by Dechari Cole
I had been used to either having a boyfriend or having someone pursue me, but now there was no one. Even Jason—who’d never stopped asking me out—was kind of giving me the cold shoulder. I realized, though, that I hadn’t given him much time while I was dating Evan. Jason was frustrated with me, and this was his way of showing it. Honestly, several of my friends probably felt the same way.
Ironically, once I stopped dating, it seemed that everyone else started. Jason was dating someone, Kristy was dating someone, and several friends from church had recently gotten into serious relationships too. Then, there was Carol Ann.
Carol Ann was my best friend. She had watched me go from one guy to another, but had never dated herself. She had stayed home, while I went off to two different proms. But things were changing for Carol Ann. She was now getting attention from this really nice guy on the baseball team. Not only that, but she seemed to have befriended everybody. I was amazed at how many people she talked to as we walked down the hall. And she was suddenly glowing with this amazing confidence.
That year, Carol Ann went to not one, but two proms—while it seemed I would be the one staying home. The tables were completely turned on me. No boyfriend and no prom. This is where I so desperately wanted to whine, “Not fair!” However, I knew I needed to grow up and be happy for Carol Ann. And I was happy for her. Maybe a tad jealous and still a little sad for myself, but I really did want great things for her. It was her turn to shine and my time to sit on the sidelines.
Still, I was puzzled by the changes in my friend and wondered what had made such a big difference. Before, I had been the confident one—mostly because of the guys who liked me. But Carol Ann’s confidence happened before she knew that a guy liked her and before she started making more friends. If her confidence wasn’t coming from a guy or popularity, where was it coming from?
The more I watched Carol Ann, the more I wanted to understand where her confident glow was coming from. One night, while sleeping over at Carol Ann’s house, I saw that she was reading her Bible in bed. I asked if that was something she always did. She said yes, it was something she chose to do every night. Now honestly, I love God, but back then I hated reading. So unfortunately, my Bible tended to go unopened except at church.
I also noticed a difference in Carol Ann at church. When we would sing, she would lift up her hands and face, close her eyes, and sing with all she had. She didn’t care what others were doing. She just focused on loving and worshipping God. That’s when it clicked—it was her love for God that was making the difference! Carol Ann not only loved Him, she was also willing to work at getting to know Him and having a better relationship with Him. I understood now! Her security in God gave her the joy and confidence to be happy in her own skin. That’s what made Carol Ann shine!
Her security in God gave her the joy and confidence to be happy in her own skin.
When you shine like Carol Ann, it’s not because of your hairstyle or clothes or makeup. It’s not because you’re popular or have a boyfriend. It’s because God is in your heart. You shine from the inside out and people see that.
God’s love is so amazing that it transforms who we are and how we act. Matthew 5:14–16 says that our light was meant to shine and not be hidden. It should shine in everything we do. When others see that light in you, it helps them see Jesus. The Bible describes it this way: “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light—for the fruit of the light results in all goodness, righteousness, and truth” (Ephesians 5:8–10). And since God’s joy doesn’t come from our circumstances or status, but from within, we can have a joy and a hope even when times are hard.
Now that I knew why Carol Ann was always beaming, I wanted that for myself. I realized I needed a closer relationship with God. If only I had put the same effort into my relationship with God as I had put into my search for a boyfriend! This was my time to grow and to be molded into who God would have me to be. I wanted to shine!
Little did I realize that God had already put me in a great place to start learning some valuable lessons. That year I had signed up for a class called Industrial Arts. We worked on several customized projects using materials such as leather, stone, and clay, but it was the clay that really taught me about God.
Clay, of course, is so very moldable. At first, we just worked it with our hands to roll, flatten, and score it together to create things. Then, our teacher gave us special stains to paint with. The stains didn’t look very good, though, and half the time you couldn’t even see the color. But once the pieces were fired in the oven, the colors became bright, glossy, and beautiful—and the clay pieces themselves became much stronger than before.
Later, we worked with clay on the potter’s wheel. The clay had to be in the perfect center of the wheel—otherwise, it would fall when you tried to bring it up and shape it. Also, your hands had to be perfectly steady, pulling evenly and gradually—or again it would fall. The clay tested my patience, and I had to start over many times. I thought being in control of the wheel would be easy, but I was wrong. It took someone much better than me to make a masterpiece.
In Jeremiah 18, God tells us that He is the potter, and we are the clay. After working with clay, I understand why He compared us to clay. Clay has the potential to be so many wonderful things. It can go from a big ole mess to something beautiful and useful when sculpted by a master potter. And each piece is unique; no two will be alike. Before the potter can begin, though, the clay must be centered where he wants it to be. Finally, it is put through the fire, which makes the finished piece stronger and more beautiful.
You see, if life were too easy and we had no struggles, we wouldn’t feel the need to turn to God. By going through the fires of hard times, we can come out stronger and shining more beautifully than ever before. Just like the colors on the pottery shone. Just like Carol Ann shone. So even though my year hadn’t gone as planned, I was right where God wanted me to be—right where He could mold me.
What I Learned
When I’m in the center of God’s will, I am moldable. When I go through fires, they make me stronger and more beautiful. And the more I seek God, the more He will shine in me.
In the same way, let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:16)
Girl Talk
1. God desires a deeper relationship with you. Read Romans 8:35–39. Could times of loneliness or trials be opportunities to grow closer to Him and shine more brightly than before? Who or what has been standing in your way of a deeper relationship with God?
2. To have that joy that shines from within and allows you to be comfortable in your own skin, you can’t find your identity in others, in your appearance, or in your talents, but in how God sees you. Read Psalm 139:13–18, 1 Samuel 16:7, Genesis 1:27, 1 John 3:1, 1 Peter 3:3–4, and 1 Corinthians 3:16–17. What truths do you see and what lies should you stop believing about yourself?
3. Have you been letting your Bible go untouched? Read 2 Timothy 3:16–17. God’s Word equips you for life. Find a Bible reading plan—on the Internet or through your church—and start reading. It’s okay if you don’t get everything at first; the Holy Spirit will start showing you things. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. What’s your plan?
4. I was in a bubble when I was dating Evan. I let my friends and family fall by the side. Who or what have you been neglecting because you are consumed with a guy (or sports, TV, school, or a job)? How can you start prioritizing better?
5. What do you think would happen if you sought out a deeper relationship with God above anything else this year?
Chapter 13
Spring Break!
Sometimes you’ve just got to get away to see things clearly.
It had been a tough year, so thank goodness I had spring break to look forward to! No, not the kind with bikinis and parties—I wasn’t a �
�party” girl, remember. And I wasn’t heading to the beach; I was heading to the mountains. Carol Ann, Jason, Jessica, and I had made plans with some of our Young Life leaders to go to Windy Gap, a Young Life camp. There were cabins, a big lake, an obstacle course, a climbing wall, and . . . the Blob. The Blob was a large inflatable out on the lake with a wooden platform rising high up behind it. One person would sit on the edge of the Blob, while another person jumped from the platform—bouncing the first person as high and far as possible. A guy twice my size bounced me off the Blob, and I shot up like a rocket, with tons of air time before landing in the lake. Now that was a crazy—and pretty awesome—start to the trip!
Camp was amazing. In between the skits, discussions about God, and fun activities with friends, the leaders would push for us to break away and find a spot outside by ourselves to have a chat with God. Honestly, I wasn’t used to being still. I was always on the go and hadn’t realized how refreshing it could be to just stop and breathe in God’s beauty. I really needed to learn to set aside time to talk to God—and to listen. I’m sure at times it was hard for Him to speak to me over the music, phone, TV, and everything else I had plugged in my ears. So, I lay down on the grass and had a little talk with God. I remember asking Him to forgive my attitude and to help me be content even if I weren’t with a guy. It felt nice to talk openly and honestly with God—I mean, He knew my heart anyway, right? I hadn’t been the happiest lately, but God confirmed that He was working on me and loved me.
I really needed to learn to set aside time to talk to God—and to listen.
One afternoon at the camp, Jason and I were walking back toward the cabins. We both had huge smiles on our faces because we had just braved the ropes course and survived. Carol Ann and Jessica had been too afraid to try it, but Jason and I always shared an adventurous spirit. Part way down the trail, we stumbled across a big tower. I leaned up against the tower for a moment, thinking about how I wasn’t dating anyone, and if Jason wanted to kiss me I would let him. Whoa, what did I just say? What was I thinking? Jason was my best guy friend. Maybe it was because I’d just gone through a life-or-death experience on the ropes course and suddenly wanted to cling to the other survivor, like in the movies. Who knows? Whatever the reason, I put the thought out of my head. I was not going to complicate things between Jason and me. Plus, I needed to get my focus off guys and stop being so boy crazy!
I don’t know what it was, but Jason was a bit accident prone around me, especially at camp. While we were playing disc golf, he somehow lost his balance walking across a bridge and ended up in the lake fully clothed! Another night, while I was feeling bad and lying on one of the couches, he tried to hug me and ended up accidentally elbowing me in the face instead. Something about when we were together was comical.
Okay, but I have to confess: Jason wasn’t the only one with embarrassing moments at camp—mine may have even topped Jason’s. There was a zipline that started at the top of a hill and ended in the lake. When it was my turn, I flew down the hill, swung around backward, and ended up hitting the lake with by backside. When I stood up, everyone started pointing and laughing hysterically. Confused, but seeing that they were pointing at my backside, I reached around and touched . . . my cheeks! My shorts were gone! The pressure of the water hitting the back pockets of my blue jean shorts had ripped the pockets down, leaving two large holes. Thank goodness I had my bathing suit on underneath! It was still really funny, though, and I decided to keep the shorts as a souvenir of my crazy trip.
Well, like all good things, spring break came to an end, and I said good-bye to camp. It had been packed full of wonderful memories, some scary adventures, good company, and time to refocus on my relationship with God. It was an amazing trip that I would never forget. Unfortunately, it was now time to go back to the real world.
What I Learned
It’s hard to find rest when you never stop running.
“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28–30)
Girl Talk
1. I needed a break—from boyfriends, from my phone, from media. What do you need to take a break from so that you can have more time with those who love you, especially God?
2. Okay, if you’re jumping from site to site on social networking, while talking on the phone, listening to music, and watching TV, it’s going to be pretty much impossible to hear anything else. Do you see any red flags in this lifestyle? If the devil is cunning and smart—which he is—wouldn’t keeping you distracted be a great way to make sure you’re not talking to God? So how can you make sure Satan doesn’t steal your time with God?
3. This may be shocking, but I actually don’t like the phrase “quiet time.” It makes me think of “time out” and that I’m in trouble. But “quality time” I get. Building a relationship I get. You don’t have to be shut up in your room to spend time with God—He is everywhere. Go for a walk, lie down in a field and read the Bible, listen to Christian music, bake, sing . . . whatever you find that you love doing while talking to God. How will you connect with God?
4. Those who obey God are called His friends (John 15:15–16), and we can talk to Him like a friend. He really does hear your prayers (Psalm 34:17). So have you had an honest conversation with God lately? Can you learn to talk to Him like your best friend? Why or why not?
5. It’s okay to laugh at ourselves! Now that I’ve shared one of my most embarrassing moments, what’s one of yours?
Chapter 14
Humbled
Even Cinderella’s first carriage started out as a pumpkin.
If I had to sum up my junior year in one word, it would be humbling. I know I needed it, but that didn’t mean I liked it. I kept in touch with Jessica, and Carol Ann and I went to visit her often. Steven and I were on good terms, but it was frustrating to see him with his new girlfriend. I had hopes of winning him back, but his girlfriend was always around to make sure we didn’t talk too much. She probably saw through my devious plans. Argh!
The toughest time was when prom rolled around. Watching Carol Ann go off with Jessica, Steven, and their friends to the Junior/Senior while I stayed home wasn’t easy. Well, I couldn’t invite myself to another school’s prom, but I could at least try to find a date to my own. Unfortunately, all my friends had already gotten their dates. And while I was okay not going with a boyfriend, I just wasn’t strong enough to go all by myself. So, everyone else got dressed up for the ball while I was left at home, feeling like Cinderella. Okay, so I didn’t really have it as bad as Cinderella, but I still wanted to go to the ball. Then I reminded myself of how I got to go last year and my friends didn’t. I tried my best to be happy for them, and I actually felt a little better. Jealousy wouldn’t have changed anything and would have only made me more miserable. Besides, I was still blessed to be able to hang out with my family who loved me. That may sound like a small thing, but I was about to see that there were people a lot less fortunate.
It was a Wednesday night, and I got home from youth group a few minutes before my mom got home from her church. When she walked through the door, she had a girl with her who didn’t look too much older than me. My mom introduced her as Stacy. I politely said hello and smiled, but I was a little puzzled. Was she here to have something to eat? Was she waiting on a ride? I had no clue. Well, I soon found out that she wasn’t there to visit at all—my mom had invited her to live with us! Not only that, but she was going to share my room!
Honestly, I was shocked! But my mom went on to explain that Stacy was one of two young people at church that night who were stuck in a bad situation. One of the ministers had asked if anyone in the congregation could give these teenagers a place to live. My mom had stepped up. The thing that amazed me most, though, was that my mom was the most unli
kely person to offer her home. Let me explain.
I haven’t really told you my full background. I guess I always wondered if people knew, would they look at me differently? Would they look at me as one of the “less fortunate” (at least by the world’s standards)? You see, after the divorce, my mom struggled to make ends meet. Because of her vision problems, she couldn’t drive or really work. So my mom, my younger sister, and I all lived in a single-wide on the front row of the trailer park behind Walmart.
Yes . . . I was a trailer park girl. Now do you look at me differently? I know it’s hard not to stereotype. I remember just a handful of times when someone would make fun of people in trailer parks. Little did they know that was me! Generally, I didn’t feel that people treated me differently, but I never gave them a reason to. Just because I didn’t have as many material possessions, didn’t mean I had to act like I wasn’t worth much—though my circumstances could be very humbling at times.
I think our circumstances were part of why my mom asked Stacy to live with us. My mom’s humility helped her empathize with others. She wanted to give and didn’t worry about gaining anything for herself. She counted on God to provide because she knew she couldn’t do it alone. My mom didn’t wait for someone else to step up. She didn’t make a list of pros and cons and try to work it out financially first. She just said yes because God called her to this selfless act. It’s crazy to me to think about all those people in that congregation who had big houses with extra guest rooms and two incomes; yet, God chose to use this most unlikely lady because of her humble heart and willingness to give of all she had. I saw that night that my mom was the kind of person God could use to impact others.
