by Dechari Cole
5. Do you feel really guilty for the things you struggle with? Remember, everyone struggles, and you can turn to Jesus for help and forgiveness. Read 1 John 1:7–9. How does this make you feel?
Chapter 7
Is That a Speck in Your Eye?
I’m not like that . . . am I?
My relationship with Coleson lasted about two to three months. Really long relationship, huh? He broke up with me because one of his old crushes started flirting with him once we started dating. Coleson had talked a lot about how much this girl got on his nerves. It wasn’t until later that I found out Coleson had liked her for a long time, before we had even met. His jealousy was the reason he kept mentioning her. Sadly, even though this girl had been flirting with him, it turned out that she didn’t really want to date Coleson—she just didn’t want anyone else to date him either. She was just that kind of girl—the kind who plays with guys’ hearts and treats dating like a game. How mean!
I guess I was on the rebound a little after Coleson. I liked having a boyfriend. It made me feel special and loved. But there were plenty of other fish in the sea, and I was sure I could replace him. Maybe he’d even get a little jealous if I found someone else. I wasn’t going to let this break-up get me down. I was going to act like it didn’t matter—and now I had the freedom to have fun and flirt with other guys.
She was just that kind of girl—the kind who plays with guys’ hearts and treats dating like a game.
I was still working at the grocery store. Since I wasn’t dating Coleson, other people would drive me home at night. One was a guy named Matt. He had the kindest heart—you could just tell. We went to a movie once, and he surprised me with a kiss. But while we talked and flirted a little, we never really dated. He was nice, but there weren’t any real sparks for me.
Walking down the hall at school one day, I paused to say hi to Matt. Next to him was a guy I had never met. We made eye contact and both kind of smirked—there were definitely sparks. He was one of Matt’s friends, but he didn’t work at the grocery store or come to the morning devotionals. I was intrigued by this new mystery guy. We didn’t have a chance to talk since class was starting, but I hoped to bump into him again.
Soon after that, I did bump into him and was officially introduced. His name was Evan. Over the next couple of weeks, I ended up in detention a few days after school. Long story, but I had to make up hours because I had missed too many classes. I promise I’ll come back to that and explain. For now, I will go ahead and admit that I was not perfect by any means. Anyway, I was in detention and guess who walked in? Yep, it was Evan. We both smiled and looked puzzled to see each other there. We weren’t allowed to talk, so we passed notes back and forth.
Okay, so why was I in detention? Well, I can never leave Jason out as a big part of my high school life—and he was the reason I was in detention. Well, part of the reason. He was still my best guy friend, even though he was constantly trying to get me to date him. Oh, don’t feel bad for him, though—he was always dating someone himself. But no matter who we were dating, we still seemed to be getting into something together. This year, we had P.E. and Geography together. Well, Geography was easy, and it was also at the same time that several of our friends had lunch. So Jason and I sometimes skipped class and had two lunches. It worked out well until Kristy’s mom, who was a teacher at the high school, saw us at different lunches. Busted!
Well, after detention, I started to hang out with Evan a lot more, and Matt definitely took notice. In fact, Matt began spreading rumors about me at school. He said I liked to get around and that I used guys. It seems that Matt thought I had been interested in him and flirting with another guy too. His feelings were hurt, and he was mad at me for leading him on. Oh no! Had I played games with Matt’s heart just like the girl had done with Coleson’s?
I went to Matt immediately and told him that it was not my intention to lead him on. I told him I thought he was a great guy, and I enjoyed hanging out with him, but I just wanted to be friends. I did let him know that I liked Evan—I wanted to be honest about that. He forgave me, and we stayed friends. The rumors stopped and things went back to normal.
You know, I must not have been so innocent if I hurt a guy like Matt—especially enough for him to start rumors about me. I guess I had been playing the dating game a little, too, and was just enjoying the attention. But in the end someone got hurt.
What I Learned
Don’t look at someone else and tell yourself, “I’m not that bad.” Look at Jesus and ask, “Am I really that good?”
Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the log in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3)
Girl Talk
1. Why do you think I wanted a boyfriend so badly after breaking up with Coleson? Why do you think girls want a “boyfriend” sometimes instead of a “boy friend?”
2. Are you looking for a relationship for the right reasons? What would the right reasons be for dating someone?
3. Have you ever played with someone’s emotions only for your benefit? It doesn’t have to be with a guy; it could be with friends or family too. Do you think someone will eventually call you on it? How is your manipulation going to affect your relationship?
4. What does Matthew 7:3 mean to you?
Chapter 8
Did Someone Say Prom?
Sometimes fun memories are made in the most unexpected places.
Evan and I continued to see each other here and there around school. Though our days of detention had been served, he would still give me a ride home every once in a while. He was also a pretty easy guy to talk to, and we continued to learn about each other little by little. Now, we weren’t dating by any means, but we were enjoying our friendship. Okay, maybe we were flirting with the idea of dating, but there was no need to rush into anything. I had tried that before!
After a while, there was some talk going around school that Evan was thinking of asking me to the prom. Oh my goodness! That would be so awesome! And as prom got closer, I was really hoping the rumors were true. One day at the end of lunch, Evan said he had something to ask me. I held my breath. Could this be it? Yes! He asked me to prom! Regrettably, I turned him down. Just kidding! Of course, I said yes! Wahoo! I was only a sophomore, but I was going to prom! I couldn’t focus on anything else the rest of the day. I had to tell my friends, tell my mom, and get a dress!
But prom wasn’t the only good news that year. At the same time I was creating this new friendship with Evan, I got to reconnect with an old friend. My great friend from middle school, Jessica, had moved to Texas right before high school started. But now she was moving back and was only about an hour and a half away from me. Because we had kept in touch with letters and phone calls, we were still good friends. We soon started making plans to see each other over the weekends. Luckily, Jessica’s mom was willing to pick me up since I didn’t have my driver’s license yet and my mom couldn’t drive because of a severe degeneration in her eyes. I was really excited about seeing my good friend again.
There was one weekend in particular that I was really looking forward to. That weekend Jessica and her brother were inviting some friends from their school over. Because her brother, Steven, was only a year older, their friends all ended up hanging out together. They were a really fun crowd, and I seemed to fit in pretty well. We played basketball and Ping-Pong and watched a movie. The whole day of hanging out was great, but it definitely felt different somehow. I had always thought of Steven as the annoying older brother, but this time, I didn’t feel so annoyed. On the contrary, I was having a lot of fun with Steven—almost to the point of being flirty!
Everyone stayed late that night watching TV, but slowly people began to go home. Then, eventually, Jessica said she was going to bed. Oddly, I didn’t want to go to bed yet and stayed up with Steven watching TV. Each time one of us would get up to get something to drink or go to the bathroom,
we would sit back down just a little closer to each other. Soon we were side by side. We started talking and just kept talking . . . and talking . . . and talking. We stayed up the entire night talking! I’d never had so much fun talking to a guy. We didn’t want people to think we were crazy, though, for staying up all night—especially since it was just the two of us. So when we heard Jessica and her parents get up, Steven ran to his room and got into his bed. I lay down on the couch and pretended I fell asleep there. I mean, this was the brother of one of my best friends, and I didn’t know what she would think. Actually, I wasn’t sure what was going on myself. I just know we had a great time hanging out, and I didn’t want it to end. On the drive home, I couldn’t help wondering if Steven had felt a connection like I did.
It wasn’t long before I got an answer. One night, Jessica called, sounding pretty excited. She said Steven wanted me to go to their Junior/Senior with him—this was their school’s equivalent of a prom. Jessica and Steven went to a Christian school that didn’t have a traditional prom with dancing. Still, I would be able to dress up and hang out with Steven and Jessica. I didn’t hesitate. I told her I would love to go. Two proms! Thank goodness they were different weekends.
As I waited for the proms and searched for a dress, normal life went on. My weeks were busy with school, work, and church, but I also started doing some new things. I heard about something new called Young Life, which was an organization where Christian college students mentored high school students. There was going to be a meeting every week, usually at someone’s house. The first meeting, though, started in the school parking lot. After short introductions, they divided us into teams for a scavenger hunt of sorts. Each team was given a penny and had one hour to go around town and trade the penny for something bigger and better. Then we were all to meet up to compare what we had gotten. Wow! This wasn’t what I’d expected from a Christian meeting, but it sure was a fun start. Carol Ann and Kristy were on my team. At the end of the trading, some teams had gotten some much bigger things, but we were super-pumped about what we ended up with. When it was our team’s turn to present, one of the guys opened his hands to reveal . . . a white mouse! We had gotten it from the pet store in the mall. It was funny to see people’s reactions.
I continued to go to Young Life and had more fun than I would have ever expected. The meetings usually included Bible studies, singing praise and worship songs, skits (both funny and serious), games, and just hanging out and getting to know one another. It was a blast! I learned that I could live a life of worship—not just worship at church. Jason, Evan, and some other friends heard about the fun we had at Young Life and started coming too.
Even with my busy schedule, I found time to go dress shopping. We only had two formal stores in town, so it was slim pickings. Though it took a lot of effort and alterations, I did finally find the perfect dress. It was a classic, long, black formal dress with white accents. I couldn’t wait to wear it!
Steven’s prom came first. As Jessica and I got ready, I was excited, but also a little disappointed because they didn’t allow dancing. Honestly, I thought the Junior/Senior sounded a little lame. But, I told myself, I was getting to dress up and go out with a guy I really enjoyed being with.
An evening that I thought would be lame, ended up being one of the best nights of my life!
At first, the night was pretty typical—pictures followed by a dinner and entertainment. What I hadn’t realized, though, was that the school had planned a whole night of activities in place of dancing. We changed out of our dresses and the whole prom crowd went out. First, we went rolling skating, then we played laser tag (where I used Steven as a human body shield), and then we all went to a classmate’s house for more food and a movie. (At one point, Steven and I secretly held hands. I think we were mostly worried about what Jessica would think.) Well, things came to an end around seven in the morning. It had been the longest, most fun event I had ever been to. Honestly, an evening that I thought would be lame, ended up being one of the best nights of my life!
Soon after that, it was time for prom number two. Evan picked me up and my mom took pictures, but I really don’t have as many memories of this prom. I know there were decorations, food, and music for dancing. It was nice being with Evan, and of course I loved being dressed up. Overall, it was what I expected a prom to be, but now it paled in comparison to the fun I’d had at Steven’s Junior/Senior. Who knew I’d have more fun at a potentially uptight Christian school’s event than at a prom?
As I look back, that sophomore year was one of amazing memories. All of those great moments had one thing in common: they were all with people who loved Jesus. As I had learned at Young Life, I didn’t have to love God only at church. God is in His people, and He will bless the time we spend together. I would have missed out on His blessings, though, if I hadn’t tried new things, made an effort to be a friend, and chosen to take advantage of the wonderful opportunities I was given.
What I Learned
The greatest memories are made by intentionally making time to create them with the people you love. So take hold of this year and make the most of it!
If we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. (1 John 1:7)
Girl Talk
1. It took effort to keep in touch with Jessica when she moved away, but look at the blessings that came from it. Are you putting effort into your friendships—whether near or far? What could you do to be a better friend? (Proverbs 18:24 is a great verse to stick in your back pocket.)
2. Just like my nontraditional prom and Young Life game nights, what are some activities you can do with friends that are “outside the box?” Think scavenger hunts, game nights, craft parties, dinner parties, disco parties, or going to local festivals, Christian concerts, and events. Be creative!
3. Do you think hanging out and having fun with other Christians can help your relationship with God? How?
4. Read 1 John 1:6 aloud, and then read verse 7. What are the differences in the two verses? Where are you hanging out? In the light or in the dark?
Chapter 9
Waiting to Wear the Dress
There’s a purpose and a place for everything.
As I think back about how excited I was to go to prom, I ponder what it was I was so excited about. For me, it was one of few opportunities I would have to get dressed up. Not just to look nice, but to really go all out. It was partially the hair and makeup, but more than anything else, it came down to the dress. It was the dress that would make me feel beautiful. I think of fairy tales and how amazing those royal balls looked with all the gorgeous gowns. It was a time for the girl to shine and the guy to sweep her off of her feet—and I was all about that!
The dress I had chosen for prom was very valuable to me, and I didn’t want anything to happen to it before that special night. It hung on the back of my door, covered by a clear dress bag. I would often glance over at it, filled with anticipation and excitement for the day I would finally get to wear it.
But what if I had gotten impatient and decided to go ahead and wear the dress? I mean, it was beautiful, it made me feel good to wear it, and it was right there in front of me. Maybe I could wear it to school, to work, to the movies, or on a walk.
Of course, you and I know that would have been ridiculous. Just because I could have worn the dress, doesn’t mean I should have. I could have messed it up or gotten it dirty, and those weren’t appropriate settings for wearing a dress such as this. This dress was for prom and nothing less than that.
But isn’t this what some people do? They get impatient and can’t wait to wear the dress, or maybe they don’t value it as highly as they should. The sad thing is, if they had only waited, they would find that the royal ball was just around the corner—the place the dress was made for and the place where it would shine as it was meant to. You see, it’s all
about its purpose and place.
Your purity is the most beautiful dress you will ever own.
God has a purpose and a place for intimacy between a man and a woman. It’s something special to share in marriage and to strengthen a couple’s bond together. Your purity is the most beautiful dress you will ever own. It’s not meant for just any old day or just any relationship. It’s meant for that big day when you say “I do” and make a commitment to the man you love.
In Matthew 19:4–6, Jesus answers a question about divorce, but for me, it helps me see how God views marriage. It says that a man and woman leave their parents and become one flesh, not to be separated. The two become one. Sex is not for someone you think you like. It’s part of a marriage, a bond, and a commitment. It ties you not just physically to that person, but emotionally and spiritually as well.
So what if you have worn your dress before it was intended? What if you made some mistakes that you can’t take back? What now? In John 8:1–11, the scribes and Pharisees brought a woman before Jesus who was caught having sex with someone she was not married to. The law of that time said she should be stoned until dead. The scribes and Pharisees asked Jesus what they should do. They hoped to trap Him in a bad answer, but Jesus said, “The one without sin among you should be the first to throw a stone at her.” One by one, the men left. Why? Because each of them had sin in their lives—just as each of us do. Jesus then said to the woman, “Neither do I condemn you. . . . Go and from now on do not sin anymore.”
So what does that mean for you? First, realize that we all mess up, and that’s why we all need Jesus. Then, ask Him for forgiveness, and go and live following Jesus, asking for His help every day.
