Taming a Rogue Earl: Taming the Heart Series Book 6

by Tammy Andresen

  8

  May had been listening at her door for the last hour but the house was completely silent. Screwing up her courage, she tiptoed down the hall to the stairs. If she saw anyone, she’d simply say she was heading to the library.

  But she passed through the shadowy halls unnoticed and as she approached Loudoun’s study, she could see light flickering through the crack of the barely open door. Not wanting to make a sound, she pushed it open and slipped in.

  Loudoun stood with his head in his hands, a bottle of liquor in front of him.

  “Loudoun,” she whispered, fear tinging her words, making them breathy.

  He picked up his head and she gasped. He looked like hell, but his eyes were clear. “I didn’t touch it, May.”

  “That’s good,” she answered slipping across the room. Not knowing what else to do, she nudged him aside and stood between him and the desk, blocking the bottle with her body.

  Quick as a snake, he reached out and grabbed her waist pulling her close till his arms were wrapped around her. Laying his cheek on her stomach, his muffled voice vibrated against her skin. “I told myself I wouldn’t touch you but I’m falling apart.”

  Her hands came into his hair, gently massaging his scalp. “I don’t mind and you’re not falling apart. Not yet, you’re still holding it together. I’ll help you, if you let me.”

  His answer was to press her even closer. “I don’t deserve it, May. I told you last night.”

  The feel of him pressed so intimately against her was making her thoughts muddled as her body began to hum.

  “A partner might help you heal.” She leaned into him, her legs growing weak as her thighs quivered with need.

  One of his arms slid down her backside, to rest across her thighs and support her weight. As though he knew she were having trouble holding herself up. Her heart was hammering in her chest. “But what would I give to a partner besides disappointment?”

  She blinked, trying to concentrate. It was important. “No one has ever made me feel like you do.” She pushed out the words between breaths, his touch making her nether regions ache.

  “Oh May, that is the easy part. Filling a woman with desire.” His hand was gathering up her nightgown now, pulling it higher and exposing her flesh. His fingers tickled along her leg.

  She needed to tell him that she hadn’t meant the physical attraction, she’d meant something much deeper. He saw her as valuable, not just pretty. It was implied when he declared himself not good enough.

  But no words could leave her lips as he placed a kiss on the bare skin of her leg. “Loudoun,” she gasped, heat and need flooding her body.

  “I told myself when I asked you here that I wouldn’t touch you. It’s not for me to take something so innocent and lovely. But I can’t stay away. I should have known I wouldn’t be able to.” He kissed her thighs a few more times. “There is something I can give you, though. You’ve helped me so much. This is something I can actually give and your innocence will still be preserved. A beautiful gift.” He was steadily moving his lips up her leg toward her inner thigh. Picking her up, he set her on the desk.

  Her night rail was around her waist now and as he kissed higher, her legs fell apart, baring herself to him. “Bloody hell, you’re so beautiful,” he murmured as he continued kissing. He’d almost reached her most intimate area and she throbbed with need, desperate to have him touch her there. Her body was aching with desire. “I want to kiss every inch of you and then I want to watch your face as you shatter for me.”

  She leaned back, wanting that too. Wanting all of him. But then, as she made to lie across the desk, her back tipped over the bottle. It thudded to the desktop and then rolled to the floor. He paused, and she picked up her head. “Loudoun?”

  Their eyes met, and as quickly as it had begun, it was over. He was pulling her nightgown back in place. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Why did you ask me to come?” It came out as an accusation. She wouldn’t cry now but she wanted to.

  He winced. “I needed to see you, make sure you were all right.”

  “Well, I was.” She stood then, her hands coming to her hips anger bubbling inside her. He was teasing her. Giving a little and then taking away again. And he was distracting her from her real purpose. “I have goals, dreams I want to accomplish and very little time to see them done before Barrett whisks me back to England. I can’t pursue them with you distracting me like this.”

  His fingers reached out and skimmed down her leg. “Please don’t be angry with me. Since you’ve come, my control is slipping. I am trying to hold on.”

  How could she be angry with that? The truth was, more than anything he’d said, those words filled her with sadness. Because what if he was right all along? What if she was bad for him? He’d been tempted to drink and she’d spent most of her time trying be with him rather than a man who would actually make a suitable husband. “I… I should go.”

  She rounded the desk, picked up the bottle, and fled.

  * * *

  THE NEXT MORNING SHE WOKE, her heart heavy and her eyes puffy. But it wouldn’t do to lay about in bed.

  Getting dressed, she made her way down to breakfast. Before last night, it had never occurred to her that Loudoun might be right. That she actually was bad for him. If that really was true, she’d have to let him go. She would never do anything to hurt him and she had her own agenda. It was time to stop dallying with Loudoun and focus on her plan.

  Making her way the to the breakfast room, she knew she was late but was still surprised to find it empty.

  Seating herself, she poured a cup to tea and then helped herself to a pastry. The sound of voices in the hall caught her attention.

  “You’ll think about my proposal?” William Wurts Senior’s voice floated into the room.

  Loudoun entered and closed the door behind him with more force than necessary.

  “Is everything all right?” she looked up at him.

  Surprise flitted across his features but it quickly turned to concern. “You’ve been crying.”

  “No, I… I mean… how can you tell?” She slumped in her chair, clearly not fooling anyone.

  He came to stand next to her, his hand caressing her cheek. “You’re all puffy, sweetheart. Still beautiful but not yourself. Please tell me I didn’t do this to you.”

  May couldn’t look at him. She didn’t like lying, never had, but she didn’t want to hurt him either. She couldn’t be angry at him for trying to maintain his sobriety and she needed to put some distance between them. “You were right about me being childish. I’m learning some valuable lessons,” she whispered. “I understand why we wouldn’t be right for each other.”

  He was silent and part of her was tempted to look at him, but if she did he’d see the pain and the yearning evident on her face. After several seconds he bent down so they were face to face. “What does that mean?”

  “I’ll always care about you, Loudoun, but we shouldn’t spend time together. I’m beginning to understand that I’m no good--”

  “No one is as good as you.” His sharp clipped tones made her jolt in surprise.

  “But you’ve said it yourself, I’m no good for you.” Tears were forming again.

  “No, sweetheart, I’m no good for you. But Wurts, he’s no good either.” His face formed into hard rigid lines.

  “Wait, what?” She searched his face for answers but it just grew harder.

  “Wurts Junior wants your hand and Wurts Senior has now made it a stipulation in the contract. I’ve worked tirelessly for the deal and now they’re going to destroy it over--”

  “Why would it be destroyed?”

  “Barrett would never agree.” His features softened slightly. “And neither would I, for that matter.”

  “But the deal, it will fall through?” She absolutely hated to see someone she loved lose something they wanted. She was talking about Barrett, of course. She didn’t love Loudoun. Of course she cared about him. Which
was likely the reason something in her heart twisted.

  He gave a sigh. “It doesn’t matter.”

  May didn’t answer, but it mattered to her. Loudoun’s hold on sobriety was slipping, she could see it. Was the deal the reason? While she had little feeling for Willy Wurts, she couldn’t deny that he represented everything she’d been looking for. A chance to belong in America. If she married him, Loudoun would get the contract and she would get her American husband.

  But her heart ached painfully as she looked at Loudoun. She couldn’t deny he was the man she longed to touch. It was ridiculous to think. He’d never get involved with her and certainly never marry her.

  “You’re not saying anything. What are you thinking?” Loudoun searched her face, his eyes suspicious.

  But she only gave him a smile. “I’m glad to see you looking better this morning.”

  His eyes narrowed further. “I’m just fine. It’s you I am worried about now.”

  May tried to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks. It was gratifying to know he worried and a tiny piece of her hoped it meant that cared but she pushed those thoughts aside. She didn’t know how much time she’d have in America but she couldn’t waste it on Loudoun. No matter how much she wished to….

  “Why would you be worried about May?” Barrett rumbled behind them.

  Loudoun stood. “Wurts.”

  Barrett waved the comment off. “His addendum is preposterous. I am assuming, May, you have no interest in William Wurts Junior? If you do, now would be the time to say so, because he’s offered for your hand. Did Lucius give you the details already?”

  She looked at Loudoun. “Yes. And I might be.” She knew she had no feeling for Willy. But she wanted to stay and Loudoun wanted this contract. Plenty of marriages were built on convenience. And she’d come to realize several things. She cared deeply for Loudoun and she wanted to give him this gift. The contract that he desired.

  Loudoun’s face went purple and a grunt escaped his lips. “May--”

  But Barrett cut him off. “Well in that case, there is a ball tomorrow night. We will attend with them.”

  She nodded and stood, her appetite completely gone. “Excellent. If you will both excuse me.”

  Loudoun shot daggers at her as she passed. But Barrett gave her a wink. Below his breath, he whispered, “Excellent strategy. He’ll be green with jealousy.”

  She shook her head. That wasn’t why she was doing it and she was certain, if it were, that it wouldn’t work.

  9

  May tried not to shy away as Willy touched her once again. His meaty hands filled her with dread more than anything else. This was all wrong. But how to fix it? She needed an opportunity to meet more suitors.

  If that weren’t enough, he was openly gloating in front of Loudoun. “For such a handsome man, you’d think you’d have a companion for the evening.” William nudged Loudoun.

  One of Loudoun’s eyebrows arched up and he gave William a dry, almost bored, look. But underneath that, May could sense his tension. “Don’t mistake choice for inability.”

  “Care to wager?” William rubbed his hands together, for once not touching her. She would have enjoyed the moment but instead unease made her suck in her breath. If she had to watch Loudoun find company for the evening it would tear her apart. Never mind she was being courted by another man. She was doing that for his benefit. At least partially.

  The elder Wurts clapped. “That’s my boy. We’re betting men, we are.”

  Loudoun was silent for a moment. “What are the terms?” His face was completely unreadable.

  “You must dance at least six of the dances, each with a different lady.” William rocked on the balls of his feet.

  “And If I win?” Loudoun was still, almost disengaged. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking. But his eyes met hers and she knew her thoughts must be written all over her face. If she could, she would have begged him not to do this.

  “The honor of the final dance with May.” William smiled like a cat who had found the milk.

  But Loudoun gave him a winning smile. “I don’t accept. I’ll have that anyway.” And then he was next to her and pulling her toward the dance floor.

  “Surely you know this isn’t the final dance.” She had to hurry to keep up with him.

  “I’m aware,” he grunted. “If I have to look at that man as he touches you one more time…”

  “Are you… are you jealous?” May asked as they reached the floor, and Loudoun swept her into his arms.

  “What are you even doing here with him?” Loudoun gave her a dark look but his arms were tender as he held her.

  She shook her head. “I want to stay in America.” She was tempted to tell him that she wanted to stay with him. But not only did she not want to be rejected again, she knew it was no good for him. Or for her. She had to stop this fantasy that had been dominating her thoughts. Her and Loudoun together.

  “But that can’t mean you’ll marry a man like that?” He looked aghast.

  “My suitors in England were much the same. At least if it’s Wurts, I’d get to stay.”

  “Is that why you wanted me to purchase that dress, so I could fill in as bridegroom and you could stay in America?” He looked down at her, his face a mask again.

  She did not know whether to be insulted or relieved. He didn’t realize she was doing this, in part for him. He clearly hadn’t learned how much she cared for him but did he think she went around letting every man touch her like that? And if she’d wanted to trap him in marriage, she would have done it. She wasn’t that that kind of person and it hurt her that he would think she was. “I—don’t be--- that is absurd.”

  “I’m not made for marriage, May.”

  She wanted to stop dancing, possibly step on his foot. The assumptions he’d just made about her were awful. She wanted to cry. But she wouldn’t tell him how much he’d hurt her. In time he’d see that she cared. She’d done this because it was best for both of them. So why did it hurt so much?

  “I do not care a wit what you’re made for.” She stopped dancing. “If you’ll excuse me.” She couldn’t look at him another second. It felt as though her heart were breaking.

  Dashing toward the open patio doors, she snaked through the crowd. She needed to be alone and compose herself. No one could know how much Lucius Loudoun had just hurt her.

  LOUDOUN WATCHED her walk away and swore softly under his breath. Willy Wurts was making his way through the crowd toward the patio. Loudoun could see he was following May. His hands had trembled all night, though he had hidden it well. Seeing them together made them start again. Only belatedly did her realize they had ceased shaking while he held May close.

  Following them both, he wound through the crowd. He knew it was awful of him to tell May he couldn’t have her but he didn’t want Wurts to either, but it was for her own good. He now knew two generations of Wurts men and didn’t like either of them. May would not give them the third. His breath rumbled in his chest at the thought of Willy touching her. The trembling increased.

  She’d planned to meet Wurts out on the patio. Jealousy made his vision blur. He didn’t want that man touching her, not even for a second.

  He caught sight of her just ahead and picked up speed, nearly knocking two matronly ladies over.

  She disappeared onto the patio and he made it out the doors just in time to see her start down a path.

  Slowing, he continued to follow her but now he wanted to know if his suspicions were true. Did they plan this tete-a-tete. Would Wurts become May’s lover? Anger bubbled deep in his gut. If she were going to marry someone else, she had to return to England. He and Barrett were in agreement on that. He couldn’t watch her be someone else’s wife and survive.

  She stopped and he stopped too. Willy Wurts was nowhere in sight and she sat on a bench and dropped her head into her hands. And then he heard it. Her first sniffle. Bloody hell, was she crying?

  He approached her then, her sadness pu
lling at his heart but his suspicions still pawing at his stomach. Sliding next to her, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Wurts isn’t going to like it when he finds us here.”

  “What?” She lifted her head then, cheeks glistening with tears. Liquid brown eyes meeting his. “Why would he find us out here?”

  Loudoun started in surprise. “He followed you out. Don’t tell me you didn’t plan it?”

  Before he’d even seen it coming, a hand met with his cheek… hard. His face stinging, he rubbed the tender flesh.

  “Do you think I let every man take the liberties I’ve allowed you? I’ve never allowed anyone to touch me like that. I have feelings for you–“ She stopped, her hand covering her mouth.

  And suddenly he understood. He’d insulted her because he’d assumed she had the same intentions with Wurts she’d had with him. When, in fact, she didn’t… at all. He should have known that, but his own insecurities were clouding his vision. Though he hadn’t admitted it out loud, he cared for her too. What was more, now that she was here, her soft skin next to his own, his shake was gone. She soothed him in ways he hadn’t realized.

  “Oh May,” he sighed and his lips dropped to her neck. “I didn’t mean it, love. I was jealous, it’s a reflection on me, not on you.”

  “Don’t,” she whispered, pulling back.

  “I know I shouldn’t kiss you like this but I’m losing control. You make me forget every rule I’ve written for myself. I don’t know how to stop it.” And right now, he couldn’t think of why he would want to.

  “We cannot continue doing this,” she huffed as she made to get up. But his hand came to her waist and his lips kissed up to her sensitive earlobe. It was terrible, he knew it. But now that she was so close, everything that had been wrong was suddenly right. All his worries fell away. He felt her shiver as she gasped. Perhaps if he kissed a line to her lips, she’d forget her conviction and stay with him.