Taming a Rogue Earl: Taming the Heart Series Book 6

by Tammy Andresen

  “I’m actually not feeling that well. Would you mind finishing dinner without me?” He stood to leave.

  As he passed through the dining room door, he turned to his butler. “See the wine is gone after the meal.”

  “Yes, my lord,” the butler murmured.

  Walking as quickly as he could, he sought the refuge of his study. His hands shook, and he clenched them together to make it stop. It hadn’t happened in years. He was losing control.

  His eyes searched around the room, looking for a drink, though he knew there was nothing there. Pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, he fought for control.

  The click of the door behind him made him snap his head up. But he didn’t really need to look to know that May was there. “Are you all right?” her soft voice fell over him like a warm blanket.

  He should tell her to get out, spending time with her was throwing his world off kilter. But she looked and sounded so damn good. “The wine. I haven’t had it in the house for years…” He nearly said more. That he drank in the face of turmoil. That she was making him crave it. That for both their sakes, she should leave him be. He was no good for her and she was certainly terrible for him.

  Her forehead creased in lines of worry as she reached for his hand and pulled him close. He allowed her to wrap her arms around him and press their bodies together. “I’ll tell Barrett not to do it again. I’m sure he just forgot.”

  His arms unfolded and reached around her back, bringing them even closer together as he dropped his cheek to the top of her head, her silky tresses tickling his skin. “Why are you comforting me? I said terrible things to you.”

  “Loudoun, when people care about you, they don’t run away after a few mean words.” She gave him a tiny squeeze. “Whatever path we each take in the future, I will always care about you.”

  Any desire for alcohol was now gone, replaced with…. A need for her. Touch her, taste her, worship every inch of her body and then hold her close. Wrap her in warmth till she fell asleep in his arms. “No one has ever loved me like that. I don’t know what to do with it.”

  “That is awful,” she whispered. “My family loved me and I was lucky to have them. As an orphan, my life could have been so much worse. For that reason I can’t fully understand what you’ve been through, but I often feel like I don’t belong.”

  “What do you mean you don’t belong?” He lifted his head then, his eyes piercing down as his hand came to tilt her chin up to look at him. May should never hurt, she deserved the very best the world had to offer.

  “I never felt at home in England. Barrett, Alex, Chris… they’re all titled and they’ve given me a wonderful dowry but I’m still not one of them. They think to marry me into the peerage but I hear the whispers of the ton. Buying my way into the aristocracy. I don’t belong but after growing up among them, I don’t fit with the common man either.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” Loudoun cupped her cheek. “You’re--”

  But she cut him off. “You said it yourself, I’m not a lady.”

  Wanting to kick himself, he kissed her forehead. “I was wrong.” He shouldn’t kiss her like this, hold her, but she hadn’t run away after his confession and she needed comfort now. He sensed this was an important revelation to why she was here in America.

  “No, you were right. When I start a family of my own, I’ll finally have a place I belong. Where I am meant to be.” She gave him a smile. “And you could have a place you belonged too, if you’d let someone in to love you.”

  He grimaced. Part of him was so tempted by her words but he’d seen this before. Like Flora and his parents, she’d eventually realize he wasn’t worth her love. Then they’d be stuck together, she with a husband not worthy of her affection. He was used to the pain but her life would be ruined. “No, I already told you. I’m not lovable. May, you should go before you get hurt.”

  “I’m not afraid of you, Loudoun,” she whispered. Her hand came to his chest and she stepped closer.

  Bloody hell, he wanted to kiss her. So tempting and so close, he could just lean down and take her lips. Think about the consequences another time. Instead he backed away. “You should be.”

  7

  May didn’t see Loudoun all the next day, which she was intermittently disappointed by and grateful for. She’d revealed pieces of herself she had shared with no one else, like the fact that she’d never fit in with the peerage of England despite Barrett’s best attempts. Or that she wanted a family of her own so that she could belong somewhere.

  He too, had revealed a great deal. She couldn’t be certain, but she’d guess that he didn’t tell many people he was unlovable.

  But what he didn’t seem to understand was that he was different. The very fact he was so worried about her said that he was capable of love.

  She could no longer deny that the feelings between them were real but the truth was, he was right that they shouldn’t marry. If he ever decide to return to England he’d need a lady. And she had no intention of going back. Only staying in America would free her from the condemnation of the ton. Find her a place in this world when she belonged.

  Butterflies flitted in her stomach making her queasy as she readied for the dinner with the Wurts family. Not that she cared about them, well hopefully she would, but right now she was concerned about facing Loudoun. She’d have to pretend she didn’t feel any of the emotion flitting through her.

  She should be thinking about Willy Wurts and how best to woo him. She’d spent months dreaming of the man who make her dreams come true. Now, here she was, and the only man that dominated her thoughts, was English.

  At least the dress he’d picked had arrived. She had her hair carefully styled in curls loosely pulled back to highlight their softness. She placed a sapphire, a gift from her cousin-in-law, Chris, around her neck. As the clock struck seven, she made her way down the stairs.

  Loudoun and Barrett stood in the entry waiting, both set of eyes trained on her as she descended.

  “You look lovely.” Barrett’s growl indicated that he did not approve, despite his words.

  She gave him an innocent smile, despite knowing that he meant the opposite. “American fashion suits me, does it not?”

  “Indeed,” Barrett turned to Loudoun. “Did you have a hand in this?”

  Loudoun opened his mouth then closed it again, his eyes still dancing over her curves. “The color suited her,” was all he managed to say.

  “You’ll never take her shopping again,” Barrett mumbled, shooting a glare at the other man.

  Loudoun finally peeled his eyes away from her to look at Barrett. “Thank the Lord for that.” He shook his head as he offered her his arm.

  “I’m holding you responsible for her safety this evening.” Barrett’s voice was still rough with disapproval.

  Loudoun gave a nod as they headed through the front door to the waiting carriage.

  The rest of the ride was silent as Barrett continued to glare and Loudoun tried to keep his gaze trained out the window. As the carriage pulled into the Wurts’s half circle drive, May noticed there were a fair number of carriages before them. Proof it wasn’t a small affair. Loudoun noticed too. He mumbled, low enough so only she could hear. “I should have picked a gown with a high neck.” His eyes wandered to her ample cleavage as he grimaced.

  She tried not to blush as she smoothed her skirts. His grimace was somehow more of a compliment then many flowery words she had received.

  As they waited to be introduced, Barrett and Loudoun stood on each side of her like guards, but it didn’t stop several men from giving her long glances. At one point she felt Loudoun’s fingers brush discreetly across the small of her back as he moved even closer.

  William Wurts quickly approached them when they entered, followed by a younger version of himself. Thick-necked and already balding, the younger Wurts was well muscled but also heavyset. While some women might consider him attractive, she preferred the long lean muscle of a man like… we
ll like Loudoun, actually.

  “Lovely to see all of you,” Wurts boomed as he opened his arms wide in greeting. “And you, in particular, Miss Stanly.”

  Once again the older man’s eyes seemed to devour her in a way that made her wish Loudoun had picked a dress with a high neck. “You as well.” She gave him the brightest smile she could muster.

  “This is my son, William Jr.” Wurts clapped his son on the back. “Miss May Stanly.”

  “A pleasure to meet you. Call me Willy.” He reached out to clasp her hand.

  It took everything May had to not pull her fingers back. He was handsome enough, she supposed. But something about him was wrong. It was his look, his manner. She found it off-putting.

  An English gentleman would never be so forward and she found it disconcerting. She heard a low growl next to her and for a second, she thought it was Barrett but then she realized Loudoun was making the noise, eyeing Willy with open hostility.

  His hand touched her back again, just a subtle brush, but it filled her with a longing to press against him, bury her face in his strong shoulder.

  But she couldn’t and instead she followed behind the Wurts men as they introduced her, Barrett, and Loudoun to various members of New York society.

  May tried to enjoy herself, but as the evening went on her desire to return to Loudoun’s home grew stronger. It took all her will not to reach out and touch him, throw herself into his strong embrace. She should be making connections. If Willy Wurts wasn’t the man for her, she would need to secure more invitation to meet another. But she wanted to jump into Loudoun’s arms without thought to the consequence.

  As the meal went on, she watched him across the table. Though he had been poured wine, it remained untouched though she could see his gaze lingering on it. Not that any of the women around him noticed. They vied for his attention even as Willy demanded hers. Jealousy tingled in her limbs making her want to get up from her seat and steal him away. It would be for his own good, then he wouldn’t have to be tempted by the glass in front of him.

  Her head began to pound and she had to get some air. Somehow realign her priorities. Excusing herself, she stepped out into the hall and headed toward the back of the house to see if there was an open window. But she hadn’t made it far when a hand touched her waist.

  For a second she thought it might be Loudoun but as she spun around, Willy Wurts blocked her path back down the hall. “It’s a marvelous idea.” He gave her a wicked smile that made her hair stand on edge.

  “What is?” she licked her lips, slightly nervous but his grin only widened.

  “Us… alone.” He stepped close, his hand still at her waist the other coming to her shoulder.

  She tried to back away. “Mr. Wurts, you misunderstand. I simply needed a minute. My head--”

  “Of course you did.” He was drawing her closer and she began to struggle harder.

  “No really, this is not appropriate,” she gasped as she tried to turn, reverse direction, something to keep his lips from reaching hers but they were descending down, steadily moving closer.

  “May,” he rasped out. Another gaff of social convention that had her questioning her plan to marry an American. “We belong together. I feel it already.”

  This was what she had wanted. He was already declaring his affection. She closed her eyes, scrunching up her face in dread. It wouldn’t be so bad, she tried to tell herself. He was exactly the type of man she was looking for. A well-heeled American who would marry her, not caring she didn’t possess a title. But, where Loudoun made her eager for kisses, the thought of Willy’s lips only made her cringe.

  But they didn’t reach hers. She peeked one eye open to see Loudoun with his face almost between her and Willy’s. “Get your bloody hands off her.” And then he rather forcefully pushed William away.

  He didn’t wait for a response. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her back toward the dining room. Just outside the door, he pulled her into his arms and gave her a fierce kiss before letting go again. “Now go sit. As soon as dinner is done, we’re leaving.”

  It was several minutes before he followed her in and several more before Willy returned. Within the hour, Barret announced that they needed to return home.

  Part of her was relieved while the other was disappointed. Willy Wurts was exactly what she thought she wanted and nothing like she had pictured. He was bold, brash, informal and a blunt instrument. He would give her a life in America but she would never care for him.

  But as she climbed in the carriage, and Loudoun sat next to her, she couldn’t muster too much sadness. She turned her head toward him, breathing in his scent and wishing she could touch him.

  LOUDOUN COULD HEAR the soft sound of her breathing as they sat in the carriage. May had been unusually quiet all evening and it worried him in ways he’d never thought possible. He wanted to pull her against his chest and hold her close, stroke her hair. He told himself he was concerned for her because he’d known her when she was young but he knew that had little to do with it. He wanted her to be happy, to see her easy smile and hear her bubbling laughter.

  And he never wanted to see another man touch her. Especially not a Wurts. If that slimy upstart laid a finger on her again, he’d knock the man’s teeth out.

  The carriage pulled into his drive and he realized not one person had spoken the entire ride home. Barrett exited first and then he stepped out, reaching back to help May.

  “Careful,” Barrett spoke low in his ear. “She isn’t the woman for you.”

  He turned to glare at his boss and friend. Two people had picked him up out of the dirt when he’d been at his lowest, Barrett and May. He was keeping away from her because he owed her that. The chance for a happy future. Perhaps Barrett deserved to know that, considering all the other man had done for him. But then again, those words sounded like a challenge and Loudoun rarely backed away from one.

  Besides, in this instance, he only needed to talk with her. Explain why Wurts was such a poor choice. He’d keep his hands to himself this time.

  Barrett shouldered him out of the way to offer May his elbow and then began walking her into the house. May glanced back at him and he mouthed, “Meet me in the study later.”

  She gave the tiniest nod and then turned to face forward.

  They entered the foyer and with a nod to each of them, she said, “Goodnight,” then started up the stairs.

  “I’d like to speak with you.” Barrett was still watching her walk up the steps.

  “Of course,” he replied, also watching May. The sway of her hips made it near impossible to look away but he wouldn’t have glanced at Barrett even if they hadn’t held his attention. Barrett Maddox intimidated a lot of men, but he wasn’t one of them.

  As May rounded the corner, Barrett, without another word, headed for Loudoun’s study.

  He held back a noise of irritation as he followed the duke. Barrett, having made himself at home, settled behind Loudoun’s desk and glared at him across the room.

  “You can’t eye me like that in my own study. You’ll have to take me aboard your ship,” Loudoun joked, hoping to ease the tension between them.

  Barrett didn’t even crack a smile. “I love her like a daughter.” He launched in and Loudoun held back a wince. “I’m aware she’s grown into a beautiful woman but she’s still innocent and--”

  “You think I don’t know that?” Loudoun stepped closer. “You and May are the only people on two continents that actually care about me. I would never hurt her. I keep telling her to stay away from me.”

  “Then what the hell is with that dress?” Barrett’s fingers splayed out on the desk as he eyed Loudoun with a glower.

  “I had no idea it would look like… that.” He shrugged, it was mostly true.

  “And shoving our perspective business partner this evening?” Barrett leaned closer.

  “How did you know about that?” Loudoun kept a poker face.

  “He told his father who promptly threatened t
o pull the deal. Not that I will be manipulated by Wurts. But I would also appreciate you not giving them cause to back out.”

  Loudoun did wince then. Because he hadn’t given a single thought to business all evening. What the hell was going on with him? “He touched her.”

  Barrett sat forward then, looking dangerous. “Inappropriately?”

  He kept his face a mask but inside he felt his first flutter of nerves. Most of the inappropriate acts had come from himself and not William Wurts Jr. “He was trying. That man isn’t even close to good enough for her. I’ll do the same if he lays a finger on her again.”

  Barrett sat back in his chair, looking satisfied. Then he leaned forward again, his elbows resting on the desk in front of him. “If I hear of any indecency on your part, you’ll marry her before I let a breath of scandal touch her. Do you understand me?”

  Loudoun leaned forward as well. “I understand. But you’d be making a mistake.”

  “Why is that?” Barrett asked.

  He turned his face away then. “I’m not good enough for her either.”

  “I disagree,” Barrett replied.

  “Ten minutes ago you said she wasn’t for me.” Loudoun’s eyes snapped back to the duke.

  “I’ve changed my mind. You’re titled. Wealthy. And most importantly, you seem to understand her worth.” Barrett nodded, agreeing with his own point.

  A lump formed in his throat. While some part of him felt a niggle of hope at Barrett’s words, he knew the truth. “I’m too broken to make her happy.”

  “We’re all broken. We’re men made of stern stuff. It’s them that heals us. I’ve given this speech before and I’ve been right every time.” Barrett stood then. “Goodnight, Lucius.”

  Loudoun sat there for several minutes, pondering those words. He knew it was ridiculous. He’d never convince someone to love him and keep loving him. But he couldn’t stay away from her either. She called to him the way scotch once had. He knew it was dangerous to be alone with her. She would only get hurt and then he’d have to see May’s disappointment when she realized he was too ugly to love. Not only would it hurt her, it would crush him well and good.