Shattered & Scarred: The Sacred Hearts MC

by A. J. Downey

  Still, he had one iron clad rule that he never deviated from, and I had broken that rule. Obedience always, in all things. I wore the chain of his obedience around my neck even now and my defiance, my not returning to him when I had been expected to… I closed my eyes. I didn’t even want to think of the consequences. If I were fortunate he would just lock me in a room. That had been the last time I had disobeyed him, and the last time I had ever been allowed to leave the house unaccompanied.

  Once upon a time I had been given a small allowance, I had been allowed to go out and have my hair and nails done, of course to his specifications, still I had been allowed the illusion of an afternoon of freedom… My hair stylist, she and I had gotten along quite well and I’d gone off of the regimented schedule to have lunch with her.

  Maynard, my husband’s head of security had told Chadwick of my transgression. I’d been dragged by my hair to our bedroom. He’d taken a switch to me until I’d passed out and when I woke it was to realize I’d been locked in. All of the books, music, writing implements, all of it had been removed. He would come to me in the evenings and would have me spend all night on my knees, forcing me to recite over and over my marriage vows of ‘love, honor and obey’. Food was withheld for the first week. I got water from the bathroom tap. I’d remained in the gilded prison of my room for I think a month, all though at some point he’d stopped locking the door. He’d just never told me I could go and I was terrified of crossing him again. Only when he’d told me I could did I leave the room, but I was never to leave the house outside of his presence ever again.

  I returned to the here and now after a long time of staring out the window over the kitchen sink. I dried my hands and set about putting things away, leaving out what I would need to fix a good dinner for the men. I washed my hands again after handling the packages of food and set to work preparing baked herb chicken and broccoli. I prepared a salad to go with it and lightly dressed it with oil and balsamic and plated everything, bringing it out to the table and serving everyone carefully.

  “Woah hey!” Dragon cheered.

  “Thanks Doll.” Doc said.

  “Awesome, you’re the best!” Reaver said around a mouthful of chicken. Dray just glowered at me and I nodded, secretly pleased by the majorities’ appreciation.

  I returned to the kitchen and Chandra who sat at the counter with one of the bar stools. She had her reading glasses perched on her nose and was reading some kind of romance novel. I set a plate beside her and joined her with one of my own.

  “Brought these for you.” She said, setting two of the volumes down by my plate. I smiled and said thank you.

  “You scared?” she asked, looking at me over her glasses. I nodded and folded my hands in my lap.

  “Honey let me ask you something,” she pulled her glasses off her face and closed her book, sliding both aside. “Do you honestly think Trigger is going to let anything happen to you?”

  “Why do you call him that?” I asked, to buy myself some time to sort through what I thought of and how I felt about Ethan.

  “He was a sniper in the Marines.” She answered and took a bite of her food.

  “Oh.” I said and ate some of mine.

  “Now answer my question.” She said.

  “I don’t know honestly.” I murmured and it was the truth. I didn’t know anything about the man really, I knew that he was kind and that he went out of his way to care for me but I didn’t know why.

  “I’ve known Trigger for a few years now and I’ve never seen him look at anybody the way he looks at you. He’s gone all fierce male protector on your ass and that’s a good thing, Sweetheart. Trig’s a good man. He’ll look after you. You ain’t got nothing to worry about.” She ate the rest of her meal in silence and so did I, mulling over what she’d said.

  As I was washing plates and cleaning up I caught myself wondering why I couldn’t have met Ethan ten years ago instead of meeting Chadwick. I sighed. There really was no use thinking along such lines. I was tired again and my whole body ached from my husband’s beating and all the cleaning I’d done. It was time for me to go to bed.

  I slipped past the men at their poker game and into the back and Ethan’s room, changing once more into his shirt. I hung everything up and sat on the bed. I pulled my two movies out and put on Les Miserables and laid down to watch. I don’t remember at which part I fell asleep. I think it was when Fantine was dying, and Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean was at her side. Either way I never heard him come in.

  I woke to a silent and dark room and strong arms lifting me gently against a solid chest. I settled in against Ethan and sighed in contentment. The tempest of emotion raging in my heart and head momentarily quieted.

  “You awake?” he asked softly voice husky.

  “Mmm.” Was all I could put out, I was awake but not enough to for coherent sentences.

  “Okay Babe.” He kissed my forehead, a soft brush of lips against my skin and I felt like it swept down my whole body. Like I lit up with a luminescence from the inside out. I drew in a long breath and let it out slowly and with my cheek resting against the swell of his chest, I fell into a much more fitful sleep. I woke again midmorning but Ethan was gone. A note was tucked into the corner of the television screen that read ‘Ashton’ on the front in flowing script. I blinked and plucked it down, opening it to read it.

  Hey Sunshine,

  Glad you’re up. You smell like orange blossoms and I fucking love it. I smiled and continued to read.

  Reaver, Doc and Dragon filled me in when I got back last night. You don’t have anything to worry about. I’m here, he’s not. I’m out looking for a place and then I’m heading to work. Maybe you’ll be awake when I get back tonight, maybe you won’t, either way I’m glad you’re in my bed.

  Relax.

  You’re safe.

  -Ethan.

  The bottom of the note had an intricately drawn rose and stem that was so lifelike it took my breath away. I felt a stab of guilt for not having any breakfast ready for him before he went out. I got up and got ready for the day.

  Showered and dressed I headed into the common area. Dragon sat at the bar smoking a cigarette and I ghosted up beside him.

  “Can I fix you some breakfast sir?” I asked and he jerked back as if I’d slapped him.

  “You scared the shit out of me!” he said.

  “I’m sorry.” I dropped my eyes to the floor and blushed.

  “Don’t be, just make some fucking noise next time.” He put a hand over his heart and I bit my lip.

  “What’s your story?” he asked.

  “I’d better make some coffee.” I huffed and went into the kitchen. He leaned over so he could watch me.

  “You ain’t gotta tell me. Best you tell Trigger first, he’s the one that found you.” He settled himself again.

  “I did, the night of the party… Breakfast?” I asked.

  “Got any eggs?” he asked.

  “Of course.” I murmured, “How would you like them prepared?”

  “Over easy.” He grunted. I moved about the kitchen, I was growing comfortable in it. If anything, with Ethan gone, it was becoming my safe place. I knew what I was about in the kitchen. I could make my own decisions for the most part. Chadwick had only once gotten me about something I’d done wrong in the kitchen and I really hadn’t… he had been in a bad mood.

  I had slaved preparing a beautiful, no, flawless braised pork roast and had served it to him with pride. He’d demanded to know what it was that I had thought I was doing. Said he’d specifically requested the dish Chicken and Forty Cloves for that night and when I had disagreed, when I had tried to stand up for myself… Well I had to be corrected.

  Hands gripped mine gently and I looked up into sorrowful dark eyes. I blinked, and the imposing mountain of a man thumbed a tear from my cheek.

  “I can’t eat six eggs Chica.” He said gently. I looked down into the pan and burst into sobs, tears falling like rain.

  “You got a l
ot going on in that head of yours yeah?” he asked when I’d calmed down. I nodded.

  “Want me to call Trigger?” I shook my head violently. I didn’t want him to have to come running back every time I had a little melt down.

  “That’s the second time you’ve said no to that, wanna tell me why?” I sniffed and turned back to the stove.

  “Scrambled is fine, not answering my question isn’t.” my shoulders slumped.

  “He can’t save me all the time…” I murmured, “I have to learn to save myself too.” I was startled by a boom of laughter.

  “Sorry, just you and Trig are gonna make a pair.” He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

  “Why do you say that?” I asked.

  “Girl, you’re three days out of Hell and you’re acting like you should be just fine. Shit like that takes time. Trig was the same way when he came back from Afghanistan took him a few years to get back to any kind of normal. Helped me turn this club around.” He crossed his arms and it didn’t look completely right with how massive his arms were. I plated half the eggs and set about making some toast.

  “I don’t know much about him.” I confessed.

  “Give that a little time too.” He said. I plated his toast and went and got him butter and jam out of the fridge.

  He sat at a table and I joined him with the rest of the eggs and some toast of my own. We ate in relative silence.

  “What were you planning on doing today?” he asked.

  “Laundry…” I answered softly.

  “I’ll show you where the machines are at.” He said.

  “Thank you.” I murmured.

  I cleaned up the breakfast dishes and followed Dragon on a tour of the clubhouse, specifically where the laundry machines were, which was outside, out back on a covered porch. He left me back at Ethan’s room after showing me where he could be found should I need anything.

  It was quickly made apparent to me that Dray was nothing like his father, which was a shame. I liked the older man. He was more like Ethan, having much the same vibe. I checked Ethan’s pockets and washed his clothes along with the few things I’d worn so far. I cracked one of Chandra’s romance novels while the clothes washed and was decently engrossed in it when I switched them over to the dryer.

  I folded and put everything away and watched Les Mis all the way through from the beginning. I got up after that and went into the kitchen and prepared a meal, then went in search of Dragon. I knocked softly at the edge of his open door. He looked up from a book of his own and said,

  “What’s up Chica?” I chewed my bottom lip.

  “I would like to take Ethan some dinner. He didn’t come back and I think it’s safe to assume he’s at work.” I said.

  “Yeah he should be.” He looked me over.

  “Dress as warm as you can. Meet me out front.” He said and heaved himself up.

  I was already in jeans and my sneakers I went and grabbed a sweater from the closet and then snatched one of Ethan’s hooded sweatshirts down. If Dragon said to dress warm I felt a motorcycle ride in my future.

  I pulled it on and went out front. Dragon looked me over.

  “It’ll have to do.” He said looking me over. I picked up the plastic grocery bag with Ethan’s dinner in it off the bar and looped my wrist through it.

  “Come on.” We went outside and he put a helmet on my head fastening the chinstrap all the while giving me instructions on what he expected out of a passenger.

  I listened gravely to what he was saying.

  “Last, but most importantly.” He said, putting a finger in my face and I listened, rapt. “Enjoy the ride Baby.” and I smiled. He grinned and got on. I got up on my own with a little trepidation and held on for dear life as he started the machine. I felt the vibrations in my tailbone go all the way up my spine and he stuffed my hands in his pockets.

  “Since you don’t have gloves, keep ‘em there!” he shouted. I nodded and we lurched forward. I bit down on a yip of surprise and tried not to stiffen up and to go with the flow.

  My heart pounded the whole thirty minutes to where Ethan worked and I realized I had no idea what he did. I was surprised when we pulled up outside a tattoo shop. Though after the artwork on his note that morning, I really shouldn’t have been. I just imagined him doing something more labor intensive I guess.

  Shame on me for stereo typing.

  Chapter 7

  Trig…

  I laid some blue ink into the piece I was working on when I heard the door open. Chris, my counter man, didn’t say a word. God damned lazy fuck. I shook my head and continued working. I caught sight of movement out of the corner of my eye in the entry way to my station and looked up. I pulled the gun away from my customer and killed the power by stepping off the pedal.

  “Hey.” I said startled.

  “Hi.” She said softly. She was wearing her jeans and sneakers but was wearing one of my sweatshirts.

  “We cool for a break Donnie?” I asked my customer.

  “Fuck yeah I need a smoke.” Donnie pushed up and staggered toward the front. I stripped off my latex gloves with a snap and tossed them.

  “What’re you doin’ here Babe? Everything all right?” I asked.

  She nodded and held out a plastic grocery bag tied at the top.

  “I made you dinner.” She said gently.

  I blinked.

  “You brought me dinner?” I asked. She nodded, eyes wide.

  “Lasagna.” She murmured and looked like she was about to panic.

  I stood up and she flinched and I probably should have been gentler but I pulled her into a hug.

  “Thanks.” I whispered gruffly against her hair and breathed deep her orange blossom scent. Her small arms went around my waist after a moment and hugged me back. I smiled and let her go, taking the bag from her.

  “How did you get here?” I asked.

  “She asked me, Brother.” I looked up. Dragon stood, arms crossed in that ungainly way of his and I raised an eyebrow.

  Ashton was blushing a delectable light pink and I smiled and before I realized what I was doing I asked her,

  “You wanna stay?” her beautiful sad face broke into one of those rare but brilliant smiles and she nodded.

  “You mind?” I asked Dragon.

  “Naw man. I’ll see you two back at the club house, give me a chance to stop by Sugar’s.” He grinned. Sugar’s was the local tittie bar but Ashton didn’t need to know that. I nodded.

  “I’ll leave her helmet on the counter, you have fun Chica.” He winked at her and she gave him a smile and waved.

  “There’s lasagna in the kitchen back at the house. It’s in the foil wrapped pan on the counter.” She murmured at him. He grinned.

  “Thanks Baby Doll.” He said and turned around, I heard him whistling as he went out the door. I put the food in the bottom drawer of my filing cabinet.

  “Why don’t you go on and have a seat up there.” I pointed to the dentist chair, raised and laid flat against one wall. I had Donnie sitting in the massage chair.

  “What made you come all the way out here to bring me dinner?” I asked when she was settled. She hugged her knees and a ghost of a smile flickered across her mouth.

  “I think I missed you.” She said and that made me smile.

  “I been meaning to ask you…” I searched her face, I had her attention; her expression was rapt.

  “Isn’t there anyone I can call for you? Your folks or a brother or sister?” I almost regretted asking, grief clouded her expression for a moment and she hugged her knees.

  “Folks are gone, I was an only child… I grew up in foster care from the time I was eleven.” She answered. Her eyes were affixed on her knees and she picked at one of the drawstrings for the hood of my sweatshirt.

  “What happened?” I asked her.

  “My mom got cancer, my dad skipped town… Too much I guess.” She shrugged one shoulder.

  “You said you met your douche bag ex in college.” I said
. “Don’t know many foster kids that go to college.” I commented. I snapped on another pair of gloves and started cleaning up my area some.

  “Full academic scholarship.” She smiled triumphantly.

  “You stay in touch with your foster parents?” I asked. Mostly to get the measure of how they’d treated her.

  “At first. The Tuckers were really good to me. They had two boys but Mrs. Tucker had a lot of love to give and really wanted a girl around and so they took me in.” she was smiling faintly.

  “She taught me how to cook.” She said.

  “A damn fine job she did too.” I smiled at her and she lit right the fuck up like a thousand watt bulb under the praise and the sight was enough to thaw out a part of me I thought was long cold and dead.

  Donnie returned and sat back down, eyes closed.

  “Who’s the chick?” he asked.

  “I’m Ashton.” She murmured and he cracked open one eyelid. I could tell it had cost her to speak up but she’d done it anyways, she was a fighter this one, in her own way.

  “Donnie.” He grunted and I started back in on his shoulder.

  “Pleased to meet you Donnie.” She could barely be heard over the buzz of my gun. Quiet as a damned mouse this one. If her eyes hadn’t already done me in with their burnished gold hue she probably would have been tagged ‘Mouse’ rather than ‘Sunshine’ in my brain.

  She stared transfixed at what I was doing. Golden gaze locked, as I pretty mercilessly ground some blue ink around the image on Donnie’s shoulder. He was into MMA fighting and had requested an arctic fox on the swell of his left shoulder. The blue was going around the fox to bring it out more. Donnie Fox was his fighting name, hence the tattoo.

  “Doesn’t that hurt?” she asked when I paused to reload on ink.

  “What do you think Princess?” Donnie grunted and I wiped the area a little harder than was necessary. He cracked an eyelid in my direction. I shook my head and gave him a warning look. He frowned.