by Dechari Cole
Look at Jesus’ answer: “If you knew the gift of God, and who is saying to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would ask Him, and He would give you living water” (v. 10). Essentially Jesus is saying, If you knew who I was—someone who loves you unconditionally, is willing to die for you, and has all things under His control—well, you would expect so much more! Not only was Jesus offering her (and us) eternal life in heaven and freedom from sins, but He was also offering a full life here on earth. In verse 14, Jesus explains, “Whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again—ever! In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up within him for eternal life.” That means Jesus will give you a joy that bubbles up from within your spirit—a satisfaction and contentment that only comes from God.
We’re all seeking to quench our thirst. The Samaritan woman was obviously looking for her happiness in guys. Jesus called her out on it too.
“Go call your husband,” He told her, “and come back here.”
“I don’t have a husband,” she answered.
“You have correctly said, ‘I don’t have a husband,’” Jesus said. “For you’ve had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.” —John 4:16–18
Wow! The Samaritan woman was chasing after happiness in pretty much the same way the world tells us to today—and she was missing it. Wait! Lightbulb moment! I was missing it! I was the woman at the well! And maybe you are too!
We can’t quench that deep-down desire we have with the stuff of this world—no matter how hard we try or what we turn to. For many girls, it’s getting attention from guys. For others, it’s the social scene, alcohol, drugs, pornography, or body image. It’s whatever you keep going after to try to make yourself happy. You think if you finally get that “thing,” then you’ll be complete. But the truth is, when you get it, you’re only satisfied for a moment, then the thirst comes back again. So you go back to the well . . . again and again and again, but you’re never satisfied. That’s because what you need is not physical; it’s spiritual. Jesus says drink from Me, and you’ll never be thirsty again. That’s the answer!
That night at my bathroom sink was the first time I completely let go of my dating life and let God take over. And for the first time, I wasn’t thirsty. I had accepted the living water Jesus offered!
Oh, and here’s my favorite part of the story: “Then the woman left her water jar, went into town, and told the men, ‘Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could this be the Messiah?’” (vv. 28–29). Do you see it? The woman left her water jar—as if she didn’t need it anymore. She knew that Jesus could quench her thirst. I too finally saw that only Jesus could quench my thirst as I left dating behind that night. It’s crazy, though, because I still had no concept of the magnitude of what I’d just done or how big God really was . . . but I was about to find out.
What I Learned
You can stop the search, because what you need is right in front of you—you just may not yet realize who He really is and what He’s offering.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths. (Proverbs 3:5–6)
Girl Talk
1. Wow, one short talk with God completely changed my heart. It wasn’t that I didn’t know God before, but I hadn’t given Him control of that part of my life before. Is there part of your life that you’re holding back from God? What might come from giving that part of your life to God?
2. Are you willing to let God have ultimate control in your life? What would this look like daily?
3. Do you feel that if you aren’t actively pursuing a relationship that you’ll miss out? Do you think God needs your help to make it happen? What does God really want from you?
4. Have you had those moments when you feel like, Who am I that God would even notice me? Read Ephesians 3:16–19. What can God’s love do for you?
5. God pursued me until I realized just how much He loved me and that He wanted to be my everything. He will pursue you too—just remember, my journey took a while. So when things don’t go your way or you’re feeling unsatisfied, ask yourself these questions: How is God pursuing me in this situation? What is He trying to teach me? Is this my chance to really trust God and grow our relationship?
Chapter 24
Like the Pieces of a Puzzle
What if God has something better for you than you can even imagine?
Part 1
Well, it was summertime again, and I bet you can guess what I had planned—Youth Tour! But this time it was college tour! The program this year was called “The Witness,” and it was all about Jesus. Jason and Carol Ann were going, too, so I would get to spend the summer with my two best friends. I had so much joy in my heart and was so much happier not being tied down to a guy who wasn’t the one God wanted for me. I was having a blast being single, and I seemed to enjoy things even more, knowing that God had my future all under control.
One night on the tour we visited a church having revival. I was sitting next to Jason as we listened to the preacher. I can’t remember what all was said, but I know Jason started feeling convicted about all of his superficial dating and relationships, and for the first time, he realized the emptiness in them. He decided to break up with his girlfriend and wait for God to show him “the one.” Crazy! I hadn’t told Jason anything about the conviction God had put on my heart about not dating until it was the right one. It was just God working in both of us. Jason slipped away soon after and made the phone call. I was so proud of him. God was growing us, and it was exciting. So, there we were . . . no boyfriends, no girlfriends, just good friends.
The tour ended with a trip to Six Flags. I love roller coasters (except the dating one), so we were all running from coaster to coaster when Jason and I spotted it—the Sky Coaster. You were strapped into a harness in a flying position and pulled to the top of a really high arch behind you. Once up there, you pulled a cord that would send you flying through the air. No one else was interested, but as always, I could count on Jason to do something adventurous with me. We paid extra to do it, and all of our friends stayed to watch. I made Jason pull the cord because I was freaking out a little. Okay, here . . . we . . . go-o-o-o! Ahhhhhhh!!! I screamed bloody murder, but then started laughing. That was amazing!
My Sky Coaster experience felt kind of symbolic of what I had been going through. I realized that fear so often kept me where I was—on the ground with what I knew and where I felt safe, trapped in the same old way of thinking. How could I not date or keep searching for a husband? I can’t find him if I’m not looking, right? But God was inviting me to go to all new heights with Him, to trust that He had me securely strapped in for the ride of my life. It was a scary leap of faith, but once I let God have control of everything in my life—including dating—it was like I was soaring through the air. And it was fantastic!
As the day at the park ended and we headed toward the front gate, Jason and I decided to stop at a caricature artist and have our picture done. Our friends all watched while the guy sketched, then suddenly they all started laughing. When the artist turned the picture around, we saw what they were laughing about. In the drawing, I was looking straight ahead and smiling, but he had drawn Jason looking down at me with a heart coming up from his head as if he were in love. I guess that summed up our relationship. Jason had always kind of liked me that way, but we both knew we were just friends and could laugh about the picture.
After the tour ended, I kept on working, going to church, going to movies with friends, hanging out, getting to know my roommates better (I’d gotten my own apartment!), and seeing family. Letting go and waiting on God had turned my summer into a very relaxing and joyous time for me. God was in the driver’s seat, and I was just along for the wonderful ride.
God was in the driver’s seat, and I was just along
for the wonderful ride.
August came and sophomore year was starting up. I didn’t have a teacher like Ms. Walls again, but now my challenge was what classes I should take. I met with a guidance counselor who asked what I wanted to major in and then asked me if I had a five-year or ten-year plan. Umm, I wasn’t sure what I was going to eat for lunch, much less what I was going to do with the rest of my life! It was actually kind of freaky to think about; yet, I was learning to trust that God held my future. I told the counselor, “I don’t know,” but what I should have said was, “Well, just like the disciples, I’m following Jesus. And honestly, you never know where He’s going to take you.” Which was—and is—so true.
Then, one day, a junior friend of ours started telling Jason, Carol Ann, and me about how much he liked his communications major. I didn’t even know there was such a thing! He said it was pretty fun and not that hard. Well, long story short, we all ended up majoring in communications (though we did choose different minors). In a way it seemed kind of funny that we all chose that direction, but, honestly, we could apply communications to anything. And I have to admit, it was also a lot of fun sharing classes together.
I was still parking at Jason’s house and walking to campus to save some time and money. Jason had gotten one of those powered stand-up scooters, so he started riding it to campus. There was just enough room for me to stand behind him if I held on tight, so I hesitantly started riding with him. I say hesitantly because I was about 10 percent scared, but about 90 percent worried I would look like a dork! However, it did get us to campus in half the time. So, I just tucked my head behind his back and hoped no one recognized me.
That year, Carol Ann, Jason, and I decided to try ballroom dancing. It was a morning class and made for a fun way to start off the day. Jason, of course, was my usual partner. Honestly, he was the only one I felt like I danced well with. So when the instructors said to change partners, we typically ignored them.
A little later into the year, Jason and I decided we should go somewhere to try out our new dance moves. We found a restaurant with a live swing band about two hours away. Road trip—oh yeah! We didn’t realize until we got there, though, that it was actually a really high-end restaurant. We were by far the youngest people there and could only afford an appetizer off the menu, but it was still an interesting adventure.
The drive home felt especially long after a night of dancing. I was half asleep when we got back to Jason’s house where I had left my car. He got out and came around to give me a hug good-night. I reached my arms over his shoulders and laid my head in the curve of his neck. As he gave me a gentle squeeze, I thought, We fit. I’m not sure if I said that out loud or just to myself. I was just surprised at how perfectly we fit together—like two puzzle pieces locking into place. Funny . . .
Part 2
A few days later, I met up with Jason after classes, and we headed back to his house to get my car. Neither of us really had any plans, so we thought we’d hang out for a little bit. Out of the blue, Jason looked at me and said, “Why don’t you give me a little friendly kiss?”
Okay . . . now you have to understand that Jason had been trying to get this “little friendly kiss” ever since high school. We even had kind of an ongoing joke about how the Bible says to “greet each other with a holy kiss.” You also need to realize that Jason flirted with everyone, but especially me. We were the best of friends (and I guess he kind of liked me at times), and he just thought it would be interesting to kiss me. And lastly, you need to understand that Jason had the talent of driving someone absolutely crazy if he wanted to. It got to the point that I decided to give him a peck on the lips just to shut him up. I mean, we had both kissed other people before, right? So I leaned in for this quick, nonromantic kiss. But after our lips touched for just a moment, we both jumped backward, landing on opposite ends of the couch, speechless. You talk about sparks—it was like fireworks went off without any warning! When we finally faced each other again, we both said, “What was that?” I mean, it was only a small peck. It wasn’t even meant to be romantic . . . and it completely blew us away!
Suddenly my mind was flooded with the events that had led up to this day. Eyes opened wide, we both said, “You’re THE ONE!” I couldn’t tell you who said it first. We both knew in that moment—it was a revelation from God. It’s as if I’d had blinders on before, and now I could suddenly see everything so clearly. The pieces of the puzzle had come together in God’s perfect plan, and I had found God’s will for who I was going to marry! Holy cow!
God’s revelations kept flooding our thoughts as we discussed how amazing God was in His wisdom and grace to have kept us from dating one another. We both agreed that our immaturity would have messed things up if we’d dated back in high school. I marveled at the fact that instead of superficial dating and physical temptations, God allowed Jason and me the opportunity to build on something so much more—a rock-solid friendship. I never had to play the dating game with Jason or pretend to be someone I wasn’t. We’d never been anybody but ourselves when we were together. We had already accepted each other—the whole package—the good and the bad, the imperfections, annoying habits and all. Our love was genuine. What a relief that I didn’t have to pretend to be perfect for some guy. I was already who I was supposed to be for the right guy—God’s guy.
I finally realized the magnitude of what I had done that night in front of my bathroom mirror and of what Jason had done at the revival. Our summer of letting go was God’s way of making sure that we were where we needed to be in our relationships with Him so that we could have a healthy relationship with each other. After we finally found ourselves completely content with God alone and trusted in His will for our lives, He was able to bring us together and bless our relationship. This relationship wasn’t my doing; it was God’s. I had a relationship personally given to me by God!
You know what else this meant? Since God pushed for me to find myself complete in Him first, I didn’t have to lean on Jason for my self-esteem. I didn’t need to use him as my security blanket or let him become my idol. Most of all Jason didn’t have the pressure of filling the hole in my heart. He couldn’t anyway—only God could. No, Jason didn’t define me, he complemented me. He was my best friend—the guy who would live this life in love with me. He would sharpen me and encourage me in my walk with Christ, and I would do the same for him. We knew that no matter what came our way, we had that day and that moment to look back on and we could never have any doubts. How cool is that? This was better . . . better than any fairy tale ever written. This was real! Because God is real!
Then I started thinking . . . if God had orchestrated all this, then what else was He doing? What else did He have planned for my life that was bigger than I could imagine? I had so much joy and excitement, I needed to let other girls know that they didn’t have to settle for less—that God had so much joy waiting for them if they would be patient and seek Him! I needed to tell them we really can have the fairy tale!
What I Learned
God is bigger than I ever knew He could be, and He has a tough, yet wonderful path to a fabulous ending for each of us. To find it, though, we must first find Him.
Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us—to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20–21)
Girl Talk
1. So if God is always orchestrating things for good and for the purpose of bringing people to Him, then are you looking for His work in your everyday life? Don’t give things up to coincidence or luck; instead, look for God at work! How have you seen God this week?
2. God wants better for you than you even want for yourself. If you truly believe that, how should that affect the way you live and the way you make choices?
3. God’s ways are not our ways, and God’s timing is not our timing; yet, they are bo
th perfect. When my life doesn’t quite seem to make sense or go the way I think it should, Isaiah 55:8–9 helps me. How do these verses affect your thinking?
4. Completely trusting God with my future not only gave me tremendous peace and joy, but it also gave God a freedom to really work for something great in my life. So what if the missing piece to your life puzzle is found by seeking God’s will above anything else? Would you be willing to drop everything to follow Him (Mark 1:17–18)?
Chapter 25
A Reflection
At last . . . the shoe fits!
I might as well have been Cinderella on the day she slipped her foot into the glass slipper and heard the words, “It fits!” Jason and I did fit—and everything was so much more special because of how God had built our relationship. On our walk to class the next day, we even paused with the thought, “I guess we should try holding hands?” What an odd thing to even contemplate. We both had dated, and holding hands seemed somewhat trivial; yet, this relationship was different. Our fingers interlocked and the biggest smiles came over our faces. We finally got it right. We needed a relationship founded on Christ and the rest would follow. We knew we had found the real thing!
Unfortunately, Jason and I both realized that we had cheapened and devalued those three special words . . . “I love you.” In the past, we had thrown them around, just like saying “Hi” or “Bye.” We had used it to mean “I’m interested in you,” “I’m attracted to you,” “I feel good about myself when I’m with you,” or “If I say this, maybe you’ll stick around.” But now God was showing us what actual love looked like for the first time. So we decided to wait to say “I love you” until the time seemed right and there was once again real meaning behind the words.
