Close To Falling

by Paige P. Horne

  “Yes,” I reply.

  “Don’t go to prom with him.”

  “River, I have to go.”

  “You’re really going to do this?” He shifts away from me, messing his hair up more.

  “Don’t be mad.”

  He smirks. “That’s not how this works, B.”

  “How does this work then?” I ask. “Because I can’t go with you, and I want to go. What am I supposed to do?”

  He sighs. “Let’s just fucking tell them.”

  “Frankie would never allow this in his house.” He looks over at me, and I see it now. “That’s why you haven’t taken things farther, isn’t it?”

  “Go to prom, but I’m going, too,” he says, standing.

  “With whom?” I ask.

  “Don’t worry about that. Just know I’ll be there.”

  Chapter Twelve

  “Close your eyes,” Cali tells me as she puts dark green eye shadow across my eyelid.

  “Your brown eyes are going to pop with this.” She’s all done up and soft curls. I wish I were more excited, but River is gone, and I am wondering what he is up to. I hear a knock on the door, and I take a look in the mirror. My dress is black with a long skirt. Mesh and lace flowers make up the top, showing off my summertime skin. A belt of pearls wraps around my waist, and I move my long dark hair to one shoulder. I look older.

  “Are you two ready?” Landon asks. “Mikey is here.”

  “Yeah,” I reply. I open the door, and Landon smiles.

  “You look nice, sis.”

  “Thanks. Have you talked to River?”

  “He’s going to meet us there,” he says, looking past me at Cali, and I nod before I walk around him. I hear Landon tell Cali she looks pretty, and I smirk as I head downstairs. Mikey sits in the living room with Frankie, and I wonder how that awkward conversation went.

  “Hey, Maddie,” Mikey says. He stands in an all black tux with a matching bowtie. Baby pink roses make up the corsage he is holding, and Frankie looks over at me. He smiles, but doesn’t say anything.

  As Landon and Cali walk down, Frankie speaks, “Hell, I guess I need to take your picture.”

  ***

  “So, Landon and Cali?” Ellie asks.

  “Yeah, they tried to make a go at it.”

  “Tried?”

  “Cali is a small-town girl. She won’t ever leave Crystal Bay, but Landon wanted more. They fought a lot until one day Cali called it quits. Landon didn’t want that, but he has a passion, and sometimes that goes above everything else.”

  “Right,” Ellie says. She moves from behind her desk and sits in her soft chair with her throw over her legs. She complains she can’t ever get the temperature right in here. “So, prom goes well?”

  “For the first hour, it was okay.”

  ***

  White tablecloths cover at least twenty tables in the large gym. I sit at one of them messing with my pink roses. Decorative lights are strung around, and too much glitter is sprinkled everywhere. Landon and Cali are dancing, and I’ve never been more bored. I’m waiting for my boy and his date to come walking through the door, but it’s been over an hour now, and I don’t think he is gonna show.

  “Want some?” Mikey asks, getting my attention. I see he has a little flask, and I smile at the boy who never breaks the rules.

  “Yeah,” I reply. He grabs my cup, putting both the flask and my cup of punch on his lap, and spikes it.

  “Here,” he says. I smile because he is trying to make this more fun. As I take a few sips, a good song comes on.

  “Let’s dance, Mikey,” I suggest. He lifts his lips, giving me a boyish grin, and I grab his hand. I gotta make the best of this. We walk out beside Cali and Landon, and I giggle when the boy who broke a rule for me spins me out and back in again. We dance, and a slow song comes on, so Mikey puts his hands on my waist as I put mine around his neck. Cali and Landon are close, and she looks swept off her feet, happy.

  “What’s the B stand for?” my dancing partner asks.

  “Huh?” I reply as my eyes roam over the room. I know who I’m looking for, and I don’t understand why he hasn’t shown up yet. What could he be doing?

  “Maddie B, what’s the B mean?”

  “Oh, it doesn’t mean anything,” I say, looking back at Mikey. “My dad just liked the way it sounded.” I smile.

  “What happened to your parents?”

  “They were killed in an armed robbery,” I say, chewing my bottom lip.

  “Sorry,” he mutters, giving an apologetic look. I hear Mikey, but my eyes go across the room. Loose black tie and unruly hair, River looks sexy and up to no good. He laughs at his boy Austin, and the two girls beside them couldn’t look trashier if they tried. I don’t recognize either of them. River notices me and says something to Austin. He doesn’t even speak to the girl beside him before he walks my way. My eyes watch easygoing as he comes closer—all black tux, white button-up, and a tie he obviously thought was too tight at one point because it’s carefree loose. He makes my heart skip beats. I want my hands on him. I know he has a pack of smokes in his pocket, and I’m willing to bet everything I have he smells like heaven.

  “What’s up, Landon?” River says as he passes by him and Cali. River looks between them. His eyes light up, and he lifts his lip, clearly entertained.

  “Shut up, River,” Cali says. River holds his hands up in defense.

  “I didn’t say anything,” he says with a sly grin.

  “But you were thinking it,” the girl who has her arms wrapped around my brother says. Landon lifts his chin toward Austin and the Rizzo look-alikes.

  “Who the hell did you bring?” Landon asks.

  “Just some girls from Bayside,” River answers, turning his attention to me. I see a quick look of wonder spread across his face. I shift my feet and bite the inside of my cheek. “Mind if I cut in,” he says to Mikey. It’s not really a question, and I look over at Landon who has his eyes narrowed with curiosity, but he doesn’t say anything.

  “Um,” Mikey says, uncomfortable.

  “Man, I’ll give her right back,” River says, but I can tell he doesn’t wanna be so nice.

  “It’s okay, Mikey. I’ll meet you back at the table.” I see John and his date sitting there, so I don’t feel so bad.

  “Okay,” Mikey mumbles as he walks off. I’m shitty, I know, but I can’t help it. River is an addiction for me. I want his touch and his attention all the time. He looks me over, and with a small smirk, he grabs my hand.

  “I wanna show you something,” he says loud enough for Landon and Cali to hear.

  “Be back,” I say to them. Landon looks suspicious, but my girl grabs his attention, and I know she is doing it for me.

  I hold on tight to my boy’s hand as he leads us through the maze of dresses and suited-up boys. I feel butterflies in my stomach, and my chest blooms with excitement. He opens the back door to the gym, and we step out into the night air. River walks around the back, and before I can even think, he has me up against the building, hands above my head, as green eyes pierce right through me.

  “You look so good, B.” He leans down to steal a kiss. He can steal more. Take more. Have more. He breaks away, and I see him swallow. “Let me take you somewhere,” he says sweetly. It melts my heart, and I never want to hear him speak to me any other way. If love had a sound, his voice would be it for me.

  “River, I can’t leave Mikey.”

  “Fuck Mikey. You wanted to go to prom. You’ve been. I let you have over an hour. Let’s go.”

  My eyes dart back to where we came, and then I look back at River. “And what have you been doing this whole time?” I ask as my worries from earlier pass through my mind.

  “Thinking about you,” he says, like what the fuck else would I be doing?

  “Really?” I ask, love-struck and melting.

  “Yeah, B.” He shakes his head, like why don’t you get it? “Come on. Come with me.”

  “Okay,” I say. �
��Let’s go.”

  ***

  “You actually left Mikey?”

  “Yeah,” I reply.

  “And River left his date also?”

  “Yes,” I confirm.

  “Maddie,” Ellie says disapprovingly.

  “Hey, I felt bad…about leaving Mikey, anyway. I didn’t too much care that River left what’s her face.”

  “Okay, go on,” she says, crossing her arms.

  ***

  Sick bass from his radio rattles the old Crown’s trunk, and my boy lights a joint as we head down the highway. I don’t know where we are going, but I’d go anywhere with River. He rolls the window down and passes me the J. I take a hit and give it back to him. Rolling my window down, too, I blow the smoke out and turn the radio up more. I slip my heels off and put my feet up on the dash. Friday night cars pass us, and excitement simmers uncontrollably inside me, dancing and feeling free because I’m with River. I love the wind in my hair, and I give a flirtatious smile when I see he is grinning at me.

  ***

  He parks the Crown Vic at a hotel outside of town. I look at River and see a line has appeared between his brows. He directs his eyes over to me, and the corners of his lips lift, but he is trying to cover his uncertainty. He opens the car door, and I watch him walk around to my side. I get out, and he gently takes my hand, leading me up the steps and around the corner of the hotel. Nerves build inside me. My palms grow sweaty underneath his, and I feel just as unsure as he looked only a minute ago.

  “River,” I say, taking a step back and clasping my hands in front of me as he unlocks the door.

  “What, B?” The door opens a tad, and he turns around to face me. Sliding his hand into his pocket, he looks me over.

  “What are we doing?” I ask as I take my lip between my teeth.

  “Nothing you don’t want to. Don’t you know that already?” His words are sincere, and they calm my nerves. This is River. My River.

  “Okay,” I say. I walk past him, and he follows. I hear the door click shut. Hand still in his pocket, he tosses the keys onto the dresser and leans back against the wall. I’m still in my prom dress, and my long skirt shuffling is the only sound I hear besides the pounding of my heart until the air conditioner kicks on. Our eyes lock on each other.

  “Who was the girl?” I ask. He shrugs.

  “Nobody important.”

  “Have you been with her?” I question.

  He laughs once. “I haven’t been with anyone since our first kiss, B. You’re all I think about.” He moves away from the wall and walks over to where I am standing. “How do you not get this? How do you not know what I feel for you, girl?” he asks me. The look on his face is everything I need for reassurance. “I think we should tell Frankie. I’m eighteen now, and I can get my own place. I won’t be living in his house anymore.”

  “But I’ll still be living there,” I reply with wide eyes.

  “So? You’ll be eighteen before we know it.” His shoulders shrug, and I shake my head.

  “Let’s just hold out for a little longer, okay? Besides, where will you move? Do you have money saved up?”

  “I’ll figure it out,” he replies.

  “How?” I ask.

  “Dammit, B. Stop asking so many fucking questions. I’m going to figure it all out. I’ll take care of us.”

  “You won’t have to, River. I can take care of myself. I’ll get my money when I turn eighteen.”

  “You won’t be using any of that on me,” he says sternly.

  “I didn’t say that. I’m just saying you don’t have to worry about me. Worry about yourself.”

  “I can’t just worry about myself, Maddie. You’re in my fucking head,” he says fiercely, tapping his forehead with his index finger. I swallow and take a deep breath.

  “Why are we fighting?”

  “Because we fight,” River says. “I love you, B. I want you forever. You and me. I don’t give a fuck who has a problem with it.”

  “I love you, too,” I say without thought, because I do. It’s natural, a part of who I am. River looks caught off guard because I haven’t said those words out loud yet.

  “You do?” he asks, lifting his brow and giving me the most honest smile.

  “Of course, I do.”

  Before he walks closer, he shakes his head as though he can’t believe it. Grabbing the back of my neck, he presses his mouth to mine. His tongue touches my lips, and I open to let him in. My arms reach up, and I slide his blazer off his shoulders. He helps remove it before his hands go to my hair.

  “You look like you can’t believe it,” I say.

  “I’m not sure of a lot of things in this world, and I know we are so young, but I also know without a single doubt, I love you and never want to be without you.” He takes my bottom lip between his teeth, and I feel my zipper as he slides it down my back. “Is this okay?” he asks against my lips, and I’m thinking it’s too late now, but I say yes anyway. He slides my dress off like I did his blazer, and I step out of it. With a look of awe on his face, he removes his tie and tosses it onto the bed. He licks his full lips, and I move closer to him. I unbutton his shirt, and he takes it off. He lifts me up and sets me on the dresser. I cross my ankles behind his back, and he pushes into me. “I’m not going to be able to stop this time, B,” he says. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

  “I’ve been sure.”

  He gives me his dimples and moves the lace to the side before he brushes his knuckles over my sensitive skin. I bite the inside of my bottom lip and moan as his fingers enter where I want all of him. I’m nervous, and my arms are shaking. I kiss his dimples before I lean back, and my head falls against the mirror behind me. I clamp my eyes shut as his fingers curl. My nails dig into his arms, and he leans down, grazing his teeth against my neck, biting down as he makes me feel good. Opening my eyes, I see his muscles move in his wrist, and my legs tremble and try to squeeze shut, but he moves closer, keeping me from putting my knees together. Heat moves across my chest and up my neck until I feel the flames in my cheeks. I swallow before I cry out. River removes his hand and undoes his belt. Lifting me up, he places me on the bed. I scoot up to the pillows while he takes his pants off.

  “Tell me the truth,” he says, climbing on top of me. “Tell me you haven’t been with anyone.”

  “I haven’t.”

  “You’re such a liar,” he says as he spreads my legs wider. He kisses me and rolls his hardness into me. I moan, and his hands move down my body until they are at my underwear. “We can’t go back after this.” He slides my panties down, and I lean up.

  “I know,” I reply. He pulls himself out of his boxers, and I put my head into the crook of his arm as he slowly enters me. He pushes farther, and tears spill out of my eyes. Gosh, this hurts. He leans down and kisses my tears away.

  “Sorry, baby.” He pushes in farther, and I feel myself stretch to accommodate him. He sinks until he can’t anymore. “Are you okay?” he asks, his voice sounding strained, his arms slightly shaking as he holds himself up.

  “Yeah,” I manage to say.

  “I’m going to move. Chill, B. It’s just me.”

  I take a deep breath and try to relax my muscles. He slides back until he is almost out and then moves forward again. Soon I don’t feel the sting anymore, and it becomes better. Way better.

  “Come on. Lean into me,” he says urgently. I run my hands down his back, and he ducks his head and sucks on my neck, pulling my skin until I feel it break. He licks down to my collarbone and holds himself up on his elbows beside my head. “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he breathes against my inflamed cheeks. “Tell me this is forever. Tell me you’re not going to break my heart.”

  “Not on purpose,” I say, digging my heels into the comforter beneath us. I push up, wanting more. He slams back into me, and I cry out. He sinks his teeth into the skin on my chest, marking me and then kissing it better. I grip his hair, pulling at the thick strands. We’re flying high as he
clutches the sheets that have been revealed because our lovemaking is moving the blanket. Sliding the cup of my bra down with his chin, he bites my breast and takes it into his mouth. His tongue swirls as he tastes my skin, and I see black when I close my eyes and focus on what he does to me. The sounds coming from his chest, up through his throat, and out of his mouth make me feel on top of the fucking world because I’m making him come undone. Tingles of fire and ice run up the back of my calves, and screams come out of my open lips as I come.