Close To Falling
Page 10
“I love you so much,” he says as I feel him swell inside me. He shakes, and I kiss him as we both glide down.
Chapter Thirteen
Ankles crossed and back pressed against my favorite tree, I have my drawing pad on my lap and black charcoal in my hand. I haven’t done this in so long. Dark lines on my paper are still a mystery, as I haven’t decided what I want to make them into yet. Leaves dance across the lawn as the wind shifts them in different directions. My heart beats slowly, and I take small breaths. The sun warms my pale skin, and I chew on my nails as I try to get my hand and mind to create something. My hand moves in an up and down motion, and I rub across the paper with my outer palm to make it smudge. I think of the waves crashing and a girl walking across the beach at night. Long dark hair, soft pale skin, arms spread out. Concentration and my passion take over; the world around me doesn’t exist anymore. It’s just this old oak, my chalk and drawing pad, and me.
***
A group of birds flies out of the treetops, moving in sync across the vast blue sky. I grab my hair and move it to one side as Ellie tells me about different school options. I try to listen to her, but my mind is somewhere else today. We take a seat on the bench by the pond, and I look out onto the water.
“What does that sound like to you?” Ellie asks.
“Hmm?”
“Are you okay today?” She looks concerned.
“Just thinking,” I respond.
“Wanna talk about it?” she asks, turning my way and putting her foot up on the bench. I take a breath and bite the inside of my cheek. “Tell me more about River.”
“We kept everything a secret until River finally saved up enough money to move out. He was nineteen, and school was over for him and Landon. Cali and I were in our last year. River and I sat Landon and Frankie down and told them we were together. Frankie didn’t say a word; he got up, grabbed a beer out of the fridge, and left. Landon was pissed.
***
We watched Frankie grab his truck keys off the counter.
“Frankie.” I slide my chair back and stand up. He looks back at me, but still doesn’t say anything. I see disappointment on his face, and sadness surrounds my heart. He turns and walks out, leaving us three alone.
“What the hell is wrong with you two?” Landon says as he stands also.
“Hey, chill out, man,” River says.
“Fuck you, River. You know better than this shit. Hell, Maddie is our little sister.”
“No, brother, she is your little sister. I have never thought of her that way, and you know that.”
“Maddie, you can do…”
“What, Landon? I can do what?” I ask, eyeing him. “And be careful with your next words.”
“You have talent, B. You can draw like I’ve never seen. You need to do something with that. Don’t get trapped here.”
“How does being with River have anything to do with my drawing? He would never hold me back.”
Landon looks between us. “River, you know what I’m talking about. Tell her,” he says.
“Landon,” River warns, nostrils flared and lips pressed.
“What?” I ask.
“River has been talking to his dad in prison.”
“Shut your mouth, Landon,” River says, standing up. He’s balled fists and low brows.
Landon looks to River. His head is lifted back, his mouth curved down, as he says, “Pops and your boy here got big plans, B. They’re going—” Before he can get the words out, River lunges forward, slamming into Landon. He draws back, and his fist meets Landon’s face.
“River!” I scream. Running over to them, I pull on my boy’s shirt. It rips, and he leans up off Landon. But Landon gets in a punch of his own, and blood spews out of River’s mouth. River jumps up. He lifts his chin toward Landon who has jumped up, too. I can feel the tension in the room and the adrenaline coming off the boys in waves. Landon straightens his shirt and runs a hand through his hair. He looks over at me and shakes his head before he walks out of the room. River takes a breath and pulls his pack out of the front pocket of his black jeans. Bringing it to his lips, he pulls a cigarette out with his teeth and holds it between his busted lips. “River, what aren’t you telling me?”
“I gotta smoke, babe,” he says, turning around and walking through the living room. I follow. We step out onto the porch, and he rests his elbows down on the railing. Running a hand through his hair, he grips the back of his neck. He doesn’t speak for a minute, and I let him cool down as I look out into the yard. The porch light is off, and the moon shines bright above us. River finally stands up straight and pulls the smoke out before he turns and spits blood out of his mouth.
“River, I need you to talk to me.” He turns and looks at me for a moment before he casts his eyes downward. He slides his lighter out of his pocket and lights his cigarette. “You’ve been talking to your dad?” I ask.
He nods, as smoke blows from his mouth. I walk over to him and search his eyes before I look down at his lips. I reach up and lightly touch them. They’re swollen and bloody. He doesn’t move as my finger lightly brushes over them.
“Let me clean this,” I say.
“Nah,” he tells me, turning to spit again before taking another hit.
“River.”
He walks down the porch steps and takes a seat. Running a hand through his hair again, his eyes look up to the night sky.
“Pops is working on getting me a job down at the docks.”
“Okay, what’s so bad about that?” I ask, walking down and sitting beside him.
“Nothing. Landon is just paranoid,” he says, darting his tongue out to touch his lips.
I eye him carefully. “Landon is never paranoid.” River turns his head my way. “Tell me what is really going on.” He looks from my eyes to my lips and then turns away.
“I’ll be making quick cash. I can get us out of here and get you in school to do something with your art. I want to take care of you, B.”
I sigh, getting frustrated. “I’ve told you already. I have plenty of money. You don’t need—”
“And I’ve told you… You won’t be using any of that!” he says, jumping up. “I’m not having this fucking argument with you. I’m taking the job, and I’m going to get us out of here. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Well, I do. If this was no big deal and you’re not up to no good, then why keep it from me?”
“Because I was waiting to hear from Pops and know it was a sure thing.”
“River, why are you talking to him? I’ve heard the stories about him. I’ve heard about the people he is mixed up with. I’m not stupid, and this is a small town.”
“Maddie,” River says, rubbing his eyes. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” He flicks his smoke out into the yard and then walks up the steps. I watch as his cigarette still burns, and smoke twirls upward. I run a hand through my hair and get up, too. Walking into the yard, I stomp hard on the butt and make my way back inside. Opening the door, I see Landon sitting on the couch, one elbow on the arm and a hand resting on his lap. He looks over at me.
“You’re fucking up, B,” he says.
“Landon, don’t,” I say, already tired of this conversation.
“No, listen to me. River talking to Pops is not a good thing. Those boys down at the docks are part of the Brothers. Pops is a part of the Brothers, Maddie."
“How do you know for sure?” I ask.
“I just know, okay. Look, it’s our job to watch out for you, and what River is about to get into is not something you need to be anywhere near.”
“Who assigned you this job?” I ask. “Because the last time I checked, I can take care of myself. Why the hell do you all feel the need to take care of me and make decisions for me?”
“Because we are family, and that’s what family does.”
I sigh and walk over to sit down beside him. “Landon, I love you. I know you mean well, but I have to figure this out on my own. There’s so
much you don’t know. River has helped me.”
“You mean the drugs?” he asks. “River tells me a lot. I know about you and Cali taking those pills.” I’m not completely shocked that he knows. They do talk, and I’m sure Landon is hurt that River has kept our relationship from him.
“So you know he helped me get clean.”
“Don’t lie to me. I know firsthand what an addict looks like. You know damn well you haven’t completely stopped. I’ve seen you pop one or two myself when River is at work.”
“Shut up, Landon,” I say, giving him a hard look and casting my eyes to the stairs.
“You have a problem, B, and you need more than River Dawson to save you.”
***
“The Brothers?” Ellie questions.
“Yeah, they’re a local street gang down in Crystal Bay.”
“And River was trying to work with them? Why would he do that?”
“Because all River Dawson could see was quick money, regardless if it was dirty or not.”
“How long were you taking the pills again?” she asks. I pick up a rock and toss it across the water. It skips twice before it sinks. I turn back toward Ellie and slide my hands into my boyfriend jeans.
“I was clean for a few weeks, but I probably started back a little after River began working with Frankie, maybe before.” I shrug. “But I never took them around him, which was tough sometimes. It was always a battle. I wanted him to leave and go to work so I could have my fix, but I also wanted him to be around me because he was my fix.”
“You were addicted to two different things and couldn’t have both at the same time.”
“Yes,” I confirm.
“Okay, so what did Frankie say?”
“Frankie came back later that night. I was in the living room waiting on him. I couldn’t sleep knowing he was upset at me.”
***
I hear the truck door shut, and moments later, his footsteps on the porch. Looking at the door, I watch it open, and Frankie walks in. He looks at me, and I see the fall of his chest when he sighs.
“Hey,” I say, putting the TV on mute.
“Why aren’t you in bed?” he asks, looking at the clock. It’s late, and I do have school tomorrow, but there’s no difference in me lying awake up there or sitting down here awake. Either way, I’m not sleeping.
“I can’t sleep,” I answer. He nods and locks the door before he hangs his keys beside all the others. “Frankie, I know you don’t like to talk about things much, but I need to talk to you about this.”
He sits and shakes his head. “You three kids mean the world to me. You came from different places, and I still don’t know how I ended up with all of you. Taking River was just something I did…” He stops himself, and I see him swallow. “And then I had Landon’s situation thrown in front of me and then you,” he continues. “I can’t say something like this happening didn’t cross my mind. You’re not blood-related, and you all have…teenage hormones or whatever.” He looks a tad uncomfortable, and I wince. “Anyway, it can’t go on under my roof. River will need to move out as soon as he can.” He stands up. “I’m going to bed, B. You need to, too.”
“Okay. Good night,” I say and then climb the stairs to my bed.
Chapter Fourteen
Time ticks forward, and the days fly by. The seasons change, and today is graduation day for my girl and me. I’m standing in line waiting for my name to be called as I watch the boy in front of me grab his diploma. I turn to look at the rows of seats that are filled with my class’s family and friends, thinking I can’t wait to get out of here.
“Maddie B. Callaway.” I put on a smile and step forward. Making my way across the stage, I grab the piece of paper that says I made it through high school. I shake the principal’s hand and continue walking, giving a small smile to my boys as I walk toward my future.
***
We toss our hats into the air, and Cali wraps me in a hug. “We fucking did it, B.” She’s vanilla-flavored lips and turquoise blue hair. I breathe her in because I love this girl and all her many hair colors. I see my family walking toward me, and I break away from Cali, but I link our hands.
“We’re having a cookout tonight,” Frankie says. “You kids stop by the store and grab some supplies. You know what we need.” He reaches out and gives me money. “Meet you back at the house,” he tells us. Cali gives my hand a squeeze before she replaces it with Landon’s.
“We’ll see you two later,” Landon says. “Proud of you, B.” He winks. I nod and give him a smile. They walk off, and Cali turns around to blow me a kiss. I catch it and blow her one back.
“What do you want to do?” River asks me. His hands are slid into his pockets, and he has a smoke behind his ear.
“Let’s go to the beach before the party,” I respond, looking up at him.
“Whatever you want,” he says, taking his hand from his pocket and grabbing mine. We walk across the football field with loosely linked fingers. “Tell me.” He looks down at me, and I know what he wants to hear.
“I love you.” The corners of my lips lift as I tell him, and he kisses my forehead. I rest my head on his arm and look down at the hand Frankie put money in. I notice there’s a note with it. As I slip it into my back pocket to read later, my eyes take in the view around me. My class members in long gowns and smiling faces. Sunlight shines through my eyelashes and warms my pale skin. I take a deep breath and hold my boy’s hand tighter as the realization hits me––school is over, and real life begins.
***
“Maddie, bring me a plate with a napkin on it,” Frankie yells to me. Feet swinging and sour candy eating, Cali and I are posted up on the kitchen counter, and my tongue feels raw. I slide off the counter and grab the napkin and plate.
“I’ll be back,” I tell her in my best Terminator voice. She laughs as I make my way to the sliding glass door. I see Landon and River in deep conversation over by the fire pit, and I wonder what they are talking about. River looks up from the fire when he sees me and gives me a wink. Landon keeps talking and grabs River’s attention.
“Here, Frankie,” I say.
“Just put it on the table, B,” he replies, taking a sip from his beer can. He flips a burger, and it sizzles. I stand beside him for a minute and watch the smoke rise from the hot grill. “When are you moving out?” he asks, throwing me off. I look over at him and search his eyes.
“How’d you know?”
“I’m not stupid, Maddie. I know you want to be where River is.”
“Yeah,” I reply, looking back at the grill. “I’m just a little…” I bite my lip, trying to find the words.
“You’re a little what?” he asks.
“I don’t know.”
“Want my advice?” He flips another burger patty.
“Sure.” I shrug.
“Don’t.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re only eighteen, and he is only nineteen. You’re both too young. Stay here and figure out what you want to do with your life. Save your money and do something with your drawing. You can see River whenever you like. You’re both grown, but give yourselves a chance at a future together. Don’t rush things when there is no need to.” Furrowing my brow, I bring my thumbnail to my teeth. “Just think on it for a while, B. That’s all I’m asking.”
“Okay,” I say. I pat him on the arm before I walk back toward the house, giving Landon and River one more look. I see Landon has his lips pressed, and there’s a deep line between his eyes. River's arms are crossed, and his eyes are on Landon as he fills his ear with more deep conversation. I look away and slide the door open, telling Cali I'm going to the bathroom really quick. She nods as she makes a face from the candy she has stuffed into her mouth. I laugh, and on my way up, I remember Frankie’s note. I slide it out of my back pocket and unfold it. Four twenties fall out, and I reach down and pick them up. I make my way to my room and open my dresser to put the money inside before I look back at the letter.
-Frankie
I smile down at the letter. Frankie is most definitely not a man of many words, but he will never know how much just that little bit means to me. I refold the paper and slide the letter beside the money before I head to the bathroom.