Darkest Sin

by Ashton Blackthorne

  I sniffled rubbing my nose with the heel of my hand. The room was oppressively hot even though it was below freezing outside. Pellets of sleet had just begun to fall hitting the car outside. “I’ve thought about this. I don’t know any other way I can keep the twins near me. If I don’t do it, she’ll move to her sister’s. I can’t stop her. I can’t get custody. My drug and criminal history assure that.”

  “But what about Ava and Ash? They got you out of a murder rap!”

  I scratched the back of my neck. Perspiration was soaking me causing my shirt to cling to my skin. “That was different. Sasha will leak this to the press. Ash is a prominent figure. The paparazzi will be all over the story. Even after the story dies down, in the future it could hurt the twins. I can’t have them being torn apart when they discover what happened between their parents when they’re older. Reese, baby, I’m so sorry, but this is the only way.”

  She shook her head vehemently. She grabbed me by the arms. “You’re killing me. You know that, don’t you? My heart feels like it will burst.” She gasped in choking sobs.

  The sleet fell harder making loud pinging noises. The wind started to howl from the north. The Nor’ester was upon us. Great. That would make driving next to impossible if I didn’t leave soon and I didn’t know how much more pain I could stand.

  “My decision is final. I have to leave now,” I mumbled zipping up my suitcase. This was the hardest thing I’d ever done. The room felt as though it were closing in on me. If I hesitated much longer, I’d lose what little resolve I had.

  “I’ll never have children. Being the twins’ stepmother was the closest I’ll ever come. I watched those babies being born. I held them after they were born. It was like they were mine, too. If you leave, I’ll never see them.” She cried. Her eyes were nearly swollen shut.

  “I can bring them by, Reese. I promise you I will. I’m not trying to cut you out of my life. Maybe we can still see each other too.” I hinted hoping against hope she would agree. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad like that.

  “Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, you want to play father of the year living with your babies’ momma making me the whore on the side? Fuck you!” She screamed.

  Startled with her burst of hatred, I picked up my suitcase moving towards the door. It was really coming down out there now. I heard the roar of the ocean in the distance.

  “You’re not leaving. I’m leaving!” she yelled as she raced to the closet and threw out a suitcase. She quickly filled it with clothing and zipped it shut. “I don’t want your fucking house. I don’t want anything from you ever again!” She cried running out of the bedroom.

  Quickly, I caught up with her and pushed her away from the door. “Reese, there’s a huge storm out there. You can’t leave. I’m giving you this house. It’s yours.”

  Glaring at me through swollen lids, she shook her head. “I don’t want it. I’m done with you. You’ve broke my heart. I don’t give a shit what you have to say!” She tried to push past me, but I held her firmly.

  She wrestled her arm free and slapped me hard across the face. She ripped off the necklace I’d given her with the red string of fate bow pendant tossing it into my face. “Fuck you! Get your hands off of me! I’m going to Ava’s.” She grabbed her suitcase and fled the house.

  I stood watching her drive away feeling helpless. Walking back into the bedroom, I scooped up the broken gold chain and the red bow pendant. I pressed it to my chest and sank down onto the floor. I felt broken, shattered inside. There was nothing left.

  One Hundred Thirteen

  Ash

  A loud knock at the door in the middle of the night was never a good thing, I thought as I stumbled out the bed towards the door.

  Amber sat up in the bed rubbing her eyes. “What’s going on?”

  The dogs began barking loudly as I went downstairs to open the door. I was surprised to see Reese standing there her face blotchy and red.

  “Reese! Come in.” I held the door open for her. This was not going to be good. I wondered what Ayden had done now.

  “I’m sorry to bother you in the middle of the night like this. Ava wasn’t home and I didn’t know where else to go.” She blotted her swollen eyes with a tissue.

  Amber rushed down the stairs to see who was there. “Reese, what’s wrong?” Amber embraced her.

  “I’m sorry to bother you both. It’s Ayden. He’s going to live….with Sasha.” Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.

  “Oh no,” Amber tried to comfort her.

  Shit, I thought. He’s done it again. He was so anxious to prove his love for his twins he was willing to sacrifice his own life for them. If he were in front of me now, I’d slap him.

  “Let me get you some tea. Or would you rather coffee?” Amber asked leading Reese to the kitchen table.

  I sighed knowing I’d likely be up the rest of the night.

  “Tea is fine.”

  Amber filled the tea kettle with water and turned on the burner. Then she sat down across from her.

  “Tell us what happened.”

  When Ayden told me he was going to be the father of twins, my heart flipped. I didn’t know what to say or think. I was thrilled for him, but ached because I wasn’t the one carrying those twins. I stayed by his side and hers for the pregnancy. I swallowed my pride despite Ava telling me not to. I just had to be with him, with them when they were born.

  Seeing those babies being born was the most precious thing I’d ever seen. Taking them into my arms for the first time, I marveled at their skin so soft, so new, so pink. Their tiny fingers and toes were perfectly formed. When Devin looked up at me with his deep blue eyes, I melted. Silently, I promised him I’d always love him and take care of him. The twins weren’t mine by birth, but my love for them made them mine. They were a part of Ayden, the man I loved, therefore, they were mine too.

  I watched Ayden holding his beautiful babies and it touched me. I knew he was going to make a terrific father. The man who’d been so full of rage, hatred, and vengeance was gone. In his place stood a man ready to face the world changed, renewed with the hope of the new lives he held in his arms.

  And I was more than happy to be by his side.

  The months passed. Every time the twins came over, I acted as their mother. I held them, changed them, and fed them. Nature had cheated me by not allowing me to give birth to my own children, but I had been gifted with these children. I loved them like they were my own. Embracing Ayden’s promise that we would be a real family, I let myself fall madly in love with the twins. I devoted every moment to Ayden and his babies.

  Until Sasha pulled the rug out from under me.

  Holding Devin in my arms, I rocked him in the chair until he fell asleep. He’d been quite fussy lately not wanting to settle down after his bottle. The doctor had told Ayden it was just gas, but after two solid nights without sleep I was at my wits’ end. Ayden had left to get some medicine for him at the pharmacy. I had been rocking him hoping that his wails wouldn’t wake Laney. She’d just fallen asleep. She wasn’t having the same problems. She was an excellent sleeper.

  Devin had just quieted down after several minutes of crying. I kept rocking him even though I was exhausted.

  We both fell asleep in the rocking chair when Ayden walked into the nursery. His eyes were red and swollen, as though he’d been crying. The stricken look on his face shattered me.

  “Ayden, what is it?” I still held the sleeping baby in my arms. Laney stirred in her crib. Ayden bent to brush her forehead with his lips.

  “It’s Sasha.” He ran his hands through his hair. His face was blotchy and he kept sniffling.

  “What happened?”

  He swore as he paced across the floor clenching and unclenching his fists.

  I kept holding baby Devin in my arms. He looked so peaceful sleeping like a tiny angel with his little hands curled beneath his chin. His face was so like Ayden’s. His little brow furrowed even as he slept.

  “She wants me to�
�” he trailed off as if he couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

  I already knew what he was going to say. I gasped knowing that someday she would do this. “She wants you to live with her,” I finished for him. My mouth went dry as I contemplated what that would mean for us.

  “Yes,” he whispered brokenly. “I don’t want to, oh God knows, I don’t want to, but I don’t see any other way.”

  I held my breath closing my eyes. This was the moment I’d been dreading since the twins were born. He was going to have to choose between me and his children.

  And I’d already lost. I could see it written on his face. He’d tried to fight her and he’d given up all without any input from me. Devin’s body felt warm in my arms and I cuddled him a bit tighter to my chest. He nuzzled his head against my breasts. “Why can’t we continue the joint custody arrangement? I thought Sasha enjoyed having some of her nights free to run with that motorcycle club she’s always hanging around.”

  Ayden threw his hands in the air. “Got me. I thought she liked it, too. I heard she was seeing one of the bikers.”

  “You can’t at least get joint custody?” I tried to fight the tears that were blurring my vision.

  “I talked with my attorneys the other day. They said given my criminal and drug abuse history I would be lucky to get visitation.”

  Biting my lip, I looked out the window. There was a full moon tonight and the moonlight shone in through the filmy curtains. “Okay, worst case scenario, you have to live with her for a while. We can still be together, can’t we?”

  Ayden rubbed his goatee and shook his head. “Baby, I don’t think we can. It’s not fair to you. I can’t ask you to wait for me for eighteen years. That’s crazy.”

  My heart was a dull ache. There was a terrible gnawing in the pit of my stomach. “You can’t be serious. I love you. You’re in love with me! We were getting married next year.” Alarmed, I sat up heedless of Devin sleeping.

  He began to cry.

  “Let me take him, Reese.” Ayden reached his arms out.

  I held Devin close and turned away. “Please, don’t do this, Ayden. I love you. I love the twins. This is my family. I’ve been raising these babies with you since they were born. They are the only babies I’ll ever have. Please, Ayden,” I pleaded with him. I adored Ayden and wanted to marry him, but I was also fighting for the twins, my twins. I loved them so much I couldn’t bear the thought of not being with them.

  “Reese, baby, I love you. You are my life, my world, my everything. If it were just the two of us, I’d tell her to fuck off, but these are my children. I owe it to them to be there for them. I would do anything for them even if it means sacrificing my own happiness.”

  “And mine,” I replied bitterly.

  He reached again for Devin. “It’s best that I go now. The longer we do this the worse it will be for you.”

  “You mean for you!” Devin was wailing loudly. I patted his bottom standing up to walk the floor with him. I sang ‘Baby Mine’ softly to him which seemed to soothe him. Laney stirred lightly in her crib. Ayden bent to check her. She had closed her eyes again.

  “I need to leave now,” he said in a low, flat voice.

  “You can’t. It’s the middle of the night!”

  “It’s better this way,” he muttered collecting the twins’ diaper bag and filling it with clothes and diapers.

  “No, it’s not. Ayden, we can make this work. There must be some other way.” I rationalized thinking he could see me a few nights a week and bring the twins over. He would just sleep apart from Sasha in her guest room. It wouldn’t be so bad.

  When I looked back at him, I saw he was openly crying. Tears coursed down his face as he picked up Laney from her crib. He slipped her into her car seat and carried her out. I stood there still holding Devin tightly to my chest. I could feel his tiny heartbeat against my own. Sobbing, I held fast to Devin.

  When Ayden came back, he was holding a suitcase. “Reese, you can stay here. I’ll give you the house. I’m not saying I won’t let you see the twins. I can bring them over sometimes without Sasha knowing.”

  Oh my God. He was going to take the babies from me. No, no, no. I couldn’t—oh God, I couldn’t stand it. My heart was slowly being crushed. I felt sick to my stomach. “Ayden, I can’t. Please, don’t leave?” I pleaded. He reached again to take Devin from me. I couldn’t bear for him to do it. Devin’s tiny body was so warm against mine. He clung to my shirt with his small fists.

  “Don’t make this worse than it has to be. You don’t want to hurt Devin, baby. I know you don’t.”

  When he said that, I relaxed my hold. I pressed my lips to Devin’s soft head inhaling his sweet scent of Baby Magic lotion. “Goodbye, my precious boy,” I whispered to him. “Mommy Reese will always love you.” With my heart breaking, I let Ayden take Devin and place him into his car seat. “Could I please tell Laney goodbye?”

  “Of course.”

  Following Ayden out to his Range Rover, I opened the back door and kissed Laney. She was awake, but quiet.

  After Ayden strapped Devin into his car seat, he turned to me. “I love you, Reese. I’ll always love you. I hope that you can understand.”

  I couldn’t think at that point. My whole world was collapsing upon me. If someone had jumped out of the shadows with a gun and shot me, I would’ve welcomed it.

  Ayden hugged me tightly, but I simply stood there unmoving. “I’ll call you tomorrow. We’ll work out a way for you to see them.” His eyes were swollen so badly he could barely see.

  I couldn’t feel. I couldn’t move. I nodded slightly.

  Ayden pulled away as I heard Devin start crying again in the backseat.

  “Wait!” I cried waving my arms in the air. “You forgot his favorite blanket!” I raced back inside to grab Devin’s favorite blue blanket, the one with little dolphins on it. He loved cuddling up to it as he slept in my arms. I called it his ‘Night-Night’ blanket.

  Before I made back out into the driveway, I saw the rear lights of Ayden’s Rover turn from our driveway. Collapsing into a heap in the doorway, I held the blanket to my chest as I sobbed uncontrollably. My babies, my husband to be were gone. There was no love. There was nothing. I was all alone.

  “My God, Reese, that’s awful. I can’t believe he did that. That doesn’t sound like Ayden.” Amber held her arms out to the broken woman. I sat there quietly listening to Reese pour her heart out to Amber who listened sympathetically. I couldn’t help but recall my earlier warnings to Ayden that this was bound to happen.

  “The water is ready.” I took the screaming kettle off of the burner.

  Amber met me in the kitchen and picked up a black coffee mug. “This is a wonderful chamomile blend. I think you’ll love it,” Amber babbled on about trivial things as she prepared Reese’s tea.

  Handing her a cup of steaming hot tea, Reese took it placing it onto the end table next to her. “I don’t know what to do,” she replied in a monotone. Her once tanned skin was now ghostly pale. Her eyes once so lively were dead now. She looked like a walking corpse.

  “Something will work out, Reese. Hang in there.” I patted her on the back. I wasn’t very good at comforting people.

  “Of course it will.” Amber tried to manage a cheerful smile.

  But I knew it would get worse before it got better.

  Later that day, Ayden called me to tell me that he would be dropping the twins off at my house several days a week, so Reese could visit with them. Both Amber and I agreed.

  One Hundred Fourteen

  Ayden

  A few months passed and I adjusted to living with Sasha. She was nothing like Reese. For a long time, I felt as though I were simply going through the motions. Devin and Laney cried more it seemed when Reese was gone. I wondered if it was because they could sense my sadness. Many times, I questioned my decision. Sasha was the only one who seemed pleased by it all. Reese had left our house and moved in with Ava. I received several threatening visits
by Ava, each one leaving me shaken. Reese visited with the twins when I dropped them off at Ash and Amber’s house. She was still one of Amber’s bridesmaids and was excited about the wedding. Of course, I was his best man.

  Ava was invited to be the maid of honor. The thought of Ava standing there in some stuffy gown sent me into hysterics, but Ash told me she’d refused the dress Amber wanted her to wear. The only way she’d be a part of the ceremony was if she could wear the dress of her choice. Amber had reluctantly agreed. Sasha was being petulant about the wedding, as she hadn’t been invited to have any part in the ceremony. Amber had gushed about having the twins be ringbearer and flower girl, but they were much too little. Sasha had bought them special outfits to wear though.

  The house I’d shared with Reese was boarded up. I simply couldn’t bring myself to sell it. I still wanted her to move back into it. Sasha had been harping on me to get rid of it.

  A few weeks before the wedding, Sasha had made us a special dinner of my favorite, Honey Glazed Salmon. It was succulent, but not nearly as good as Reese’s recipe. We ate in silence as the twins slept.

  “I just wanted to tell you how amazing this past month has been since you’ve moved in. The twins are sleeping better now that you’re here all the time.” Sasha beamed as she pressed a forkful of salmon to her mouth.

  I sipped my wine and nodded in agreement. “They do seem to be happier,” I admitted. “Don’t forget I’m heading Vegas on the 19th for Ash’s bachelor party.”

  Sasha laughed rolling her eyes. “Seriously? He owns a club in Vegas. Why does he want to do his bachelor party there? I was counting on you to plan something more original.”

  Wiping my mouth with the cloth napkin, I then laid it down by my plate. “It’s not really in Vegas. If you can keep a secret, I’ll tell you where it really is.”