OnlyYou

by Laura Glenn

  No one spoke as Mary quickly read the letter to herself and absentmindedly rubbed Kaitlyn’s lower back.

  Finally, the older woman looked up at them, her face beaming. “He is doing well, he says,” she began. “Phillip is fine.”

  “Praise the Lord,” Elizabeth remarked, making the sign of the cross.

  Mary and Eileen echoed the motion and Kaitlyn bit back a smile. The gesture reminded her of her own mother, who had been quite spiritual. Even though she had been living with these women for the past three months, every time they made the gesture it reminded her of a period in her life where she felt nothing but complete love and safety.

  “Have you written your letter to Gabriel yet, Katie?” Mary asked, staring at her intently. “We could send Paul into town to send the letter if you would like.”

  Kaitlyn flashed a scowl at Eileen, knowing that she probably told her mother what Kaitlyn was doing for so long in the library that afternoon. Eileen merely grinned.

  Kaitlyn shook her head sheepishly. “No, Mary, I haven’t finished.”

  “Oh,” she replied, glancing down at the letter. “Well, Gabriel asks if you have been feeling well since he has yet to receive a letter from you.”

  “Really?” Kaitlyn asked, hope working its way into her heart. She peered briefly at the letter and the remarked, “I just don’t seem to know what to say.”

  Mary tilted her head and gazed at Kaitlyn sympathetically. “It does not matter what you write, my dear, only that you write.”

  The smells in the kitchen began to get to Kaitlyn and her stomach churned violently. Every muscle in her body tensed and she turned toward Elizabeth. “What is that awful smell?” Kaitlyn demanded, not caring about anything at that moment other than keeping herself from vomiting at Mary’s feet.

  Elizabeth worriedly wrung her apron. “Katie, it is only the pork stew you like so much.”

  The mere mention of food unexpectedly made Kaitlyn’s body heave. Her hand flew to her mouth and she dashed out into the garden.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Damn it,” Kaitlyn muttered under her breath.

  She tugged on the waistband of her skirt and checked out her appearance in a shop window. Mary had given her one of her old skirts she could no longer fit into but even it was becoming too tight around Kaitlyn’s rapidly thickening middle.

  Unfortunately, she was definitely showing but she still hadn’t told anyone what was happening. Every time she thought about speaking up or writing to Gabriel, her heart would begin pounding wildly and her throat would close up. Thankfully, the full skirts of this era were able to hide the evidence so far, but not for much longer. Based on her calculations, she figured that she was somewhere between four and five months into the pregnancy.

  Over the past several days, Kaitlyn had been attempting to talk herself into telling Mary. The older woman definitely knew something was up. She had taken to rubbing Kaitlyn’s back and insisting that she not lift anything heavy. Mary had even gone so far as to alter meals to make them more palatable to Kaitlyn. But how on earth was Kaitlyn supposed to tell her?

  Kaitlyn’s cheeks flushed at the mere thought. She wasn’t normally so prudish or embarrassed by the subject of sex but this was a different era. Women weren’t supposed to have sex before marriage. Therefore, admitting she was pregnant to Mary was like admitting to having had sex with Gabriel.

  And the last thing Kaitlyn wanted to do was to discuss her sex life with Gabriel’s mother, of all people. That thought, in and of itself, was enough to make her nauseous.

  Thankfully that was the only thing that really made her sick these days. The morning sickness had been gone for a couple of weeks, so Kaitlyn had finally felt up to accompanying the women on their monthly trip into town.

  Kaitlyn walked along the wooden sidewalk, glancing into the shops along the way. The general store Mary and Eileen were in had become too stuffy for Kaitlyn to handle and so she had excused herself to allow them to finish their shopping on their own.

  “Miss McCann!” a man’s voice called out to her from somewhere ahead.

  She stopped and glanced up, catching sight of James Clark making his way through the small crowd of people gathered outside the butcher shop.

  Kaitlyn smiled and waved, only just then remembering that he had wanted her to write to him too. A lump of guilt settled itself in her chest but she plastered a serene look on her face anyway, hoping James wouldn’t mention it.

  He didn’t seem to be too bothered by her lack of communication if the wide, goofy grin on his face was any indication. He bowed low before her, his eyes glancing quickly up and down her form.

  “You look positively radiant, Miss McCann,” he shyly stated as he straightened up.

  Kaitlyn resisted the urge to ask him if she was glowing and instead thanked him. “What brings you here, Mr. Clark?”

  He clasped his hands behind his back, his eyes nervously darting back and forth. “Some of it is business, of course.”

  Kaitlyn bit back her smile at the way the men here called everything they did “business” as though women either wouldn’t be interested or were incapable of understanding anything outside the domestic sphere. “It is going well, I hope?” she asked.

  He nodded, his eyes widening as he stared past her shoulder. Suddenly, his brown eyes locked onto hers. “My presence here is not solely for business, madam and I fear that I may have to simply come out and state my purpose, since I see that you have other guard dogs nearby.”

  Kaitlyn furrowed her brow and looked over her shoulder, spotting Mary and Eileen glancing at her furtively as an older woman spoke to them. Her curiosity piqued, she turned back to James to give him her full attention.

  He spontaneously grabbed her hand, clasping it tightly in both of his. “Kaitlyn, I have been an admirer of yours for some time now. I would like for you to come back to Virginia with me as my wife.”

  Shocked, her mouth dropped open and her heart began pounding erratically.

  This can’t be happening…

  When she did not immediately answer, James continued, “I know that this is not the romantic gesture you deserve but I fear by the looks on your companions’ faces that I may not receive another audience with you before I leave. I would make a good husband to you. You will not want for anything, my dear, I swear to you.”

  Any of a number of ways to let him down easily would have sufficed but as Kaitlyn looked over her shoulder once again and saw Mary and Eileen bearing down on them and looking none too pleased with her, only one thing to say came to mind.

  “James, I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

  It was his turn to be shocked. His eyes widened and he dropped her hand like it was a hot coal as he glanced down at her stomach.

  “Miss O’Connor,” he stated as a benevolent social mask snapped quickly into place when the women reached them. “It is a pleasure to see you again. I take it this is your lovely mother?”

  “Yes, Captain O’Connor’s mother as well,” Mary coolly replied as she and Eileen moved protectively to either side of Kaitlyn.

  “Of course,” he dutifully replied with a bow.

  “Will you be in town long, Mr. Clark?” Eileen asked, smiling pleasantly.

  Kaitlyn had known Eileen long enough to know that particular smile to be Eileen’s version of a polite mask for someone she did not care for. Confused as to this sudden change in Eileen’s attitude toward James, Kaitlyn eyed her suspiciously.

  “Not too long, unfortunately. I shall be tied up with business for the next few days,” he answered, casting his eyes in Kaitlyn’s direction for only a split second. “All of my dinner engagements shall involve work to one extent or another.”

  “Now, that is indeed a pity, Mr. Clark,” Mary replied, holding her chin high. “Please do call on us the next time you are in the area. Perhaps then you shall have more free time for a pleasant visit.”

  “Of course, madam. It would certainly be a pleasure to be in the company of such lo
vely ladies.” James lifted his hat and bowed formally before them. “Good day to you all.”

  “And likewise to you, sir,” Mary said with a nod.

  James flashed them a brief, pained smile and then turned, quickly disappearing into the crowd.

  Kaitlyn was amused and a little appalled at the same time by how deftly Mary had sidestepped further social interaction with James Clark. It was fascinating how much of Colonial society depended upon reading between the lines, so to speak. Bluntness seemed to be a rarity.

  “Do you think we should tell Gabriel, Mama?” Eileen asked, leaning toward Mary.

  The older woman smacked Eileen lightly on the forearm as she quickly glanced at Kaitlyn. “No, there is no need to concern him.”

  Kaitlyn sighed dramatically, quickly tiring of the secrecy. She placed her hands upon her hips and stared straight at them. “Just what is going on? Eileen, I thought you liked Mr. Clark.”

  Eileen’s eyes widened as she struggled to keep her expression blank. The young woman had learned how to lie quite smoothly when she was spying for the Colonial troops but the closer she and Kaitlyn became, the more Kaitlyn could get to her.

  “I like the gentleman just fine,” she replied with a decisive nod.

  Kaitlyn rolled her eyes and turned her attention to Gabriel’s mother, knowing that Mary would never tell a single lie. “Why would Eileen need to tell Gabriel that we had run into him?”

  Mary sighed and gently stroked Kaitlyn’s forearm. “Because, my dear, my son asked that we keep you away from him.”

  Kaitlyn froze, unnerved by the strange request Gabriel had made of his family. “Why on earth would he do such a thing?”

  “Because he is in love with you!” Eileen gushed, her face splitting into a wide, childlike grin.

  “Eileen, hush!” Mary scolded.

  Kaitlyn’s stomach flipped and her head began swimming. Was it possible that Eileen spoke the truth? Was Gabriel missing her as much as Kaitlyn missed him? Though she wasn’t exactly thrilled with his high-handed, jealousy-driven actions where James Clark was concerned, she couldn’t help but feel overjoyed by the possibility that Gabriel was in love with her. Eileen had said he was on many occasions but only now did it sink into Kaitlyn’s head as a very distinct possibility.

  “Now look what you have done!” Mary stated, clucking her tongue disapprovingly and slipping her arm around Kaitlyn’s waist. “She has gone all pale again.”

  Eileen’s hand flew to her mouth as her other hand automatically reached for Kaitlyn’s. “I am so sorry! Are you certain we should not take her to the doctor, Mama? His house is only just down the street.”

  Mary shook her head. “She will be fine, won’t you, Katie?”

  Kaitlyn nodded emphatically, becoming absolutely certain for the first time that Gabriel’s mother knew her secret. After all, she would have to be the most unobservant person on earth to not be able to feel her bulging abdomen from where Mary’s hand was resting.

  Eileen looked askance at both of them. “I do not know about this. If anything happens to her, Gabriel—”

  “Enough,” Mary snapped. “It is time we leave for home. Besides, I went through something similar with your father and I survived very well.”

  Kaitlyn’s eyes darted to Mary’s. The older woman’s gaze was direct, meant to emphasize to only Kaitlyn that she did indeed understand exactly what was happening and that she held no negative judgments toward her.

  For the first time in months, Kaitlyn felt a bit of the weight she had been carrying lifted from her shoulders. She sighed with relief and smiled easily at Mary, wondering if Gabriel would be as accepting once she finally got up the nerve to tell him.

  * * * * *

  Kaitlyn inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with the clean, fresh air of the summer evening. Staring at the home that she had come to know as her own, she decided that it was time to tell Gabriel—past time, really. She nodded to herself in determination and took a step toward the house. Mary would be pleased when Kaitlyn handed her the letter to give to Paul to take to town. After the previous day’s encounter with James Clark, Mary had seemed on edge.

  The sound of a horse galloping down the drive behind her halted her footsteps. She turned and gazed into the distance, spotting what looked like a large man on top of a black horse.

  Her breath caught in her throat as Gabriel’s face immediately popped into her head. No, it couldn’t be him. He was in New York. Besides, all horses looked basically same, didn’t they? They only really differed when it came to color and there were a lot of black horses around.

  Weren’t there?

  Kaitlyn’s feet froze to the ground as the figure came into clearer view. Her heart began pounding as shivers of excitement coursed through her. It was definitely Gabriel. She blinked several times as though she was staring at an apparition.

  He reined in the horse several feet from her and quickly dismounted. His chestnut-colored eyes locked onto hers, causing her heart to jump. His handsome features struck her, almost as though she was seeing him for the first time all over again.

  With slow, deliberate strides, he approached her, his expression stony. He paused only a foot away and stared down at her.

  Kaitlyn’s breath caught in her throat and every muscle in her body tingled in his unexpected presence. She wanted to reach for him, to throw her arms around him and press her body up against his solid form—partly to assure herself that he was indeed standing before her and was not a figment of her imagination. However, something indefinable in his expression gave her pause.

  Gabriel’s eyes dropped from hers briefly as he glanced down her body. She could have sworn that his hand shook as he reached toward her and placed his palm flat against her protruding stomach. His touch was like a bolt of lightning cutting through her and, instinctively, Kaitlyn almost backed away.

  He knew.

  She wasn’t certain how he found out but it was definitely clear that the movement of his hand to her belly was deliberate and not accidental. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, fighting back tears.

  “Katie,” he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion, “why did you not tell me?”

  She opened her eyes and forced them to meet his. The raw pain glittering in those dark orbs was almost her undoing. “I’m sorry,” she replied as a lump rose in her throat.

  “Why did you not write to me?”

  “You did not write to me either,” she snapped, irritated by how whiny her voice sounded.

  He sighed with obvious exasperation. “If I recall correctly, you were quite upset with me the day we parted. I did not wish to push you into a correspondence before you were ready.”

  Kaitlyn smiled weakly and dropped his gaze, shame washing over her for having avoided sending him a letter. He had been thinking of her comfort and she had been thinking of…well, her comfort. She had been so self-consumed and worried about how her letter might sound to him that she hadn’t thought at all that he might have welcomed her correspondence regardless of what she wrote.

  “However,” he continued, his voice turning hard, “with all of the writing you seem to do in your free time, I assumed you would eventually come around and write to me. Especially after hearing of your correspondence with Mrs. Washington.”

  Kaitlyn wouldn’t have exactly called it a “correspondence”. She and the general’s wife had only exchanged a couple of letters so far. Still, she understood how her silence toward him in the face of writing to Mrs. Washington might irk him.

  She shrugged, having no real defense for her actions. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t know what to say.”

  “How about simply telling me that you were carrying my child?” he coldly retorted. “I should have heard it from you and not from my mother.”

  Mary. She should have known. She winced at his sharp tone as she arrived at the realization that Mary had to have known about it for weeks in order for Gabriel to receive a letter from her, considering the slow nature of mail distribu
tion in the Colonial period.

  Kaitlyn could feel heat rising to her cheeks at having messed this up so completely. “I didn’t even know until yesterday that your mother knew anything about it,” she answered.

  Gabriel’s shoulders slumped and he caressed her cheek with his hand, the anger suddenly leaving his face. “You have not told anyone about this, have you?”

  She began to shake her head but then very distinctly remembered having blurted the news to James Clark the previous day. She opened her mouth to confess when the sound of another horse galloping down the drive reached their ears. They both turned and stared down the road.

  When Kaitlyn realized that the rider was James Clark, she wished that the earth would simply open up and swallow her whole, putting her out of her misery. She began tightly twisting part of her skirt around one finger as she bit her lower lip. What were the chances that the one person on this earth to whom she actually confessed to being pregnant would at that moment be coming toward them?

  James’ eyes widened in surprise as he brought his horse to a stop a few feet away. He dismounted and quickly approached them, his gait taking on a slight swagger she had never seen before.

  “Captain O’Connor,” he coolly said as he cast his eyes toward Kaitlyn. All traces of his formerly timid self seemed to melt away at his feet and Kaitlyn couldn’t help but stare at him in disbelief. “Have you come to clean up your mess?”

  “James,” she began without thinking. She lightly gasped, only realizing then that she had just called him by his first name. It still seemed silly to her but she knew that it was considered improper and that it suggested a familiarity she certainly didn’t want Gabriel to think existed.

  Gabriel cocked a disapproving eyebrow at her, flashing her a we’ll-talk-about-this-later look. He looked James in the eye, his stance casual. “I am uncertain of what you are speaking, sir.”

  “Have you not yet told him, Kaitlyn?” James asked, saying her name very slowly as though he were implying the very same intimacy she was trying to avoid.

  She looked up at Gabriel and caught the slight grimace passing across his face. Her heart began to sink as she realized that James had just beaten her to the punch.