The First to Know

by Abigail Johnson

  I fumbled with the keys when I reached the door, dropping them before I could fit the key into the lock. And then he was there, stopping the door with his hand before I could open it.

  “Wait,” Chase said.

  With one word, my heart went from a sluggish beating to a thunderous pounding. His breathing was uneven—he’d run after me.

  I turned to look up at him. “Wait?”

  He didn’t answer, just kept breathing more rapidly than his sprint across the parking lot warranted. He was right in front of me, his chest rising and falling as fast as mine. “All he wanted to do was protect his dad, and leaving is the only way he thinks he can do it. I don’t agree with him, but it’s his choice. You can’t ever ask him for more. Dana, you have to promise me.”

  That brief hope flared and died. “I promise.”

  Chase shook his head, half bending down before straightening. “What am I supposed to say to you?”

  “Nothing.”

  He leaned toward me, and I flicked my gaze over him, frowning at the seeming incongruity between his words and his actions. “I can see it now, the questions you asked, how interested you always were in my family. I told you so much, and I didn’t even realize I was doing it.”

  I had no defense, so I made none. “Chase.” I breathed his name. “I’m so sorry for all of it.”

  More staring and breathing. “You did hurt me. You hurt someone I care about more than myself.”

  I tried to press back farther into the car. “I know.” I was staring at his neck, unable to lift my eyes higher. I lowered them to where his open hand still held my door closed. “Then let me go.” It was starting to hurt more standing there with him than it would to leave.

  The tendons in his forearm shook. His voice lowered, and it sounded painful. “I can’t.”

  The keys slipped through my fingers and hit the ground again. My gaze rose to his and held.

  “I usually know what I want,” he said. “I decide, and that’s it. I don’t look back.”

  “I’m not asking you to.” I wasn’t, not anymore. “I knew the first time we went out that I was making a choice. Just because it was the wrong choice doesn’t mean I get to undo it.”

  “Tonight...” He stopped and started again. It was the first display of nerves I’d ever seen from him. “Tonight wasn’t about us. That’s not why I came—”

  “You came for Brandon.”

  “All week I’ve been thinking about it, talking to Brandon and telling him about you. I thought it would make walking away easier if I could see you through his eyes.” Impossibly, he was closer. “But he ended up seeing you through mine.”

  It was like my heart cracked wide open, this lump in my chest that had been slowly petrifying from all the lies and secrets I’d pumped through it. Freed, but hardly daring to beat.

  “And what I see is a girl who made a lot of mistakes in an impossible situation. A girl who tried to stay away from me even as I tried everything I could not to let her. A girl who got me off a couch and helped me have the first honest conversation I’ve had with my mom in years. A girl who tonight gave my cousin hope for something he never let himself want. A girl who I started to fall for the second she handed me a bat to break a window, and a girl I did fall for when she showed me that I could play a piano I wouldn’t have wanted to look at before her.” Chase glanced down, not because he needed to break eye contact, but so that he could find my hand with his. “You told me that the day we met, I offered you something you couldn’t walk away from, and now I’m saying it to you. It’s not neat or easy, the way I feel, but watching you walk away—no. I don’t want that.”

  I looked up, my eyes swimming with tears. “But Brandon—”

  “Yeah, Brandon,” Chase said, his head lifting to lock eyes with me. “That’s not neat or easy either, but he’ll be all the way on the other side of the country. Uncle Bran too.” His other hand slipped into mine. “You and your family—especially your mom—showed him people can love something even as it hurts them. And I think, maybe sooner than Brandon will admit to himself, he’ll want to talk to his dad about all of this. And when that day comes, I know my uncle will want to meet his son’s sisters.”

  My heart hardly dared to beat in my chest. It was too much, thinking we might have more, my whole family. And Chase was still holding my hand.

  “So...say it one more time.”

  My emotions were so close to the surface that I couldn’t hide them if I wanted to. And I didn’t want to hide anything from Chase ever again. “I’m sorry.”

  He smiled, one side of his mouth lifting. “Okay, that. You can say that, but I meant the other. Dana...” I would never get tired of hearing him say my name, especially when it sounded like he felt the same way. “Tell me it’s real. And then stay, see what we’re like when it’s not about him at all.”

  I didn’t tell him it was real, I showed him. As soon as I rose up and pressed my lips to his, it was like surfacing from deep underwater and drawing in that long-denied breath of air, of Chase, and knowing that, this time, I could keep him. His arms encircled me, pulling my body against his until I could feel his heartbeat thumping against my chest. My hand slid up to twine around his neck. There was no sting to bitter the sweetness of that kiss, no guilt to mar the gladness. There was just us, and every part of me tingled back to life.

  Nothing was neat or easy. I wasn’t, and because of Brandon, Chase and I would never be. But that night, as the stars were beginning to pierce the darkening sky around us and the last of the sun glowed amber across the field, I thought maybe we all deserved a second chance.

  * * * * *

  Acknowledgments

  I can’t believe I’m getting to do this for the second time. Nobody pinch me if I’m dreaming.

  I poured myself into another book and it wouldn’t have happened without the help and support of all these amazing people:

  My literary agent, Kim Lionetti. Signing with you continues to be the best decision I’ve ever made as an author.

  My editor, Tashya Wilson. Thank you for pushing me to dig deep again, and then deeper still. I couldn’t ask for a better editor.

  The whole team at Harlequin TEEN, including Lauren Smulski, Siena Koncsol, Shara Alexander, Amy Jones, Bryn Collier, Evan Brown, Aurora Ruiz, Olivia Gissing, Linette Kim, Erin Craig, Gigi Lau and Kristin Errico.

  The fantastic HarperCollins children’s sales team.

  My brother, Sam Johnson. Your coaching and baseball/softball knowledge are staggering. Thanks for not letting me say Hit! Anything that sounds off is 100 percent your fault.

  My sisters, Mary Groen and Rachel Decker. Mary, thanks for loving this book before it was even a book, and for loving me even when we were kids sharing a bed and you woke up with my gum in your hair. More than once. Rachel, thanks for all the stories from when you worked at “Jungle Juice,” and for all the emoji-filled texts because you live stupid far away.

  Thank you to my parents, Gary and Suzanne Johnson. Dad, thanks for the idea behind this book and for passing out my bookmarks to just about every person you meet. Mom, thanks for being the biggest fan of my life. I have no idea how I keep writing these dysfunctional families when I grew up with the complete opposite.

  Thank you to Ken Johnson, Rick and Jeri Crawford, and the Depews—the “fame” hasn’t changed me yet, Dan, but check back after the next book. Thank you for your unfailing love and encouragement.

  To Sadie, Ainsley and Ivy. None of your other aunts named book characters after you. Just saying.

  To Grady, Rory, Gideon and Dexter. Your names will be in future books. Promise.

  Thank you to the best critique partners a girl could have, Sarah Guilory and Kate Goodwin. Love you both!

  Thanks to all the amazing authors from the AZ YA writers group, especially Stephanie Elliot,
Kate Watson and Kelly deVos. What would I do without you guys?

  Thank you to Susan Moore and your Greek mythology class. I wouldn’t have started writing without you.

  Thank you to Aprilynne Pike for everything.

  Thank you to Gabriella Morales and Christina Medrano for reading early versions of this book and offering invaluable feedback. Any mistakes are my own.

  And thanks to YOU, whoever and wherever you are reading this book. I have no words for how grateful I am.

  Fall in love with the addictive, page-turning romance in IF I FIX YOU by Abigail Johnson!

  Some things are easy to fix...but are some meant to stay broken?

  As pieces of her own life start to break apart, Jill Whitaker becomes consumed with fixing the life of the inappropriate boy next door. Intense, seriously cute, but with scars—on the inside and out—that he thinks don’t show, Jill finds herself trying to make things better for Daniel. But over one long, hot Arizona summer, she realizes she can’t fix anyone’s life until she fixes her own. And she knows just where to start...

  IF I FIX YOU is an unforgettable debut novel perfect for fans of Sarah Dessen, Cammie McGovern and Morgan Matson.

  Read it today!

  Connect with us:

  HarlequinTEEN.com

  Facebook.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Twitter.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Instagram.com/HarlequinTEEN

  #1 New York Times bestselling author Jennifer L. Armentrout delivers an utterly heartbreaking story will grip you from the first page to the last!

  IF THERE’S NO TOMORROW

  Lena Wise is always looking forward to tomorrow, especially at the start of her senior year. Until one choice, one moment, destroys everything. Now Lena isn’t looking forward. Not when friend time may never be the same. Not when college applications feel all but impossible. Not when Sebastian might never forgive her for what happened. For what she let happen.

  With the guilt growing each day, Lena knows that her only hope is to move on. But how can she move on when tomorrow isn’t a guarantee?

  Read it here!

  ***

  Discover a riveting story of friendship, survival and finding your voice.

  Don’t miss THE PROBLEM WITH FOREVER.

  Growing up, Mallory Dodge learned that the best way to survive was to say nothing. Now, four years after her nightmare ended, and after years of homeschooling, Mallory is spending her senior year at a public high school. But she never imagined she’d run into Rider Stark, the friend and protector she hasn’t seen since childhood, on her very first day.

  As they both deal with lingering scars, Mallory must make a choice between staying silent and speaking out—for the people she loves, the life she wants and the truths that need to be heard.

  “Heartbreakingly real...a remarkable novel about the power of first love and the courage it takes to face your fears.”

  —Kami Garcia, #1 New York Times bestselling author

  Get it today!

  Connect with us:

  HarlequinTEEN.com

  Facebook.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Twitter.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Instagram.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Get ready to be ruined by WHEN IT’S REAL—the hardcover debut from the #1 New York Times bestselling author of the Royals series, Erin Watt!

  A pop star. A regular girl. The world’s watching.

  Under ordinary circumstances, Oakley Ford and Vaughn Bennet would never even cross paths.

  Oakley, needs to make-over his bad-boy popstar image quick. Who better to help him than Vaughn, a part-time waitress trying to help her family get by and to Oakley, the very definition of ordinary.

  With the whole world watching, these two could go from forced together to falling for each other. Because when ordinary rules no longer apply, there’s no telling what your heart will do...

  Read it now!

  Connect with us:

  HarlequinTEEN.com

  Facebook.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Twitter.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Instagram.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Check out the latest heart-wrenching read from Katie McGarry—a story of love overcoming all barriers:

  SAY YOU’LL REMEMBER ME

  Drix thought his life was over when he was convicted of a crime he didn’t commit—until he got another shot through the new Second Chance Program, the governor’s pet project.

  Elle knows she’s living a life of privilege as the governor’s daughter. But the pressure to be someone she isn’t may be too much to handle.

  When Drix and Elle meet, their connection is immediate, but so are their problems. Fighting against a society that can’t imagine them together, Drix and Elle must push themselves—and each other—to finally get what they deserve.

  Read it now!

  Connect with us:

  HarlequinTEEN.com

  Facebook.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Twitter.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Instagram.com/HarlequinTEEN

  A story of friendship, identity and acceptance that will break your heart—and make it whole again: THE IMPOSSIBLE VASTNESS OF US by New York Times bestselling author Samantha Young!

  Some secrets are big enough to change everything.

  India Maxwell hasn’t just moved across the country to live with her mother’s fiancé and his daughter, she’s plummeted to the bottom rung of the social ladder. Thanks to her soon-to-be stepsister’s clique of friends, including Eloise’s gorgeous, arrogant boyfriend, Finn, India feels like the one thing she hoped never to be seen as again: trash.

  But India’s not alone in struggling to control the secrets of her past. In fact, everyone’s life is infinitely more complex than it first appears. And as India grows closer to Eloise and Finn, she discovers that some truths are brutal, beautiful and big enough to change all of them forever...

  Read it today!

  Connect with us:

  HarlequinTEEN.com

  Facebook.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Twitter.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Instagram.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Full of heart-aching romance and gripping mystery, you won’t want to miss Anna Jarzab’s new novel, RED DIRT.

  Small towns hold big secrets.

  When Sammy Lester’s father goes missing, she must take on local drug kingpin Redbreast Tuller and his family of criminals. As she struggles to keep her family—and her new relationship with charming city boy Brayton Foster—from falling apart, Sammy realizes that if she wants answers, if she wants someone to pay, she’ll have to handle it herself.

  Read it today!

  Connect with us:

  HarlequinTEEN.com

  Facebook.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Twitter.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Instagram.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Make Harlequin TEEN your new BFF

  Get the latest scoop on bookish news, events and contests with our Harlequin TEEN Newsletter! The hottest titles, exclusive author content and awesome giveaways are just a click away.

  Sign up today!

  http://bookpages.harlequin.com/teen/

  Connect with us at www.HarlequinTEEN.com for info on our new releases, access to exclusive offers, free online reads and much more!

  Other ways to keep in touch:

  Facebook.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Twitter.com/HarlequinTEEN

  Instagram.com/HarlequinTEEN

  ISBN-13: 9781488028120

  The First to Know

  Copyright © 2017 by Abigail Johnson

  All rights reserved. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or
introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario M3B 3K9, Canada.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

  ® and ™ are trademarks of the publisher. Trademarks indicated with ® are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Intellectual Property Office and in other countries.

  www.Harlequin.com