Raw- Rebirth

by Belle Aurora

  Dave chuckled as I delicately wiped away a runaway drop of wine that was now trailing my chin. “Okay, enough about us.” He searched my face. “How are you?”

  My brows furrowed and I spoke slowly. “My deceased ex-mafia boyfriend came back from the dead, lives across the street, and is now inside my house, in my space for at least eight hours of every day.” My brows dipped farther. “He makes sexual innuendos constantly and tells me he loves me a lot. He...” I took in a shuddering breath. “He’s being sweet, and funny, and he looks so goddamn good that half the time I’m imagining myself in bed with him.” My voice turned quiet as a small smile pulled at my lips. “And at this very moment, he’s camping out in my family room inside a blanket fort he made with his son, a son who loves him more than anything in the world.” I forced a smile, but my voice quaked. “So, you know, okay, I guess.”

  Nikki’s eyes narrowed on me. “Oh my God,” she whispered.

  My brows arched at her disbelieving tone. “What?”

  Her eyes remained wide as she leaned in, her mouth gaping. “You fucked him.”

  Dave gasped, putting a hand to his chest, his expression one of pure shock and, like the incredibly smart person I was, I just sputtered in astonishment. “How do you always know?”

  Nikki leaned back, grinning, putting her arm to the back of Dave’s chair. Her shoulder jerked in a light shrug. “It’s a gift.” She grinned wider, looking extremely happy with herself.

  Why were my friends assholes?

  Dave blinked at me, his hand firmly planted to his chest. “I am shocked. Positively shocked.”

  “I didn’t mean for it to happen,” I lied then sighed, setting the record straight. “Actually,” I started, my face falling, “it was kind of my choice.”

  Another gasp escaped Dave, and I mock-cried, “You don’t know how hard it’s been to avoid him, to avoid how I feel about him, and I’m trying, but damn.” I sighed dreamily. “He hasn’t changed, not where it matters. Not in the bedroom.” Dave choked out a laugh, and my expression turned despondent. “I know. I’m an idiot.” I held my hands out to them. “I’m ready. Let me have it.”

  Nikki shook her head. “I’m not going to yell at you.”

  “I am,” Dave chimed in.

  Nikki reasoned, “You have a huge emotional connection with this man, and, yeah, what he did was unforgiveable, but I know you, Lex. I know how much you loved him.”

  “Well, I don’t know what you want me to say,” Dave uttered, exasperated. “It’s like youre inviting him to hurt you again. It’s fine that he’s being a good dad. That’s actually really great to hear. But he was not a good boyfriend.” He scoffed. “He wasn’t even a good human being.”

  I knew this.

  I knew all of this. But it was good to hear.

  Nikki, ever the romantic, smiled. “He says he loves you, Lex. That’s huge coming from him.” Then she asked, “Are you going to give it another shot?”

  Dave looked as if he was going to lose his mind. “No, she is not!” But when he looked at my hesitant face, his shoulders drooped. “Oh, God. You want that, don’t you?”

  Ugh. All these questions and obvious observations had me anxious. “I don’t know what I want, okay?” I huffed out a long breath, running a hand through my hair. “I’m confused.” I was definitely that. “You guys haven’t seen him with A.J.” I smiled softly. “It’s the most adorable thing. He’s so good with him, in a way I never thought he could be, but he is.” Please understand. “He knows he made mistakes with me. He freely admits it. It’s like,” I tried to explain it in the best way I could, “he’s an advanced version of himself. He’s not Twitch anymore. He’s Twitch two-point-oh. It’s like his emotion chip has been upgraded or something.” I shook my head, feeling stupid. “I don’t know.”

  The silence at the table lasted a while before Dave spoke, and he did it reluctantly. “Well, maybe if we did see,” he started. “Maybe if we could see this new and improved Twitch you speak of, maybe then all this wouldn’t seem so scary and we’d feel less anxious about the whole thing.”

  But Nikki shook her head, smiling. “I’m not anxious. I think it’s nice.”

  Dave rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine. I’m anxious, Lex, and can you really blame me?” No, I couldn’t. “Has he even given an explanation of where he’s been this whole time?”

  I nodded, not offering an explanation because Twitch’s business was not their business.

  “Okay.” Dave looked from me to Nikki. “So.” He shrugged. “Barbecue at casa de Ballentine?”

  Wait. “What?” I asked guardedly.

  Dave looked me in the eye. “If you want us to be accepting, I’m going to need to see all this firsthand.”

  I thought about it.

  It actually wasn’t a terrible idea. Perhaps being together would help us heal, all of us. The more I thought about it, the more perfect the idea sounded, and I smiled. “Okay. Barbecue at my place. Saturday, five p.m.” I pointed to Nikki. “Bring your niknaks.” I then pointed to Dave. “Leave your attitude at home.”

  Nikki clapped. “Yay!”

  Dave grumbled, “Can’t promise that.”

  Now that the details had been ironed out, I was excited. It had been ages since we got together as a family. I don’t think I realized how much I needed it till just now. I needed my friends close. I needed things to go back to normal so it would be done.

  Barbecue at casa de Ballentine.

  Chapter

  Twenty-Three

  Lexi

  The next day, I powered through a jog that I really didn’t want to do and made it home to shower just before 10:00 a.m. When I’d just opened the door to the bathroom, I heard my little monster say something that would completely wreck me.

  “Daddy, can I stay with you?”

  Every molecule of my being wanted to rush out of there, gun a-blazing, and tear this conversation up before it even began. But some small part of me wanted to hear what “Daddy” had to say about that. So I did what any other woman would have done.

  I eavesdropped.

  “Uh.” Twitch hesitated. “I don’t know about that, little dude.”

  A.J. wasn’t deterred. “Why?”

  “Because,” said Twitch matter-of-factly. “You belong with your mom.”

  My wrath fizzled slightly.

  My son tried again. “But I wouldn’t be far.”

  “Exactly. So there’s really no need to stay with me, is there? Besides, I see you every single day, bud, and that’s not gonna change.”

  A.J. let out a dejected sounding, “Okay.”

  “Look,” Twitch told our saddened son. “I want you with me all the time. I do. I would love for you to stay with me, and maybe one day, we can do that. But not now. Okay, bud? Because right now, Mommy needs you to be with her.” When he added a soft-sounding, “You make her happy,” a small part of our broken trust repaired itself.

  He had an open opportunity here. A golden ticket. But for some unknown reason, he hadn’t cashed in. And I was thankful.

  I waited a few minutes before stepping out of the bathroom, and without pausing, I headed into my room to sit by the vanity, brushing out my wet hair. Not a minute later, the man in question was standing in my open doorway. I peered at him, and he stepped inside, talking in low tones. “Hey, so I don’t know what just happened, but—”

  Cutting him off, I looked back into the mirror and brushed my hair. “I heard.” It was surprising, his need to disclose what had just occurred. I tried not the take my son’s need to be with his father personally, but it really hurt.

  “I told him no,” he added, frowning at my expressionless face.

  “I know.” I glanced up into his reflection. “I told you, I heard.”

  He slid his hands into his pockets and watched me a long moment. “I thought you’d be upset.”

  “I am,” I divulged. “But it’s not your fault.” I tried to explain without being unkind. “You’re sort of like a new toy. You
’re shiny and fun. And although you’re his father, I’m still the disciplinarian in this house, so...” I shrugged, trying to hide the pain my son’s innocent request had caused me. “I guess it’s natural for him to want you.”

  Like I do.

  Twitch took the two steps over, reached out, and touched a strand of my wet hair. His words were poised and self-assured. “One day, it won’t be an issue, because I’ll be living right here, under this roof, and he’ll have both Mommy and Daddy close enough that he’ll get bored of my surly ass and want his mom’s back.”

  I looked up at his reflection with arched brows, fighting a smile. “Cocky, much?”

  His eyes peered deeply into mine. “No. Just confident.”

  “Right,” I muttered quietly before continuing to brush the knots out.

  “So.” Twitch sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes ever observant. “This barbecue thing I’m feeling might be an interrogation.”

  No one ever accused Antonio Falco of being a stupid man.

  I blinked innocently. “My, whatever do you mean?”

  His lips twitched at my southern genteel tone. “You know exactly what I mean, Lex. And it’s cool, I guess, but I will tell you though.” He stood. “If Dave comes at me again, I’m not holdin’ back.”

  “I know,” I admitted on a wry smile. “I already warned him.”

  “Yeah, you did.” His expression turned smug. “My woman’s got my back. ‘Cause she’s solid.” He lifted a hand, tightening it into a fist. “A motherfucking diamond.”

  I rolled my eyes, but his words caused me to blush so freaking bright it looked like I’d viciously scrubbed my face with sandpaper. “Go away.”

  Mercifully, he did, but as I was lucky in that way, the night would prove I was rather unlucky in others. Namely that Dave situation.

  It was just before five when the comrades started to file into my home, and while Molly greeted them at the door, I said my hellos from the kitchen as I made the salads that would accompany the ridiculous amount of meat purchased to feed the men in attendance tonight, because, like my son, they were all carnivores.

  When Ana and Julius walked into the house, I stopped tossing the greens and hugged them both. “Hey, I’ve missed you guys.”

  From down the hall, Twitch emerged from A.J.’s room, and upon seeing his old friend, he crept up behind the mocha-skinned Adonis and caught him unawares, both arms tightening around him like bands. He held Julius firmly, and when Julius spoke through gritted teeth, “Let me go, you fucker,” Twitch lifted him off the ground an inch and shook him twice, causing Julius to choke out, “I swear to God, brother.”

  That was when Twitch released him, grinning snarkily. “Good to know you still remember me, brother.”

  The way he said brother was like the man was anything but, and both Ana and I looked at each other uneasily.

  Julius spun on him. “You wanna run that by me again?” His expression furious, he looked around for A.J. then leaned in and spoke quietly. “I’m not the one who left, motherfucker. You are.” The fury he wore was real. “Not a fuckin’ day went by that I didn’t think of you, of how I let you down, and you were out there livin’ your life, saying fuck the rest of us?” He shook his head. “Nah, man. Don’t come at me with that bullshit.”

  When Twitch stepped forward to stand next to his brother and extended a hand toward Ana, he said, “Look at her.” Julius did, and Twitch went on, “That woman changed your life, didn’t she, bruh? Changed it like you had no fuckin’ idea she would. She became your all, your everything, and you tellin’ me you wouldn’t have done the same shit I did to keep my angel safe?” Twitch lowered his hand and looked Julius in the eyes. “I know you would. Fuck, I know you did. Went and massacred thirty men without blinking a fuckin’ eye for that little sparrow.” He looked to Ana. “All for her.” He peered back at his brother. “So tell me you’re pissed at me. Tell me I fucked up. But don’t even think about tellin’ me you don’t feel me doin’ what I needed to do to keep my family off limits because I know you feel that shit in your very soul, my brother.”

  The silence was thick enough to cut through.

  Julius looked down at his feet a long while before Twitch nudged his arm. “C’mon. You need a beer.”

  Ana and I watched Twitch walk away, leaving the back door open. It took a few moments, but Julius trailed behind him, and after they were gone, my eyes widened at the little woman by my side. I spoke quietly. “Oh my God, I thought they were going to fight again.”

  Ana made a face, nodding rapidly in agreement.

  A second went by and I smiled, then whispered, “But it’s nice they’re talking.”

  Ana nodded, smiling softly.

  Nikki and Dave arrived next, and just as we all greeted each other, Happy arrived.

  Nikki lunged for the bald-headed Persian god, wrapping her arms around him, and as he stumbled back, he laughed. “Whoa there, baby.” Happy smiled down at her before pressing a chaste kiss to her lips, and Nikki smiled into it, as in love as she had been six years ago when they’d met. The words he spoke were stickily sweet. “I missed you.” But when Happy released Nikki and hugged both Ana and me, he moved past Dave with a quiet, “Hey,” and nothing more, before heading into the back yard.

  Dave looked completely devastated.

  And I wanted to shake him then. I wanted to tell him that true love was not always sunshine and roses. That sometimes love stank to high heaven. But when you found love, even one as messed up as theirs was, you held onto it with both hands because the highs outweighed the lows a hundred to one.

  Alas, I did not.

  Instead, I put a hand to his arm and squeezed, throwing him a sympathetic smile.

  The men surrounded the grill, and even my little monster was called into the fray of testosterone and masculinity, handed a pair of long tongs by his father and given the job of manning the sausages. And it was adorable. But, as little boys do, he got bored quickly enough and went to play ball with Molly on the grass.

  When I walked over to find out how long the meat would be, faster than a cobra strike, Twitch caught me around the waist and pulled me back into his body. He held me tightly for entirely too long, and as I fought to get out of his hold, he put his face to my neck and bit me. This had me erupting into fits of giggles. He knew I was ticklish, the jerk. And all of my guests watched our interaction closely, as if we were a pair of fascinating creatures on a Sir David Attenborough documentary.

  It was disconcerting, but I knew why they felt it necessary.

  Mistakes had been made in the past. Terrible mistakes. Ones not worth repeating.

  The food was served, we ate, and after clearing the outdoor setting, the sun began to set over the yard. As I moved to take the seat next to Twitch, he reached up and patted my ass gently, and I felt that light caress all over. Easy conversation commenced, and as I looked around the table at my smiling friends, I felt more at ease than ever before in my life as they laughed at some stupidly trivial story Nikki told.

  It was dark when A.J. rushed out of the house and climbed to sit on Twitch. I wasn’t the only person watching the sweet interaction between father and son. While our son lay back into his dad’s reclining body, Twitch held him close, pausing every now and again to press a gentle kiss to the little monster’s apple-scented hair. And when Nikki caught my eye, she put a hand to her heart and made a gooey face.

  Tell me about it, sister.

  Trust me, I felt it. I felt it every time I saw them together. My ovaries had exploded several times over the past month and a half. It was a problem.

  When A.J. went limp and started to drool, I grinned at the beautiful sight of my sleeping boy, signaling Twitch and moving to take our son from him, but he just waved me off. “I got it.”

  Without a word, as if it were the easiest thing in the world, Twitch lifted A.J. higher into his arms and walked his sleeping form inside, putting him to bed for the night. And that was when Dave leaned in and spoke, albeit q
uietly, “I’m not a hundred percent convinced, but okay. I see it.”

  That was it. That was all he said, and I wondered what exactly it was he saw.

  When Twitch returned, silence greeted him. He glanced around the vigilant eyes at the table and held his arms out. “All right. Who’s first?” He sat with a light sigh, reaching out for me, and like the schmuck I was, my hand found his without question. Our fingers entwined and nothing else mattered to me, only that we were here, together, enjoying an evening with friends. Enjoying life with our son.

  Of course, I wouldn’t give in so easily, and I think Twitch knew this. My hesitance was second nature at this point. What was the saying?

  Once bitten, twice shy.

  The thing was, I liked how Twitch sank his teeth into me.

  Yes. I was an idiot.

  Dave straightened in his chair and leaned forward. “Okay, I’ll start.” He shrugged. “Where have you been?”

  Twitch lifted my hand and nibbled at my knuckles. He spoke against my skin, and the rush of warmth caused my arms to erupt into a mass of goose bumps. “Next question.”

  Dave leaned back and scoffed. “Seriously?”

  Twitch lowered my hand, pinning him with his stare. “Seriously.” I squeezed his hand, and he peered at me a moment, before he reluctantly added, “I’ve been all over, and Lexi knows where and why. I don’t owe any of y’all fuckers anything, so watch yourself.”

  Nikki nodded lightly, completely respecting that, while Julius listened intently and pretended to be bored.

  Why were men so proud? Why did they think showing emotion made them weak? I didn’t get it.

  But Dave did not like the tone that was taken with him and he retaliated in the worst way. “So, you’re telling us that a man like you spends six years without a woman?” He barked out a laugh. “Fuck off, man. Pull the other one.”

  Oh, no. He went there.

  My chest began to ache.

  It was a question I wanted to ask but did not have the guts to broach.

  So when Twitch responded, “I never said that,” I pulled back, sliding my hand out of his to blink at him. And he frowned, saying, “Baby,” before turning back to Dave with a harsh glare, taking a balled up napkin from the table and throwing it at him. “David Allen, I’mma fuck you up.”