One Mother Wanted

by Jeanne Allan

  “What does all this have to do with the girl’s fall?”

  “Don’t you get it?” Allie leaned her head against the wall behind her chair. “The only reason Zane married that woman was because she was pregnant with his child. You have no idea how much I resented one little girl. It’s unreasonable, childish and ugly, but I couldn’t stop. I told myself she didn’t ask to be born, but...” Her voice faltered. “I couldn’t stop thinking, if she hadn’t been conceived, hadn’t been born...”

  “I don’t think any of us had any idea you felt this way,” Greeley said slowly. “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “What could I say that didn’t make me out more of a fool than I’d already been? I’d loved Zane so much for so long. What does that say about me that I loved someone so worthless, someone who could hurt me so badly? I know what happened was Zane’s fault, but if I blamed him, I admitted I was stupid, a loser. You know I’m too vain for that.” Allie made a pathetic attempt at a smile. “But I had to blame someone, so I blamed the woman he married, and by extension the baby, because without the baby he never would have married that woman. None of it makes sense, but I couldn’t help it.”

  Greeley reached for Allie’s hand and squeezed hard. “Listen to me, Allie Lassiter. Zane Peters’s behavior does not reflect on you. Do you think Mom was stupid for putting up with Beau?”

  Allie looked directly at her sister. “Yes.”

  Greeley made a face. “Actually, so do I, so that was a bad example. Mom took him in every time he showed up at her door, knowing full well the second he healed enough, he’d cheat on her again. It’s not the same at all with you and Zane.”

  Her sister had missed the point. “Mom never seemed to resent you because of Beau sleeping with the woman who gave birth to you.”

  “Mom knew what Beau and that woman did had nothing to do with me. Sometimes I thought she had to be pretending she loved me as much as she loved the rest of you.” After a moment, she added, “I used to test her.”

  “I know.” Allie closed her eyes in despair. “I wish I were more like Mom. All I could think about was how Zane’s daughter messed up my whole life. She’s a baby, and I resented her. Greeley, I hated her.”

  This evening when she’d found the child lying in pain beneath the swing, for the first time Allie had seen Hannah as an individual, not an extension of her mother or the reason why Zane had abandoned Allie. She’d wanted to take Hannah in her arms and hold her close, begging the child’s forgiveness. The realization that she’d sunk so low as to hate a child appalled and shamed Allie. “I couldn’t stand being around Hannah,” she said in a tortured voice. “I couldn’t even say her name. I couldn’t bear talking to her or looking at her.”

  “You won’t have to ever again. I’ll find someone else to work with the filly.”

  Allie’s eyes snapped open, and her stomach plunged to the floor. Zane had heard her confession to Greeley. The hard, angry look on his face told her he’d accept neither an apology nor an explanation. If one could explain the pain and confusion leading to such unforgivable behavior. Allie stared helplessly at him.

  “Don’t go off half-cocked, Zane,” Greeley said. “Everyone’s a little upset right now, but the important thing is, your daughter is all right. She is, isn’t she? Where is Hannah?”

  “The nurse took her to the bathroom so I could come talk to Allie. I was fool enough to think she might be concerned,” Zane said in a clipped voice, his cold eyes never leaving Allie.

  “Here we are.” The nurse’s voice rang cheerfully as she brought Hannah into the waiting room.

  Thanking the nurse, Zane gathered up his daughter.

  “Look, Allie, the doctor gave me a cast.” Hannah’s mouth turned down. “My arm hurts.”

  Allie felt sick. “I’m sony,” she said inadequately to the child.

  Zane’s upper lip curled with contempt, then softened as he looked away from Allie to his daughter. “Let’s go home, honey.”

  “You said I get an ice-cream cone. Allie, too.” Hannah looked at Greeley. “Who are you?”

  “I’m Allie’s sister. My name is Greeley.”

  “You want ice cream?”

  “No, thanks. Moonie can have my cone.”

  “Daddy, Moonie eats ice cream.”

  Allie looked at Greeley in panic as her sister turned toward the door. “You have to give me a ride to Zane’s place. I left the rig and put Copper in his corral so I could drive his truck while he took care of Hannah.”

  “I’ll take you back,” Zane said shortly. “No point in Greeley driving out there, when I’m going that way.”

  Allie took a deep breath. “You’re right.” She’d already delayed her sister. “Thanks, Greeley, for taking care of Amber and Moonie.” At Greeley’s doubtful look, Allie nodded. She didn’t want to go with Zane any more than he wanted to take her, but shut in the truck with her, Zane would have to listen.

  Moonie went crazy when he saw them come out of the hospital. Greeley opened her truck door and the greyhound shot out.

  “The dog’s not going with us,” Zane said.

  “I want Moonie,” Hannah cried. “He’s my friend.”

  “He won’t hurt her. He’s very gentle.” Allie motioned to the dog to sit. Moonie’s quivering tail registered his excitement as he obeyed.

  Zane buckled Hannah into her child seat in the back seat of his pickup. When he straightened, Hannah said, “I want Moonie.”

  Allie released Moonie and the dog leaped into Zane’s truck and lay down, his muzzle on Hannah’s leg.

  Zane frowned. “Put him up front with you.”

  “I want Moonie.”

  “Maybe he’ll take her mind off her arm,” Allie said.

  Zane gave Allie a scorching look but said no more about the dog. They’d barely turned onto the highway before Hannah fell asleep, slumping down in her child seat, one hand resting on Moonie. The greyhound lay perfectly still.

  Facing forward, Allie spoke to the windshield. “She’s sound asleep. I think ice cream will have to wait until another day.”

  Not bothering to acknowledge her words, Zane made a U-turn near the Castle Creek bridge and headed away from Aspen.

  She had to do it now. Taking a deep breath, Allie said, “What you heard back there, I’d like—”

  “I’m not interested. When we get to my place, pack up your dog and your horse and leave. If you see me on the street, don’t bother to say hello. I’ll return the favor.”

  “If you’d let me explain.” Reaching over, she touched his arm.

  He flinched at her touch, jerked the wheel, then, swearing, brought the large pickup under control. A few minutes later, he said tight-jawed, “Don’t touch me, and don’t say another word, or so help me, you’ll walk the rest of the way. Just shut up.”

  His stubborn refusal to listen angered her. “I am not going to shut up, and you’re not dumping me anywhere. You dumped me for the last time when you dumped me just before our wedding. You owe me the courtesy of listening to what I have to say.”

  “Fine. Talk. Get it out of your system.”

  “I don’t know how much you heard me say at the hospital.”

  “Enough to know you’re blaming an innocent kid. Damn it, Allie, my daughter had nothing to do with what happened. How could you hold the circumstances of her birth against her?”

  “How could you do what you did to me?” she flashed.

  “It comes back to that, doesn’t it?”

  Chilled, Allie pulled her jacket tighter. “This isn’t about us,” she said, keeping her voice low. “It’s about your daughter. I’m ashamed I resented, okay, hated, a child I didn’t even know. This afternoon, when Hannah was so proud of herself for being good...” Allie bit her lip and looked out the window into the black night After a minute, she went on, “She looked so little and was so brave...” Allie cleared her throat. “Things I’ve thought and said... They’re inexcusable, and there’s probably nothing I can say to convince you, bu
t I’m truly sorry about what happened to Hannah.”

  Eventually Allie gave up waiting for Zane to respond to her apology. She couldn’t fault him for his anger. She’d said horrible, nasty things. He couldn’t hate the way she’d behaved more than she hated it. How could she focus all her hurt and anger on one small child? If only she could convince herself she hadn’t subconsciously hoped Hannah would somehow disappear.

  Hannah’s mother had died. Allie hadn’t returned to Aspen for the funeral. She’d never asked if any of her family had attended Kim’s funeral. Now she wondered if she’d subconsciously rejoiced. Perhaps found vindication in Kim Taylor’s death. The unanswerable questions ricocheted painfully inside her skull.

  Suppressing a sigh, Allie stared out the window. Fastmoving clumps of indigo-edged clouds played tag with early stars. She and Zane used to lie in a pasture and gaze at the heavens while he tried to teach her the names of some of the stars and constellations. He’d never taught her much more than the North Star and the Big Dipper because he would kiss her.

  His lips had been warm and exciting.

  Surreptitiously she studied his profile. She knew every inch of his rough-hewn jaw. Knew how it felt to slide her tongue down the slight depression running the length of his chin. Knew the unique flavor of his skin. Allie’s eyes closed as memories threatened to overwhelm her. Five years had passed, and she remembered the taste and feel of his mouth as intimately and surely as if he’d kissed her five minutes ago.

  Zane braked his truck in front of his house. “Hell,” he said, hitting the steering wheel with his palms. “Not now.”

  Following his gaze, Allie saw an unfamiliar sedan parked to one side. “Company?”

  “Not exactly.” After a long moment, he took a deep breath and opened the truck’s door. “Wake up, honey, we’re home.”

  Allie jumped from the truck and hurried to the house to open the door for Zane. Moonie streaked by her into Zane’s house.

  “Get away from me! Vern! Get him away! Vern!”

  The shrieks came from the house as Zane carefully carried Hannah inside. Allie followed him in to retrieve Moonie.

  The greyhound sat on his haunches, his head cocked to one side as he stared curiously at the large woman standing precariously on the sofa above him. The woman made shooing motions at him.

  “I’m sorry he alarmed you,” Allie said, “but he won’t hurt you. He’s very friendly. Moonie, come here.”

  Giving the woman one last incredulous look, the greyhound trotted to Allie’s side.

  “A big dog like that ought to be on a rope.” The woman scowled at Allie as she stepped down. “Who are you?”

  “Allie Lassiter.” Realizing Moonie had frightened Zane’s guest, Allie made allowances for the woman’s behavior.

  Dismissing Allie with a sniff, the woman turned to Zane, saw Hannah’s arm and shrieked, “Did that mean dog bite my baby?”

  “I broke my arm, Grandma Taylor,” Hannah said proudly.

  This rude, overweight woman was the mother of Zane’s wife?

  “Aren’t you going to introduce me?” his mother-in-law asked peevishly.

  “Allie,” Zane said woodenly, “this is Edie Taylor.”

  Before Allie could respond, a heavyset man came from the back of the house, brushing off his shirtfront. “Whatcha yelling about? Ruthie doesn’t know anything.” Seeing Zane, he stopped. “Where the hell you been?”

  “I broke my arm, Grandpa Taylor.”

  “Hello, Vern. Nice to see you again.”

  Allie heard the sarcasm in Zane’s voice. Apparently no else did.

  “Didn’t you hear me hollering at you, Vern? I swear, you’re getting deafer every day. The damned dog could have eaten me alive, and you’d be out in the kitchen feeding your face.”

  “Now, Edie, I couldn’t help it if Ruthie insisted I have a piece of her special carrot cake, could I?”

  “Tell him what we came for.”

  “I know what you came for,” Zane said, “and you can forget it A child belongs with her father.”

  Kim’s parents wanted Hannah? Allie saw Hannah curl tighter into her father’s arms, her wide eyes darting from her father to her grandparents and back. The child obviously sensed the tension in the room. Allie’s heart ached for the little girl. Hannah’s grandparents should know when a child lost her mother, she immediately worried her father would also disappear. Hannah needed Zane.

  “Vern’s got something to say about that,” Edie Taylor said.

  “He’ll have to wait. Hannah hasn’t had her dinner.” Zane carried his daughter to the back of the house.

  The Taylors sat side by side on the sofa, their postures making it clear they weren’t leaving until they had their say,

  Allie had no business staying. Hannah’s maternal grandparents were none of her concern. She would have left if either Vern or Edie Taylor had exhibited one bit of genuine concern over Hannah’s broken arm. Neither grandparent had made a move to kiss or hug their granddaughter. Whatever was going on between Zane and Kim’s parents, Allie vowed to ensure Hannah’s needs came first She owed the child that much. Moonie obeyed her signal to go to the corner and lie down.

  Zane returned to the living room. “Ruth’s giving her something to eat.” He took in Allie’s presence with only a slight narrowing of his eyes. “I’m telling you this for the last time, Edie. Hannah is my daughter and she’s staying with me.”

  “It’s too far away out here,” Edie said. “She needs to be in a city where she can go to school.”

  “She’s too young for school,” Zane said.

  Edie folded her arms across her ample chest. “There’s no reason we can’t act like civilized people about this. We’re just thinking of her. My baby needs a mother, and since she doesn’t have one, a grandmother is the next best thing. If you loved her half as much as you say you do, you’d give her to me to raise.”

  “I appreciate your concern,” Zane said evenly, “but Hannah stays with me.”

  “You can’t take care of the kid by yourself,” Vern said.

  “I have Ruth.”

  “Ruth.” Edie snorted. “She’s not good for much.”

  “Now, Edie,” her husband said, “Ruthie makes a hell of a good carrot cake.”

  “Ruth takes excellent care of Hannah,” Zane said.

  “My poor baby broke her arm.” Edie made a show of wiping her eyes. “I can’t imagine how that happened.”

  “Doesn’t look to me like anybody pays attention to her,” Vern added.

  “She fell out of a swing,” Zane said.

  “That’s what you say. We know how mean you treated Kim,” Edie snapped.

  “I’ve told you before, I’m not going to discuss my marriage with you, and Hannah stays with me. The subject is closed.”

  “Not by a long shot it isn’t closed. Tell him, Vern.”

  “Found us a better lawyer. He said it isn’t right you got everything when Kim died just because she never wrote a will. She should have left us something.”

  “I told you to take anything of Kim’s you wanted and I gave you the money in her bank account.”

  “It wasn’t much for a gal married to one of the biggest ranchers in this area,” Vern sneered. “Some clothes and geegaws and a couple thousand dollars.”

  “Kim didn’t believe in saving for a rainy day,” Zane said.

  “She said you were stingy. We told her to divorce you. The courts would have made you pay. Guess it was lucky for you she got killed when she did,” Edie added spitefully. Her eyes glinted. “Maybe she did tell you she was going to leave and take the kid. Maybe Vern and I ought to hire a private detective to check on that so-called accident.”

  Allie had never heard a whisper of suspicion about Kim Taylor’s death. Zane’s wife had been killed when she barreled through a stop sign on a country road and a cattle truck hit her pickup. She might have survived if she’d been wearing a seat belt Few survived a three-quarter-ton pickup rolling over them.


  “It’s your money,” Zane said.

  “Damn right it is. Tell him, Vern.”

  “Lawyer said we could get custody of the kid.”

  Edie Taylor gave Zane a triumphant smile. “Kim said things. We know what went on. And now the kid broke her arm. A judge will see things our way, believe you me.”

  “I’m her father. Hannah’s staying with me.”

  Allie heard the tension in Zane’s voice. Just as she’d seen the look on his face when Edie Taylor made her sly remark. about knowing what had gone on. Allie couldn’t imagine what Edie Taylor meant. Zane would never harm a woman, yet he clearly knew what the older woman referred to.

  “Don’t be an idiot, Peters,” Vern said. “It isn’t like you’re planning to marry and give the kid a mother.”

  Allie gave Vern Taylor a startled look. Mary Lassiter said answers could be found in the most unexpected places if a person paid attention. Allie remembered being not much older than Hannah and wondering when her mother would walk out the door and not come back. As her father had done. With a few simple words, Allie could make up for the terrible thoughts she’d harbored against Hannah. She wouldn’t cross the road for Zane, but she’d do this for Hannah. The child needed her father.

  Moving to Zane’s side, Allie laid her hand lightly on his arm. “I think we should tell the Taylors our news. As Hannah’s grandparents they’re naturally concerned about her well-being.”

  Zane studied Allie’s fixed smile. “You tell them.”

  “All right.” At times like this, a woman needed the ability to blush at will. Lacking that, Allie gave the Taylors a coy smile and said, “Zane and I are planning to get married.” Beneath her hand, a muscle twitched violently in Zane’s arm.

  “Married!” Edie and Vern said in shrill unison.

  “You never said anything about getting married,” Edie added accusingly.

  “We decided tonight on the way home from the hospital,” Allie said. “As you pointed out, Mrs. Taylor, Zane needs a mother for Hannah.”

  “You always claim you’re so busy working,” Edie said belligerently to Zane, “how’d you have time to meet some woman?”