Falling For Fear (A Grim Awakening Book 4)

by Michelle Gross

  “You’ll say anything,” he replied, gripping the vial in his hands. He stepped toward me, and fake-Melanie stepped aside with a triumphant smile. Ryan’s chin tipped down as he glowered at me. “And fuck if I didn’t believe every lie you fed me.”

  “Ryan,” I whispered quickly, searching his eyes for the man that had just been smiling at me. He was gone, replaced with hurt and anger. My untold truth stole him from me. “I was telling you when he walked in!”

  He grabbed my bare shoulder and jerked me forward. I stumbled on my feet, clutching the white sheet around me as he pushed and shoved me out of the room. “Go,” he ordered me.

  I turned my body trying to look back at him as he continued to push me through the house. “Ryan, please, talk to me!” Another shove. I stumbled to my knees but he jerked me back up to my feet, forcing me to walk. “Nothing’s been a lie!”

  “EVERYTHING’s been a lie,” he said, eyes darkening into red.

  I smacked into the front door, and he gripped my shoulder and pulled me into him so that he could open the door. Despite the turmoil, I wanted to cling to him even now when I had one last chance. Then he was throwing me out, and my chest caved. I grabbed it and sucked in air as I tumbled off the porch steps. I stood and met his eyes. “Just listen,” I tried again.

  He turned to his right and grabbed the rifle. My eyes widened. “You know what I’m doing,” he said to me. “So why are you still standing there?”

  “Ryan.” He aimed and fired. I screamed and held my hand over my shoulder. There wasn’t much left. He almost blew off my entire arm.

  “You’re mad,” I spoke through pain and tears. “But you’re gonna regret this when you’ve calmed down.”

  He smirked and lowered the rifle. “I don’t think I will. You fucking made me… for you.” His face was clouded with betrayal and hurt. “But do tell me, why would I regret this?”

  “Because.” I wobbled. I was going to die soon. I was bleeding out. I could feel my strength waning. “I love you, Ryan, and you care for me too.”

  He laughed. “I didn’t even know who you were,” he spat. “Was everything a lie? You being tortured and imprisoned all these centuries?” This was what I was afraid of. He was twisting all my truths and our memories into lies because of my identity.

  “Of course, it’s the truth,” I yelled, vision blurring. “The Devil wanted me to suffer when he made me immortal and now he’s doing this because he doesn’t want me to be happy, and only you can do that!”

  “Wow,” he blew out a frustrated growl.

  Gravity left me as I lost all my strength. I slumped forward onto the ground. When I rose from the dead, I was somewhere in the woods wherever Ryan must have carried me. He stood above me. “Back from the dead, are we?” he asked and I raised up, reaching out for the sheet he tossed off my body. I knew it had to be on purpose because it was several feet away. “I don’t think so.” He prevented me from moving any further. I tilted my chin up to look at him. “Mind telling me what this was for?” he said, tossing the vial down in front of me.

  “I was going to use it on you to trap Fear,” I told him.

  He tossed his head up and laughed. “Here that, Fear? Still wanna protect her?”

  “I couldn’t use it unless I was one hundred percent sure you were you during the time I gave it to you. If you weren’t, I could have risked you being the one trapped instead.”

  He cocked a brow. “Oh?”

  “I’m telling the truth!” I hissed, lunging for the sheet and covering myself back up. “It’s not poison, but I had thrown it away last night. I didn’t want to use it on either of you.”

  He looked pissed again. He lifted his rifle and aimed it at my head. “Playing kiss ass to Fear now too?” He glared. “Like I’d let him save you.”

  “I’m immortal,” I told him. “Kill me over and over if that’s what makes you feel better, but you won’t get rid of me.”

  He snorted. “You’re crazy stupid if you think I’ll let this go.” He pressed the barrel onto my forehead. “You killed me. Because of that, my entire life was stolen.”

  I stood slowly to see if he would even let me. He did. The rifle was still pointed at me, though. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you and the reason why I wanted to get away from you both. Then Marybeth gave me the vial and told me what it could do, and I switched tactics. I figured if I could trap Fear, you’d let me go since it was never you that brought me here, to begin with. Then my priorities shifted after being around you more, and I wanted to save you from Fear.”

  He laughed and laughed some more. I glared. “Don’t. Fucking. Laugh.” I punctuated each word. “My wants kept changing because I didn’t want to just save you. I wanted you. In the process, I decided I wanted to keep Fear too. So there.” I took a deep breath. “That’s the truth, and the night I gave you my name. I had given you a chance to remember and you didn’t.”

  “So, it’s my fault?” he asked.

  “If you don’t believe her, make her take what’s in the vial instead,” the Devil said still as Melanie.

  “That’s not Melanie!” I glared.

  “Take what’s in the vial,” he told me.

  “Ryan,” I whispered.

  “Don’t,” he hissed.

  “If I take it, I’ll become mortal again. That’s what it will do to me.”

  “You can kill her,” the Devil baited him using Melanie’s sweet voice.

  How could he not see that wasn’t Melanie?

  He gripped his head with one of his hands and lowered the rifle. He kept jerking his head, and I thought maybe Fear was doing something. “Take it,” Ryan told me then he twitched. “You aren’t getting out.” He had to be talking to Fear again.

  I glanced over at the Devil who was grinning from ear to ear. My stomach was in knots. Who knew what he planned to do to me after this. Maybe this was my fate to be destroyed by the boy I killed and later fell in love with. I couldn’t change anything, though. I didn’t want to. I loved him, and he was hurting because of me.

  “Fine, I’ll take it.” I bent down and grabbed the vial, popping it open. “All you’ll have to do is kill me once and it’s over for me.” I waited for a flicker of something in his eyes. Some sort of sign that he still cared despite everything. He just watched me expressionlessly, and I couldn’t tell what he was feeling or thinking. “You won’t care if I’m not here anymore?” I couldn’t help but ask.

  I wiped the tears away and brought the vial up to my lips.

  “Fucking wait!” Ryan hissed, cupping his face then holding one hand out to stop me. He met my eyes and it was enough for hope to spread through me. “There’s no fun in killing you once. I want to make you suffer.”

  I didn’t care what he said at that point. All he gave me was hope.

  I smiled, but it was short lived when the Devil ported behind me and forced the vial up and the liquid filled my mouth. “Melanie, stop!” Ryan roared. I tried to spit it out, but he clamped my mouth shut and held my nose until it trickled down my throat, and I was forced to swallow.

  Ryan pulled me away from him but it was too late.

  “That’s not Melanie,” I told him again.

  “Like he’s going to believe his killer over his best friend,” the Devil said as Melanie.

  He gazed back and forth between us. Some of his rage was directed at fake-Melanie. “Where’s Killian?” he asked.

  He forced Melanie’s lips into a pout. “Do you believe her over me?”

  Ryan was silent for several seconds before shifting into Fear, and his tail was shooting out for... Me? I froze and closed my eyes. Something happened but it wasn’t my death. I reopened my eyes and saw that Ryan’s target hadn’t been me. Some sort of powerful explosion changed the entire air around us. I fell forward and stood back up as soon as it was over.

  “You want to go against the one that made you, Fear?”

  The Devil was no longer Melanie. My back tingled and my skin crawled. It took
a few seconds before I was brave enough to turn around and see his true form. He liked parading around in other people’s skin instead of his own.

  Ryan laughed. “He has no problems going against you.” He met my eyes for a split second. “His mind is one-tracked so he only ever focuses on what he wants.”

  “I know exactly how I made him,” the Devil responded. “That’s why you and Molly have to go.”

  I finally turned around. What I saw shocked me. It was scary how similar he was to Fear. Instead of pale skin though, his was black. Same red eyes. Same horns. Just different facial features. His eyes snapped toward me. He ported. I took a step back and quickly glanced around. Pain shot through my chest and stole my breath. “No!” I heard Ryan behind me.

  I looked down at my chest. Nothing was there, but that was because he attacked from behind. My eyes widened when I felt him move his hand around in my chest. The pain was fading fast.

  Then I died for real.

  I stumbled out of my body as a ghost and twirled around to see the Devil behind my lifeless body. He still held me up. His hand shot out of my chest. He held my heart in it. He crushed it before he pulled his hand out. My body fell forward.

  “Now,” the Devil muttered. “That’s better.”

  “What’s going on?” The real Melanie faded between us all. Her eyes took in everything, and her eyes hardened.

  Ryan was in motion. He lifted the rifle and fired. His tail darted out at the same time. The Devil stopped the bullet in motion and it dropped to the ground. He ported but Ryan moved, dropping the rifle like he knew exactly where he’d port to next.

  Ryan ran in my direction and his tail snaked out and grabbed me. I gasped as he pulled me through the air. “Behind her, Ryan!” Melanie told him. I glanced back to see the Devil in the air behind me. He reached out for me but Grim faded behind him. Grim swung his scythe and the Devil ported again. When he reappeared, Ryan met him head-on. He dropped me down onto the ground next to Melanie and his tail joined the fight. Grim stepped in, then Melanie, and how the hell did I become the weakest link in the group? I knew that answer. The Devil.

  I snarled and dived for the rifle on the ground. I went to pick it up but my hands went through it. I was a ghost again. I couldn’t touch anything at all. I was completely useless! I focused on the four of them fighting, bouncing around in the woods like a game of ping-pong.

  Everyone stopped at once. Ryan, Melanie, and Grim landed on the ground together.

  “Where’d he go?” Melanie asked warily.

  “He’s still here,” Grim tightened his grip around his scythe.

  Ryan glanced my way. “It’s Molly,” he yelled, running. “He’s after her.”

  I looked around anxiously. A passage opened next to me. My eyes widened. “I’ll visit you when I’m done here,” the Devil whispered in my ear before tossing me in it.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Ryan

  I attacked the Devil with my tail as the passage closed after taking Molly. He caught my tail with his hand and held it there as he grinned. Some inhuman guttural scream burned out of my lungs as Fear fought to climb out.

  My thoughts were all over the place. Molly was my killer. She kept who she was a secret from me and so did Fear. Not that I expected any less from him. I was so disgusted and furious with myself. I was deceived, fucking tricked by her. I actually fell for—my killer!

  I’m going to go get her back! Fear boomed in my head. I shook my head furiously.

  “She’s gone,” I told him happily. She’s gone. No matter how hard I tried not to, some of that happiness left me. “She’s gone,” I said furiously this time. How dare he take her when I hadn’t made her pay!

  “Problems on the inside, Fear?” the Devil asked, and I lifted my head up. “You should have known this merge would have never worked out.”

  Fear was seeping all through me. He wasn’t even blocking himself from me. Soon, it wasn’t just his feelings I was getting but his thoughts as well. I’m gonna fucking shut him up. Like I care what he thinks about my choices. I’ll get her back. Did he not realize I could hear him?

  Then he told me, I’m coming out. I have to get her back.

  “No,” I gritted my teeth. It felt like my body was about to burst. I never tried so hard to force him to stay inside before. “You can’t have her,” I told him.

  Get over it already. We don’t have fucking time for this.

  My nostrils flared. Get over it? How could I get over this? I hated the way I felt right now! It wasn’t just about what she did—it’s that I felt so fucking betrayed right now. My chest was all kinds of messed up, and it hurt so bad because I’ve never wanted anything as much as I wanted her, since… Melanie. Even more… so much more that I couldn’t get over this!

  “What are you still doing here?” Grim asked the Devil, his voice seemed distant while I fought to stay in control.

  “Just waiting on the other thing I came to get,” the Devil replied nonchalantly. “Why aren’t you attacking?”

  “Just leave,” Grim told him.

  “Ryan.” Melanie touched my shoulder and I flinched. “What do you want to do?”

  What was she asking me?

  She’s asking if you want to go after Molly, you little—

  “No!” I pushed her away. How could we get her back? What if I really never saw her again? Damn, my chest was killing me. Was I having a heart attack?

  Ryan, Fear sounded different. Stop, if you don’t, you’re going break our merge. You’re doing something—

  Like I cared. I was so tired of this battle with Fear all the time. I wanted it to end once and for all.

  Not this shit again, Fear muttered. Ryan, stop—

  “How are you…” I heard Grim mumble. “He’s breaking the merge.”

  “Wait, Ryan.” Someone tugged on my arm and I slung them away. “Don’t! It’s what he’s waiting for.” It was Melanie.

  My adrenaline kept spiking. My body was pulsing and shifting, and when I finally slid out of Fear, I smiled and laughed. I turned around and gazed at the monster I used to be. Something felt wrong about it, but I was too angry to let it bother me.

  “Don’t touch him!” Fear hissed.

  I glanced back just as the Devil opened the passage again.

  Oh, fuck. I was a ghost again.

  “Like taking candy from a baby.” The Devil laughed right before knocking me into the passage.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Melanie

  “Ryan!” I yelled after he was already gone.

  “What do you want with them?” Grim asked, and I glared waiting to hear his response. How the heck did this happen? I should have known something like this would happen when Molly reappeared. Still… Why hadn’t I prevented this from happening? Because, not as Ryan’s best friend but as a woman that saw another woman in love, I could tell Molly had been sincere about her feelings. I knew it wouldn’t be easy for her or Ryan but for some reason, I let her go.

  “Don’t even go there, Grim.” The Devil blocked an attack from Fear who went after him. “I always get all the bad guys, you know this.”

  “Ryan’s not—” I started to say but stopped.

  “Oh, yes he is,” the Devil said while blocking attacks from Fear. “Everything he’s done since he became Fear was still him.”

  “Where did you take them?” Fear asked, his tail wrapping around the Devil’s legs.

  The Devil was completely at ease with Fear’s tail wrapping around him but his eyes sent a chill up my spine as he looked at Fear. “I took them from you. You’re losing who you are to them.”

  “I can’t ever change what I am,” Fear snarled. It was crazy how similar the two of them looked side by side. Obviously, there were differences, but still.

  “Don’t pretend,” the Devil replied with a threatening voice. “Why are you so desperate to change? I’ve sat back and watched as one of my darkest creations slowly turned weak and foolish because he chose to merge with a
human ghost!”

  “I’m not weak,” Fear sounded amazingly calm. “Why did you take Molly?”

  “Molly’s always been quite the little monster, hasn’t she?” He smiled and waited for Fear to react. “Someone like that can control you too easily but… someone like me, she can’t control. She’d be good by my side, and that’s where she’ll stay until I grow tired of her.”

  Fear lost it. He jumped for the Devil but he vanished and appeared behind him. “And Grim.” The Devil turned his head toward us. “Melanie.” He looked at me. “Don’t try to come after the boy, he’s mine now. As for what you guys have been searching for… give it up.” He had to be talking about the lost demon souls we’ve been searching for. Like I could give up searching for all the souls that deserved an afterlife instead of being stuck God knows wherever he had them. “Out of anger that you might end up finding them, I destroyed every single last one. You have no one to blame but yourself. Not that it would have done much good. They all eventually give into the darkness, and then they’re mine to take.”

  “You killed them?” I threw my scythe the same time Grim did. We knew the Devil would leave again before it even hit but sometimes you just had to respond to your anger.

  Speaking of anger, I was positive that was the reason Ryan was separated from Fear.

  The Devil didn’t come back this time. His goal was Molly and Ryan, and my guess was riling Ryan up using Molly and Fear was his goal from the very beginning so he could break the merge. I held my hand out and waited for my scythe to return. Grim stepped beside me and placed his hand on my back. His touch gave me comfort.

  His eyeless gaze met my eyes, and we were so in sync with each other anymore that all we had to do was look at each other and we’d just know. We both turned our attention to Fear at the same time. Only he was gone.

  “Do you think he’s…” I let my words drift away.

  “Yeah, I think he’s going to get Molly back,” Grim answered. “Come on.” We faded into Ryan’s house where Fear gripped a portal chip in his hands. It hadn’t taken him long to destroy the living room and kitchen. He was upset, that was easy to see.