The Good Guys Chronicles Box Set

by Eric Ugland

  “A duel? Why can’t you challenge me?”

  “Because you are a low-born piece of trash, and duels are for nobles.”

  His soldiers moved towards me, and, unlike for Cleeve, the Legion didn’t appear interested in interfering.

  “I’m a ducal heir, assbutt,” I said.

  Everyone stopped.

  “You want a duel?” I continued, “Sounds peachy to me. Let’s do this right here, right now. No hiding down on the stairs while the real soldiers fight.”

  I knew I was egging him on a little more than I should have, but I was trying to get him riled up and stupid. Hoping Cleeve would take the opportunity to slip away.

  “A duel it is,” Godfrey said. “Right now.”

  He pulled out his sword, gave two swishes through the air, and said, “I challenge you to a formal duel under Imperial Rules and the Eyes of the Gods.”

  You have been challenged to a DUEL by Godfrey Duhamel (lvl 17 Noble). As you have been challenged, you are permitted to set the terms. What are the terms?

  Immediately Nikolai was at my shoulder.

  “What exactly have you done, whelp?” he whispered.

  “Giving Cleeve time to slip out of here.”

  “You are a master of being an idiot. You think he will simply walk away while his heir duels a man who does nothing but duel?”

  “You know him?”

  “He has spent his worthless life in the capital, dueling to steal titles and enrich himself.”

  “You can take stuff—”

  “What is the hold-up?” Godfrey shouted.

  “I am his second,” Nikolai snapped loudly. “And as such, I am conferring with my first.”

  Godfrey angrily swished his sword through the air.

  “Have you set the terms yet?” Nikolai asked, back to talking quietly just to me.

  “No,” I replied.

  “Make them so onerous he will not accept.”

  “Like what?”

  “Say he must give up all his titles, all he is heir to, all his wealth, all his property, and whatever spells he has acquired.”

  “Sure.”

  I went into the menu, and put together the terms Nikolai specified, then added in a “not to the death but either party may surrender at any time” for good measure. Then I selected: Yes.

  His eyes went a bit blank as he read over things. Then, he gave me a sickly smile.

  “Acceptable,” he said.

  The Duel has been accepted. It begins… now.

  The man moved with lightning quickness, darting at me with his thin sword.

  I dodged to the left. The blade skipped along my leather armor and sliced through my inner arm. I hissed with pain, but got my axe up and ready.

  Godfrey laughed at me. “Only a savage fights with an axe.”

  I hadn’t exactly planned to fight with the axe. I figured I’d have had a moment to re-arm. I was totally unprepared.

  The crowd moved quickly to get out of our way and form a rough circle around us.

  “Maybe,” I replied, “but only a coward hides when an entire town needs saving.”

  He yelled, and attacked.

  Motherfucker moved fast, I’ll give him that.

  His blade feigned towards my midsection, so I brought the handle of the axe over to block it. But by the time I was set, his blade was going straight for my face.

  A quick shift, and he merely grazed my scalp. But I could feel blood start to pour out.

  Godfrey didn’t let up, his little sword coming at me, darting this way and that. I barely kept up with him until I managed to get a deflection off my axe head, and then I shot a quick jab out that rocked his head back. For a heartbeat, he seemed genuinely stunned that I’d hit him, but he managed to dance back a few steps before I could grab him or even get the axe moving around for a swing.

  Godfrey felt at his nose, and seemed surprised to have blood come off on his hand. It was totally going to stain the lace around his sleeves.

  “You insolent prick! You have bloodied me.”

  “Weird,” I said, lazily leaning on the axe, “that’s what your sister said to me last night.”

  Definitely got a few oohs from the audience for that one.

  Again, his rage got the better of him, and he made a big attack. I had a bit of a plan going, so I made a swing, and he barely parried the blow, his blade looking as if was about to break in the attempt. But he had good steel, and so even though the blade bent, it snapped right back, and so did he. He pushed his sword, using the hand guard to rotate it around the axe handle, and sliced into my side.

  I snapped my hand down and grabbed his blade, holding it tight. His eyes went wide as he struggled to pull the sword free. It should’ve been impossible, but I had just enough hand-strength to bend the blade and give myself a hand hold.

  One-armed, I swung the axe around, angling down. It rang like a bell as it hit the stones.

  Godfrey laughed one sharp bark, his breath garlicky and fetid.

  Then, I hooked his foot with the axe head, and pulled back sharply while head-butting him.

  He fell backward to the ground, leaving his sword in my hand.

  I pulled it out of my body, and threw it far to the side. Then I set the axe blade at his throat, my foot on his chest.

  “Do you yield?” I asked.

  For a heartbeat, I thought he was going to force me to kill him, but just as I lifted the axe to cleave him in twain, he bunched his face in tight and shouted, “I YIELD.”

  I heard a very clear bell ringing out in my head.

  You have won your duel. All titles of Godfrey Duhamel have been transferred to their previous owners, save those who no longer exist. All owned property has been transferred to you. All known wealth has been transferred to you.

  Congratulations! You are now the Count of Duhamel.

  Congratulations! You are now the Count of Helgand.

  Congratulations! You are now the Count of Dunnismeer.

  Congratulations! You are now heir to the dukedom Old Lattimoore.

  There was a heavy silence over the place, especially amongst the asshole portion of the crowd. They’d just seen their top dog get his ass handed to him.

  I smiled at Nikolai.

  “Guess I won,” I said.

  “Guess you did,” Nikolai replied.

  Cleeve walked over to me, and clapped me on the back. “Nicely done,” he said.

  I gave a slight bow of my head.

  Godfrey stood up, rage and embarrassment fighting for control of his face. His hands trembled. I could tell it took all his control to not kill me where I stood. Or at least try.

  “Wow,” I said, “now you’re a level 17 noble with no titles. So, I guess, nothing.”

  He stared at me. Then at Nikolai. Then at Cleeve.

  “I may have nothing at the moment,” he said. “But that merely means I have nothing to lose.”

  He lashed out with a dagger I hadn’t even seen on him. Faster than I could react, he drove it deep into Cleeve’s eye, all the way through my adopted father’s head, and out the back of his skull.

  Nikolai screamed in rage, and while I was still getting my axe into motion, Nikolai sliced Godfrey in two.

  Congratulations, you are now Duke of Coggeshall.

  Fuck.

  Part Three

  Dungeon Mauling

  You have unlocked the coronet of the Coggeshall Family Heraldic Achievement. WARNING: you are the last surviving member of the Coggeshall dynasty. Should you die without heir, the line will end with you.

  There was an intense silence all around — no one really seemed to know what to do. I mean, I had no idea. Benedict Coggeshall lay on the ground, dead. Godfrey lay on the ground, in pieces. Also dead.

  Nikolai grabbed my shoulders and pulled me close.

  “They will come for me in a heartbeat,” he said. “It might be some time before I can get out.”

  “But—”

  “Murder is murder, Montana. Be wary
of that. Since the Emperor is dead, I am no longer a Thingman. I have no strings to pull here. Get to the holding, build something safe. There are those already heading there, those who have been promised safety. You must be ready for winter.”

  You have been offered a quest by Nikolai:

  Home Again

  Nikolai and Benedict planned to make a safe home for those who needed it, and many of those people are already on the way to the planned site. They will be there prior to winter, a season notoriously difficult in this part of Vuldranni. You must make a place for them to live and survive.

  Reward for success: Loyal subjects in your new ducal holding, [unknown]

  Penalty for failure (or refusal): the deaths of many innocents, loss of the respect of Nikolai, a tarnish on your title and name, [unknown]

  Yes/No

  “I have no idea what the hell I’m—”

  “This is no time for excuses, Montana. You are an Imperial Duke now — you have power. You have all the money Coggeshall put together. Get back to his room before others do, and gather what he left. There are letters for you and for Lee. Instructions in case something like this should happen. Leave me here. I will rejoin you if and when I can. Until then, your focus is building the holding.”

  Some men pulled Nikolai apart from me then, Legionnaires who were putting the man under arrest.

  I accepted the quest. Nikolai nodded at me, and I got the notice he’d left my party.

  Murderous stares came from all around me. Some from the Legion — I guess because they thought I’d gotten Coggeshall killed — and more from Godfrey’s cadre of soldiers. I knew Godfrey’s men would jump me as soon as they could. I needed to get out of Osterstadt, fast.

  The Legion had Nikolai, and were frogmarching him into the city.

  I knelt next to Cleeve/Coggehall’s body, and did the only thing I could think: I hoisted him into my arms. The Legion Lieutenant, Darby, stepped in my path.

  “Beggin’ your pardon,” he said, “but Captain Coggeshall deserves a Legion burial.”

  “Is there a, I mean, where does he go from here?” I asked.

  “We will take him to the Legion House. We prepare the body for burial. On tomorrow’s sunrise, we bury him in the Legion cemetery. At no point will his body be without Legionnaires, for we leave none behind.”

  I thought about making a point of Coggeshall being my father. About wanting to bury him on our family grounds, but that was all recent stuff. The Legion had been his family for Coggeshall’s entire life, and though I felt a strong pull to take him with me, I had to imagine he’d rather go with them.

  Nodding, I held out Coggeshall’s body.

  Darby bowed his head to me. “Thank you.”

  Legion soldiers had a shield flat and laid Coggeshall out on it. They hoisted him up. Darby took a moment standing over Coggeshall and going over the body. He turned back to me, his arms full of Coggeshall’s personal effects. Not many — just two heavy pouches, his sword, and his dagger.

  “When he is laid to rest,” Darby said, “I will get in contact with you so you may pay your respects.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  All alone now, I watched the body of my adopted father disappear into the city.

  “What do we do now?” Ragnar asked.

  Poignant moment ruined, I looked down to see that I was, in fact, flanked by my hirð.

  “According to Nikolai,” I said, “we go build a city. And that means we go get Lee.”

  Chapter 100

  Townsfolk were still heading towards the bulwark. Apparently there was plenty of cleanup left to do from the dead monsters who’d come out of the Emerald Sea. Beasts to butcher and meat to gather. The sun was close to setting, and a brisk wind blew off the trees that made up the Sea. A million smells swirled around me, but pine won out over all of them. It was a blissful but terrible moment. I felt a sadness I wasn’t prepared for, and despite Ragnar and Skeld walking on either side of me, I felt lost and alone.

  I followed my hirðmen, trusting them to get me where I needed to go. For the moment, I was too deep in my head. There were so many thoughts bouncing in and out, and I was having trouble processing. Well, more like I didn’t want to accept what had happened. How quickly everything had gone tits up. I couldn’t stop replaying everything, wondering if I’d taken the best possible path. Had my choices led to Cleeve’s death? Was it my fault?

  Again?

  It felt like those I cared about were destined to die around me while I continued to flounder and fail upward. I passed a stall selling fried dough, which triggered a memory of the good times I’d had with The Girl. Which made me think of what had happened to her. My time with Cleeve had put her in my past, in a good way, and yet, now… Now I had to deal with everything on my own. No Cleeve, no Nikolai.

  As soon as The Girl started popping up in my thoughts, I knew darkness was coming, and I had to make the choice: succumb to depression and dwell in darkness, or fight through via any means necessary. Depression had not worked well for me in the past, so I had to push all those bad thoughts out. I had to squash them all down deep inside, and focus on victory for the present moment. Plenty of time to mourn and throw myself a pity party later.

  Shaking my hair out of my face, I leaned back and screamed at the heavens.

  It made me feel better.

  Everyone else in the street thought I was a fucking loon. But, well, that seemed to be my thing in Vuldranni.

  The inn itself was virtually devoid of people. The front desk clerk barely looked up from his book when we walked in, and the bar/restaurant to the side was empty. I darted up the stairs and down the hall, noticing that the detritus I’d left behind after the fight had been cleaned up. I wondered if we were going to be charged for that somehow.

  Lee must have been watching out the window, because he opened the door before I had my hand up to knock.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  “Cleeve’s dead, Nikolai’s arrested—” I started.

  “Nikolai killed Cleeve?”

  I shook my head. “No, Nikolai killed the man who killed Cleeve. But it was, you know, murder all the same somehow.”

  “But—“

  “Not to interrupt,” Ragnar said, totally interrupting, “but there were several people following us, and I think it might behoove us if we, you know…”

  “Skedaddled,” Skeld finished.

  I frowned. “Did I miss that much?”

  “You mean while you were brooding, or when you were screaming?”

  “Let’s not talk about that,” I said, and kicked in the door to Cleeve’s room.

  I saw bag under the desk, and two letters on the desk. I pulled the bag out, opened it, and dumped the contents into my Unfillable Knapsack. Both letters got shoved into my belt, and then I ran back into the hall, where I promptly ran, literally, into Lee.

  He dropped to the floor, and I picked him up immediately. Skeld stood at the top of the stairs, keeping an eye on things. Ragnar was in my room.

  “We’re going to die,” Lee said.

  “No,” I replied, “we’ll be fine.”

  “Actually,” Ragnar called out, “might want to see this before you make any bold promises.”

  “We’ll be fine,” I told Lee with a confident smile on my face. I walked by him and went into my room to look out the window.

  Glancing out the front I saw a group of men and women wearing blue tabards of Valamir, the Emperor's brother, standing outside. I raised an eyebrow — it seemed suspicious for anyone to be wearing Valamir’s colors so early following the Emperor’s demise, especially since the Emperor’s death wasn’t actually known yet. But then again, Valamir had some people in the city already; I’d noticed them before. Most of the larger nobles had representatives of some form in Osterstadt. I guess the city was just too important an economic center to be left completely alone. Hence why it warranted a full Viceroy.

  So, not that weird that there were people in the tabards, but def
initely weird that they were all right outside my hotel. On the plus side, not a single person was left wearing the Duhamel crest, despite recognizing a few of the black eyes and busted faces from our previous altercation. Maybe they were never Godfrey’s men, or they’d seen the Duhamel house burning down with Godfrey’s ignoble death and switched to more profitable pastures on the quick. Regardless of who they’d supported in the past, they were clearly in Valamir Glaton's camp now. And they all watched me through the windows of the inn.

  It was creepy.

  I gave a half wave, but got nothing in return. I backed away from the window.

  “They might be friendly,” I said to my compatriots.

  Nobody seemed to believe me.

  I had the distinct impression we might not make it back to the hotel, so I made sure we had everything we had brought to the place, as well as a few other items which were, you know, sitting around, like blankets and water pitchers.

  Ready to go, we headed downstairs, into the lobby, and out through the doors. I looked around at the crowd.

  A man stepped forward. He wore heavy plate armor, gleaming in the lamp light. The blue tabard looked tremendous on him. Hell, he looked tremendous. Strong jaw line, perfect hair, aquiline nose, beyond clean-shaven. He positively reeked of nobility.

  "Duke Coggeshall," he started with a slight bow of his head, "I presume."

  "That's me," I replied.

  "May I present myself?" he asked.

  There was a hefty awkward moment as I waited for him to continue before I finally realized he was waiting for me to give him permission to continue. The nobility thing was definitely something I needed to get used to.