One Mother Wanted

by Jeanne Allan

  “Our families have been friends for years,” Allie quickly answered. “Zane and I hadn’t seen each other for ages, and when we met recently at my sister’s wedding, well...” She managed to give Zane a loving glance.

  He gazed thoughtfully back. “Now that’s out in the open, let’s go eat with Hannah. I’m starving.”

  “When are you getting married?” Edie wanted to know.

  “We haven’t planned that far ahead,” Allie said hurriedly.

  A crooked smile bent Zane’s mouth. “Now, Allie,” he drawled, “we can tell Edie and Vern. The wedding’s Monday.”

  Allie goggled at him. Didn’t he realize the only reason she said they planned to marry was to give him time to figure out how to deal with the Taylors’ threats? She had no intention of actually marrying him.

  “I don’t know why you have to rush into it,” Edie said petulantly. “She pregnant, too?”

  Allie opened her mouth.

  Zane beat her into speech. “We’re madly in love.”

  Allie wanted to kick his sarcastic shin.

  “Allie doesn’t want to burden her mom with a large wedding right after Mary put on a big shindig for her oldest daughter,” Zane continued. “It’ll be just family. You’re invited, of course. I’ll phone you with the details when we get them hammered out.”

  There was going to be some hammering all right. But not of details. Allie intended to hammer Zane’s head. When they didn’t get married on Monday, the Taylors would know Allie’s announcement had been a hoax and they’d use that as further ammunition to gain custody of Hannah. What had happened to Zane’s brains? He used to think as fast on his feet as Worth.

  “We’re busy,” Edie said rudely. “Come on, Vern.”

  “One moment.” Zane’s cold voice would have frozen an icebreaker in place. “Allie is not pregnant, but even if she were, it would be none of your business. You say so much as one lying word about her to anyone, and it will get back to me, and you’ll find the welcome mat here yanked out from under you, grandparents or not. Do I make myself clear?”

  They slammed the door behind them.

  Allie momentarily forgot her own grievance. “What kind of grandparents are they? They didn’t even bother to tell Hannah goodbye. No judge in his right mind would award them custody.”

  Which brought her back to Hannah’s father. “What was all that nonsense about getting married on Monday? You know very well we aren’t—”

  “Supper first,” Zane smoothly interrupted. “Ruth will have fixed plenty. After I get my poor, little, injured baby tucked in for the night, we can talk.”

  Injured. And whose fault was that? A queasy feeling that had nothing to do with hunger settled heavily in Allie’s stomach as she followed Zane to the kitchen.

  Allie went downstairs, leaving Zane to tuck his daughter nto bed. Hannah had insisted Allie accompany her and her ather upstairs. Allie had agreed, suspecting the little girl, with one arm in a cast, would need extra help, but Zane had broven up to the challenge, handling the bedtime rituals with he ease that comes through practice.

  Sitting on the sofa, automatically petting Moonie when he stuck his head in her lap, Allie surveyed Zane’s living room. She hadn’t been in this house for five years, but nothng had changed. Kim Taylor had altered the course of Zane’s and Allie’s lives and given birth to a daughter, but she’d left no discernible mark on the house where she’d spent her short married life. Familiar furniture filled the room. The same pictures hung on the wall.

  Only one thing had changed. Allie no longer expected to ive the rest of her life here.

  Moonie lifted his head.

  “Thanks for seeing her to bed. I apologize for her behavior at the table.” Zane dropped into a worn brown eather chair. “She’s usually a pretty good kid.”

  “Her arm hurt and dinner was too late for her.”

  “I try not to spoil her, but I probably let her have her own way too often. Edie’s right. She needs a mom.”

  “No.”

  “All kids need a mom.”

  “No, I’m not marrying you the day after tomorrow, I don’t care if you’re raising a dozen motherless children.” Zane nodded toward Moonie. “I suppose he’s one of hose rescued greyhounds people adopt so they don’t get but down. Was he too slow or too old?”

  “Too slow. You said we’d discuss after dinner what you old your in-laws, so talk.”

  “We’re talking. How’s that black lab, what was his name? Shadow? The one you begged Worth to let you keep when he showed up at the Double Nickel nothing but skin md bones with a poorly healed broken hip.”

  “He’s old. Hard of hearing and almost deaf, but he gets around okay, even if he does spend most of the day lying in the sun. If you don’t want to talk about this, fine with me. I have nothing to say, other than I’m not going to marry you.”

  Zane leaned his head back and closed his eyes. “I could have sworn you told Edie and Vern you were.”

  He looked worn-out. She didn’t care. “The only reason I said we were getting married was to throw a monkey wrench in the Taylors’ plans, and you know it.”

  “Have you ever refused to help an animal in trouble?”

  “You’re not an animal in trouble.”

  “Shadow. This skinny excuse for a dog.” He petted Moonie who’d made his way to lean against Zane’s leg “The paint filly. Countless others, helpless creatures. Like Hannah.”

  Ignoring a twitch of pity, Allie said firmly, “Hannah isn’t helpless. She has you.”

  “I’ll do anything to keep her out of their hands.”

  He spoke quietly, but Allie had no doubt he meant what he said. “Why do they want Hannah? They don’t seem to care much about her.”

  “They don’t give a damn about her.” He opened his eyes to give Allie a mocking look. “You shouldn’t have been so quick to oppose them. They hate me almost as much as you do.”

  “Why? Did you betray them, too?” The slightest tight. ening of his lips told her her spiteful question hit its target

  “They thought Kim’s marrying me was their winning lottery ticket. They constantly hounded her for money, and when she died, the spigot went dry. They wanted more, anc I couldn’t see any reason to give it to them.”

  “What’s that got to do with Hannah?”

  “Child support. Money to spend and no one to prove whether or not it’s spent on Hannah.”

  “Surely not,” Allie said, repelled.

  “You think everyone grew up like you?” Zane asked harshly.

  As a teacher she knew such things happened, but she’d never understood the way people could hurt children in a custody battle. “No, but they’re her grandparents.”

  “You had a stable home, a loving mother, warm clothes, plenty of food on the table and money for extras. Your mom gave you direction, expected your best from you. Kim lived a hardscrabble life with parents who didn’t give a damn if she made good grades or even went to school or ate breakfast or had a dress for a dance. That’s not going to happen to Hannah.”

  Allie hardened her heart against the bleak look on Zane’s face. “Nobody’s going to take Hannah away from you.”

  “Nobody’s going to get the chance. You told Edie and Vern we’re getting married, and I’m holding you to it.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Even if I did open my mouth and say something stupid, you’re the one who blurted out the wedding is supposed to be the day after tomorrow. We could have dragged out a mythical engagement for years and then said we changed our minds.”

  “You don’t know Edie. Once you opened your mouth, we’d have had to get married sooner or later, or she’d have schemed until she figured out a way to use your announcement against me.”

  “You can’t make me feel guilty, and you have no right to ask me to come to your rescue.”

  “I’m not asking you to come to my rescue. I’m asking you to come to Hannah’s.” His mouth twisted. “Or was that sniveling apology in the pickup just so
many words, when the truth is you still hate Hannah because she’s Kim’s and my daughter?”

  “I do not hate her, and you can’t use my stupid words to force me into marrying you.”

  “Daddy.” Hannah stood in the doorway, tears dripping down her face. “My arm hurts. I don’t like falling out of swings.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  IF IT had been possible to obtain a marriage license, Zane would have married her tonight, but the license place was closed until Monday. Married to Allie. Zane crossed his arms beneath his head and treasured the memory of the look on Allie’s face when Hannah had appeared. If he’d coached his daughter, she couldn’t have timed her arrival better.

  Whatever Allie had intended by her outrageous announcement, marrying him wasn’t it. She said she meant to get his in-laws off his back, at least for the time being. The Taylors didn’t worry him. Nor did their vague accusations that he’d mistreated his wife. Lies couldn’t hurt him.

  As for the guilt, Zane had learned to live with it. He’d tried to make his marriage work, determined to give Kim his loyalty as well as his name. It hadn’t been enough for her.

  Zane wondered how Allie would react if he told her she couldn’t begin to hate Kim as much as Kim had hated Allie. Not once had he mentioned Allie’s name to Kim, but his wife knew about the engagement. And knew, though neither of them ever spoke of it, Zane had never stopped loving Allie.

  He could no more stop loving Allie than he could stop the sun from rising.

  He stared at the ceiling, glad there were no mirrors up there. The great lover. He’d had sex with one woman and messed up the lives of three people. Four, if he counted Hannah.

  Heaven help him if the Taylors ever figured out he’d pay to keep Hannah. If they suspected ... no, Edie was fishing. One thing he knew about his esteemed former mother-in-law was that if she knew anything, she’d have used it against him by now. Edie and Vern had been sniffing around since Kim died, in an effort to find something they could use as a lever to pry money out of him. They’d found nothing. He told himself, there was nothing.

  He wasn’t desperate enough to marry Allie to keep Hannah.

  He wanted to marry Allie for entirely different reasons.

  They weren’t married yet. Hannah might have turned the trick tonight, but Allie would have second thoughts. He’d picked the earliest possible day they could be married so Allie wouldn’t have too much time to think. He didn’t want her thinking.

  He wanted her making love with him.

  Zane slid a hand across the empty space at his side, then realizing what he was doing, stopped, his fingers digging into the mattress. He was too old for fairy tales. Tying Allie to him with marriage vows was one thing. Her sleeping with him was quite another.

  Five years later every word Allie had thrown at him the night he’d gone to tell her about the baby still burned in his head. Zane had agonized over his decision to marry Kim. No, that wasn’t true. He’d understood almost at once what he had to do. Because of Zane’s selfish, juvenile behavior, an innocent baby, his baby, was coming into the world. He couldn’t walk away from the consequences. The baby was his responsibility.

  The agony came from knowing he’d failed to protect Allie. As innocent as his unborn baby, she’d suffered the repercussions of his abominable behavior.

  What he’d done was unforgivable, but he’d hoped that Allie, who’d grown up with an absentee father, would know he couldn’t allow his baby to be raised without a father. Even if she didn’t forgive him for sleeping with Kim, he’d believed Allie would understand his decision.

  Never in his worst nightmares had he dreamed Allie would hate Hannah.

  There it was. The thing he kept avoiding. The thing he didn’t want to think about. The words Allie had said this evening. She’d apologized. Said she no longer felt that way. Zane wanted to believe her.

  How could she hate Hannah? Hannah was the best thing in his life. If Allie had seen Hannah as he had... A red, shriveled-up peanut who’d wailed her way into his heart. A chubby baby kicking her legs as he changed her diapers. Allie had missed Hannah’s first smiles, first steps, first words.

  He was a fool. In nature, females bonded with their young through the miracle of birth. How could he expect Allie to fall instantly in love with another woman’s child?

  Persuading a reluctant Allie to marry him was crazy. A man couldn’t rewrite the past, and he was the last man who deserved a happy ending. He didn’t know if the Allie he loved existed anymore. Maybe he’d killed that Allie.

  She still connected with animals like no one else. He’d watched her rubbing her mare. And craved her hands rubbing him.

  She couldn’t have changed that much. Hannah trusted her, and Hannah didn’t give her trust lightly. Allie would be good to his daughter. He’d let Hannah work her magic. No one could be around Hannah for long and not fall in love with her.

  Allie could be the mother Hannah had never had.

  Zane yearned for her to be the wife he had never had.

  Happiness insidiously crept through him. He was finally bringing Allie Lassiter to his home where she belonged.

  He loved Allie. He needed her. The marriage would work out. It had to. He couldn’t bear it if he had to give up Allie again.

  Zane pressed his palms against the bottom sheet. Smooth and cool, before warming to his touch. Like Allie’s breasts. His blood and a few other parts stirred.

  He wanted Allie in his bed.

  “Mom sent me up to tell you we’re all ready downstairs.” Greeley stuck her head in the doorway.

  “I’m not getting married.”

  Greeley looked from Cheyenne’s wedding dress hanging on the closet door to the tumble of nylon stockings and white shoes on the floor beside Allie’s childhood bed. “I’ll tell Mom.” The door closed silently behind her.

  Allie plopped down on the bed and stared at her bedroom at the Double Nickel ranch as if she’d never seen it. As if she hadn’t spent hundreds of nights drifting asleep in this bed to dream of Zane. Girlish dreams in a girlish room with a lavender chenille bedspread and dotted Swiss curtains fluttering in the early evening breeze. Lilacs sprigged the creamy wallpaper. Rectangles of less-faded paper disclosed where pictures had been removed. Pictures of Zane. Taken down and trashed.

  Earlier Allie had watched Zane and Hannah drive under the old wooden arch at the main entrance to the ranch. Allie’s great-great-grandmother had painted the faded sign tacked to the side of the gate. Hope Valley, Anna Nichols had called the area, as she and her new husband began both their marriage and their ranch here. Allie didn’t share her ancestor’s vision of a hopeful future.

  Zane had used Hannah’s needs to manipulate Allie, to rip apart every argument she’d mustered. Arguing half the night, he’d worn her down.

  A scheduled tour on Sunday and making the necessary wedding arrangements today had kept her too busy to think. In a daze, she’d met Zane this morning to pick up a marriage licence.

  Marriage license. Couldn’t anyone see how preposterous this whole idea was? Zane’s sister couldn’t come but she’d phoned, bubbling with congratulations. Zane’s parents had flown up from Texas. They were in the living room. Allie’s mother had telegraphed Cheyenne and Thomas, still on their honeymoon in some exotic location.

  Allie and Zane had not planned a honeymoon.

  There had been no wedding rehearsal, no prenuptial dinner. Allie had refused to sully a church with a wedding that made a mockery of marriage.

  She could not marry Zane Peters.

  A soft knock preceded Mary Lassiter’s entrance. “You were dressed for a wedding when I went downstairs thirty minutes ago. What changed your mind?”

  “I’m not getting married, that’s all.” Allie rolled over on her stomach. She hadn’t changed her mind. She’d come to her senses. “Tell everyone to go home.”

  “Including the groom?” her mother asked quietly.

  “Especially the groom.”

  “When you ca
lled yesterday morning and said you and Zane had decided to get married, I wanted so badly for you to be happy, I didn’t ask enough questions. Then I got caught up in the details of the wedding. You said you didn’t want any fuss, but I couldn’t let a daughter of mine get married without a wedding cake, even if it is just a cake from a mix.” Her mother sat on the edge of the bed. “Your Grandpa Yancy used to accuse me of being blinded by romance, and I’ve done it again.”

  Allie buried her head in her pillow so her mother wouldn’t see the moisture filling her eyes. Although why she felt like crying, Allie had no idea. Maybe bridal nerves, even if she had no intention of being a bride.

  Her mother gently rubbed Allie’s back. “Want to talk about it?”

  Allie shook her head.

  “May I come in?” Worth’s voice came from the hallway. Not waiting for permission, he entered and closed the door behind him. “Greeley says you’ve changed your mind.”

  “I suppose you’ve come to tell me Dolly and Buck flew up from Texas, the judge is here and Mom’s baked a cake, so it’s too late to change my mind,” Allie said into the pillow.

  “Actually I want to know if I can go ahead and eat the cake since you’re not getting married. Chocolate’s my favorite.”

  “Worth!” his mother said half laughing, half protesting.

  Allie raised her head indignantly to glare at her brother. The love and understanding she read on his face broke through her defenses, and she stared blurry-eyed at a wallpaper flower. “What did everyone say?” She wouldn’t ask about Zane’s reaction.

  “Mom thought we ought to talk to you before making any grand announcement.”

  Allie saw the look of inquiry he directed at their mother. “I’m not changing my mind.”

  “Nobody’s forcing you to get married,” Worth said, sitting on the other side of the bed.

  “Good, because I’m not.”

  Mary stood up. “I’ll go down and tell everyone.”

  She left a silent void in the bedroom.

  “Go ahead.” Allie finally said to her brother. “Get it off your chest. The big lecture. How I shouldn’t expect Mom to do my dirty work. Now everyone is here.”