Draw Me Close

by Nicole Michaels

He knocked on the door of the house he’d once lived in for five years and shoved his hands into his pockets, dreading the conversation that would follow. He really never knew what to expect from Lisa. One day she’d be over-the-top sweet, the next she might be spewing venom in his direction. The one thing he was grateful for was that she was sneaky and manipulative enough to keep Tanner oblivious to the drama. She made sure to appear to be the perfect mother in front of their son. Derek could only pray she would continue that practice. He did everything he could to try and shield Tanner from the crazy conflict between his parents but he wasn’t sure if he was successful at it.

  Lisa opened the door and a hint of something cooking caught his attention. Was she planning to have company after they left? He sure as hell didn’t care, the woman could do whatever she wanted as long she treated their son right and didn’t try to take any of Derek’s visitation rights away. But it was a little odd because she usually only flaunted other men in his face when she was mad about something he’d done. It was possible she’d invited a female friend over but she didn’t have many, and on those nights they’d usually have dinner and drinks out. And it couldn’t be her parents, they lived too far away and definitely wouldn’t come on a weekend when Tanner wasn’t going to be home.

  “Hey, you,” she said with a sheepish grin. Tight jeans and an even tighter sweater graced her petite form, only serving to annoy him further. Although Lisa had always been attractive, the sight of her did nothing to him now. Hadn’t for years. But her outfit let him know she was up to something.

  “You’re going to be so annoyed with me,” she continued. “I completely forgot it was Friday when I started making Tanner’s favorite dinner—chicken strips and my homemade macaroni and cheese. He was so disappointed when he realized he wouldn’t get to eat it. I told him I was sure you wouldn’t mind just eating here before you go.”

  She was a piece of work. Derek stepped into the house, glanced around for his son, and when he didn’t see him he gave Lisa a hard stare. He’d been looking forward to taking Tanner to the new pizza place in Preston. Sure, Tanner loved chicken strips but he also loved pizza. It wasn’t like he’d never get another chance to eat her food, and he didn’t buy her “I forgot” story. Nobody forgot it was Friday. Just as he was about to call her on it, Tanner came down the stairs. His floppy hair and Marvel hero T-shirt made Derek smile. God, he loved this kid so much.

  “Hi, Dad,” he said. “Sorry, Mom forgot. I hope you’re not mad. She already made it, so…”

  Derek let his rigid shoulders fall. Over the past few months he’d noticed that Tanner appeared more and more wary around his parents, as if he were trying to keep the peace. He could not allow his kid to feel that kind of burden. “Of course not, bud. No way I’d let you miss your Mom’s mac and cheese.”

  Derek tried not to flinch when Lisa squeezed his arm and headed for the kitchen, her hips shifting as she spoke over her shoulder. “You’re such a good sport, Derek.”

  He held in about a million nasty things he’d like to say in reply and followed her through the living room, ruffling his son’s hair along the way. It had been a while since she’d pulled something like this, but it wasn’t a shocker. She always had something up her sleeve. In the beginning he’d assumed she played these games to try and get them back together, but he soon realized she was taunting him. Daring him to be the bad guy. To hurt Tanner and give her justification to cut Derek from their lives. He would never give her the satisfaction. If it meant sitting through a meal with the woman, he’d do it. A million times if that’s what it took.

  They all stepped into the kitchen and Derek noticed she’d already set the table. For four. He sucked in a breath and then glanced at Lisa, who’d conveniently made herself busy. He hated having diabolical thoughts about the mother of his child, a woman he’d planned to spend the rest of his life with at one point, but he couldn’t help it. She drove him to madness and she knew it.

  “Where do you want me to sit?” he asked with all the politeness he could muster.

  She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “Right there is fine. I invited Lane over. Again, just not thinking.”

  “Sure,” he said a little too dryly. He’d never even heard of this person and that pissed him off. Not out of jealousy, but because whatever she did affected their son. “I hope Lane doesn’t mind me being here.”

  “Oh no, he’s such a sweet guy. Laid-back, nothing ever fazes him. Such a nice change in my life. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy.”

  Derek remained silent despite the fact that he was bursting to give her a piece of his mind. He would not allow her to manipulate his actions. He quickly decided that Lane might be a saint to put up with this woman. Or maybe this was all his fault. It could be that Lisa was a good woman—she had been once—and he’d damaged her with his terrible choices. Through high school they’d been inseparable. Happy. It had just been the natural course of things that led them to grow apart in college. It happened to young couples every day. And he’d seen their breakup coming for a while, he knew she had, too. But they’d held on to each other out of familiarity, comfort, fear … who knew what. And long after they’d both known that they wouldn’t be with one another forever, they’d continued to have sex.

  Tanner scooted his chair closer to the table and Derek instantly noticed that his son looked a little down. He hated anything that made his son uncomfortable—which he could tell this was—so Derek put on a fake smile, deciding to handle this like a pro.

  “How was school this week, bud?”

  Tanner shrugged. “Okay, I guess.”

  “Just okay? How’d you do on your spelling test today?”

  “I only missed one.”

  “What word was that?”

  “Situation. S-I-T-U-A-T-I-O-N.”

  “Well, looks you got it down now. But that is a tough one. Still proud of you.” Derek gave Tanner a wink. Lisa placed a giant baking dish of steaming macaroni on the table before heading back into the attached kitchen. Derek looked back to his son and leaned in close. “Hey, I had an idea. I thought we could go sledding tomorrow.”

  Tanner’s eyes flicked toward his mother for a beat before she turned and frowned, obviously overhearing the conversation.

  “Oh shoot, Tanner just went sledding yesterday,” Lisa said as she walked over and set a plate of chicken fingers down on the table. “Lane and I took him down the road to that hill behind the grocery store. I should have thought you’d have that idea. Sorry.”

  Derek worked his jaw back and forth as he collected his thoughts. He rested his forearms on the kitchen table and leaned forward a bit, steeling himself. Do not react. Derek glanced at his son who looked sad. And guilty. That served to settle Derek’s frustration a little. The last thing he wanted was for Tanner to feel bad about what they’d done. Reaching out, Derek grabbed his son’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze.

  “Hey, bud, no big deal, I’m glad you had a good time.” Derek forced a genuine smile.

  “I still want to go with you, Dad. Your hill in Preston is the best.”

  “Darn right it is. And there’s definitely no such thing as too much sledding, gotta pack it in when the snow hits.”

  Tanner grinned and that was enough to make Derek forget how much he wanted to strangle Lisa. She knew damn well that he’d always taken Tanner sledding when the weather permitted, had started the minute Tanner could fit into a toddler-sized snowsuit. In all those years Lisa had never accompanied them. Had never desired to stand out in the cold for any reason. Derek knew she’d purposely taken Tanner first yesterday just to try and rob him of that pleasure. It didn’t matter. She and this Lane character—whoever the hell this moron was—could never replace him in Tanner’s life. He was his father and that meant more than anything.

  Five minutes later when Lane walked into the kitchen, Derek could tell by the shocked and awkward look on the man’s face that he’d had no idea what he was in for when his girlfriend invited him
over for dinner. Derek almost felt sorry for him as he stood and shook the man’s hand. He introduced himself and apologized for the surprise.

  “No problem at all. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Lane said with an awkward smile. Seemed Lisa had managed to make every male in the room uncomfortable. Classic. Why did she have to do that? She could be sweet and nurturing if she wanted to. He’d seen it before.

  And “finally”? Lane’s words settled into Derek’s mind. How long had this guy been around? Derek wondered why Tanner had never mentioned him. Or maybe Lisa had kept the relationship from their son for a while. Good luck, man, Derek thought. You’re gonna need it.

  * * *

  “I really think this one brings out the warm tones in the tile on the backsplash. Don’t you agree?” Anne asked, her face scrunched up in indecision as she held a stained chip of wood next to a tile sample. It was early Saturday morning and they were choosing floor stain over coffee and doughnuts in Anne’s current kitchen. In fact, they’d been at it for almost an hour and Lindsey was all decisioned out.

  “I think you should go with your first instinct,” Lindsey said, pulling another sample chip to the forefront. “This one is not as dark. That was a concern you had initially.”

  Anne shook her head. “You’re right. I just can’t help thinking that Mike said he liked this one.” She pointed to a different stain sample.

  Lindsey sat back in her chair with a sigh. “True, he did. But that was also after you’d forced him to choose even though he’d previously said he didn’t care many times. And if I recall, he told you his favorite and then once again followed it up with a ‘But do whatever you want, babe. I’m happy when you’re happy.’” Lindsey had lowered her voice while imitating Anne fiancé. She now wanted to imitate a gagging gesture but she refrained. Good thing because Anne smiled, the happy, glowing smile of a woman well loved.

  “You’re right. He’s said that through the whole process. I just keep trying to make him help me. He’ll have to live there too, and I’d like him to tell me what he wants.”

  “I think all he wants is you,” Lindsey said. “I’m pretty sure when he says he wants only what you want, you should believe him. Since you can’t decide, how about we put this decision up for vote on the blog?”

  Anne’s eyes lit up. “Yes, let’s do that. Take it out of my hands because I like them all and I just can’t make a choice.”

  Lindsey nodded. “Okay. I’ll post an updated photo of the kitchen and samples of each color. Let’s allow them to vote for two days, see what we get.”

  “Readers will love that. Every time we have a vote they get so excited. But not nearly as excited as I am to go out and see the progress made on the house. I haven’t made it out in a couple of weeks. Derek texted when the entryway was done but I told him not to send a picture. I want to see it in person.”

  Lindsey tried not to squirm when her friend mentioned enemy number one. Everything had been going great during the renovation until lately, and then boom, she just kept seeing him. Was that his plan, to just keep showing up and wearing her down? Lindsey wished she could be certain that plan wouldn’t work.

  “Why don’t we head over there this afternoon and see how things are going?” Anne asked, interrupting Lindsey’s daydreams. “We can even take these stain chips and see what they look like in the afternoon light.”

  “That sounds like a good idea.” Lindsey smiled.

  “Perfect,” Anne said. She then looked a little … wary. “How about this? I promised Claire we could go sledding for a little while. You could come with us and then we can stop and see it when we’re finished. I’ll even buy you lunch.”

  Lindsey narrowed her eyes, but gave a half smile before speaking. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to. You don’t want to take Claire down the hill, do you?”

  Anne sighed. “No. You know I don’t love heights and I’m not quite comfortable letting Claire go by herself yet.”

  Lindsey considered it. It wasn’t that she minded sledding but she didn’t necessarily love heights, either. But how bad could it be? “Okay, that could be fun. Do you have some accessories I could borrow? I left my sledding gear at home.”

  Anne winked and stood up from the kitchen chair. “You’re the best. I’ll go get everything ready.”

  “I’m betting it already is if I know you,” Lindsey called over her shoulder.

  Twenty minutes later they were pulling into the parking lot of the elementary school at the edge of town. Lindsey didn’t live in Preston—never had—but even she’d heard about the Hill. The town had cleverly named the long stretch of sloping grass that lined the elementary school property. People from surrounding small towns and even in the Kansas City suburbs drove out just to sled when it snowed, it was that impressive. And now that Lindsey was really looking at it, it was a little steep. A little tall. But she could handle it. Had to because at this point Claire was bouncing beneath her seat belt and there was no way she could let the little girl down.

  Anne pulled into a parking spot and Claire squealed as she saw a couple of her school friends wave as they headed for the bustling sledding area. “Hurry, Mom. My friends are here.”

  “Claire, please quiet down. We’ll get up there as soon as we can, no rush.”

  “It’s busy today,” Lindsey said as she got out of the car and shoved a red knitted cap over her thick hair. “Guess that’s not a surprise since it might be the last big snow.”

  Lindsey adjusted the scarf Anne had loaned her, pulled on her gloves, and then helped unload everything else from the car. Claire, the sled, a thermos of cocoa, a bag of cups and extra snow gear. Anne was always prepared, and Lindsey smiled as she spotted the homemade marshmallows in a plastic bag. Only Anne.

  “Okay, how about if you guys head up and I’ll wait for you at the bottom?” Anne said.

  “Come on, Lindsey,” Claire yelled as she began to take off.

  “Hey, little lady, you wait up. I can’t run in these boots.”

  Lindsey tucked the big toboggan-style plastic sled under her arm and followed Claire through the snowy field and then up the incline. It wasn’t long before she thought she might die, as the trek upward started to feel like climbing a mountain. With the wind blowing in her face, the cold biting at her nose, and the sun blinding her, she was exhausted by the time they made it to the top.

  “Hang on, Bug. I need to … take … take a break,” Lindsey said, stepping over to the side and dropping the sled in the snow. Several groups of teenagers pushed by, laughing and roughhousing. Lindsey blew out a long breath and loosened her scarf. Funny how her cheeks were frozen but she was pretty darn sure that sweat was pooling beneath her clothing. She needed to join a gym. Fast.

  “Hi, Mr. Derek,” Claire called from behind Lindsey. “Hi, Tanner.”

  Lindsey stilled. As if her heart weren’t already working overtime. She didn’t want to turn around but had little choice. And there he was, the object of her ire. He looked just as shocked to see her. Even a little panicked. He quickly looked her over and then stepped closer.

  “You okay, Linds?” Derek asked.

  Lindsey shifted her boots in the snow in order to face them. His deep voice held a hint of concern.

  “I’m fine,” she said, retying her scarf and hating how short of breath she was. “Just not used to climbing hills.”

  “Understandable.” Derek gave her a halfhearted smile, and although Lindsey couldn’t see through his sunglasses, she could imagine his bright blue eyes staring back at her. He was in jeans, a puffy navy coat, gloves, and a bright orange knitted cap that appeared to be made for hunters. He looked ridiculous. And adorable. She suddenly felt like an abominable snowman in the coat she had on.

  Lindsey’s eyes flicked to the young boy standing beside Derek, her heart doing a flip in her chest. She looked back at Derek and he noticeably swallowed.

  “Lindsey, this is my son, Tanner,” he said.

  The boy gave a shy smile and just
like that Lindsey felt dizzy. This boy was … older than she expected. Courtesy of Callie, she’d known Derek had a son, known he’d been married and was now divorced. Her brain quickly tried to process how old he appeared to be. Definitely older than five as he was fairly tall. But certainly not a teen.

  She bit the inside of her cheek and looked up at Derek. The confidence she’d grown to expect from him was wiped clean from his face. For once Derek looked nervous. Incredibly so.

  Laying an arm across his son’s back, he pulled him in close and then cleared his throat before continuing. “Tanner, this is Lindsey. An old friend of mine.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Tanner.” Lindsey focused on the handsome little boy staring up at her. He had Derek’s blue eyes, full lips, and a mop of dark blond hair on his head that peeked from under his knit Spiderman cap. He looked so much like his dad it made her heart ache.

  “Nice to meet you, too,” he said in a little-man voice.

  “You couldn’t drag your mom up here, Claire?” Derek teased, clearly trying to change the subject.

  “She’s scared of being high up,” Claire said.

  Lindsey tuned out of the conversation between Derek and Claire for a moment, instead turning her focus on Derek’s son who stood quietly near his dad. Tanner was nearly a foot taller than Claire. Definitely older than Claire’s six. So Tanner had to be at least seven. Or eight. Lindsey suddenly felt sick to her stomach because so many things began to make sense.

  I’m still in love with someone else. This shouldn’t have happened. She’d never forget his words for as long as she lived. They had ripped her in two.

  “So, you ready to go down?” Derek asked.

  Lindsey jerked her head up to catch him staring at her. There was no missing the tight line of his lips. He knew exactly what she’d been thinking. This was obviously what he’d wanted to explain to her. Silly her. Derek hadn’t wanted something to spark up again between the two of them. He’d just wanted to ease the burden of his guilt. Probably wanted to explain it before she had a chance to figure it out on her own.