Totlandia: Spring

by Josie Brown

  The woman blanched. The glimmer of hope died in her eyes.

  “I am so sorry! But the good news is you’ll have your wonderful little puppy to console your baby. And it will grow into a superior watch dog. A godsend, considering the company your baby will be keeping in some of those other playgroups. Sadly, my own little girl—Lily, only four—won’t be getting the sweet boy puppy she’d hoped for.”

  Bettina felt a tear in her eye. I’m crying? What an odd sensation…

  The woman patted Bettina’s arm sympathetically.

  To Bettina’s delight, she was able to squeeze out yet another tear. Seeing it peek out from under Bettina’s long lashes, the woman motioned her husband to one side.

  Their whispered discussion was heated, but short. Bettina caught the words, “…feel so sorry for her…” from the wife, and “…make a deal…” from the husband.

  “How mortifying!” the wife hissed back. “Why, she’d be insulted—”

  “Excuse me,” Bettina interjected. “I couldn’t help overhearing. And yes, I’d be honored to accept your male pup...” She paused. “And I’m just as honored to champion your application to our application committee.”

  The wife’s fist pump was a bit déclassé, but Bettina forgave it in light of what she was to receive in return: total domination.

  To her mind, admission to PHM&T was a fair trade.

  ***

  “Lily, dear, come down here, quickly! He’s come! You’re little prince has arrived!”

  The leitmotif of Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake Ballet, wafting from Lily’s second-floor room, suddenly went silent. A moment later Lily was running down the grand staircase. “A prince—here? Where, Mummy? Where?”

  Bettina held up the furry auburn puppy with both hands, as if he were the successor to the lion king. “Here my darling! Let me introduce you to Prince Vsevolod Ivanovich!”

  Lily stopped mid-way on the stairs to stare at the little bundle of fur squirming in her mother’s arm.

  From the disappointed look on her face, her mother realized this was not the prince her daughter was expecting.

  Also not anticipated was the warm stream of urine trickling out of the puppy and down Bettina’s arm, baptizing her brand new Joseph Altuzarra striped linen blazer.

  She screamed as she dropped the puppy on the foyer’s plush Oriental rug. It whined mournfully as it scurried off for cover in the direction of Art’s study.

  Good, Bettina thought. I hope it takes a crap in there.

  From Art’s angry shout a few moments later, she guessed it had done just that.

  Lily stared at her mother, mortified. “Mummy, whatever made you think I wanted a dog? I like cats. Oh, and ponies, too!” Shaking her head in dismay, she flew back up the staircase, slamming her bedroom door behind her.

  Bettina collapsed on the rug, weeping. The Pas de Deux commenced again. It was fitting background music for her despair. More importantly, it drowned out her sobs.

  She had wanted Prince Vsevolod to be the surprise love of Lily’s life.

  No, in truth she wanted to be the love of Lily’s life. She wanted Lily to adore and revere her.

  She wanted Art’s love and admiration as well.

  Once, a long time ago, she presumed he did love her. Had she only imagined that? Maybe he had never loved her. Maybe he had only married her for her money.

  She buried her head in her hands.

  “Bettina, what the hell were you thinking?”

  She looked up to find Art standing over her. He was holding Prince Vsevolod Ivanovich by the scruff of the pup’s neck.

  How dare he.

  “Put him down. Now.” Her tone was low and menacing.

  Art hesitated, but did as he was told. The puppy trembled, but stayed put.

  “Now, down on all fours!” Bettina’s command left no doubt she meant business.

  Both the dog and Art looked at her uncomprehendingly. “Bettina, I don’t think—”

  “You’re right, Art. You don’t think.” She rose to her feet. “If you had half a brain, you would never have had an affair with Kelly. Or any number of other women, too, I presume.”

  The accusation hit its mark. He dropped his head in shame.

  Then he dropped to his knees as commanded.

  She kicked off a kitten-heel pump.

  Her whack was so hard that it dropped him on his elbows.

  With the second hit, he fell over.

  She bent down and murmured, “Resume the position…again.”

  He nodded slowly. “I think…I think it would be wise if we had a safety word.”

  “Okay, sure.” Bettina thought for a moment. “It will be Prince Vsevolod.”

  He winced. “That’s a bit wordy. How do you spell it, anyway?”

  His impertinence earned him another whack.

  Then another, and another, until he was groaning in pain.

  Or was it pleasure?

  When he pulled her onto the rug beside him, she had her answer.

  His kiss was so deep she was lightheaded.

  She was aroused.

  She pushed him off, but she didn’t hit him again.

  In truth, she couldn’t. The kitten heel had flown off.

  Should I suggest we go into the bedroom and make love? She wondered.

  No, she couldn’t. Not with Lily awake and on the same floor.

  Not in the bed where Kelly’s ghost taunted her.

  Fuck Kelly.

  And fuck Art, too. But not tonight.

  I’ll make him beg for it, she vowed.

  Right then and there she realized her shoe budget was going to go through the roof.

  And for once, Art wouldn’t complain about it.

  Chapter 11

  Thursday, 14 February

  “Christian hates me, doesn’t he?” Ally murmured to Barry as she straightened his tuxedo bowtie.

  “Yes, dear. So sorry, but it’s true. But if it’s any consolation, he hates me even more. After all, I should be spending Valentine’s Day with him, alone. Instead, I gave in to you.” Barry shrugged, but kept the smile on his face, so that anyone observing them would presume their hosts were congratulating each other for pulling off a fabulous gathering.

  Christian is upstairs babysitting Zoe while the love of his life is playing my beard, Ally thought. “I’m so sorry, Barry. Once again I’ve let the club get in the way of our real lives.”

  Barry smiled. “I’m hoping your pie idea takes off like gangbusters, so that you’re too busy for all this silliness.” He wrapped his arm around her. “Don’t worry about Christian. He took a whole bottle of champagne upstairs with him. Now that Zoe is asleep, I’m sure he’s watching Revenge reruns and drowning his sorrows in a 1995 Clos Du Mesnil.” He looked out at the crowd. “By the way, dear, you were right! Remove the folding doors between our two living rooms, and we’ve got an instant ballroom.”

  All evening long, the fifty PHM&T members and their husbands flowed easily through the large, open space. The caterers had set up one a bar in one of the kitchens and prepared tasty appetizers in the other, which were offered on trays by waiters dressed in tuxedos and red bowties.

  Pink, red and silver heart-shaped balloons filled with helium covered every inch of the eleven-foot ceilings of the classic Victorian. The golden glow of the tiny votive candles that filled a ceiling-high glass bookcase was doubled by the mirrored wall behind it. A fortune teller, dressed as the Queen of Hearts, gave readings of palms and tarot cards. Ally had coerced an old school chum, the Los Angeles-based jazz crooner Andree Belle, to fly up for the event. As the petite and slender blonde sat atop Barry’s baby grand piano, couples danced to her sultry renditions of Cole Porter love songs.

  It’s a perfect party for anyone in love, Ally thought sadly.

  She tried hard not to glance over at Jade and Brady, who where chitchatting with Bettina, Art, Matt, Lorna and Jillian. Ally could tell Jillian was just as miserable. Since the PHM&T board presumed she was married to Scot
t, Caleb could not be by her side.

  Since Brady’s cash infusion into Life of Pie, Jillian and Ally had found the perfect retail space, in Pacific Heights’ Union Street. Last week, while their daughters slept in their strollers, the two women surveyed the handiwork of the carpenter who had put in the counters and display shelves, Jillian broke down and admitted she and Caleb were no longer seeing each other.

  “He insists I still love Scott.” She had sobbed quietly.

  Ally had put her arm around her friend. “Do you feel there’s any truth in that?”

  At first Jillian had shook her head adamantly. But the shakes slowed into a shrug before she nodded once, half-heartedly. “I can’t help it. Despite Scott’s duplicity, I still feel the break-up was just as much my fault as his. There are always telltale signs. If I’d picked up on them instead of focusing so much on the house and…and…”

  “And your daughters?” Ally had turned her friend’s head until they were eye to eye. “Scott is supposedly a smart guy. My goodness, he should have been able to express his feelings to his wife of ten years! If he didn’t want children, he should have said so upfront. If he was disappointed because the children you had were twin girls, he should still man up and accept them for who they are, his own flesh and blood.”

  Jillian sighed. “If only he believed they were truly his. And that’s the problem. He still believes they’re Jeff’s.”

  Ally shooed that notion away with a flip of her wrist. “He’s just trying to get out of alimony. Well, the good news is that the success of the pie shop means you won’t need him or his money.”

  Jillian snorted. “Trust me. I’ll still need a man. Hey, a girl has needs, you know. And Caleb…well, let me put it this way—he completes me.”

  Yes, Ally knew, all too well the need for that one special relationship.

  The desire to feel a man by her side.

  How she longed to hold Brady. To kiss him and have him make love to her.

  And now, as their eyes met across a crowded room, as the dancers shuffled and kissed to Andree’s sultry rendition of “Night and Day,” she could tell he was thinking the same thing.

  Someday perhaps, she promised him silently.

  Had he nodded or was that her imagination?

  To force herself out of her pleasant trance, she squeezed Barry’s hand tightly. “Come on, it’s time to liven up this party with a game of Covert Cupid.”

  He sighed. “Salacious party favors from one frustrated housewife to another? The excitement is palpable.”

  She tweaked his nose. “Don’t be such a spoil sport! Just bring in the damn gift basket. By the way, with Jillian’s permission, I’ve rigged the game so that she draws the prize I donated, a trip to a B&B in Mendocino. If it works, she’s already promised to give it back to me. It’s my thank-you present to you and Christian.”

  “Wow thanks, Allycat! I just hope he sobers up before the expiration date,” he laughed. “Well, let the games begin!”

  ***

  Who the hell is Brady mooning over? Kimberley wondered. It certainly isn’t Jade. For the past hour, she’s been cornered by that horndog, Art. Is it the singer? Why, I’ll strangle that little hussy—

  No, his gaze went even farther across the room.

  He was staring at Ally Thornton.

  Ha! What a jerk he is. Kimberley smirked. He won’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting her in bed. Just look at all the love pats she’s giving her husband, Barry. And the way she tweaks his nose, the way he laughs at the joke she’s whispering in his ear. I could be shouting at the top of my lungs and my Jerry still wouldn’t turn around.

  She watched as Ally’s husband walked to the foyer table. As he hoisted the Covert Cupid gift basket, she sighed with relief. Finally!

  Her own cat-and-mouse torture came in a very small package. She’d made sure that she’d pulled Jade’s name, but the gift was strictly for Brady.

  When Jade opens it, all hell will break loose between her and Brady. Kimberley smirked. She’ll be seeing red.

  How very appropriate for Valentine’s Day.

  ***

  Jade was only listening half-heartedly to the giggles and guffaws coming from the crowd as each club member opened the gift from their Covert Cupid. Most of the items were silly: peignoirs, fuzzy pink handcuffs, a bunny tail and floppy ears.

  And lots of Viagra.

  It reminded Jade of all the props on the set of her porn flick, Alice in Wonderlust.

  She blushed at the thought. Oh no, she thought in horror. What if someone here gets my movie as a gag gift?

  She glanced around at the laughing crowd. No one was watching her. No one knew.

  Relief surged through her. I’ve got to quit thinking about the past and work toward the future, she vowed. My future, with Brady and Oliver.

  Her conversation with Ally had put her mind at ease. Despite the obvious attraction Brady had for her friend, Jade knew all too well that it took two to tango.

  At the children’s holiday party, when Jade had run into her movie costar, Ally had seen her lose her cool. But Ally had been enough of a friend to assure her that their friendship meant more than ratting her out.

  Ally had also promised she’d never let Brady’s attraction get in the way of her friendship. But isn’t that exactly what happened when Ally kissed Brady on New Year’s Eve?

  From then on, she knew Ally couldn’t be trusted.

  The best advice she ever got from anyone had come from the movie’s director. “Timing is everything,” he had said.

  He had been talking about her costars staying power. Still, Jade realized it applied to a variety of situations.

  Like when Ally came to Jade after the Onesie’s reading time and asked her if she’d mind if Brady joined Bracknell’s corporate board, Jade’s heart almost quit beating. She knew it would give Brady exactly what he wanted—more time with Ally.

  She also realized he’d always resent her if she said no to Ally. After Art’s blackmail attempt, Brady was one step away from banishing her from Oliver’s life. She couldn’t afford to give him another reason to do so.

  When Ally swore again that she’d do nothing to damage their friendship, she had no choice but to say yes. Perhaps it was the perfect test of Ally’s loyalty after all. If Ally failed, Jade would let Bettina know.

  Bettina would banish Ally and Zoe from the club. And Ally would hate Brady for disgracing her and her little girl.

  All the way around, it was a win-win situation.

  As fate would have it, she’d drawn Ally’s name for Covert Cupid. Her gift to her frenemy was a heart-shaped mirror. She had it inscribed with a phrase she’d found on Brainy Quotes, accredited to Sophocles:

  Trust dies, but mistrust blossoms.

  Every time she looks at herself, she’ll think of me, not him, Jade thought.

  At least, she hoped so. Brady wasn’t easy to forget.

  So why did she find him so easy to forgive?

  Kimberley nudged her back to reality. “Silly, Jade! Your name was called! Go up and get your gift.”

  Jade nodded and pushed her way through the crowd until she was at Barry’s side.

  “Here you go, doll,” he said with a wink. “It was really addressed to Brady, but we both know he’s got the wrong equipment for PHM&T membership. It’s too tiny to be a cattle prod, but if you’re lucky, maybe it’s a choke leash.”

  He knows Brady too well, she thought sadly.

  She ripped open the packet. Inside was a purple thong.

  Just like the one she found in her cabinet on Thanksgiving.

  The note said, Dear Brady, Thinking of you! Again…and again…and again…

  Who the hell had pulled her name?

  She stared out at the crowd. So, he was fucking one of them! One of her so-called friends.

  But of course it had to be Ally. She’d been there, on Thanksgiving, without a date.

  Without a husband.

  She was the only one who c
ould have put the thong in the cabinet.

  And she acted so innocent when I asked her about it at the children’s holiday party, Jade remembered. What a fool I’ve been!

  The crowd roared, “Hold it up! Hold it up! Hold it up!”

  As she did, she looked directly at Brady.

  He turned white. He frowned as he stared back at her.

  “Wow, Brady looks like he’s seen a ghost,” Kimberley whispered in her ear. “What’s got him so wound up?”

  Jade ignored her. She was too busy watching where Brady’s eyes went next. She guessed he’d look at the prankster, his lover.

  She was right. His eyes went directly to Ally, who was watching Jade intently.

  She sees how upset I am, Jade reasoned. I guess she’s happy. She accomplished her goal.

  So, why did Ally look so concerned for her?

  “Wow, Brady certainly looks guilty,” Kimberley snickered. “Why do you think that is?”

  Holding back her tears, Jade whispered, “Because he’s having an affair with Ally Thornton.”

  ***

  “What?” Kimberley couldn’t believe her ears.

  She looked from Brady, to Ally, and back again.

  Why, that son of a bitch!

  Why, that bitch.

  So, that’s who he’s two-timing me with…

  Kimberley tried to get a hold of herself. Still, her voice shook when she asked, “I’m…I’m so sorry, Jade. But…are you sure? How do you know?”

  Jade’s fake smile hid the sadness in her voice. “He told me so. But up until now I’ve given her the benefit of the doubt that she hasn’t…that she hasn’t given into her own feelings about him. Now I know she’s been lying.” She lowered her head. “She better watch her back.”

  Kimberley looked at her sharply. “What do you mean by that?”

  Jade started to say something, but then thought better of it. “Nothing. I’m just…upset.” She leaned her head on Kimberley’s shoulder. “Thank you for…for being my friend.”

  Kimberley smiled as she patted Jade’s head. Good, she thought. Brady’s looking at us. Serves him right.