Scrupulous (An Affliction of Falling Novel Book 1)

by Canady, Kristina

  “Come, pet. I’m taking you home. You belong with me, not here.” Gavin lifts my body with ease and pulls me in tight. The heat and solid muscle of his chest feels like home as I curl myself into him and lazily drape an arm around his neck. I try to respond but can’t as wine-induced cotton mouth has my lips sealed tight. It is not long before I drift back off.

  Chapter 12

  Sorcha

  Restless dreams to an angering degree rip me from sleep as I bolt up out of bed. Glancing around frantically I realize I am not in my bed and take a minute to orient myself through the swimming hangover causing the room to rock like a boat.

  “What’s wrong?” Gavin’s sleepy tone follows behind me.

  “Nothing,” I placate as I rub the sand out of my eyes and attempt to wrap my head around it. The dream was about him Domming over countless women, calling forth their cries of pleasure, which in turn fulfilled him to a degree that challenged my self-confidence and fueled my self-doubt.

  “Will you just tell me what it is?”

  “How the hell did I get here?” Wiping the sheen off my forehead with the back of my hand, I swallow past the sandpaper stuck in my throat.

  “You never came home so I went over to Samuel’s. I found you drunk and passed out on his couch, so I brought you here so that I could look after you.” His voice deepens matter-of-factly as he props up on an elbow.

  “How gallant of you.” I grunt as I fall back into the down pillows, the spinning room doing nothing for my grace and balance.

  “You left me in the viper pit to fend for myself.” He attempts to sound hurt but fails.

  “Damn well deserved it.” The bed shifts and sends the room into another rocking motion as he moves his firm, naked body over mine. Shit, when did I lose my clothes?

  “I deserved to have my girlfriend stand up for me in the face of her parents and give me a chance to explain.” He pins me with a dangerous glare.

  “And I deserved the full truth from day one so that I wouldn’t be caught off guard and could stand up for you. As I would have because I wouldn’t have damned you for it!” I spit and try to get up, anger boiling in my blood. He pins my arms up over my head and forces me back down in a heavy but careful grip.

  “You would have found a way to love an ex-mobster who’s done unspeakable things?” he goads as his eyes flicker darkly.

  “Have you ever killed anyone?”

  “Not exactly.”

  Eh─ do I really want to know? “Ever hurt an innocent person? Or woman or child?”

  “God, no, and may the Lord strike me down if I ever had.” He lowers his eyes and shakes his toffee-colored hair at the thought.

  “Then I don’t want to know and I don’t care. Honorable and trustworthy men have risen from worse.” I sigh and relax back into his grip, which earns me a chaste kiss from his lips.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t thought to open up to you more. I’ve never made a habit of it and find it difficult to remember to do so, to be myself. Simple ignorance on my behalf. Much of my life and what I do has to be kept quiet. Even though what I do now is mostly on the up and up, there are parts that would be frowned upon and has blurred boundaries on what is legal.”

  “As long as you can sleep at night, morals intact and innocent, and vulnerable people are not hurt in the process, I am not going to have a problem. I don’t need details and full disclosure. Earn my trust and guard my heart and I will stay by your side, Gavin.”

  “You can trust me, Sorcha, even with your heart.”

  “I want to believe you; I think we will get there.” My voice drops to a whisper to protect my sore throat.

  While one hand keeps me locked in place, he tenderly traces the contours of my face with the other. A light rain begins to patter on the window outside as we look into each other’s eyes, trying to figure out where to go from here.

  “Sorcha Quinn, I was in trouble the night you squared those slender shoulders at me and opened that pretty little mouth of yours. That exchange alone lit a fire within my cold and hallowed bones, confusing and invigorating me all at once. I was lost until you found me. I don’t ever want to go back to that place. I love you beyond words.”

  My eyes begin to dampen at the sentiment, and I hungrily seek his mouth. I hadn’t realized prior to this moment how desperately I needed to hear those three little words fall from his lips, and how those simple words from the right person can alter your world. After a scorching kiss, he breathlessly pulls away.

  “You going to tell me about the bad dream that ripped you from sleep?”

  God, he won’t let anything go, will he? “You are hopeless.” I quickly replay the dream in hopes of getting back to where that kiss was leading.

  “Sounds like I am not the only one developing an unnatural jealousy. I don’t know what to tell you. I rather enjoy my side job,” he informs me, referencing his resident Dom position.

  “You are not going to stop then? How is that being exclusive?” The heated moment is quickly doused.

  “I don’t fuck all of them. How many times am I going to have to tell you that? It is not always about the sex. In fact, I haven’t had sex with anyone else since the night we met.”

  “I am very well aware that it is not about the sex or I would have thrown a fit about it long ago.” I pout like a petulant child not getting their way.

  “Giving up my top resident spot and regular clients without actually collaring a mate of my own doesn’t feel right. Many rely on me for our special exchange. It is as important as breathing to them regardless of my personal life. I would be doing a disservice to them and my personal principals regarding the lifestyle. I take this very seriously, Sor.” The timbre of his silky voice is deep and insistent yet laced with concern for my feelings.

  “Well, then I cannot agree to the sexual exclusivity of this… partnership anymore. We are back to square one.” If my arms had been free, I would have crossed them over my chest while taking stance.

  “Sorcha, I am a Dominant and sensual sadist. What I give is not sex. I provide stimulation and an environment in which a masochist can be free from their burdens and experience a level of conscious subspace that normal sexual interactions cannot give them. It is an honor to receive their submissive gifts and to help them. It also feeds a very important part of my being.”

  “I get it, but it goes beyond whips. The thought of you touching another woman the way you touch me…” I trail off, unware that I had just admitted to him the hold he has as well as the jealousy he stimulates.

  “I thought you didn’t get jealous,” he calls me out with a wicked grin.

  “I don’t! Until now─ thanks a lot for so many lovely firsts.” My fists ball up and strain against his hold as I attempt to suppress my irritations at this current chain of events. Tender fingertips brush a strand of hair across my forehead.

  “I am out of my element, too. All of my typical engagements have primarily been centered around the lifestyle. With you, things are out of whack, which changes my personal desires as well as needs. We will figure it out. I need you like air in my lungs, pet. I also know my nature and how my singular tastes will not go quietly. We will have to take this a step at a time to figure out what our relationship should look like.”

  “Fine.”

  He sharply pinches my nipple with that wandering free hand. “Try again.”

  “Yes, Sir,” comes out in a whimper, part of it lust driven and part fear.

  “Much better, kitten.” He swiftly draws the tender flesh into his mouth and soothes it with his tongue, sending me into a frenzy. “Fuck me, you are so addicting.”

  A groan escapes my throat as the melding of pain and pleasure light me up and remind me of how hot I got getting spanked in the dungeon.

  “Gavin, can we try?” I muster through the building lust.

  “Try what, love?” he mutters around my breast now stuffed into his mouth.

  “You’ve never asked me to attempt the lifestyle with you. I have no
idea why. Can we try it? I mean, I know I can’t be the perfect sub and calling you Master is completely out of the question, but I can work with Sir and I am willing to explore with you,” I rush out quickly, pushing past my desire to whimper in delight as he taunts my sensitive flesh. He quickly halts his act and looks up at me with surprise.

  “I’ve never thought to ask because you’ve never really seemed interested and pushing you into something you don’t want is not even an option.”

  “It’s not like we’d jump into expert level stuff right away, right?”

  “Of course not. We start low and go slow, frequently changing course based on what you do and do not respond to.” Just talking about it has him hard as a rock, suddenly throbbing against my thigh.

  “And you’d be patient with me?”

  “I’d never be anything but, love.” His breath quickens in anticipation as he looks up at me with assessing eyes that miss nothing.

  “If I fail miserably or hate it, can we stop without it ending our relationship?” There, my biggest fear about the whole mess laid out on a platter.

  “I doubt you will hate it but yes, we can stop whenever you want without fear. I’m not going anywhere.” He bends and tenderly kisses the swell of my breast before resting his forehead on mine.

  “Then, Sir, I’d like very much to negotiate a contract with you and try.” Not sure why I jump to a contract all of a sudden, but it seems like the right thing to say. We need to discuss all of my limits before I go a step further. My methodical brain will not accept anything less. All aspects must be assessed inside and out.

  “Fuck, my gorgeous piece of ass, I’d gladly like to do that first thing.” He rubs his hard shaft between my legs.

  “Can we begin after work tonight?”

  “As you wish.”

  Sealing his mouth to mine, he quickly parts my thighs and enters me as if he can’t get in fast enough. We both quickly topple over the edge and into decadent, all-consuming release in a matter of minutes. As the waves recede, his knuckles brush my cheek as he gazes into my eyes while still deep within.

  “Jesus, you are gorgeous,” he breathes as his lips lightly descend to where his searing touch once was. “Not being inside of you is hell. This,” his fingers reach down and brush my swollen clit, “is all mine.” His cock twitches in my core, causing me to quiver and clench around him, the contact electrifying.

  “Yes, Gavin. Only yours,” tumbles from my trembling lips and feels so natural. He has ruined me for all other men indefinitely and I don’t want to fight it anymore.

  ∞

  Nervously cleaning up the bar, I try to hurry with the last of the dirty glasses so that we can get out on time. Tonight is a big night.

  “What’s the hurry? Hot date?” Samuel smirks as he pops the leftover lemon slices into the fridge.

  “Ugh, yeah, I guess,” I wistfully reply as my mind wanders back to what waits for me.

  “You have been in your own little world all night. What’s wrong? You and Gavin having another pissing match?” He closes the door and wipes his hands on his designer jeans.

  “No, I… we… have an important negotiation tonight.” Samuel cocks his head, waiting for me to continue. “Fine. We are going to discuss a contract tonight.”

  “Really? Now, that is quite a surprise. Baby girl is getting turned out to the N-th degree. Thought you said that wasn’t your thing,” he chastises.

  “Well, is it so hard to believe I am starting to like it? We are going to go slow. He promised our relationship wouldn’t come to a crashing halt if I couldn’t get down, which was my biggest fear in trying.”

  “What made you change your mind all of a sudden?”

  “Other than finally admitting I like it a bit rough? He did. I want to try for him. Relationships are give and take. We have to compromise. How can I look him in the eye and tell him I don’t like something that is a big part of his life when I never gave it a fair chance? And, as progressive minded as I am with sex, I just can’t come to terms with allowing other women to feed his dominance. That should be my job.” And the thought of him with anyone else makes me want to cut a bitch.

  “Well then, we best get you out of here.” Samuel chuckles. “L, you are a natural-born sub. I’ve always known it, but I hope you can see and embrace it for the sake of both of you. You two are fucking downright lost without one another,” he chides as he stacks the last tray of dirty glasses.

  “By the way, I can’t believe you let him take a very drunk, passed out, and vulnerable girl from your couch last night.”

  “Drunk? Yes. Vulnerable? Seriously doubt it. You could sack a guy twice his size in your sleep. But the way you melted into him left no doubt where you wanted to be, so I let him take you.”

  “I don’t know what you are talking about; I am a delicate flower.”

  Samuel almost spits out water from the bottle he had just grabbed for a sip. “Yeah, delicate.” He snorts.

  I feign a shocked hand to my corseted chest. “Why, Samuel, I never.”

  “Just keep in mind that you are not so delicate and Gavin knows that you won’t break.”

  “Is that supposed to be comforting?”

  “Yes. Take tonight in strides and remember he is damn good. He won’t give you more than you can handle. If he oversteps, you have your safe word.”

  “Step one, instate a safe word.”

  “God, yes! Did you learn nothing from me?”

  “I’ve never needed one with him, so I didn’t even think about it.”

  “Amazing the sadist has been so damn calm with you.”

  “I told you, things are different when we are together, like we are learning to speak another language of love or some shit.”

  “He must have it bad if he forgets his Dominant needs around you.”

  “We get lost in each other.”

  “Damn, yeah, you two both got it bad. He has you breaking all of your rules and his basic needs are evolving. Maybe you will tame the beast after all.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means he is a sadist with a harem of pain sluts that line up for his services. Working over just one a night was never enough. Now, we barely see him do a scene.”

  “God, he was really that promiscuous?” I try not to sound shocked. In truth, it’s not shock, it’s something more. Insecurity perhaps?

  “You are one to talk. But don’t worry that pretty brown head of yours. He never fucks them when he scenes. I don’t recall ever seeing the man’s dick come to think of it.” Samuel wanders off in thought.

  “Alright! I get it. I don’t need to hear any more about his dick, thank you.”

  “Sorcha Quinn, you getting all prudish on me? Since when have you not wanted to talk cock? That is like our favorite conversational piece. If coooock is off limits, I am not so sure we can be friends anymore.” He laughs heartily.

  “His cock became off limits to anyone but me the minute he made me go and fall in love with his ass.”

  “Ah, his cock is only yours to worship, got it. Baby girl is growing up!” Samuel looks up mischievously.

  “Stranger things have happened.”

  “Hmmm, not so sure about that.”

  “For fucks sake! Here, smartass, I got you an early Christmas gift.” I pull the package from my sack in a crinkle of protesting paper and shove it uncomfortably in his direction.

  “Really?” His face narrows in question.

  “Don’t act so surprised. I’d be lost without you these days.”

  “You really shouldn’t have, love.” His tone is now laced in tenderness.

  “Are you going to open it?” Excitement glints in his eyes as he begins to ease his finger through the folded end.

  “Don’t forget the card on the front.”

  Samuel stops and places the package on the bar as he plucks the card off from its tape foundation. He raises a brow at me as he pulls the card out and gingerly opens it.

  “Damn, Sor!
You really shouldn’t have!” Samuel exclaims in glee as he fingers the tickets inside in amazement.

  “I know how bad you and Reed wanted to go to that concert.”

  “Seriously? How did you manage these? They’ve been sold out for months!” He sways back and forth, just looking at the tickets in amazement.

  “Looks like my man isn’t the only one with connections.” I giggle, his exhilaration infectious. One of my old med school buddies happens to be related to the guitarist. She was more than happy to score me the tickets considering I bailed her out of so many classes. Funny, back then, I never thought twice about it. It killed me to see a fellow student struggle and thought a team effort to survive was our best bet. That was a grueling time. A time that I thought I wanted to be made in some form of my father’s image.

  “Jesus, how can I ever repay you for these? This is an A-List band. These tickets were going for a couple of hundred a piece on the street, not that I could even find any left.”

  “Why on God’s green earth would you think that you would have to repay me for a gift?” I tilt my head to the side and plant a hand on my hip.

  “It’s just that this is a lot. But thank you, thank you so much!” He swoops me up into a bear hug.

  “Samuel, I love you like a brother. Seeing you lit up like this makes it all worth it. Now, open the package.”

  “I am afraid of what this could be.” He warily sighs as he picks at the loose, tattered end of snowflake paper.

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake.” Reaching forward, I rip it open and splay the wrapping back to reveal the eight-by-ten raised canvas.

  “Sor, I really don’t know what to say. I don’t even remember you taking this.” Samuel lightly traces a hand over the mounted black and white. I had met him and Reed a few weeks ago for lunch and happened to have my camera with me. The two had been lost in each other when I slid my lens into an upward angle from the table and captured the moment. Samuel is admiring Reed with a look that would make most blush, while Reed’s eyes are downcast and a smile plays on his beautiful, thick lips.