Totlandia: Spring

by Josie Brown

  At this point, Kimberley reasoned, even if Ally had not succumbed to Brady’s charms, Jade certainly wouldn’t believe her. And I’ll warn Ally to leave him alone, or risk a scandal.

  Then Ally will tell Brady to take a hike, Kimberley thought gleefully. The last thing she needs is a threat to her club membership, let alone her marriage.

  And with Jade watching his every move, Brady certainly wasn’t going to rock the boat now.

  Good. I’ve got him right where I want him—frustrated and horny.

  She stroked Jade’s arm. “You know what you need? A drink.” She snapped her fingers at a waiter passing with a tray of champagne flutes.

  What a perfect way to celebrate the end of Brady’s next conquest!

  Perhaps soon she would be celebrating the end of his marriage, too.

  Chapter 12

  Friday, 15 February

  All night long, Jade tossed and turned in her bed in the guest room.

  She knew what she had to do if she were to salvage the life she now lived and loved so much. If she were to salvage any chance she had to reconcile with Brady.

  She woke up early and got dressed in her tightest designer jeans and a sheer top that showed off her fabulous breasts. The moment she heard Oliver talking gibberish to his favorite teddy bear, she went to get him.

  As was his habit, he squealed whenever she came into his room. Quickly, she picked him up and shushed him with a finger to her smiling lips. She would never let him know when her heart was breaking, ever, for as long as she lived.

  She strolled him out of the house, down toward Chestnut Street, and into the Grove cafe, where she ordered scrambled eggs and a bagel to split with Oliver. She knew she was turning heads. She was used to that. Too bad Brady wasn’t there to see how much she was admired.

  Soon he’d appreciate her again. But first, Ally needed to make good on her promise to leave Brady alone.

  If not, she’d make Ally’s life a living hell. At least, as long as Ally was a member of PHM&T.

  Now Kimberley knows that Ally is chasing after my husband, I have a protector on the Top Mom committee, Jade reasoned. For that matter, Bettina will bend over backward for me, too, now that Art is handling Brady’s money. One word from me and Ally is out of there.

  But before she started World War III, she’d read Ally the riot act.

  She’d do it today during the meet-up.

  She always fought better on a full stomach.

  ***

  Jade waited until the other Onesies mothers were safely ensconced in the Marina Theater, where all of the PHM&T groups had congregated for a special showing of the latest Despicable Me sequel before motioning Ally to follow her into the lobby.

  As they made their way up the theater aisle, Kimberley turned around and gave Jade a thumbs-up sign.

  Jade nodded at her. It was great to have a real friend like Kimberley.

  During the admission competition, everyone had stuck together. If push came to shove and Ally ended their friendship, she wondered if Jillian would side with Ally now that they were in business together. And for that matter would Jade lose Lorna’s friendship as well? She hoped not.

  But when it came to the club, Lorna’s friendship paled in comparison to Bettina’s. And anyone with eyes in their head could see there was no love lost between the sisters-in-law.

  Jade planned on being on the winning side. It was the only way she’d hold onto Brady.

  “What’s up?” Ally asked distractedly. She had every right to be, considering Zoe was banging on the theaters candy case, squealing for Milk Duds.

  “Did you think I wouldn’t get your sick little joke?”

  “A joke?” Ally scooped up Zoe before turning to face her friend. “Jade, what are you talking about?”

  “This!” Jade pulled out the purple thong and threw it at her. “Ally, I know it came from you.”

  Ally stared down at it. “Seriously, I don’t know what the heck you’re talking about.”

  “I was watching Brady! It was an anonymous gift, but he knew who gave it to me. And guess what? He looked right at you when I held it up.”

  Ally blushed. “Whether he was looking at me or not, I had nothing to do with…this!”

  “You mean to tell me you didn’t leave one just like this in my kitchen cupboard—on Thanksgiving?”

  Ally’s jaw dropped open. “Are you crazy?”

  Jade’s glare was all Ally needed to see that she was very serious.

  Ally took a deep breath. “Jade, I swear on my life. It wasn’t me.”

  Jade shook her head in disbelief. Tears fell from her eyes onto the planes of her high cheekbones. “I must be going crazy. No, I—I’m just tired of being lied to.” She looked at Ally. “There’s nothing I can do about the fact Brady is sitting on your board or that he’s investing in your new venture with Jillian. You asked my permission, I said yes. But now, it’s time for you to keep your end of the bargain. If you’re truly my friend, you’ll leave him alone.”

  She didn’t wait for Ally’s answer.

  She was glad it was dark in the theater. She didn’t want anyone to see she was crying.

  Chapter 13

  Thursday, 28 February

  “So, how about buying me a drink? That way, you can fill me in on the progress of Life of Pie.” Brady could tell Ally was disappointed that he’d caught up with her in the Bracknell parking lot. Well, too bad. He missed her terribly.

  Since the Valentine’s party, she’d been avoiding him, and he couldn’t figure out why. She still answered his emails, but without the usual familiarity he’d come to know. And she never answered his calls. Instead, she’d text back, using either Zoe or the pie shop’s grand opening as her excuse to make any correspondence between short and sweet.

  She hesitated, then shook her head. “I’ve got to get home and relieve the babysitter.”

  “Liar. Zoe is with Barry and Christian. I passed them in the park on my way over here.”

  She shrugged. “Okay, you caught me in a fib. I’m hoping I don’t do the same with you.”

  His smile disappeared. “You won’t. Ask me anything.”

  She took a deep breath. “Are you having an affair with someone?”

  He laughed until he saw she wasn’t joking. “Why would you say something like that?”

  She reached into her purse and pulled out the purple thong. “I don’t think Jade found this funny, either. In fact, she accused me of leaving one just like it at your house, on Thanksgiving, and then making this her Covert Cupid joke.”

  Brady stared down at it, but he didn’t say a word.

  Ally sighed. “Brady, whose is it?”

  He blinked twice. Game over. Time to come clean.

  He took a deep breath. “It belongs to Kimberley Savitch.”

  It was Ally’s turn to be silent. Finally she whispered, “When?”

  “It started before the Onesies admission. She was an easy mark. I was hoping she’d be an advocate for Oliver’s admittance. She was. But when I asked Jade to come back so that Oliver could hold onto his place, I made it clear we needed to cool it.”

  “So that Jade wouldn’t find out.” Ally waited for him to validate the premise.

  “Yes. And…and because by then I’d met you.”

  Ally nodded slowly. “Thank you for your honesty. I have to say, Brady Pierce, you are one conniving son of a bitch.”

  He shrugged. “Does that make me any more lovable?”

  Ally couldn’t hide her smile. “It barely makes you human.” Her smile faded as she added, “I don’t think we can go on like this anymore.”

  “Do I disgust you?”

  Ally nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry, but knowing how you used Kimberley—”

  He snorted loudly. “Used…her? My God, when I told her we should cool it, she tried to blackmail me! I called her bluff.”

  “And she called Jade’s. Obviously, she was Jade’s Covert Cupid. And obviously Jade is upset over this. Do you know how
close the two of them have become? Brady, for your own sake, you need to put her in her place!”

  “I thought I had.” He leaned against the car. “I wasn’t counting on her airing her dirty laundry in public, literally.”

  “Threaten to air it for her. Threaten to expose her to Bettina. The club is Kimberley’s life. If it’s known that she’s been chasing after another woman’s husband, she’ll be kicked out.”

  “My God, Ally, you’re a genius. Game, set, match!”

  Without thinking, he reached to kiss her. Stunned, she pulled away. Holding her hand to her mouth, she muttered, “Don’t you ever do that again.”

  She fumbled in her purse for her car’s electronic key. But it was crammed with so many of Zoe’s Lego Duplo blocks that she couldn’t find it. Cursing, she crouched down and turned the purse upside down on the sidewalk.

  When finally she found the key, she clicked it and jumped into the car.

  “I’m keeping my promise to Jade, and to myself,” Ally said.

  She drove off, leaving the Legos behind.

  Frustrated with himself, Brady kicked the plastic blocks. When they scattered, one hit his car hard enough that the alarm went off.

  Chapter 14

  Friday, 1 March

  Brady’s call asking her to meet him at Lefty O’Doul’s on Geary had Kimberley walking on a cloud all day. She easily talked Sally Dunder into taking her tots for an overnight. Sally owed her a sitter exchange for all the times she twisted the arms of PHM&T members to pull their weight—or at least pull a few weeds—in the community garden.

  O’Doul’s was a dive. She had expected nothing more. In fact, the seedier the better. It made the meeting so thrillingly clandestine!

  She wondered if Brady had met Jade in a place like this. The women lounging around the bar could easily pass for her clan. They were all low-rent skanks.

  If that’s what rang his chimes, she could role-play, no problem. Usually she bought her lingerie at Chadwick’s on Chestnut or Les Cent Culottes on Polk in Russian Hill. This time, though, before their rendezvous, she drove over to the Ross Dress for Less on Bay Street and bought a leopard print push up bra and a matching thong. The price tag, just eight ninety-nine, seemed too good to be true. She wondered if it was used. She shuddered at the thought that she might catch something, but put them on anyway in a dressing room that had no doors, not even a curtain. Talk about low rent.

  Perfect.

  In fact, she hoped the hotel room they’d end up in was just as gross as the bar and the Ross. One of her favorite fantasies of all time was that scene in Monster’s Ball where Heath Ledger and Halle Berry made love standing up in front of the mirror. There were more than a few just like it on the blocks surrounding O’Doul’s. In hindsight, standing up to fuck was the only option she’d give Brady. The last thing she needed to bring home with her was bedbugs. Her oldest son had been infected with head lice once, and it had freaked her out. Authenticity was good, but only up to a point.

  The place was so dark that it had taken her a full five minutes to realize Brady was already sitting at the bar. When she saw he’d spotted her too, he motioned her to a booth in the corner, then excused himself from the two old men who were bending his ear, taking his pint of dark beer with him.

  He dodged her kiss. “I’m going to make this short and sweet,” he said. “Stay away from Jade. I don’t care what excuse you give her. You can tell her she has bad breath for all I care. If you don’t, I’ll tell her the thong belongs to you. I’ll also tell Bettina Connaught-Cross that we had a thing.”

  His attack stunned her at first. Then slowly anger filled the emptiness he left. “You wouldn’t dare,” she muttered.

  He downed his beer. “Try me, Kimberley. You see, you’ve left me no choice. Jade loves me. She may hate the fact that I don’t love her back, but she’s made her choice.” He leaned in close. “Can you say the same? Will your husband stand by you? And if Jade is angry enough to tell Bettina you voted for me because we were fucking, do you think you’ll be asked to stick around?”

  Everything he said was right.

  They both knew it.

  If Bettina found out, she’d be a pariah. She’d be known as the club skank. No, she'd just be a run-of-the-mill skank, because she’d no longer be in the club.

  Kimberley pursed her lips.

  Then she stood up, picked up Brady’s beer, and flung it in his face.

  She could not run to her car fast enough. A bum, sitting in a broken Barcalounger, whistled as she hustled past him. She felt as if he could see right through her. Or at least, as close up as her leopard skin bra and panties.

  The moment she got into her house, she locked the front door and stripped off all her clothes. But she didn’t toss them in the dirty clothes hamper. Instead, she put them in the garbage can, tying the scented plastic bag tight in case she was right about the bugs.

  Then she jumped into the shower and scrubbed her skin until it was raw.

  She went to bed naked and cried herself to sleep.

  She expected Jerry to get home late.

  She guessed he wouldn’t even notice she had no clothes on.

  She was right on both counts.

  Chapter 15

  Thursday, 21 March

  Something is clearly wrong, Jade thought.

  She had every right to be paranoid. For over a month now, Kimberley had been dodging her. Whenever she phoned for a playdate or to grab a cup of coffee to go over some AP class ideas, the call would roll over to Kimberley’s voice mail. If she tried to chat up Kimberley after their meet-ups, her friend was polite, but definitely frosty, and she always had somewhere else to be right that very moment.

  As luck would have it, she ran into Kimberley at the Golden Gate Valley library’s Tales and Tots reading hour. In a final desperate attempt to find out why she was being ignored, Jade edged her way through the thick crowd, plopping Oliver down next to Kimberley and her two little ones.

  She gave her friend a big smile. “Wow, imagine meeting you here!”

  Kimberley blanched then glanced around furtively. If Jade didn’t know better, she’d think Kimberley was on the lam.

  Not able to stand it any longer, Jade came right out with it. “Hey, are you avoiding me?”

  Kimberley’s smile quivered. “Who, me? No! I’ve just…The board is so busy right now, what with vetting the AP class proposals and all.”

  Jade bit her lip. “That’s why I’ve been calling you. I’m freaking out about mine. None of the leads you’ve given me have panned out. The concert violinist was already asked to participate with the Foursies by Gwen. And the Cubist painter was called by Marcia, so he’s already onboard to work with the Threesies. Even that long shot—you know, the VIP soccer dude from Manchester, England—was asked by Hillary to work with the Twosies!” She sighed. “I’m always a day late and a dollar short.”

  “Poor you.”

  Jade looked up sharply, and just in time to catch the tail end of Kimberley’s smirk before it faded. “Kimberley, I truly thought we were friends. Please be honest. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

  Kimberley’s eyes narrowed. She opened her mouth to say something, but then thought better of it. Instead, she shrugged. “Yeah, well, you’ve got to be Johnny on the spot with these things. Time’s running out, kiddo. All instructors’ curricula vitae have to be submitted next week, along with a curriculum outline. And as for our friendship, Jade, here’s the dealio. As long as this contest is going on, I can’t show favoritism to anyone. I’ve already been called on the carpet for doing so.”

  “But Bettina likes me! I know she does!”

  Kimberley’s humorless laugh sent a chill up Jade’s spine. “Yeah, and for all the right reasons, I’m guessing. Don’t be so naïve, Jade. Don’t you get it? You’re the golden girl. As long as you watch your Ps and Qs, you’ll be fine. Oh, and while you’re at it, watch your back, too.”

  Pretending to be enthralled by the monotone story
teller, she turned her back to Jade.

  Fine, Jade thought. I can take a hint.

  She grabbed Oliver and stumbled over the floor filled with squirming tots until she reached the library’s outer doors.

  It was bright outside. The air was cold and brisk. Good. I need some fresh air.

  She knew of a little pocket park just one block down at the corner of Gough and Green. It was grassy and had lots of benches, and there was always a dog or two. Running after any pups would keep Oliver busy while she thought through her next move.

  She didn’t see the man at first, but she heard him.

  “It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves.”

  How beautiful and how true, Jade marveled. She turned around to see who had spoken to her.

  The man was sitting on the sidewalk, up against the corner market. His clothes were old and soiled. The soles of his shoes were open, exposing a big toe with a yellow nail. There was an empty vodka bottle at his side.

  She just had to ask. “Did you just make that up?”

  He tilted his head in her direction. His rheumy eyes scrutinized her from top to bottom. Liking what he saw, he smiled wide. He was missing a tooth in the back. “If I had, I’d be four hundred and fifty years old. It’s from William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar. Cassius’s lament to Brutus.” He leaned forward toward Oliver’s stroller, and chucked the tot under the chin. “Can you say it, little man? Go on, be Cassius.”

  Oliver gurgled something that sounded like “twawr.”

  Jade was thrilled. “Did you hear him? He said ‘star.’”

  The man shrugged. “It’s possible. I was quoting the Bard before I could say my own last name, Pudberry.” He held out a dirty hand. “Cornelius Reginald.”

  Jade took it slowly, and shook it gently. “Pierce. Jade. And this is Oliver.”

  “Ah! As in Twist, eh? Middling Copperfield, but the tykes find it relatable. We’re all orphans, metaphorically speaking.”