, all told with Schubert's characteristic heart and glorious writing style.
“Edmund Schubert writes with flair, with wit, with stunning imagination. His plot lines twist and surprise and, ultimately, satisfy. And his characters remain with you long after you’ve stopped turning the pages. Savor this collection, but beware: When you’re done with these, you’re just going to want more.” — David B. Coe/D.B. Jackson
Available now in print and ebook from Falstaff Books. WWW.FalstaffBooks.com.