In Her Arms

by Gayle Keo

  Rebecca sighed and returned to her stew. “But why New York? You can stay in Chicago. I can make the drive to Chicago. I can’t drive to New York.”

  “Then you can come live with me,” Tilly said. She immediately regretted the words. Living with her mom at the age of thirty-seven was not how Tilly had envisioned her life but, then again, nothing about her life was how she envisioned it.

  “I don’t want to live in New York,” Rebecca huffed. “It’s loud, noisy, and dirty. And everyone lives in apartments. No outdoor space. How can I grow my garden? You know I like to garden.”

  “I can buy a house for you,” Tilly shrugged. She had inheritance money left to her by her grandparents who were thrilled at Tilly’s choice of a career. She was the success of the family. Her townhouse in Chicago was worth well over $1 million and she hoped to get its money’s worth before she moved to New York.

  Rebecca finished stirring her stew and put the spoon down. She turned and looked her daughter in the eye. “So you’re really going to leave?”

  Tilly paused before nodding. “Yes, I am. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. I’d be crazy to give it up.”

  A single tear ran from Rebecca’s green eyes down her cheek. “So you’re going to leave your elderly mother alone?”

  “Mom.” Tilly rolled her eyes at her mother’s dramatics. “I’m not leaving you. You can come with me.”

  Rebecca turned away from Tilly. “I’ll have to think about it. Moving with you means I have to sell the house, sell the furniture, and a million other things.”

  “Why don’t you rent it out?” Tilly suggested.

  “I wouldn’t know how to manage a rental, especially living so far away. I’d rather just sell it.”

  Tilly nodded. It made sense. She thought about renting out her townhouse as well but the logistics behind it described by the realtor were just too much. And she was looking for a fresh start in New York City. Holding on to the townhouse was not a fresh start at all.

  “Have you told Deena and April about your move?” Rebecca asked. She covered the pot and moved to the refrigerator, removing various things.

  “Nope, but they are next. I wanted to tell you first.” Tilly wasn’t sure how her two best friends would react to the move but if her mother’s reaction was any indication, it wouldn’t be good.

  “Well, tell them I’m not thrilled with any of it either,” Rebecca said sullenly. “Are you coming back for dinner?”

  Tilly paused, “Um, can you put a plate for me in the microwave?”

  Rebecca sighed, “Yes, I will.”

  Tilly kissed her mom on the cheek and rushed out of the house before Rebecca could say anything else. She hopped into her car and made the two-and-a-half-hour drive back into Chicago, navigating the streets until she ended up in front of Deena and April’s house. She jumped out of the car and jogged up to the building, pressing the buzzer.

  “It’s me, girls!” Tilly announced when she heard Deena’s voice.

  The door clicked open and Tilly raced through. She took the elevator to the fifth floor and entered Deena and April’s apartment.

  “Hey, chica!” April cried out. She wore grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt. It was clear she had on no bra and as much as Tilly tried not to look, she couldn’t help but watch April’s boobs bounce under the shirt.

  “Hey.” Tilly collapsed on the couch. “It smells good in here. Is Deena cooking?”

  “Of course she is,” April said with an eye roll. “Trying some new recipe. Now that you’re here, you have to try it with me.”

  “And if we die?” Tilly asked, half joking, half serious.

  “Then we die as best friends,” April said with a laugh.

  Tilly shook her head. She had met Deena and April when they were all sophomores in college. Tilly had been questioning her sexuality, so making friends with a lesbian couple, a couple that was particularly in love with one another, gave her a sense of comfort and belonging. She could ask them whatever questions and they would answer honestly. When Deena and April married one year after graduating, Tilly was one of their witnesses. But despite being so caught up in her best friends’ love story, love never found her. She blamed it on her job, the erratic hours and little personal time. But she knew it was much more than that.

  “I have an announcement to make,” Tilly said when she, Deena, and April were sitting around the table. A steaming plate of amazing Thai food was in between them and Tilly’s mouth watered.

  “Oh, I love announcements!” Deena said. She was the more eclectic of the couple, even though she was the same age as Tilly. While April was more reserved, Deena was more outgoing. Her hair was cut short and died bright purple. She had sleeve tattoos and dressed bohemian, “1960s cult chic”, as April called it. But if there was ever a couple that complimented one another, it was Deena and April.

  “Well,” Tilly began, “I got a job in New York City.” She looked at Deena and April’s faces for reaction but saw none until Deena’s mask broke.

  “And you’re taking it? The job?” Deena asked.

  Tilly nodded. “I am. I’m trying to convince my mom to move with me but you know how she is.”

  Deena nodded. Her face was a mix of emotions. Although she smiled, her eyes were sad and watery. April, on the other hand, looked angry.

  “New York is so far away, though.” Deena grabbed a napkin and dabbed at her eyes. “We’ve never been so far apart in all the years of our friendship. I don’t even know how to do long distance friendship.”

  “Aw, why do you have to label it already. Long distance friendship. Really?” Tilly asked.

  “Really,” Deena replied. “But I’m happy for you. If this is something you really want to do, then I’m all for it. We both are. Right, April?” Deena nudged her wife, who still hadn’t said anything.

  April mumbled something incoherently and got up from the table.

  “She’s really upset,” Tilly said when April disappeared deeper into the apartment.

  “You’re our best friend.” Deena took a sip of wine from her glass. “We’re going to miss you.”

  “You guys make it sound as if I’m dying. I’m moving away. I know we’ll be further apart but we’ll still be best friends, right?”

  Deena smiled, “Of course. And besides, April and I will be visiting you every chance we get. So it’ll be like we’re still living close to one another.”

  Tilly laughed and she and Deena continued on their conversation as if Tilly hadn’t announced anything. April emerged minutes later and walked over to Tilly, wrapping her in a big hug.

  “I’m sorry,” she said with a lopsided smile. “You know I don’t take to change well.”

  “I know. I love you guys.” Tilly wrapped her arms around April and then they returned to their dinner, debating amongst themselves where in New York City Tilly should live and how many bedrooms her apartment should have.

  “And you need to get a pet,” April said. “I know your mom might be going with you but,” she paused, “still get a pet.”

  Tilly laughed. She was ready for this new chapter in her life and knowing her best friends were happy for her made the new chapter much more exciting.

  *****

  “Jeez, Jen, they aren’t lying when they say this is the city that never sleeps.” Tilly collapsed on a chair in the employee lounge while one of the ER nurses, Jennifer, went to the vending machine.

  “You worked in Chicago before here,” Jen pointed out. “You should be used to this.”

  “No.” Tilly shook her head. “Chicago is busy but New York is on a different caliber.”

  Jen stuck a dollar bill and some change into the machine. “You’re used to it, though. We had a nurse here from somewhere in Wyoming, I think. She left after two months. Couldn’t take it.”

  Tilly understood why. She was on her feet constantly for her eight hour shifts and often did ten or twelve hours a day. She was supposed to have a one day on, one day off schedule, but as she was ne
w and needed to impress her colleagues, Tilly worked as many hours as she could.

  “You’re going to burn yourself out,” Rebecca had said when she came to visit. Rebecca had chosen to remain back in Illinois. New York City was just too loud for her. She visited often, but small-town Illinois was where she belonged.

  “You should seriously consider getting laid,” Jennifer said with a sly grin.

  Tilly chuckled and shook her head. Jennifer was also a lesbian, which was a relief for Tilly. Jen showed Tilly all the hotspots and even introduced her to a couple of people. Tilly still wasn’t completely settled in but she at least had numbers of people who would give her a helping hand if she needed one. And have sex with her if she ever wanted it.

  “Jen,” Tilly said, “how many times do I have to tell you that relationships between employees rarely work out?”

  “Relationship? Who said relationship?” Jen asked, stuffing a piece of cinnamon roll into her mouth. “I just want to get my tongue wet.”

  Tilly gasped and said a silent prayer of thanks that no one else was in the room. “Say that any louder, Jen. Go ahead,” she said sarcastically.

  Jen laughed loudly. “Come on, Tilly. We both need a little something, something to hold us over. No one will ever know and we can go on like nothing happened.”

  Tilly found herself wanting to say yes. She had been incredibly horny since moving to New York. Everywhere she looked were beautiful women of all shapes, sizes, races, and ethnicities. The chances of them all being lesbian were slim to none but that didn’t stop Tilly from looking. Her thirty-eighth birthday was fast approaching and, as a little girl, Tilly had imagined that she would at least be married with one child already.

  Funny how life turned out.

  “I’ll think about it,” Tilly finally said.

  Jen beamed and walked closer to Tilly. She stuck out her tongue and ran it along the side of Tilly’s neck.

  Tilly shuddered but pulled herself together. “No, Jen. We gotta get back to work.”

  “Fine,” Jen pouted.

  Tilly emerged from the room just as her pager beeped. “Here we go,” she said.

  Three car accident victims arrived, two women and one man. The women were in critical condition while the man had been stabilized in the ambulance and was still conscious and alert. Tilly focused all of her attention on one of the women who had a severe head injury.

  “We need to get into the OR ASAP!” Tilly yelled out to nurses working on getting the woman’s clothes off. She wasn’t sure if the woman could be saved, but she was going to try her hardest like she would do for any other patient.

  After five intense hours of surgery, Tilly stitched the woman’s head closed and went to go talk to the family. This was the part she didn’t like, especially for this particular case. She didn’t want to tell them the prognosis of their family member but she knew if she was in their position she would want honesty.

  She entered the small room reserved for the families of emergency patients and was surprised to see the room full of ultra-Orthodox Jewish men. Some rocked back and forth, their eyes closed, deep in prayer while others whispered amongst themselves. One man lifted his head when she came in and rose but made no attempt to walk closer to her.

  “Are you the doctor?” he asked with a heavy accent.

  Tilly nodded. “I am. Doctor Birkeland. Nice to meet you.”

  There was a sizeable community of ultra-Orthodox Jews in Chicago but Tilly couldn’t remember a time she ever interacted with them. April had told her men and women didn’t talk to members of the opposite sex and definitely didn’t shake hands with members of the opposite sex, so Tilly stuffed her hands into her pockets.

  “How is she?” the man asked.

  Tilly sighed. “Not well, sir. She has a severe brain injury. We did the best we could but…”

  “So she may die?” the man asked. Several other men gathered behind him and focused on her.

  “Her prognosis is not good. The damage to her brain is unfixable. If she does survive, she’s going to have special needs. She won’t be able to do anything for herself.”

  The man turned white. He lowered his head. “This is going to devastate her mother. First her husband, now her daughter. Her only child. I have to call my wife to call her.”

  Tilly was then ignored as the men turned their backs to her and huddled in prayer and conversation again. Not knowing what to do, she turned around and walked out of the room. Luckily for her, Jen was close by.

  “Hey, Jen, is it common for the men to just, I don’t know, ignore me?”

  Jen looked past Tilly’s shoulders into the room. “Oh, them? Yup. They have their own set of rules.”

  Tilly nodded and followed Jen back to the main wing of the emergency room. Tilly wasn’t a particularly religious woman but she would pray for the woman’s recovery even though the chances were extremely slim.

  “You okay?” Jen asked.

  Before Tilly could answer, her pager went off. She smiled and nodded her head. “Yep. Just fine.”

  *****

  “I’m so glad you guys could be here!” Tilly said as she hugged Deena and April. She couldn’t forget to hug the newcomer to the group, Lana, who hugged her back.

  The past couple months since Tilly had left Illinois had definitely led to some interesting changes. Deena and April had decided that they were ready for a baby and Lana was their surrogate. She was four months pregnant and had only a slight bulge that wasn’t noticeable until Tilly rubbed it.

  “When will you find out if it’s a girl or boy?” Tilly asked. She was going to be a godmother and wanted to start shopping as soon as possible.

  Deena laughed, “Not for another month. We’re thinking boy, though.”

  “I’m definitely coming to the baby shower,” Tilly said. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  Deena hugged Tilly and the four women proceeded out for a day and night on the town. Tilly had actually taken a day off and was very excited to show her best friends around New York City. They took the train down to Battery Park City from her Upper East Side apartment. The ride was interesting, to say the least. There was no shortage of panhandlers and young men and women dancing on the train for tips. It was something Tilly still was getting used to, herself. She almost always gave the dancers a dollar or two but withheld from the other panhandlers.

  “Never know who’s lying,” a woman had said as Tilly took the train to work just a couple weeks after arriving in the city. “Some are junkies and just want another score. I’d rather keep my dollar. Every one counts in New York City.”

  The day had become incredibly cloudy by the time they exited the train station.

  “Is it supposed to rain today?” April asked.

  Tilly shook her head. “No. I saw nothing about rain. Exactly why I chose this day. The weather is supposed to be crappy for the next couple of days.”

  “Well, then, maybe it’s just a passing cloud. Let’s not let it spoil our fun!” April said. She looped her arm through Lana’s, who insisted she didn’t need help but accepted it when April gave her a stern look.

  “No one is afraid of boats or water, right?” Tilly asked.

  “Why?” Deena said.

  “Because I figured we could take a boat trip to Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty.”

  “Oh that sounds like so much fun! I’ve always wanted to visit Ellis Island. My great grandmother came to America from Croatia through Ellis Island,” Lana said.

  “Oh that’s so cool!” Tilly said. “We can look for her name and information, I believe.”

  They went into Battery Park’s fort to buy the ferry tickets and went to stand in line for the next ferry to take them across the river.

  “The sun is starting to come out,” April commented as she looked up at the sky. “That’s a relief.”

  A ferry came back in and when the people on it departed, Tilly, April, Deena, and Lana boarded. They all stood by the railing, lost in their own world
s despite the clicking of cameras and the loud voices of the people behind them.

  Tilly didn’t want to admit it aloud, but she was incredibly jealous of April and Deena. They had each other and now they had a baby coming soon. Tilly didn’t necessarily want children but she did want someone to spend the rest of her life with. She wouldn’t dare admit her loneliness to her friends, though. They would try to set her up immediately and Tilly didn’t want that at all. She wanted to be her own matchmaker.

  “Lana, are you feeling okay?” April asked.

  Tilly left her daydream and turned to Lana, who was as white as a ghost and gripped the railing hard. Her eyes were closed and she swayed.

  “Yeah,” Lana replied, non-convincingly. “I just—”

  “You’re not fine!” Deena interrupted. “You look like shit. Are you getting sick?”

  “Just a little,” Lana managed to squeak out.

  “Okay. Come. Let’s go downstairs. You need to sit down and be somewhere to get your equilibrium back to where it should be.”

  Tilly helped Deena and April with Lana down the stairs, which was where they stayed for the duration of the ferry ride.

  “Feeling better now that we’re on solid land?” Tilly asked Lana.

  She nodded, “Much better.”

  “Will you be okay to go on to Ellis Island?” April asked. “If not, then we can go back.”

  “I don’t want to ruin the day that Tilly laid out for us,” Lana whispered.

  “You wouldn’t be ruining the day at all! Trust me. I’m pretty hungry, anyway, and would love to find a great restaurant for some food,” Tilly said just as her stomach growled loudly. “I’ll ask the workers when the next ferry back to Battery Park is and we can hop on it.”

  After fifteen minutes of exploring and picture taking, the four women headed back onto a ferry bound for Battery Park City. Tilly wasn’t upset in the least, especially because the clouds had returned and the weather was becoming less and less favorable.