Hunger (Some Say Love #1)

by Jane Smith

  Curiosity got the better of Amanda and she only made it through a few chapters in her book. The kids were getting bored and August was the hottest time of year in Bend. We’ll go home, pick up the car, and head out for ice cream.

  The kids liked the sound of that plan and they all headed back home, ready to embark on a new mission.

  As they rounded the corner, Amanda noticed that Charles’ car was still in the driveway. Shit, what am I going to tell the kids? Is it safe to go inside?

  She was about to suggest they walk to the ice cream shop, when one of the girls asked, “Who is that man?”

  Charles was leaning against the back of his car, texting furiously on his cell phone as Amanda and the kids approached. “It looks like my friend Charles. When we get back, you two go inside and put your stuff away quietly so you don’t disturb mama. Hit the bathroom and fill up your water bottles. I’ll start the car and talk to Charles.”

  Charles watched the kids race into the house and Amanda approached him. “Charles, right?” She extended her hand to shake his and introduced herself. “I’m Amanda, Kelsey’s best friend and babysitter. Is she expecting you?”

  Charles shook his head. “I’m in a bit of a jam and I need to talk to her. It’s kind of urgent.”

  Amanda looked at his car. “So urgent that you drove 6 hours to see her instead of just calling?”

  Charles grinned. “She’s not answering my calls. I just need to talk to her. I’m sorry. Will she be back soon? Did I come at a bad time?”

  Amanda had promised not to interrupt Kelsey’s writing time. “She’s working right now. But you came at a perfect time. We’re about to get some ice cream. You should join us.”

  Charles had no interest in hanging out with the best friend/babysitter, but he was interested in getting on the good side of her kids, and it never hurt to have the girl’s best friend rooting for you. Plus it was 90 degrees out. “Ice cream, it is.”

  Amanda opened the back doors of her van to let out the hot air and turned on the air conditioner. She motioned for Charles to sit up front and guided the kids into the car. “Charles is coming with us to get ice cream. Buckle up.”

  The adults were silent on the way to the ice cream shop and it wasn’t until they were seated at a table in the outdoor strip mall that either of them spoke about anything substantial.

  Amanda started the conversation. “So, now that the kids are occupied, you should know that I give great advice and I know Kelsey better than anyone. What’s on your mind, Charles? How is married life treating you?”

  Charles was already feeling awkward, having just been escorted to an unfamiliar ice cream shop by this frumpy middle-class lady with the children of the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his marriage. Actually, that wasn’t true, but he wanted to talk about it with Kelsey. Kelsey was the only one who truly understood him.

  Still, he answered. “Not like I expected, that’s for sure. Are you married?”

  Amanda wasn’t sure why he’d switch the focus of the conversation, but since he’d paid for the ice cream, she didn’t want to argue with him unless it was in defense of Kelsey. “I’m a widow. My daughter is terminally ill and I’m not dating. I babysit for Kelsey while she’s working and try to stay out of bankruptcy for the medical bills. I think that’s all you need to know about me. I’m not the one that’s here on a mission.”

  Charles nodded his head. “Fair enough, but I wouldn’t call it a mission.”

  Amanda raised her eyebrows and Charles shrugged. “Now that you point it out, I guess it’s a mission. I’m sorry to hear about your daughter. When will Kelsey be home from work?”

  Amanda pulled her phone from her purse. “I believe she will be finished in an hour or so, let me text her to be sure.” She tapped at her phone screen several times, apologizing for interrupting her writing time and begging Kelsey to rescue her from this awkward situation.

  Charles continued. “Being a widow must be hard, I’m sorry you went through that. But you’ll find someone, a pretty girl like you. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

  Amanda smiled, “I’m not worried. My daughter is my life. I’m not even looking, but thanks for the vote of confidence.”

  Charles shook his head. “I don’t understand you girls. How can you be OK believing that you’ll be alone for the rest of your life? I can’t handle it. I need to be married, I need to know that I won’t be alone forever.”

  Amanda smiled. “I was more alone when I was married than I am now. I have friends that I love, I have a daughter who needs me, and I have my family, as crazy as they are. I’d rather be happy than married. And I’m not about to waste my life away looking for love when it’s all around me. Besides, you are married now, so what’s the problem? Shouldn’t you be content now, knowing that you’ll never be alone again?”

  Charles shook his head. “It’s not that easy. She’s kinda crazy. We’re having a really hard time getting along right now.”

  Amanda laughed. “I’m sorry, I don’t know all the details of the situation, but I’m not surprised. I mean, are you? You knew this woman for what, like a month before you proposed? Doesn’t it take time to build a relationship? I don’t understand the obsession with finding a wife at the expense of building a relationship.”

  Charles looked at Amanda, confused. “But a marriage is a relationship, I guess I figured that once we were married ,we could build that relationship, but she’s still mad about things that happened before we got married. I don’t understand women.”

  Amanda nodded her head. “Clearly, you do not. So what are you going to do about it? Do rich people get counseling? Or do you just divorce and find another one?”

  Charles was getting annoyed with Amanda’s tone and feeling indignant. “We consult our trusted friends and loved ones- not their hired help- and sort it out maturely.”

  Amanda’s face grew red. “Did you just call me ‘hired help?’ No wonder you have relationship issues. So, you came here to consult with Kelsey, wouldn’t that make her your hired help, too?”

  Charles took a deep breath and apologized just as Amanda’s phone beeped. She looked at the screen and shouted toward the girls, “Your mom’s done now. Finish up your ice cream and get washed up.”

  Charles apologized again. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. I shouldn’t have said that. Lana suggested we get counseling, but I hate going to counseling, they always think they know everything about me and I hate having to talk about all of our problems with a stranger.”

  Amanda could sympathize with that idea. “I know, it’s awkward, right? Talking to friends is a lot easier, but friends aren’t trained to hear both sides of the story or to respond in ways that help you feel better. Friends are concerned, so they worry with you. But therapists want you to deal with reality, so they don’t perpetuate your fears or insecurities. It’s no different than gossiping and pretty disrespectful to your wife, especially if you’re going to mutual friends for advice. Come to think of it, it’s not very respectful to your friends, either, troubling them with your life stress. I bet your friends worry about you. I know Kelsey does.”

  Charles argued. “Kelsey isn’t a mutual friend.”

  Amanda snapped back. “So, then bringing your marital troubles to her isn’t disrespectful to your wife?”

  Charles had never met anyone who pissed him off more than Amanda had managed to over the past hour. Who does this woman think she is making assumptions about my life like this? What a fucking bitch, insinuating that there was something wrong with me coming to Kelsey for advice. She must know that Kelsey gives excellent advice and has a knack for seeing both sides of a situation even when she doesn’t know the other person. “If I could have married Kelsey, I would have. She truly cares about my happiness and I know that she can help me navigate this situation and preserve my marriage. Out of respect for her, I will not argue with you. I can see that you have a lot of stress i
n your life and since you’re friends with Kelsey, I’d like to help you out with those medical bills. But let’s not talk about my marriage anymore, deal?”

  Amanda could have cried at that moment. This guy is fucking weird. Is he trying to buy my silence? Sold, then. I don’t have shit to say to him anyway.

  As the kids came out of the bathroom, she sent Kelsey a quick text. “Charles is here, we took him for ice cream. He’s an asshole, by the way. He wants to see you. We’ll be back in 15 minutes.”

  Moments later, they were pulling into Kelsey’s driveway again. Charles placed a wad of cash into the center divider of Amanda’s van and followed them into the house.

  Chapter 33

  Kelsey’s house was exactly as Charles had suspected it would be. Her walls were cheerful and colorful. The kitchen was red and white, the living room was painted a vibrant shade of purple and the walls were decorated with paintings that she and her kids had made. Colorful canvases in every size were tastefully arranged. The built-in shelves in one nook were decorated with homemade sculptures, small potted succulents, dried flowers, and colorful rocks.

  She was standing by the patio door, holding a glass of wine and waiting for the dog to finish his business outside. The girls greeted her with big hugs and told her all about their ice cream adventure and their visit to the park. Charles stopped in the doorway, unsure of what to say, since he was clearly in alien territory. He’d never seen how she lived before. Her home was welcoming and happy, an enchanted world of love that he desperately wanted to live in.

  Amanda burst through the door carrying the children’s water bottles, her purse, her backpack ,and a stack of books. In order to appear helpful, Charles rushed to her and helped carry some of her load. Kelsey moved a chair aside from the dining room table so the stuff could be set down, then sorted through and put away. As the girls were running into their bedrooms, Kelsey brought down two more wine glasses and poured a glass of wine for Charles and Amanda.

  Amanda sipped her glass before raising it up for a toast. “What are we drinking to today?”

  Charles looked her in the eye and said. “To new friends.”

  Amanda couldn’t shake the annoyed feeling that she got from him but she raised her glass anyway, repeating, “To new friends.”

  Kelsey added, “To finished novels.”

  Amanda screamed and set her wine glass down to jump up and down, hugging her friend. “You finished, oh my god. Do I get to read it yet? I’m so excited. I’m so proud you.” She brought her hand to her heart and looked at Kelsey with a tear in her eye. “I knew you could do it.” She turned to Charles who looked confused. “Kelsey finished writing her novel. Cheers!” And she raised her glass.

  Charles looked at Kelsey with a new respect and awe. “You wrote a novel? I’m sorry, I had no idea. That is exciting. Congratulations. Do you have a publisher?”

  Kelsey smiled coldly. Charles was such a downer. “No, since it was finished about half an hour ago, I do not have a publisher yet. I’ll work on that tomorrow. More wine?”

  Charles looked at his wine glass, which was still reasonably full after just one sip and it dawned on him that his question wasn’t received well. “I’m sorry, congratulations. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  Kelsey put the wine glass down and spoke directly to Amanda. “The roast in the fridge needed to be cooked today, so I stuck it in the crock pot. But we can still go to dinner if everyone is excited about it. We don’t have to decide right now.”

  Amanda answered. “I don’t have any preference on the dinner topic, and I don’t think the kids even knew we were planning to go out. But I think Charles would like a few minutes of your time. I’m going to sit on the couch and read, I’ll help the kids if they need it while you two talk.”

  Charles nodded at Amanda. “Thank you, dear.” He turned toward the patio door and invited Kelsey outside. “Shall we?”

  Kelsey filled up a glass of ice water and carried it, along with her wine, outside. Once they reached the table and chairs, she asked, “What brings you all the way out here today, Charles? Trouble in paradise?”

  Charles rolled his eyes. “Yes, of course. I don’t know what I was thinking. Lana is crazy. She’s still mad that I won’t tell her about you.”

  Kelsey’s eyes grew wide. “You mean she still doesn’t know? What are you hiding? Of course she’s mad. Wouldn’t you be mad? Hell, I know I would. Why don’t you just tell her the truth?”

  Charles humphed. “That you are the love of my life, that your skin is soft and smells like lavender, that your laughter is like music, that you’re smart and sensible and you rejected me, but I bought you a house anyway, and that as long as I live, I will never love another woman like you?”

  Kelsey shook her head. “No, of course not. You tell her that you were madly in love with the idea of marriage and no matter how hard you tried to woo me, I insisted on staying single for a while after my divorce, and instead of honoring that part of me and letting our love grow slowly, you were so hell-bent on finding a wife that you pestered me until I couldn’t stand it anymore and now I’m not a threat, because I will never give my heart to a man who sees me as a commodity in the wife market.”

  Charles was shocked. “Wait, so you’re saying that you would have married me?”

  Kelsey rolled her eyes. “Charles, you’re not listening. And I’m not looking to be married. If I was, it wouldn’t be to you. You’re more obsessed with the idea of marriage than you are with the relationship. Without a relationship, marriage is just a pain in the ass. I’m not surprised that you’re unhappy with her. What I’m surprised by is the fact that you don’t see how you’re sabotaging yourself by ignoring reality. The reality is that you hardly know her, you’ve lied to her, you’ve hurt her, you’ve cheated on her, and yet you still think you deserve a happy marriage. What has she ever done to you? How bad can she be?”

  Charles shook his head. “She’s the worst, by far. She brought her mother into our home for 2 weeks before our wedding. That’s time we should have been spending together, getting to know each other in preparation for our wedding. Her mom has been present her whole life, why does she need to come steal her away during our precious private time?”

  Kelsey was in shock. “Your precious private time? This girl probably hasn’t seen her mother in years. Getting married, for those of us who haven’t done it 3 or 4 times, is a very big deal. Having her mother there was actually a great opportunity for you to bond with both of them. When her mother loves you and understands you, she’s going to encourage her daughter to be a good wife and she’s going to give her helpful advice for many years, which is in your best interest. Unless you’re a jerk to her, in which case she’s going to cause problems in your marriage. Nobody wants to see their daughter married to a jerk. Tell me you weren’t mean to her mother, please.”

  Charles shrugged. “I wasn’t mean, I mean… we did get into one fight, but she was way out of line.”

  Kelsey shook her head. “The mother of the bride is never out of line. You’re wrong. But I’m intrigued. What did she do?”

  Charles set his glass down in order to gesture wildly with his hands while he spoke. “First of all, she shows up at our house from the Ukraine and I had to pick her up at the airport after midnight on a Saturday. I’d hardly slept at all the night before because I had the quarterly meeting for the St James Foundation all day on Friday, so of course we went out Friday night and then I go hiking really early every Saturday with Adam, so by the time midnight rolled around, I was tired. But Lana and I headed to the airport to pick up the old lady…”

  Kelsey cut him off, holding both of her hands in the air. “Wait a minute, stop. You can’t call her an old lady and it’s not her fault you didn’t sleep. I asked you what Lana’s mother did wrong and you’re telling me about things that happened before she even arrived. Do you see how this is irrelevant?”

  Charles explained. “It’s not irrelevant, you need to know my state of mind g
oing into the situation.”

  Kelsey shook her head. “No, I don’t. I can already tell you’re going to use this state of mind as an excuse to justify something rude or horrible, and honestly, if you’re not mature enough to treat an old lady with kindness after she just spent 20 hours on a plane to see the daughter she hasn’t seen for several years, then let me tell you there is no rationalization or justification for whatever it is that you did.”

  Charles was growing impatient. “I didn’t do anything. I drove Lana to the airport, we picked her mother up. We brought her home. I carried her bag up the stairs and set her up in the guest room. I showed her the bathroom and the kitchen and poured a pitcher of water to take to her room. Lana made her a fruit tray with cheese and crackers. I didn’t do anything, Lana did. She stayed up all night long with her mother, chatting and watching a lifetime movie, and looking at catalogs. She didn’t even come to bed until 5am and I was already awake by then, making breakfast. I didn’t do anything.”