When Loyalty Dies, So Does Love

by Dorothy Brown-Newton

  “Before you go off, let me first apologize for forgetting our anniversary. I’ve been busy, and it honestly slipped my mind,” he said.

  Is this nigga serious? That’s all you got? I thought. Not only did his ass forget our fucking anniversary, but he also didn’t come home last night, so where the fuck was he all night? He didn’t give a fuck that I was at home, worrying that something had happened to his dumb ass. He had to come better than that.

  “Okay, I get the part that you were busy and you forgot our anniversary, but that doesn’t explain why you didn’t bring your ass home last night. You didn’t call or return any of my calls,” I replied.

  “After my business meeting yesterday, Tasha called and asked me if I could pick her and the kids up to take them to her new place. I helped her put the kids’ beds together, and I left. On my way home, I got a call that there was an altercation at the club, and after the police were done questioning everyone, I went up to my office to take care of some paperwork and fell asleep at my desk.”

  I started to count backward in my head, because I felt the urge to cut this nigga. He must think I was stupid. Once he mentioned Tasha’s name, I knew why the motherfucker hadn’t come home last night, but I had no proof, so I was not going to sit here and argue with his ass. My head was already banging. I left him downstairs to clean up the dinner that had gone to waste because of his lying black ass. I was taking my ass back to bed. Fuck him!

  Rellz

  I was not going to lie and say that I didn’t feel bad that I had forgotten about our anniversary and that I had not come home last night, but time had honestly got away from me. After sleeping with Tasha, I couldn’t treat her like a trick and just leave. I hadn’t had any intention of sleeping with her, but when she dropped that towel, I couldn’t control what I’d been feeling for so long. We really hadn’t said too much to each other this morning; it had been like we were avoiding each other, as we talked to the kids and not to each other. I knew she was mad at herself for sleeping with me, as she knew that I would be going home to Lecia. I didn’t know if my and Lecia’s relationship would be the same; I just hoped it didn’t get too complicated.

  When I walked into the dining room, I really felt bad. Lecia had cooked steak, potatoes, and creamed spinach. She had candles and even had a bottle of Hennessy on the table for me. I picked up the envelope that was sitting on the table. I opened it, pulled out her card, and read it.

  I couldn’t find a card that expressed what I wanted to say to you, so I got this blank card. Rellz, I know we’ve been together for only one year, but it’s been the best year that a girl could ask for. I just want you to know that even though these past few weeks have been a little rough, I still love you, and you mean the world to me. I’m looking forward to spending many more years with you. I know I’ve been flipping about the relationship that you and Tasha have, but I promise you I will try my best to respect that you two have kids together and that’s the extent of it. Happy Anniversary.

  Love, Lecia

  I felt like shit after reading her card. I left the table the way it was and went up to shower. Once I was out of the shower, I put on some shorts and a tank and went back downstairs to clean up the dining room, but Lecia had already taken care of this. I went into the kitchen to look for her, but she had gone. She had left a note on the refrigerator, telling me she would be home later, and she needed to clear her head. I went back upstairs to watch some television and wait for Lecia to get back so that we could talk. I picked up my phone and texted Tasha.

  Me: Hey, Tash. Just checking to see if you’re okay about last night.

  Tasha: It’s cool, Rellz. I’m not tripping. It is what it is.

  Me: What does that mean, Tash?

  Tasha: It means that I fucked up. I had a weak moment, but it’s cool.

  Me: A weak moment? Seriously?

  Tasha: Rellz, what do you want me to say? It’s not my bed you’re in. You went home, so I have no choice but to respect it.

  Me: I will be by later to talk to you. Kiss the kids for me.

  Tasha: Okay, Rellz.

  I didn’t like the way she was sounding, so I was definitely going to check to see if she was all right. I didn’t want us not to be able to communicate with each other because of what had happened last night. I called Lecia to see what time she was coming back so that we could talk, but her phone went straight to voice mail. I didn’t know if her phone was off or if she had sent my call to voice mail. I waited for two hours for her to return, and when she did not and I saw how late it was, I got dressed and decided to go check to make sure Tasha was all right. I just hoped my ass would be able to keep it in my pants, because I didn’t want to become that dude again. I had made a mistake last night that I couldn’t make again, because it wouldn’t be fair to Lecia.

  I stopped by the club before going to Tasha’s. I needed to holla at Remy to let him know about the little white lie I had told, so that we could be on the same page if it came down to it. Then I drove to Tasha’s house. I used the spare key Tasha had given me to enter her home. I took off my jacket and hung it up before going to find Tasha. She was in the bathroom, giving RJ a bath. I had left him with her when I departed earlier because I didn’t want him to witness the argument that I was sure to have when I got home. It hadn’t been as bad as I thought it would be, but I still didn’t want him around the bullshit. Tasha looked up at me but spoke no words. I offered to finish giving the kids a bath and to put them to bed so that we could talk, but she declined.

  I went into the living room to wait until she had finished so that we could talk. I took a seat on the couch and leaned back. I had no idea how she was feeling about last night because she had shut me down with her attitude earlier. I was dozing off by the time Tasha came downstairs. She walked past me in some booty shorts and a tank. She sat on the couch with her feet tucked under her, the way she loved to do.

  “Tash, what took you so long to come down?” I asked her. “A nigga was falling asleep.”

  “RJ decided he wanted to give me a hard time, so when I finally got him down, I took a shower before coming downstairs. Is that all right with you?” she said with an attitude.

  “Tash, I could have handled the kids while you took a shower. That’s why I offered.”

  “Rellz, I had it. By the time RJ started acting out, you were already downstairs, so I handled it.”

  I really wasn’t trying to have an argument with Tasha. I just wanted to know if she was okay with what had happened last night so that I could get RJ and go home.

  “Rellz, what do you want to talk to me about?”

  “I want to talk about what happened between us last night.”

  “Rellz, there’s really nothing to talk about. I told you already, I had a weak moment last night, but I’m good.”

  “So you’re good, Tash?”

  “Yes, I’m good, Rellz. Are we done?”

  “Tash, you’re not good. If you were, you wouldn’t be hitting me with the attitude and the sarcasm.”

  “I really don’t know what you want me to say. You already know how I feel about you, but I will not be your booty call when you and ole girl are not getting along,” she said, tearing up.

  “Tash, it’s not like that. We both had a weak moment, and we realized it, so we should be good.”

  “No, Rellz, you’re good, because you left me and started dating again. When I said I loved you, that’s exactly what I meant. Even looking at another man doesn’t interest me, because I still love you.”

  “So you’re trying to tell me that I don’t love you, because I left? Tash, let’s not forget why I left. Did it stop me from loving you? No. It just stopped me from being with you and from trusting you.”

  “Well, if you feel that you can’t be with me, because you don’t trust me, then how about you not come and have sex with me? Don’t give me false hope and then turn around and tell me that it was a mistake,” she said, her tears falling.

  Damn. I should have wait
ed a few days before discussing the situation, because Tasha was in her feelings right now. I mean, I was not mad at her. I really didn’t think she would get into her feelings like this, though.

  “Tash, listen. You know me better than that. We were both caught up in the moment. I would never treat you like a booty call. Please don’t you ever think that my not being with you doesn’t affect me, because it does.”

  “So, Rellz, explain something to me. If you can’t be with me, because you don’t trust me, why is it that I haven’t even looked at another man since our breakup? I wake up and go to sleep at night with thoughts of only you, so if I’m this bad person who sleeps around on her man, then why am I still crying over your ass? Look at me. I could have any man I want, but the man I want doesn’t want me,” she said, and then she got up and walked out of the room.

  I knew that when Tasha got in one of her moods, the best thing to do was to let her be, so I went upstairs to kiss the kids good night and to get RJ up. I was startled when I turned around to get RJ’s book bag out of his closet. Tasha was standing there, with her hand on her hip.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” she asked with fire in her eyes.

  “I’m taking RJ home,” I said, looking at her like she had lost her mind.

  “Rellz, you’re not about to wake up my baby and take him anywhere. If you want RJ to go home, you come back tomorrow at a decent hour, but I’m not about to let you wake him up after the hard time I had getting him down.”

  She was dead-ass serious, so I left RJ and took my ass home.

  Kane

  I’d been at Mom’s house for the past few days. I wasn’t ready to go back home just yet. I’d done a lot of thinking while I’d been there, and I had decided that I was going to tell Rena that I thought it would be best if she went back to her mom’s house. If she decided to keep the baby, I would be there for her 100 percent, but right now I couldn’t continue to be in a relationship with her. She had taken me to a place that I had thought I would never visit again. I could have killed her that night. That was how tight I was. I was not going back to jail unless it was over someone trying to get at me or my family, and not over no domestic violence bullshit. Rena couldn’t see that I was a good dude who treated her right and loved her, as she was too busy being blinded by a love that no longer existed.

  She had told me that she was over Rellz and that she no longer loved him. That was why I had taken the relationship to another level—inviting her and her daughter into my home and having unprotected sex with her because I just knew she was going to be my wife. How wrong I had been. I was really starting to see her true colors. If you were not doing something to benefit her ass, Rena was not interested. She loved me only when I was giving her money or buying her something. I was really starting to believe that I was a rebound. She had convinced me I wasn’t, but her actions had told me differently. If she loved me, there was no way in hell that she would put my unborn baby in harm’s way by smoking that shit.

  I hadn’t even told my mom about the baby, because I didn’t know if Rena was going to have it, kill it, or lose it, and I didn’t want my mom to get excited, only for me to have to give her bad news. So until I knew what Rena was going to do, no one would know. But no matter what she decided, she definitely had to go back to her mom’s crib. I did feel bad about it, but she was not going to stay at my crib and continue to play me like a chump-ass nigga.

  Lecia

  I was sitting on the couch, watching Martin reruns, when Rellz walked in. He was sporting stress lines, which told me that something was bothering him. Something that had nothing to do with me, because all I got from him was a head nod. I was expecting him to be kissing my ass because he had missed our anniversary and because I had left with an attitude earlier, but nope. Instead, he fixed himself a drink and started looking around like I was supposed to have dinner cooked. He had really got a bitch fucked up. What his ass should have done when he walked through that door was apologize and hand me a gift and an invitation out to eat, but not Rellz. Whatever was bothering him was much more important than what we had going on.

  “Rellz, where is RJ?” I asked him.

  “He’s still with Tasha,” he said, giving no reason as to why he was still there.

  I’d been with Rellz for an entire year, and I swear, I’d seen RJ at home only three or four times. This underscored for me that Rellz wasn’t in this relationship for the long haul. After all, if he planned on being with me long term, he would want me to know his children, especially the one he claimed to have custody of.

  “Rellz, I don’t understand how you claim you have custody of him, but he’s never here.”

  “He likes being with Tasha and his sisters,” he said, trying to cop an attitude.

  “Are you sure that’s the only reason he stays over there?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. What’s with all the concern about my son and who he stays with?”

  Wow. I wasn’t expecting that! I was not going to lie. My feelings were hurt just a little.

  “So your girlfriend of a whole year shouldn’t be asking about your son? The son that I hardly get to bond with, the son that should be home with the father that claims to have custody. Rellz, are you serious?”

  “I was only saying that you’ve never cared about my son’s whereabouts when I’m home, laid up with you. So why now?”

  “Really, Rellz? I never ask about RJ and why he’s never home?”

  “No, you always ask why he’s with Tasha. That’s the only problem you have. If he was with anyone other than Tasha, you wouldn’t bother asking.”

  “I’m really starting to feel some type of way, Rellz. It really seems like your feelings for me have shifted left. You don’t care what comes out of your mouth or my feelings,” I told him.

  “Lecia, you’re the one who keeps the arguments going. I’m tired of arguing.”

  Instead of saying anything else, I just got up and went up to the bedroom. I needed to regroup. This relationship was definitely not working, and if I wanted to continue to be with Rellz, I had to figure something out. He was right. The only time I showed any real interest in RJ was when he was with Tasha, but to be honest, that was all the time. He was never home. If RJ was around more, I would love him like I loved his father. I hardly knew him, and he didn’t know me. I tried to hold my tears in, but once again, I sat on the bed, crying.

  Rellz really didn’t understand how much I loved him. Sometimes I wished I had stuck to my rule of dating men with no children, but Rellz couldn’t be denied. He had that street swagger that I was attracted to. When I first met him, he was so fine that when he told me he was in a relationship, I didn’t care, and we continued to mess around. Only when he got out of that relationship and decided to make me his girl did he tell me that he and his ex-girlfriend shared children together, and at that time, I honestly didn’t care. Now it seemed that the fact that he still had feelings for his baby mother was going to be our downfall—unless I reminded him of the reason he had left her ass to begin with. The bitch couldn’t be trusted.

  Tasha

  I sat in my living room, my laptop before me, and put together ideas for my housewarming party. I was inviting mostly family and a few of the friends that I had, which wasn’t many. I was trying to figure out if I should invite Kane and Rellz, because if I invited them, they were sure to bring their girlfriends—two females whom I didn’t care for. After I thought about it a little longer, I decided to invite both of them. After all, they had helped me out with getting my place ready, so it wouldn’t be right not to invite them. After I finished working on my party plans, I decided to check my many messages on Facebook. Most of the messages were from a few Facebook friends, and they all said how sorry they were about my wedding. I deleted all the messages. It had been over a year now since the wedding was called off, so that told you how much I followed social media.

  I logged off and went to check on RJ, who was screaming his lungs out. I walked into his bedroom and picked h
im up. He felt warm, so I went to the medicine cabinet in the hallway bathroom to get the thermometer. Sure enough, he had a fever, and it was 101.5. I knew I had to get him to the emergency room. My first instinct was to call Rellz, but if I told him to come over, I still wouldn’t have anyone to sit with the kids, because I needed him to be with me at the hospital. I called Kane, and he said he would be right over. Kane arrived twenty minutes later. I strapped RJ in his car seat and called Rellz and told him to meet me at the hospital. I filled him in as I got behind the wheel, and he said he was on his way.

  By the time I got to the hospital emergency room, RJ’s fever was 102, and they took him straight to a room in the back. He was crying, and so was I. All I could do was stand back as they administered Motrin to him. He fought them, and the more he cried, the more my tears fell. He was really giving them a hard time. Rellz sent me a text to let me know he was out in the waiting area. I told him to let the triage nurse know who his son was so that she would let him go to the back. He walked into RJ’s room a few minutes later, looking sexy in a wife beater and some sweats. I had to get my mind back to the situation at hand; my mind always drifted to sex when it came to him.

  RJ quieted down a little as he reached for Rellz to pick him up. The nurse told Rellz it was okay to hold him, given that he had calmed down upon seeing his father. She was able to get RJ to take the rest of the Motrin, and she was also able to put a urine bag in his diaper to test his urine once he peed in the diaper. They needed to put an IV in and to take some blood, so they had Rellz sit on the chair and hold RJ while they attempted to do what they needed. Rellz’s phone started ringing, and because it was the same ringtone that had played when we were sexing, I knew it was Lecia.