by C. M. Allen
"I was just going for a walk; get some fresh air you know?" I say shrugging my shoulders.
Nodding his head he asks, “Hudson out back in the barn beating on that ole’ bag?"
Wondering how the hell he knew that, I look behind me to see if the barn is visible from the road, when I can see its not I ask. "How did you know that?"
"Well that's easy, I know Hudson."
Wondering what exactly that means I push for more information. "Okay, and what is it you know about him exactly?"
"Well now, I don't know that I should be breaking the guy code here and letting you in on all his secrets, but I will give you this. Just give him some time to work everything out in that head of his. You've got him all twisted up in there."
Not quite getting what he's alluding to I simply say. "Huh?"
Chuckling at my confusion he shuts the truck off opening up the door and hops down. "Look that man is attracted to you and you are just as attracted to him." Trying to act like he's not right I start to shake my head. "Now ya'll can deny it all you want, but as an outsider looking in let me just say the sexual tension between you two is thick."
"Well I think you're wrong because I came onto him after you left and he turned me down."
His eyes bug out. "Damn...well what was his reason?"
"He thought I was only doing it because I was drunk and didn't want me to regret it tomorrow."
"And are you drunk?"
"No! Maybe a little buzzed but you can see me, I'm not slurring my words and walking funny."
"So you're mad because he was just being a gentleman and didn't want you to do something that was being fuelled by liquid courage?" Shaking his head, "man you women are so confusing. Ya'll want us to be gentlemen but the bad boy too, and no matter which one we choose to be you women get mad. How about appreciating the fact that he didn't want to take advantage of you instead of pissing and moaning that you didn't get what you wanted? Take it from me little lady, getting turned down stings, but not as bad as doing something you can't undo."
"You sure are very intuitive for a cowboy."
With a chuckle he says "Well I may not have had the kind of money you do to pay for a top notch education, but that don't mean I don't know people. Pay close enough attention and you'll see what's really going on, not what you imagine is in that head of yours." Looking at his watch he says. "Well this has been fun and all, but I've got a whole herd of cattle waiting on me to be fed, so I got to get a move on."
Climbing back up into his truck, I start to thank him for his help, "Hey Porter?"
Poking his head out the window, "yes ma'am?" "Thanks."
Tilting his hat at me he gives me a wink. "Remember just see what's really there and not what you women make up in those heads of yours okay?"
"Will do," I say with a chuckle knowing just how right he is. "Alright, ya'll have a nice evening now, you hear." He says before driving off.
Not sure how to tell Hudson that I'm sorry for acting like such a childish bitch yet again, I make the walk back up the driveway very slowly while I come up with a plan.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE HUDSON
Seeing Presley so upset was just too much for me, so I did the only thing I knew how to do right now and that was to go outback and beat the shit out of that ole’ bag some more. If I did what I really wanted to do I would be balls deep inside of her right now, but I took the high road and decided not to take advantage of a situation that was being presented to me on a silver platter. Do I get a "hey thanks for not taking advantage of me?" Nope, just tears and a door slammed in my face. Before I met Presley, I would have told you with complete confidence that I knew what women wanted and that I gave it to them on a regular basis, but with her, I never know if we are good, bad, or if I am coming or going. She has me so messed up in the head that I’m doubting every decision I'm making, which in my line of work isn't a good thing. I need to be that confident man in charge, and dammit to hell I was going to set her straight! Throwing my gloves on the shelf after hitting the bag for about a half hour I march towards the house a very determined man, that things were going to happen from this point on; my way, and that was it! No more letting her mess with my head and get under my skin. Getting to the back door I open it up, walking through the living room and up the stairs to her bedroom, I find that she's not there. Checking the other rooms before heading back down stairs to look for her, a stab of worry hits me that somethings wrong, until I find the note she’s left for me. Looking out the front window I can see her perched on the big old rock that sits in the front yard and I decide it's time we clear the air. Walking up behind her I ask. "So how was your walk?"
Chuckling she turns around to look at me. "It was very insightful."
Sitting next to her on the rock I ask, "How's that? Where did you go that was so insightful, as you put it?"
"All the way to the end of your driveway."
Confused I look at her. "Well you didn't get very far."
"Didn't have to your ah friend from down the road, Porter was passing by just as I was about to head out for a walk." Looking at me she says, "Very insightful, your friend."
Chuckling I ask. "Porter? Well I guess he can be sometimes, what did you two talk about?"
"You, me, men, and what women want from men and what they see and don't see."
"Uh huh,” I say not knowing what the hell she's talking about, or what Porter told her to make her look like she's discovered some hidden secret. "How about you just explain your conversation to me instead of all these little phrases you keep saying."
"Well I told him about what I did after he left, trying to seduce you and all." Giving me a sideways glance she continues," then how you reacted, asking me if I was doing it because I was drunk, and how I got mad and everything, he just basically set me straight. He made me realize that you were just trying to be a gentleman and not take advantage of me. Then he proceeded to tell me how all us women want the good guy but the bad boy too and we're never satisfied with whichever role you men decide to take."
Full on laughing as I can only imagine how this
conversation between the two of them must have went I ask. "And let me guess, you let him have it?"
Shaking her head, "No, I didn't because he's right." Shocked at what I'm hearing I wait for her to finish. "We women want the good guy and the bad boy, but we are always pissed when the one we want doesn't show up, just like I wanted that bad boy side of you to take me to bed when we were upstairs, and instead I got the gentleman that didn't want to take advantage of me. I should be actually thanking you instead of being pissed off about what was actually really a bad choice. I knew that the alcohol was fuelling what I was doing but I didn't care, and you did. You could have taken advantage of me, but you didn't. You were a gentleman, and I just wanted to say thank you, and I'm sorry for how I acted."
Sitting there almost dumbfounded at the words that are coming out of her mouth I finally tell her the truth "Well if I'm being honest here, that was probably THE hardest thing I've ever had to do; turning you down. You are an extremely beautiful woman Presley, and make no mistake about it, I am very attracted to you but I didn't want things to go down between us like that, having both of us wake up the next day wondering if what happened was because of the alcohol or because we're really attracted to each other." Knowing we need to just lighten the air around us I give her a shoulder bump. "So what do you say, you want to help me BBQ those steaks tonight?"
Giggling she nods her head, "Yeah, sure, why not."
The rest of the evening actually passes with no more outbursts or misunderstandings. Wanting to get to know her better, we move outside with some blankets and sit around the bon fire I made earlier, "So your step mother?"
Laughing she says. "You mean my step monster?"
"Yeah, so what's up with her? Is she happy being married to your father?"
"Dominique, is how do you say? Happy to be married to his money."
"Ah, I see.” I say nodding my head.
“So you don't think that she loves him?"
Shrugging her shoulders she says. "I don't know. Maybe in some ways, but I think part of her wishes my father was younger. He's a very driven man and has little time for family, but when he does he gives it his all and I just think she's wanting someone who's there all the time, maybe she's lonely just like my mother was."
Not knowing what really happened to her mother I tread carefully. "Do you mind if I ask what happened to her?”Looking at her I can see her eyes shimmering with un-shed tears from the reflections off the fire. Worried I've over stepped, I try and assure her I don't need any answers tonight. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, I don't want to intrude."
Shaking her head she brushes a tear that has escaped. "No, it's fine...it’s just really hard to think about her, let alone talk about her. She ...she was a really great mother to me up until I was around twelve years old, always taking me to all the different lessons I took growing up, music, ballet and equestrian lessons, those were my favorite, I loved the freedom I felt when I was on the horses, and I've always envied them for that, being able to just run wild and free with not a care in the world."
"Do you still ride? I saw the stables at your father’s home."
"No, I haven't ridden in years. In fact it's ironic but when I saw Spartacus, it made me think of that time in my life when everything changed, especially me. My father was working all the time and wasn't around much for my mother and I, but when he was we had his undivided attention. Anyway, one day my mom had come home from one of her many beauty appointments acting funny, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her; that was the first day of many to come. My father discovered that she had been doing heroine...and had found another man to do it with. After that he was home a lot more trying to help her, there was always a lot of fighting until one day the shouting stopped because she had left us for the drugs and the new boyfriend, leaving my father with not only his own devastation but his daughters broken heart. That day is a day I will never forget. My father, a man of both strength and confidence had been crushed into a pile of broken pieces. I think both of us thought; if only she got some help she would come back to us. My father waged that war for three long tortuous years while I broke a little more inside
as each year passed. Then the news came that she had died."
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO PRESLEY
Sitting here reliving the worst part of my life with Hudson, felt almost right, but a part of me kept telling myself I was being vulnerable again and could very well end up regretting it. But there was something about him, something that I trusted, he wouldn't judge me like everyone else did if I told him the truth, so I kept going. "Once we found out she was gone, it was like whatever hope that lived inside of our hearts that we would be a family again one day was destroyed, and took us with it. I couldn't even bring myself to attend her funeral with my father I hated her so much for what she had done to our family.
After that I found myself making the same mistakes with the men in my life like she had made, choosing men that would only use me for everything I had and then cast me aside for another, just like the five druggie boyfriends she had after she left us." Chuckling from nervousness that I'm opening myself up to him I ask "Are you sure you want to hear this whole sob story of mine?"
Grabbing my hand he pulls me closer to where he's sitting and wraps an arm around my shoulders pulling me close. "I want to hear whatever you want to tell me so I can get to know the real you, and not the woman you want people to believe you are."
Knowing he sees right through me I ask "How do you know I'm not really like that?"
"I've known it from the first moment I met you. When you have to work so hard at being a cold hearted bitch the way you do, it's easy to see that you're doing it to cover up something you really don't want anyone to see."
"So your cowboy friend isn't the only intuitive one huh?" I ask raising an eyebrow at him. "This is going to sound crazy but I'd rather have people think I'm a cold hearted bitch then a broken woman."
"You're not broken Presley, you've just had some damage done to you by your mother and some men that didn't deserve shit from you and now you have to figure out how to let that pain inside go and be wild and care free just like those horses you love so much."
Getting a little choked up by his words I can feel the tears begin to fill my eyes clouding my vision once again. "I I don't really know what to say right now."
Kissing the top of my head he says. "You don't need to say anything, just sit here and enjoy this fire with me, we don't need to talk at all." Looking up into his eyes he reaches up with his thumb and brushes a fallen tear away on my cheek before he covers my mouth with his, taking me in one of his toe curling, panty melting kisses, and I want more. Turning to face him I brush the blanket off my shoulders as I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck opening up for him as his tongue caresses mine with soft determined strokes. Opening his arms he pulls me onto his lap so I straddle him then wraps them around my waist covering us both in his blanket as our tongues move in a seductive dance with one another. Gripping each other to get as close as possible, we finally come up for air. As we sit there watching each other both of us break out with huge smiles . "Shit woman! You sure can kiss."
"I could say the same about you."
Pulling me close again he places a chaste kiss on my lips.
"Well I do have a few other hidden talents and as much as I want to show them to you, I think we need to just hit the pause button on this fire we've gone and started, and try to get a good night’s sleep. It's been a long hard day for both of us."
"You're right. I think we both know no one’s going anywhere tonight and we'll both be here tomorrow."
Taking my hand and a deep breath he says. "But when this is all over, that is something that is going to happen, we both have lives to get back to once this moment in time we've been forced to share is over which is why I've never gotten involved with a charge before, I know it's all smoke and mirrors while we're together, and then the true reality hits once the job is over."
Knowing that what he says could be true with our vastly different lives we both lead, I feel a pinch in my chest to change the ending of our story to a happily ever after, even if knowing the chances of that happening are slim to none. He would be traveling all over the world taking jobs for who knows how long each time while I what wait for him shopping my life away? It's not like he can take me along with him when the job he does can be so dangerous. And then there's that, what if something does happen to him? What if he's killed while on the job? What then? All I'll end up with is a broken heart from losing the only man besides my father that I've ever been able to love. Shaking my head I tell myself, "whoa! love?” It's only been twenty four hours and some change since I met this guy, I definitely don't love him, but I certainly do feel something for him.
"I can see those wheels turning in your head.” Hudson says taking me away from the plans I'm trying to come up with to untangle our future. "What are you thinking about?"
"I...I was just realizing that what you're saying is true, I mean what's really going to happen when this whole thing is over?"
"Well, you'll go back to doing what you do and I'll probably be on another job soon after but look we're putting the cart before the horse here. I think we just need to stop all this forecasting and live in the here and now, and try not to think too much on the 'what if's.'"
Thinking I totally agree I answer. "I'm with you on that. I just want to try and get through this whole mess that my dad’s created, but I have to say it did bring one unexpected good thing, it brought me you." Chuckling he says. "I’ve got to say you were very unexpected too. I had taken this job before I even knew anything about you, what you looked like, acted like, and the second I met you, I knew you were going to be the biggest challenge to the one rule I've managed to live by all these years."
Curious enough about breaking his one rule I ask. "And what rule would that be?"
"It's the one where I keep my head on straight and not get involved with my charge."
Having a hard time believing that he's never had any kind of relationship with anyone he's guarded I ask. "Really, never with any of the women you've watched over?"
"No. I've always kept it strictly professional. Getting involved with my charges would complicate things.” He says giving me a sideways glance.
"So what is it about me that changed your mind?"
Chuckling he answers "I have no fucking clue honestly.
You're frustratingly hot, is the only thing I can come up with to even describe you. You defy me at every turn, push all my buttons, and drive me absolutely bat shit crazy! But through all of it I can see that you’re a very caring woman inside that heart of yours you don't like sharing much."
Loving how he's one of the few people in my life to ever see through all my bullshit, I lean over taking his face into my hands. "You're going to make this painful for me aren't you?" And then kiss him on the lips so I don't have to hear his answer. Breaking the kiss he begins to say something when I hold my finger to his lips stopping him. "Let’s just end this evening on a good note okay? Good night Hudson."
