Discovering April

by Sheena Hutchinson

  “Good! I like the anger! What’s next?” She grabs more photos from the box we carried out here.

  We sit like that, throwing photographs into the fire for what seemed like hours. Ro was right; it gives you such a feeling of power. It makes me feel like once again I’m in charge of my own emotions. I am being purged. It isn’t until she pulls my necklace out of the box that I snap out of it.

  “No! Wait!”

  “We said everything!” Her head twists to make sure I’m not having second thoughts.

  “But that’s my favorite necklace. It’s simple and just goes with everything!”

  “It also reminds you of Hunter.”

  “So what? Jewelry is forever; me and Hunter were not!”

  “Burn it!” she screams as she throws it into the fire.

  “NO!” I scream, almost reaching for it until the heat pulses towards me and I pull my hand back.

  We watch as the necklace lies there in the center of the fire, unharmed. The flickering flames tempt it and throw their wrath upon it, but it doesn’t break or melt. The necklace remains unharmed in the center of the fire. I guess one thing in the relationship was actually real.

  “I think we need more accelerant!” Her anger is apparent in her every word as she sprays the lighter fluid into the roaring fire.

  “NO!” I reach for the bottle, but it’s too late. I watch as the fire flickers and sparks go flying over the edge of the grill. Crackling of leaves is the first thing I hear before I notice the smoke building at the bottom of the grill.

  “THE LEAVES!” I scream, stomping on the leaves beginning to ignite.

  Ro freezes up and stares at me stomping around the bottom of the grill.

  “RO! Help me!”

  Jinx shrieks and runs towards the front of the porch. I don’t know if it is the cat’s shriek, but Ro finally jumps to action, taking her jacket off and smacking the leaves that are beginning to spread the fire across my backyard. Suddenly, the entire grill is engulfed in flames.

  “Oh, no!” I mutter, turning to run towards the side of the house where the hose is coiled up.

  As I turn, I feel the spray of something wet drench me. I shiver against the cold water mixing with the brisk air around me. Once the water is turned off, I lower my arm to meet Jared’s concerned gaze. His eyes scan over the smoldering backyard, pausing at the grill before they meet mine again.

  “Trying to cook again?” He smirks, but I feel like all the wind is knocked out of me as I take in the curve of his bare arm muscles as he lowers the hose in his hands.

  We must have caught him at a bad time because he’s wearing nothing but a white tank and plaid boxer shorts as if he were in the middle of dressing.

  “What’s up, hot stuff?!” Ro calls from behind me.

  “Nice to see you again, Ro. I see you’re imposing your witchcraft onto my little neighbor here.”

  I glance back at Ro, who has a guilty look on her face before I meet Jared’s eyes once more.

  “Let’s try to keep the fire to a minimum shall we?” he says, with something like amusement behind his eyes.

  “Will do! Now go put some clothes on before you burst into flames!” Ro screams at his back as he withdraws back inside.

  I see the curtains inside one of the lower levels sway slightly, but I never see his face again.

  Reluctantly, I turn to see the damage. The grill is still dripping and even through the smoking, I can tell it’s officially a piece of scrap metal now. It looks like the leaves took the brunt of the fire. The grass is just slightly brown underneath, but the smell tells me I’m not going to forget about this little stunt for a while.

  “Well, this was fun!” Ro begins to laugh, holding her hand over her heart like it might burst out of her.

  “I hardly think this is that funny!”

  “Hey, it could have been worse!”

  “How so?” I prop my hand on my hip, giving her as much attitude as my slim figure can conjure.

  “Well, Jared could have come out fully clothed!”

  The smile slowly spreads across my face until I, too am bursting into laughter as I cover my mouth.

  AFTER RO AND MY little stunt, I try to keep a low profile. But what I’m really doing is trying to do what Eric said—leave Jared alone. It’s for the best. I’m getting too close and after my talk with Ro it reminds me—I don’t ever want to feel like I did when Hunter left me. I don’t ever want to feel so hurt again. I just can’t go through all that again.

  It’s been a week since I’ve had contact with Jared. I wake up early enough to miss him leaving the house. I shut my blinds, and it takes everything in me to not gawk out the window in class as he works. I’ve been doing good – only now instead of Hunter, all I seem to think about is Jared. Not one thing in particular; it seems like all the memories play out like a strange movie of my life. As I pull up to my house after a long day of school, I notice Jared is in the driveway once again, with his head deep into the hood of his truck. Crap. There’s no way I’m going to make it inside without him seeing me. I don’t know what it is about him. It’s only been a few days and yet I feel as though I’m missing something. Shutting the car door, I try to look down at my feet so I don’t engage him.

  “April?” Too late.

  “Yeah?” I look up to meet his eyes and immediately my week of solitary is non-existent.

  “Where have you been?” He scratches his face, leaving behind a black smear. If I weren’t trying to come up with a lie so fast, I would have burst out laughing already.

  “I’ve just had a lot of homework.” I shuffle my backpack up on my shoulder.

  “Oh.” The one syllable tells me he knows I’m lying.

  Sometimes I swear he knows me better than I know myself. He pauses, looking uncomfortable and my heart breaks slightly. I don’t think I can do this anymore.

  “I was just about to … I mean it’s a gorgeous day and all I thought…” He stumbles with his words as if he wants to say more, but almost doesn’t want to ask me.“Nevermind.”

  His voice cuts through my last strand of resistance. Suddenly, I need to know what he wants.

  “What is it?” I follow him as he starts putting tools back into their respective drawers.

  “No, nothing, you have work to do… I was stupid to think…” He shakes his head and I see his walls building back up behind his once soft brown eyes.

  He leans up to unhook the hood and slam it down, but my hand is there to catch it before it drops. “Jared… what is it?” I stand there, looking at him as my arm grows sore, holding up the hood of his truck.

  “I was just going to ask if you want to come, but you’re busy… I—”

  “Where are you going?” I interrupt.

  “Zip lining.”

  I pause for a second, only one, before I respond. “I’m in.”

  Dropping the hood, I turn to throw my backpack into the back of his truck and swing inside to buckle myself in. Jared stares at me through the windshield.

  “What are we waiting for?” I ask.

  He shakes his head as a slight smile plays against his lips, but he doesn’t say a word. He just hops in the Jeep beside me and starts it up. I want to do what Eric said. He scares the living wits out of me, but there’s something in me that can’t stay away. Maybe it’s loneliness, maybe it’s insanity, but a part of me is connected with him in a way I’m not connected with anyone else. I don’t know if it’s the adrenaline-spiked activities we do, or if it’s just interacting with him that fills me, but I do know that, like a drug, I’m beginning to crave that feeling.

  Butterflies have sprung up almost out of nowhere and are fluttering about inside of me by the time we pull into the dirt parking lot of the outdoor adventure center. I’m nervous and excited at the same time, a feeling I haven’t had in quite some time now. My butterflies die as soon as I spot Mack and Eric waiting for us by the entrance. Jared walks up the walkway to the entrance to say hello.

  “I’ll get the ti
ckets.” He points over to the booth beside the entrance before leaving me alone with his two pals. Great.

  “I’m surprised you came. This doesn’t seem like quite your scene,” Eric taunts me with maybe a little too much insinuation in his voice.

  “You know, that’s funny, I was thinking you wouldn’t be able to make it, seeing as you need professional help getting that huge stick out of your butt!”

  Mack laughs under his hand and I walk ahead to the ticket booth where Jared is standing.

  He turns around just as I’m walking up and smiles. “Are you ready for this?”

  “Ready as I’ll ever be!” I shrug.

  “Let’s do this!”

  Maybe I should have put more thought into this than I did originally. We walk through the forest and up about three flights of steps only to be rewarded with a creaky old wooden ladder plastered to a tree. Now, I’m standing on a tiny platform miles above the forest floor, strapped into a tiny harness held to the line only by one rickety old clip. Am I really going to do this? I think as I stare down at the branches below me. My heart is beating out of my chest and I feel all three sets of eyes studying my back.

  “Has anyone ever died on this thing?” I whisper to the worker with “Larry” inscribed into his tee shirt.

  “Not on my watch!” He winks at me and offers a smile full of yellow teeth before I smell his coffee breath.

  “Come on, April! You got this!” Jared claps his hands behind me in a show of encouragement.

  “She’s not going to do it. Look at her! Her legs are shaking, she’s so nervous.” Eric, the eternal optimist.

  I turn back to take one last look at them. Mack is unreadable as usual, Eric has a smug smirk on his face, and Jared’s eyes are, like always, trying to calm me. I’ve come too far; there’s no going back now. What am I going to do, turn around and walk back down the steps all by myself like a failure? Hell no. That might have been the Hunter’s April, but the new April knows she can do this.

  “I think she’s going to piss her pants,” Eric mutters and Jared jabs him in the stomach.

  Definitely no turning back now. If I fall to my death to the forest floor, people can’t say I died a coward. I don’t know where the courage suddenly comes from. I can’t tell whether it’s pride or my childhood-fearless-side beginning to show her ugly head. But, I grip the handle with one hand, twist so that I can watch their faces and hop off the platform giving Eric the middle finger.

  I watch their faces as I begin my descent. Jared has the hugest smile on his face, smacking Eric on the back. Mack has his head back, he’s laughing so hard and Eric is staring at me with a death glare. Finally content that I stuck it to the man, I grip both hands back around the harness for dear life as I somehow twist to face forward again. I’m picking up speed rapidly as trees are zipping past me. I can’t breathe, I’m so nervous. The branches come so close that I flinch and duck, thinking they might actually whack me in the face. After about a few, I realize I’m not going to be hurt and I start to relax and take in the scenery. The wind is whipping my ponytail all over the place behind me and the adrenaline inside me is peaking as I slide deeper and deeper into the forest. The colors of the woods around me are starting to pop. The warm colors of fall – yellow, orange, and red –swirl around me as the line weaves me through them all.

  Adrenaline fires through me and I just get this sudden urge to scream.

  “Waahooooooo,” I scream at the top of my lungs as the trees blur around me.

  Jared is right; screaming does help you release some adrenaline. I do it again and let it out as I see the next platform rapidly approaching below. Suddenly, the scream turns from fun to desperate. I see the park worker begin to get ready to bring me in. The ride gets bumpy as the wire begins to slow, but not slow enough. I brace myself, gripping both hands around the rope and bringing my feet up to protect my stomach. Within seconds I’m there. My shins hit the wooden platform and I feel the pain stinging my leg as they help get me unhooked. I’m finally free in time to see Jared flying down the line. My mouth drops when I see he’s not holding on at all. He’s leaning back, his arms out wide like he’s flying. The harness around his legs is the only thing keeping him from falling to his death. This kid must have a death wish! He slowly sits up when he sees the platform approaching. Something twists inside me. With everything he’s been through, he’s falling like he doesn’t have a care in the world. I wish I could be like that, carefree and not so uptight and fearful all the time.

  He lifts his legs just in time to prevent my very graceful landing and the guy begins to unhook him.

  “Soooo?” His one word has so many questions in it.

  “It was awesome!” I admit, punching him in his arm, deflecting my thoughts.

  “Told you!”

  We wait as the other two knuckleheads come down to the platform before forming a line for the next level. The pain in my leg begins to increase, but it’s nothing compared to the adrenaline that’s beginning to burst to the surface now that I’m next in line.

  “You know I think April did piss her pants. Look, her leg is beginning to get wet!” Eric calls from behind me.

  “That’s from your drool. You wish you could look as cool as I do!” I say over my shoulder as the next worker bee starts to strap me into the next harness.

  I hear chuckling again behind me before he pats me on the back that I’m ready to go. I nod and without contemplation this time, I hop off the platform, screaming, “Woo, ERIC IS A TOOLBAG!” at the top of my lungs.

  Again, the line zips me down through the trees until I’m lost in the beauty and silence of the woods around me. The only thing I hear is the soft sound of the harness sliding down the line. The colors of the forest come alive as I glide faster and faster down the series of twists and turns the park has in store for me. Slowly, I begin to release my hands and use my non-existent ab muscles to lean backward slightly, trying to emulate what Jared had done. I can do this! Jared and I used to hang upside down on the jungle gym all the time. I lean further into it and lift my legs higher to hook around each other towards the top of the harness. Letting my body hang low, I stretch my hands out as I scream yet again. I let my arms hang and I feel my hair dangling behind me like a tail. My heart is beating out of my chest and my stomach muscles are screaming in protest, but I don’t care. I feel free for once. For the first time in my life, I feel content. I’m not worrying about what anyone else thinks of me. I don’t have a care in the world. I feel free, alive. Jared was right. I don’t know myself. I don’t know what it’s like to do something for me.

  I’m broken out of my thoughts when I feel the first bump and I begin to slow. I come back up to grip the harness with two hands, picking my legs up higher until I see the platform come into view. Even when I’m prepared, I still can’t seem to stop myself from hitting my shin on the side of the planks.

  I wince this time as the worker helps me up and unharnesses me. Again I watch as Jared comes flying down through the trees with his arms out and the hugest smile on his face.

  “Wooooo!” I hear him scream as he comes into the station.

  “I take it you’ve done this before?” I ask stepping slightly out of his way.

  “Once or twice,” he says, hopping out of the harness as Eric comes flying down, one hand holding the harness, the other out trying to touch a passing tree.

  I shake my head before following Jared down the rope bridge to the next level. I hold both sides before taking a step onto the wooden bridge. Taking a deep breath, I look at Jared’s back as he makes his way gracefully across without even thinking about it. The old April may have been scared to cross this bridge, but not the new me. The fearless me, the content and happy me. I automatically release my grip on the rope sides and take another breath. Before I can think about it, I start running across. I wobble once or twice but I dash across. I pass a surprised Jared and turn out on the other side, smiling at him.

  “Let’s go, slowpoke!” I holler befor
e taking off down the next pair of steps.

  My blood is rushing until I reach the platform. My head grows lightheaded once I reach the top. My head is beginning to throb as I lean against the post, trying to catch my breath. I don’t have long to think about it because as I take in the height of the next line, my heart is racing with a new feeling. Anticipation. The boys catch up to me in a few seconds and we all lean over the edge and smirk at each other.

  “You guys go first,” I tell them, leaning against the tree, still trying to catch my breath. Seems like my heart is beating out of my chest. Geez, get it together body. It’s not like I’m jumping off trees, for goodness sake!

  “Oh, finally giving into defeat!” Eric calls from the edge. “Fine, I’ll go first!” he announces to everyone.

  I roll my eyes. Of course he will.

  “Are you okay?” Jared leans his palm against the tree next to my head.

  “Yea, just trying to savor the last one and all,” I smile through the lie. My leg really hurts but I’m too stubborn to admit defeat, especially not around Eric.

  “Okay, I’ll go second then!” he calls to the guys behind him.

  Eric goes first and he just so happens to scream, “APRIL’S A PRISSY WHIMP!”

  The boys snicker as Jared turns to me. “You started it!”

  I just shake my head and hide a smile as I finally come away from the tree.

  It feels like forever, but it’s finally my turn. It’s quiet as the guy straps me in. Finding the energy to finish this, I hop off the platform and again I’m freefalling. Basking in the last adrenaline rush of the day, I savor it, letting the line take me down to the final level. I allow my body to fall into the position I replicated last time. My feet hook into each other above my head. Leaning back, I hold onto the harness as my head comes under my legs. The platform comes into view below me and the faces of the boys waiting for me are completely worth the sore muscles tomorrow. Mouth gaping open shock greets me as they take in my upside down position. I underestimate the speed as I see that I’m coming in faster than usual. At this pace, my head is going to smack straight into the platform and that’s not going to be pretty. I quickly fumble to right myself. I let my feet fall maybe a little too fast and I wobble a little as I grip the harness between both hands again before I come into a sitting position again. Smooth, real smooth April.