Scrupulous (An Affliction of Falling Novel Book 1)

by Canady, Kristina

  “About that. Haven’t really been keeping track.” I grab my wineglass, drain it, and hold it up for my mum to top it off. Something is off and I don’t know what but will find out soon.

  “Well, I’ll be. Ne’er thought I’d see the day this one would put aside her experimentation phase and narrow in on a strapping young lad.” My mum smirks and raises her glass to us.

  “Mum! Please!” I balk.

  “Oh, Mum, you wouldn’t believe how painful it has been for her, though. This sod must be a catch to stick around for what she’s put him through!” Breonna chimes in, already feeling fuzzy from her drink. I turn beet red as I pass the salad to Jeff, Bre’s husband, who just shakes his head in silence.

  “Now, now. Easy there, lass. Sorcha is just a smart girl who takes her time to make smart decisions,” Shamus pipes up in my defense, always having stood up for me. My dad scoffs on his mouthful of potatoes. Gavin is oddly silent yet remains well poised.

  “Daddy, are you implying I am not making a smart decision?” I spit out, upset by how he has been acting, his body language telling me more than anything else.

  “No, Sorcha. I just think it is a bit premature to be saluting the two of you. While I am happy to see you attempting to put away childish games, you barely know one another. Isn’t that right, Gavin?”

  Gavin subtly grinds his teeth and his strong jaw flexes. I feel like my dad’s words have just punched me in the gut. Childish games? He never understood all of my decisions but never put be down for them either.

  “Daddy!”

  “With all due respect, sir, it may be a budding relationship but I am quite hopeful for the future.” Gavin manages.

  “Alright you too. Nuff’ o’ all that. Gene, no one will ever be good enough for your Sorcha. The lad could walk on water and shit gold bricks but tha’d ne’er be enough.” Shamus grunts as he stabs the brisket with the serving fork for another slice.

  “Shamus is right, mo ghrá. Go easy on the boy. Keep this up and she really will never bring another home. And then surely no grandbabes!” Mum warns my dad.

  “Welcome to the family.” Breonna raises her glass to Gavin and winks.

  Fuck it all to hell. This is why I never brought Calvin, my only other boyfriend, home to meet the ‘fam-dam-ly.’

  Dinner continues on with relative good cheer and my father seems to mind himself. My uncle and cousins are quite taken with Gavin. Even Jeff, Breonna’s husband, joins in as my charismatic man weasels his way into the hearts of my family. And like a damn barb, will be impossible to extract without causing pain should it come to that. As the meal winds down, everyone retires around the tele for tea, drink, and dessert as Bre and I clean up. Clearing out the last from the table, I stumble in on my mum and dad arguing in Gaelic as I come to deposit the last of the dishes in the kitchen.

  “Really, Daddy? Still with this? What makes you so sure he isn’t good enough for me?” I butt in, furious as I catch onto what they are saying.

  “Sorcha, mo leanbh, how well do you really know the man?” my dad pleads as he sees my temper flare. Marie comes in the kitchen, carelessly humming a tune, takes one look at my face, and backs out the way she came.

  “Well enough for the time being. It’s not like we came here asking for your approval to marry! Give me some fucking credit!”

  “Sorcha, your mother and I have been very patient with you and have given you all the credit in the world as you have made questionable life choices and pursued your passion. We don’t come down on you for the money we pissed away on med school. We’ve even tried to open our minds to your radical ideas on dating and chose to stay out of it as it is beyond our comprehension. You have an abstract way that defies cultural norms, and that is okay. We don’t get it, but we support you. This man you’ve brought home is not someone you’ve taken the time to really get to know, and I can’t go along with this!” His trademark temper simmers as the telltale vein in his neck begins to become visible.

  “Questionable life choices? Is this what you really think of me? Of him? I happen to love that man!” My rational approach has slipped as my raw emotions and protective stance over what Gavin and I are attempting roars to the surface.

  “Sorcha, how can you love him? The man is criminal and you’ve known him about two seconds!” My dad throws his hands up into the air.

  “What?” I am shocked. Daddy wouldn’t have said it unless he has proof.

  “He hasn’t been completely honest with you I am assuming.” He sighs and runs his hands through his short grey hair.

  “He’s not a criminal, Daddy.” I shake my head in disbelief.

  “He used to be employed with one of my business partners that I cut because of his questionable practices. I will not go further into details. Please trust me when I tell you he is not all that he appears.”

  “Excuse me, but might I defend myself?” Gavin pops his head in the door; he must have been stood there, listening to the whole mess. Daggers fly from my dad’s eyes into Gavin’s direction.

  “Please, do enlighten me,” I challenge him, pissed that this is happening, pissed that he lied to me.

  “The associations you are speaking of have long been severed and were originally forged when I was young and impressionable. They are not a reflection of my current person,” Gavin diplomatically states his case.

  “Son, you ran with the Irish mob back in the UK. Don’t downplay it.” My dad’s hand comes down on the tile counter with a loud slap, making me jump. I’ve never personally seen him this out of sorts. He has always been gentle in regards to his girls.

  “Dad, how the hell would you even know that?”

  “Sorcha, now is not the time.”

  “Isn’t it? I mean, I’ve had my suspicions about this one but didn’t prematurely damn him for it. You, on the other hand, are the outstanding citizen who knows a bit much for his honest position.” My mum backs away and begins to busy about the dishes. Her petite frame shivers slightly as her eyes glass over in thought.

  “I’ve already explained that I unknowingly had a few questionable business partners in my research facilities infancy. A smart man keeps his enemies closer than his friends. But I don’t have to explain myself to you. Please be reasonable, Sorcha.”

  “Sor, for once, please hear your father out. I support you no matter, but at least listen,” Mum begs over her shoulder as she senses that I am about ready to bolt.

  “Gavin, is it true? You told me they had employed you for some PI jobs, but everything was on the up and up.” I take a deep breath and blow out hard, trying to lower my blood pressure.

  “Sor, I am not proud of all of my past. I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder in my late teens for no real good reason and fell in with a questionable lot. That is how I originally learned my trade and went legit after a few years. Have been ever since,” Gavin beseeches.

  “So, you fucking lied to me. You never had to lie to me; I would have taken you as you were, all judgments aside!”

  “I didn’t lie.” He looks as if I had just slapped him.

  “Your blatant omission upon direct confrontation over the matter is just as bad.” The mood of my favorite American holiday has just been pissed all over.

  “Can we talk about this in private, please?” Gavin attempts to take a step toward me.

  “We will just be leavin’,” Mum says as she throws a dish towel on the counter and grabs my dad’s arm.

  “No, Ann, we will stay,” my dad argues and crosses his arms.

  “I’ve had enough of being the punching bag of everyone’s jokes. How about this? You two can duke it out, have a pissing match or whatever you need to do, and I will leave. I have no desire for this level of drama in my life. It’s good to finally hear what my own dad thinks of me and that the one man I’ve actually dared to love has been lying to me on a matter that is a big fucking deal.” The pain and anguish is evident on my face as tears prick my eyes and I bolt from the room.

  “Sorcha! Wait!” Gavin�
�s command thunders after me as I grab my purse.

  “Fuck off for good this time!” I holler over the crowd and hit the door. The commotion spills out from my home and onto the lawn on a level that only a loud Irish family can manage as I slip into the night. Tears and snot begin to flow as the anguish of walking away from him cuts me deeper than I expected.

  Having snuck out of this neighborhood countless times in the middle of the night without being detected, I beat feet down the deer trail to our neighbors’ yard and sneak through their gate. Edging along the back fence, I exit their yard onto the back street that hardly anyone ever drives down. Digging a tissue from my bag, I loudly blow my nose as I dial Samuel with shaking fingers.

  “Sor, now is not a great time…” Samuel answers in a huff.

  “I’m sorry, I know you are with your family, but I got no one else to call. Hell will freeze over before I find a bus or cab at this hour all the way out here.”

  “Fuck, where are you?” His attitude quickly drops when he realizes I am not pulling his chain.

  “Meet me at that café by my parent’s house?”

  “We will be there in thirty.”

  My feet begin to ache in my platform heels as I finally reach the little café I used to spend so much time studying at. It is still open, always has been on holidays as a way to provide a haven for those with nowhere to go. A dozen chirps ring out from my cell as message after message pile up. After Gavin and I made up the last time, he quickly put my number in his phone and added his contact info into mine the next morning. He said, and I quote, “I never want to be without communication with you again and I don’t want to ever cause you any worry.”

  Slinging my leather bag up higher on my shoulder, I push through the glass door only to be greeted by the wonderful aroma of roasting coffee and pastries like a welcome old friend. After ordering a mocha to-go, I curl up in my long dress by the window to wait for Samuel.

  The night’s events keep playing over and over in my head. Did I overreact? Possibly, stranger things have happened. As open and accepting as I am and continually try to be, why did he feel the need to keep this from me? It isn’t a complete shock but honesty is the foundation of a relationship, especially for kinky folk. His truth was not damning, some of it I had already known and I would have fallen in love with him regardless. This bit just made everything we have accomplished questionable.

  I have always had a high tolerance and large pit of compassion and understanding for people in general, no matter their idiosyncrasies, which is why medicine was such an easy path for my otherwise type-A brain. People make stupid decisions, but they also learn from them and grow. It’s not my place to judge them for that. Glancing at my phone, I see the numerous texts and missed calls from Gavin, my mum, and sister. Oh look, Marie even threw one in there on behalf of Shamus, who despises technology. I hover over Gavin’s texts and contemplate a reply. Instead, I read through them once more.

  “Sorcha, please talk to me.”

  “Answer the phone.”

  “When I track you down, you are going over my knee for this one.”

  “Please, baby, I need you.”

  Instead, I shoot my mum, Bre and Marie a text letting them know that I am fine and won’t be coming back. It is then that Samuel finally pulls up and I hop up to shove the last of my croissant in and head out to meet him.

  “Hey Samuel, Reed, thanks for rescuing a stranded lass.” I greet them and climb in the back.

  “For a girl who doesn’t like drama, you sure seem to be running into a lot of it lately.” Samuel snorts as he eases away from the curb. “I take it the family didn’t take to him too well?”

  “Gawd no! My dad mostly.”

  “So… where is your knight in shining armor?” Samuels handsome face darkens, clearly not happy that my man is nowhere in sight.

  “Who the fuck knows? I left him there with the rest of them. Turns out my dad knows him from way back and none of it good. Which all came out in the wash in the end. Not to mention all the ‘rag on Sorcha’ business. The ole man brought up the med school thing again. I am tired of being the butt of their jokes because I live my life a bit differently. By the way, can I stay with you tonight?” Samuel’s eyes cut to mine through the rearview mirror in surprise, and he nods.

  “That bad, eh?”

  “Yeah, don’t want to face him tonight and he will just stalk me home.”

  “Sorry, baby, can we reschedule for tomorrow night?” Samuel regretfully asks Reed.

  “Of course, I understand.” Reed happily turns in his seat and smiles.

  “Damn, Reed, I am so sorry. I’m messing up your plans. Maybe you could swing me by Jade’s instead? I can just crash there.”

  “Nah, they just got back from the hospital today, finally. Let ‘em rest. Plus, I’ve got a bottle of Pinot with your name all over it. Gift from the family and you know I hate that shit.”

  After depositing Reed at his place, Samuel and I find ourselves curled up on his sofa, wine in my hand and Hennesy in his, confessional in full effect.

  “I get why you booked it. If we don’t have trust, we have nothing,” Samuel surmises as he swirls the amber liquor in the glass, reminding me of someone special.

  “What I don’t get is he is a Dom- thought he lived by that.”

  “He’s always been a very honest man, brutally so. Maybe he doesn’t see you in the same light as a bottom; therefore, he is playing in the grey area.”

  “We haven’t really ever played like that in the bedroom. When we are together, the world melts away and who we innately are as people morphs into something else. Sex is so hardcore and passionate; we really lose ourselves in the moment. He’s pushed me sexually and claimed me in ways no one has before. I told him I loved him, Samuel. Haven’t done that before. Even with Calvin, I never said it. And now, after meeting Gavin, I am pretty sure that wasn’t love back then. Gavin never said it back, just acted like a kid in a candy store and got me screaming his name. I fell fast and hard for someone who isn’t really available even though he wore me down for it.”

  “Men can be dicks, news flash. I’m surprised he never tried to break you in harder though.” Samuel grunts while swirling his drink in thought.

  “Maybe he didn’t feel the need to push me there as he was getting his fill at the dungeon still.”

  “You let him keep his clients?” He looks stunned.

  “Yeah, never felt right to take that away from him when I didn’t know if I could step up and fill the void that would leave. I’m not a masochist.”

  “Sure about that?”

  “Uh─ yeah. Not into the whip, clamps, and cutting.”

  “He’s a sensual sadist, but identifies more dominant than anything, Sor. Inflicting pain just to inflict pain is not the goal, especially for him. Sure he likes to dish it out, it gets him off, but only when it is desired by the receiving party. The act is about increasing the ecstasy one experiences by using methods that appeal to that individual. That is why we typically talk for hours on likes, dislikes, limits, and fantasies before we even scene with anyone… let alone have sex. Remember? It’s about the journey into mind-blowing ecstasy and providing someone with the wings to fly there, void of typical mental constraints that weigh us down. The rush I get from receiving someone’s gift of submission mixed with the heady combo of being able to give them what they need to have ultimate pleasure in turn gives me the same high. The sub has all the control, though. I can’t take what they won’t give, and I damn well withhold from doing anything they don’t want or like. I would never betray the trust and safety I’m meant to provide in a scene; that is a sacred bond and should be treated as such.”

  “Why hasn’t he ever attempted to explore any of that with me? I’ve been completely open to so much already. Have I ever given off the air that I am better than anyone or closed minded? If so, please do tell me!” Panic twinges as the idea of my lack of participation being the root cause of this drama pricks.

 
; “Sor, you are going to have to talk to him about these things. You two butt heads so much you’ve forgotten the basics of adult relationships it appears. And no, if you were a closed-minded, judgy brat, we’d never be friends. You are simply just a brat.” He chuckles and tops off my glass.

  “Thank heavens that is cleared up, arse. I don’t want to talk to him. He essentially lied when it was completely uncalled for. And my pride is wounded that I dropped the L word first and it wasn’t reciprocated. Oh, geez, how poetic and pathetic is my unrequited love?”

  “You haven’t given him a chance, Sor. That man’s got it bad for you, that’s for sure.” Samuel defends Gavin, hoping I don’t give up so soon.

  “Eh, he can sit and twist on it for all I care. I’ve given and given with little in return except mind-altering sex. God help me, he totally dickmatized me!”

  “Speaking of, I’ve got The Queen’s of Comedy. Let’s watch it.”

  “Ooh, yeah!”

  After an entire bottle of wine and inappropriate humor, my eyes start to grow heavy and I curl up with Samuel’s throw. A light knock at the door sounds out and I barely feel Samuel’s weight shift next to me to answer it as I drift off, unable to fight it.

  “Yes, she’s here, safe and sound.” Samuel’s words clamber through my clouded mind.

  “I need to see her.” Gavin’s voice causes my eyes to flutter then close again as the drink wins.

  “She’s passed out on wine therapy, not too sure any conversation will be productive at this point.”

  “Let me take her home. I need to be with her, to take care of her. I need to make it right, Samuel.”

  “Do you love her?” Samuel’s protectiveness over me resonates.

  Gavin’s weight shifts under his heavy sigh. “Yes, I do.”

  “Then quit dicking around and let her know. Collar her, something. And for God’s sake man. Reel it in. I can’t have her blue ballin’ me every time you piss in her cornflakes.” Samuel chuckles as Gavin’s heavy footsteps come towards me and his cologne invades my nose, causing me to fight my heavy lids once more.