Truth and Solace

by Jana Richards

  Luke turned in her arms and pulled her against him. He buried his face in her neck and clung to her, while she held him and gently smoothed her hand over his back. Seconds later he pulled away, holding her shoulders in his big hands for a moment as he composed himself, his eyes downcast. Then, he sighed and let go. He put the glasses on a tray and carried it into the living room. Maggie followed him, willing herself to smile as if nothing was wrong.

  Luke poured the sherry and the sparkling grape juice and handed the glasses around before lifting his in a toast. “To Grandma and Maggie. May you be happy roommates.”

  “Hear, hear.”

  Maggie watched Luke from under her lashes as she sipped her drink. He did a good job of hiding his feelings in front of his family, but losing his mother was taking a toll. If she could help him by providing a safe place where he didn’t have to pretend his heart wasn’t breaking, then that’s what she’d do.

  Once the toasts were done, Maggie and Phyllis excused themselves to put the final touches on dinner. Phyllis bustled around, checking pots on the stove that didn’t need checking and rearranging table settings that were perfectly fine. Maggie knew keeping busy was her way of coping. She’d give her something to do.

  “Phyllis, do you think we should have whipped cream with the pie?”

  “Yes, I think that would be lovely. Abby loves whipped cream…”

  Her voice trailed off. They both knew Abby was unlikely to eat much of anything. Maggie spoke quickly, not wanting her to dwell on her sadness. “I brought some whipping cream. It’s in the fridge.”

  Phyllis’ face brightened. “I’ll whip it up. It’ll only take a few minutes.”

  She set to work immediately, pulling Abby’s electric mixer from the cupboard. By the time she’d finished, the potatoes were tender and ready to mash. Maggie drained the heavy pot and handed the masher to Phyllis. She pounded away at them as if they were the cancer in her daughter’s body and she could obliterate it by sheer force of will.

  If only it were that easy.

  Maggie removed the turkey from the oven and set it on a large platter to rest while she made gravy. Once Reese carved the turkey, they’d be ready to eat.

  Luke wheeled his mother’s chair to her spot at the end of the table and then poured the wine he’d brought for himself, Maggie and his grandmother. He gave Abby and Reese more sparkling grape. After everyone sat, Abby lifted her glass, her hand trembling slightly.

  “I’d like to propose a toast. To us, and the merriest Christmas ever. For this one day, let’s forget about illness and remember how much we love each other and how much we enjoy being together. Reality will come back soon enough, but for today, let’s forget. Merry Christmas.”

  The silence was deafening. Maggie should have known Abby would feel the tension all around her and know her family was hurting. Her cancer was the elephant in the room they couldn’t ignore. They needed to address it head on. Maggie touched her wine glass to Abby’s. “I second your toast. Here’s to the merriest Christmas ever, with good food and good friends. Today, let’s only think happy thoughts. On this happiest of days, I say cancer can go fuck itself.”

  Reese let out a guffaw and Abby laughed out loud. She covered her mouth with her free hand as it turned into a cough. But she was able to quickly bring the cough under control, for which Maggie was profoundly grateful.

  “I’ll drink to that,” Abby said.

  Reese lifted his own glass. Maggie hadn’t seen a genuine smile on his face in some time. “I think that’s a toast I can get behind.”

  Phyllis shook her head as she touched her glass to Reese’s. “That’s my roommate, potty mouth girl.”

  A fresh round of laughter erupted around the table. Sadness dissipated as if a window had been thrown open and a fresh breeze had blown through the house.

  From across the table, Luke smiled into her eyes and lifted his glass to her in a silent salute. Maggie raised her glass and saluted back. As Abby said, reality would hit soon enough. For today, she wanted to play a game of pretend where everything was possible, like believing Abby could return to full health.

  And Luke would want to stay in Minnewasta with her.

  After dinner, they cleared the table and washed the dishes. Luke was pleased his mother felt well enough to dry a few dishes and to tell him where to store them, though she had to remain in her wheelchair to do it. Maggie turned on the TV once more and led them in singing out-of-tune renditions of the Christmas carols being played.

  Thank God Maggie was there. If not for her, the day would have been gloomy and unbearable for all of them. Instead, she’d made it a fun celebration.

  Once the dishes were done and the food put away, they gathered around the Christmas tree in the living room to open gifts. Luke distributed the packages, and his grandmother and mother were the first to dive in. Maggie hung back, as if she were content to watch the others open their gifts.

  There were a lot of oohs and ahs and much laughter as the presents were unwrapped. Maggie seemed pleased and relieved that everyone liked the things she gave them. He knew how important buying the gifts had been to her. For his part, he loved the beautiful hand-knit sweater she gave him. It would provide much needed warmth on a cold winter day—

  Once he returned to California, he wouldn’t need such a warm sweater.

  But if he stayed… Luke swallowed and closed his eyes. When Maggie discovered the truth about what he’d done, she wouldn’t want him to stay.

  With an effort, he pushed the thoughts from his mind. Today was for celebration, not to worry about the future. There’d be plenty of time for that tomorrow.

  “You haven’t opened any of your gifts, Maggie,” his mother said.

  “Open the one from me first,” his grandmother said, pointing to a flat, rectangular box wrapped in bright red paper.

  “Okay.” Maggie slipped her fingers under the tape to open the paper, then opened the lid of the box.

  “Oh, Phyllis, this is beautiful.” She pulled a red knitted hat and matching scarf from the box and held it against her cheek. “It’s so soft.” She threw the scarf around her neck and modeled it for his grandmother. “I love it. Thank you.”

  His grandmother looked pleased. “You’re welcome. I thought the red would look good with your coloring.”

  She was right. The red was the perfect contrast to Maggie’s dark hair and eyes. She would look beautiful in it.

  “Why don’t you open the one from Reese and me next?” his mother said. Reese handed her another box.

  “I could get used to this,” she said with a laugh. Maggie carefully opened the wrapping paper to reveal a boxed set of knives. She stared at the box but didn’t open it.

  “The guy at the restaurant supply store in Minneapolis told me they were the kind of thing a professional chef would use. I hope he wasn’t giving me a line,” Reese said, sounding uncomfortable with Maggie’s continued silence. “I can always take them back and get you something else if they’re not what you want.”

  She lifted her head and looked at his stepfather, as a tear trailed down her cheek. “No, they’re perfect, top of the line. I… I can’t believe… I’ve looked at these knives for years, but I haven’t been able to afford anything like them. I can’t let you spend so much money.”

  “Nonsense. A good chef should have good tools,” Abby said. “Use them and enjoy them.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  Phyllis laughed. “You could start with ‘thank you’.”

  Maggie laughed through her tears. “Thank you. So much. You have no idea what this means to me.”

  She rose to her feet to hug his mother and Reese. His stepfather framed her face with his big hands and kissed her forehead in an uncharacteristic show of emotion. Maggie had that effect on all of them.

  She stooped to give Phyllis a kiss on her cheek before taking her seat again. Phyllis handed her a tissue, and she blew her nose.

  “I didn’t expect the waterworks,” s
he said, dabbing at her eyes.

  “And you haven’t opened Luke’s gift yet,” Phyllis said.

  She turned to look at him, a half smile on her face. “Am I going to cry again?”

  “I don’t know,” he said honestly. That hadn’t been his intention. He only wanted to make her happy and give her some relief. He didn’t want her to blame herself any longer.

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, then handed it to her. She hesitated before unwrapping it, giving him a questioning look. His heart hammered as he waited.

  “Hurry up! Open it already!” his grandmother said.

  “Okay, okay!”

  She ripped off the paper and then lifted the lid from the box. He heard her sharp intake of breath before she covered her mouth with her hand. Then, her shocked gaze lifted to his and tears filled her eyes once more.

  “Oh-oh. The waterworks again. It must be something good,” Phyllis said.

  Everyone, including Maggie, laughed.

  “Yes,” she said through her tears, her eyes focused on his. “Very good.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Maggie couldn’t believe he’d done this. “How did you find them?”

  Luke shrugged. “I did some phoning around.”

  Not for a minute did she believe it had only taken a few phone calls to find the earrings.

  “What is it, Maggie? What did Luke get you?” Phyllis asked.

  “Earrings.” A tremor shook her voice. “They belonged to my mother.”

  “Then, how did Luke get them?”

  A very good question. “I had to sell them to a pawn shop a few months ago. I…I needed the money.” Emotion clogged her throat. He hadn’t given any indication he’d been looking for the earrings. How much did he have to pay? She knew what she’d received from the pawnshop, and he’d have had to pay a lot more than that to get them back. More tears filled her eyes. Luke was the kindest, most generous man she knew.

  “Can we see the earrings, Maggie?” Reese asked.

  She wordlessly handed the box to him. Abby lifted one of the earrings and held it up to the light. “I remember Miranda wearing these. They meant a lot to her.”

  She and Reese exchanged a sad smile before he handed the box back to her. Maggie passed the box to Phyllis so she could take a look as well. Then, she lifted her gaze to Luke’s. “Thank you. You don’t know what this means to me.”

  “I think I have an idea.”

  Of course, he did. No one knew her better than Luke did, even though they’d been apart for ten years.

  She went to him, kneeling in front of him and placing her hand on his cheek. She wished she had the words to express her gratitude. “Thank you.”

  His throat worked as he nodded. “You’re welcome.”

  She leaned forward to kiss him. His lips were warm and sweet and welcoming, and she desperately wanted to deepen the kiss. But she was acutely aware that his family was watching. She contented herself by resting her forehead against his for a moment and breathing him in, revelling in the spicy, clean scent that was all Luke.

  I love you.

  With regret, she pulled away. He squeezed her hand as she got to her feet.

  Maggie faced Luke and his family, her hands tightly clasped in front of her. “Thank you, all of you, for the beautiful gifts and the generosity you’ve shown me. It’s been a wonderful Christmas day.” Her smile wobbled. “I think I’m going to make hot chocolate before I start crying again.”

  She hurried into the kitchen, taking a moment to compose herself. She wiped her eyes once more. It had been a very good day, but bittersweet. No matter how she tried, she couldn’t forget this was Abby’s last Christmas.

  Life was so short. After losing her parents and grandparents, she knew that better than most. But Abby’s illness had really brought that message home. There was no time to waste with anger from the past. Life was for living, and she had to grab happiness with both hands and hold it for all she was worth.

  “Can I help you with the hot chocolate, Maggie?”

  The deep male voice surprised her. She turned to find Reese standing at the entrance to the kitchen, an uncertain expression on his face. Maggie gave her eyes one last wipe and stuck the tissue in her pocket. “Sure. Can you get the milk from the fridge?”

  Together, they assembled the other ingredients – cocoa powder, sugar, salt, cinnamon, milk, half and half, and marshmallows. While Reese put the kettle on to boil, Maggie whisked cocoa powder with sugar in a pot, then added a pinch of salt and dash of cinnamon. Once the water came to a boil, she poured about a third of a cup of it into her cocoa and sugar mixture, stirred it and set it on a burner to heat.

  “What else can I do?” Reese asked.

  Maggie handed him a wooden spoon. “Here. You can stir till it comes to a boil.”

  She measured out the milk and the half and half and once the chocolate mixture began to bubble, she slowly added the milk while Reese stirred.

  Reese lifted the carton of half and half. “What’s this stuff? How come you use it instead of milk?”

  “Half and half is half milk and half cream. The milk fat makes the hot chocolate richer and creamer. I think it tastes yummy.”

  “I didn’t know you put cinnamon into hot chocolate,” he said.

  “I like a subtle hint of cinnamon under the chocolate. You might not like it as much, though.”

  “If you like it, I’m sure I’ll love it,” he said confidently. “You know food.”

  She chuckled. “We’ll soon find out if you like it. Thanks for your help. This really is much easier to do with two people.”

  His smile was warm. “You’re very welcome.”

  Maggie added the half and half. Then, she found five mugs in one of the cupboards and set them on the counter beside the stove.

  “As soon as that’s nice and hot, we can serve.”

  Before the milk mixture could reach the boiling point, she removed the pot from the heat. She added some vanilla extract, then began to pour.

  “Can you top each cup with marshmallows, Reese?”

  “Sure.”

  He stuck a couple of marshmallows into each mug. “Promise me that if you get into financial trouble again, you’ll come to me for help instead of selling your mother’s earrings.”

  Maggie spilled some of the cocoa on the counter, rattled by his words and the intense emotion in his voice. Her gaze flew up to his. “That’s very generous of you, but—”

  “Promise me, Maggie.”

  She blinked at the fervency in his dark eyes, not understanding why her promise meant so much. But she sensed its importance to him. “Now that I’m working with my family, I’m sure I’ll never get into that kind of trouble again. But okay, if I find myself in a bind, I’ll come to you.”

  Relief flashed across his handsome, weathered features. “Good.”

  “I appreciate your offer, I really do, but I don’t understand. Why would you want to help me? We haven’t known each other for very long.”

  “I know, but you’ve known Abby forever. You mean a lot to her, and Abby means everything to me.”

  Maggie averted her gaze, busying herself with pouring the rest of the cocoa. A wave of regret swamped her. Abby had tried to keep in contact with her over the years with cards and letters and phone calls, but she’d brushed her off. She’d let childish hurt and petty anger stop her from deepening her relationship with her mother’s best friend.

  And now it was too late.

  “I think it’s what your mother would have wanted as well.”

  Maggie looked up sharply. “My mother? What makes you say that?”

  He cleared his throat. “It’s what any parent would want, Maggie. Someone to care for their child after they’re gone.”

  Phyllis called from the living room. “That hot chocolate is taking forever in there. You almost done?”

  “Coming right up.” Reese grabbed two of the mugs and left the kitchen.

  Maggie hesitate
d a moment before following him. She didn’t know what to make of Reese’s out of the out-of-the blue offer. Until a few months ago, he didn’t even know her.

  Still, knowing she had friends who cared comforted her.

  Later, they brought out board games and played a couple of spirited rounds of scrabble. Around four in the afternoon, it became evident from the dark circles under her eyes that Abby’s reserves of energy were waning. Luke kissed her goodbye and Reese and Phyllis helped her to bed. His heart ached as he watched them wheel her away. How much longer would she be able to hang on? His mother had been the one constant in his life, his rock. How was he supposed to live without her? He couldn’t imagine not being able to pick up the phone and hear her cheery voice ever again.

  Maggie slipped her hand into his and leaned her head against his shoulder in wordless support. He pulled her against him and kissed the top of her head. It was getting harder and harder to remember he was leaving soon and shouldn’t start anything with her. With a sigh, he let her go.

  “Let’s put away the board game and clean up. Then, I guess we should go.”

  She nodded and helped him pick up the game pieces and put their cups into the dishwasher. As they finished, Reese and Phyllis emerged from the bedroom.

  “She’s already asleep,” Phyllis said quietly. She turned to Reese and took both his hands in hers. “It’s been a lovely day, but I’m ready to head home. This old lady has had it.”

  Reese kissed her cheek. “I don’t see any old lady here. I’ll get my coat and give you a lift.”

  “No need, Reese. I’ll take Grandma and Maggie home.”

  Reese nodded. Luke could see he was exhausted as well. He’d probably been sleeping almost as badly as his mother.

  Luke pulled on his parka and went out to warm up the truck. When he returned, everyone was in the kitchen, and his grandmother was packaging up leftovers.